Honours - Get Rid of Them or Make them Relevant

I could spend time researching the Honours System, but to be honest I can't be bothered to waste my time.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orders,_decorations,_and_medals_of_the_United_Kingdom

Honours go back to the Normans - 1066 & all that. So my first question is how relevant to the 21st century is that? The whole system is an anachronistic dinosaur. It's all done behind closed doors. Give enough money & you can virtually buy one - A lot of recipients are political. The criteria isn't transparent & thousands of people who actually deserve one don't get one. What's to like?

Queenie, or a lesser royal, taps someone on the shoulder with a sword!  Do we really want any more Knights, Dames or members of the British Empire Orders? Aren't there enough members of the Aristocracy, or people at the top of the hierarchy, which is still rampant in Britain today?

As a friend of mine says - "I don't understand why sports stars and other so-called celebrities are getting all these New Year's honours. They have got success in their chosen field and all the admiration and money they need. Surely we should be honouring those who quietly get on with jobs that improve other people's lives and make the world a better place and those who make real, personal sacrifices".

Couldn't put it better myself.

What possible justification is there for this antiquated system to continue in it's present form? Lets be truly democratic & see what public opinion says - Do we the people want Honours at all - If so what sort of Honours exactly - What are the critreria for awarding them - Who should make the decision? Should people get them for just doing their job well, whatever that is? Shouldn't our expectation be that we all do our chosen employment , which we are paid for, well?

It's about time the whole thing was taken out of the hands of the politicians & those with power. It's also about time the whole thing was far more transparent & recognised the huge contribution of the silent masses who don't grab the headlines, but do make a our society continue to function.

We need a completely new system. This one is well past it's sell by date. If I'm honest it makes me angry & despairing in equal measure.

Loneliness Commission - Jo Cox

The fact that this Commission is going ahead, despite the fact that Jo Cox was murdered, is testament to the impact she had. It is the best memorial to a remarkable woman.

 https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&ved=0ahUKEwi34Km9z5vRAhXNcFAKHeneDjwQFggvMAM&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.gov.uk%2Fgovernment%2Fuploads%2Fsystem%2Fuploads%2Fattachment_data%2Ffile%2F418513%2Floneliness-isolation-presentation.pdf&usg=AFQjCNEVnWIIYVJpalYjV4c7HPBNAlfYSQ&sig2=UpxAn1Cpd8YzkSD360aXDA&cad=rja

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/dec/28/jo-coxs-campaign-to-tackle-loneliness-lives-on-with-help-of-friends

Personally I'm wary about saying I am lonely. Since being widowed I am alone - that is different. At the moment I am capable of running my own life. It's not a life I have chosen, but I can deal with it effectively & relatively happily.

The reality of being on your own 24 / 7, except for interactions with friends, aquaintances & family - if you are lucky, is that everything is done by you. You have no choice but to cope regardless of how you feel or what the problem is.

Absolutely everything, from replacing the batteries in inaccessible smoke alarms, to coping after surgery is down to you. If you are lucky, & I am, you can afford to pay someone to do maintenence jobs for you. (That actually doesn't help at all if the smoke alarm battery dies in the middle of the night!)

When you have been out you return to open the door on silence & close the door on the world. I'm lucky I volunteer for an Oxford theatre & the Community Centre. So I get out & meet lots of people. I swim regularly so I know a local group of women. I have good friends, although mostly they live quite a long way away. I have a daughter & her family. I know a few neighbours, but living in a city isn't like living in a rural area.

I eat my breakfast listening to Radio 4's Today & my supper with PM. At lunchtime I do a crossword. Meals are quiet & not lingered over, not really a pleasure to be enjoyed & shared. My Blog is my main conversation - My way of dealing with my life as it is. It will remain as a reflection of me when I am no longer here.

There are so many people who are not as fortunate as I am. Loneliness is no respector of age or sex. Loneliness can easily become depression, isolation & even suicide, something far more destructive. Somehow loneliness is even more poignant at this time of year, when many people will not have a "Happy Christmas" or "Happy New Year". Some won't even have a home.

You can be lonely in the midst of family & other people. Loneliness is a state of being & is pernicious & more prevalent than you might think. It is a silent, common, dis-ease of the 21st Century & there isn't a handy pill to cure it.

The Circularity of Life

I do believe in Karma, or, for non Buddhists "What goes around comes around". The world is circular & so is life. You can't really get it until you are old enough to have experienced a lot of the twists & turns & put them into context.

As you reach the uplands of age you do become more reflective & begin to see the patterns emerging. So much so that sometimes it feels like "deja vue" - I have been here before, I have had this conversation before, I have done this & I know what's going to happen.

There are patterns of behaviour, of experience, learned ways of responding. We repeat what we have been taught by our parents or significant people in our childhood. As children we are a blank canvas or blotting paper. Our nurturing in the first 5 years can set the whole pattern of our personality & character for good or bad.

But - & it's a big but - we are sentient & intelligent beings. We have the capacity to learn new things, new ways of behaving. We do not have to repeat the mistakes of our parents. We can't use them as an excuse for our behaviour. Not every child from a emotionally deprived & disfunctional background turns into a criminal or a psychopath. Sometimes a challenging childhood literally forges us into successful human beings.

Breaking the Cycle needs us to recognise that a way of behaving or responding isn't the best. We need to try different responses to see what works better. Negative emotions, anger & violence just begat further negativity. If only we could respond positively, kindly, with some understanding we might, just, be able to create a better world.

Love really can conquer all. Hate & anger destroys the person who hates as well as those s/he comes into contact with.

There is certainly a lot of room for improvement.

Rise of the machines - Demise of Humans

• My local library is introducing a pilot scheme to allow people access out of hours with a card & Pin Number. Who needs librarians who actually know something about books?

• Most supermarkets now have self check outs. Cashiers are a dying breed & queues for them are longer.

• Most airlines do online check in & boarding pass issuing.

• Train tickets are issued online or by machines at stations. Finding someone to ask if you are unsure what to do is almost impossible.

• Trains are being totally disrupted because of the dispute over removing guards and allowing drivers to press a button to close doors. This raises an issue of safety which I'm not competent to comment on.

• Cars & goodness knows what else are assembled by robots. Will there be any factory workers in the future?

• We are all used to filling our own cars with petrol.

• We rarely go into banks, we get money from a hole in the wall, pay bills & check statements on line. The friendly bank manager who knows us is a dinosaur - consigned to history.

• Telephone systems are automated. Gone are the Operators other than those in the dire call centres based all over the world.

• Email hasn't quite taken over from post completely, but for how long? No one writes letters anymore.

• We are remarkably close to computer diagnosis of illness. That may be a good thing given the difficulty in recruiting & retaining enough GP's.

• Farming is becoming ever more mechanised. The debate about foreign pickers may well be very short lived if harvesting can be done by machine.

• There is even a robot you can have sex with now if you are unable to make a conventional relationship, which for a variety of reasons seems to be on the increase!

 

 All good ideas - Or are they? Working out the impact on jobs & therefore people, isn't rocket science. This is only the beginning. We may well be more efficient. We probably are saving time. The commercial benefits in increased profits are obvious. The technology genie is out of the bottle & our capability grows exponentially.

But what about people? What will they do? How will they earn money & occupy their time? 

We really should be thinking about consequences.

Happiness & Wellbeing

Who would have thought that there was a website for Happiness? Unsurprisingly it's closely linked to Buddhism.
http://www.actionforhappiness.org/

For a mere £25 you can do an online course called "Do Happiness"
http://dsd.me/programme/dohappiness/

I haven't done it yet, but if it works it seems well worth the money. So many people are not really happy. So many people have mental health illnesses.
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/fundamental-facts-about-mental-health-2015

When you look at what we in the developed world have, our general standard of living, you would imagine that we would all be really happy. Compare that to the relatively un-complex existance of many in the developing world & you could be forgiven for thinking that they weren't. But that doesn't seem to be the case. The more complex our lives get the more dis-eased we seem to be.

One factor seems to be community & neighbourliness. In my lifetime that seems to have largely disappeared. As a child I played on the street with other children in the neighbourhood. We walked or travelled by public transport so interacted with neighbours on a daily basis. We shopped in local shops, met there, gossiped & learned what was going on locally. Adults popped into eachothers houses regularly. We knew what was happening in our neighbours lives & we helped & supported eachother.

It was all more ad hoc, relaxed & part of the daily routine & interaction. Now we are all on a treadmill, whether it's work, school, social life or running a home - usually an exhausting combination.

No wonder there isn't enough happiness & wellbeing. Somehow we need to try to create time to bring back genuine neighbourliness. Facebook & Twitter isn't enough.

Christmas - What is there to Celebrate?

I am biased - I don't enjoy Christmas. But this year seems much, much worse to me. I cannot understand how the West can sing Carols while the Middle East burns & children die of malnutrition & starvation.

Yemen War & Famine  
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-38220785

Syria War & Starvation 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-38194962

Ethiopia Drought & Famine
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/23/ethiopia-struggles-with-worst-drought-for-50-years-leaving-18-mi/

Libya, Iraq, Sudan, Afghanistan seem to have been fighting for decades. Somalia & Eritrea are also suffering drought & famine.

The average British family will spend £800 on Christmas. Many families will take out loans or use credit cards to fund it.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/household-bills/12038620/Average-British-family-to-spend-800-on-Christmas.html

Successive Governments have tolerated homelessness in the UK for years. My Christmas charity this year is Green Pastures which provides affordable housing for the homeless.
http://www.greenpastures.net/
http://www.homeless.org.uk/facts/homelessness-in-numbers/statutory-homelessness

None of this makes any sense to me. We are a rich nation.

 

 

NHS - Fit for Patients or Purpose?

I have a lot of experience of the NHS, both as a long term patient with chronic health conditions & working as a volunteer with the Expert Patient Programme, then a lay board member with Research for Patient Benefit.

If the Kings Fund  think that "NHS funding is almost at breaking point" & that "budgets are not large enough to cover patient demand" & there is " extensive evidence that ineffective treatments are overused in the NHS" then I believe it.

https://www.kingsfund.org.uk/projects/impact-nhs-financial-pressures-patient-care/six-ways

Anecdotally I know people, including myself, who have gone undiagnosed & who have been prescribed medication in the hope that it will control symptoms - (this actually seems to be the default position. Hard pressed GP's don't have the time to do much else). There seems to be a general reluctance to refer patients to consultants. There also seems to be an over-reliance on test results within narrow boundaries, when it is known that real patients do present outside those boundaries yet still have the condition.

Patients have to be articulate & dogged nowadays. We need to be pro active about our own health. Not easy if you are actually ill. Also not easy to keep plugging away because you know that something is wrong but want to try to keep a good relationship with whichever GP you can get to see.

I'm at the tail end of 2 "viral infections" since mid October. The latest one caused my INR level to shoot up to so dangerous that I could have bled to death or been brain damaged if I had a fall. Finally the 4th doctor said she thought it was Viral Hepatitis. Fortunately I'm not given to panic.

I'm not knocking doctors - they do their very best with an increasingly clunking system. We need them & should value them.

I'm not even knocking politicians - although I think their efforts are worse than useless. I really don't think they have a clue.

But something needs to happen to make the NHS well again - for all our sakes.

Political "Truth"

Journalists & the media are not necessarily known for well evidenced truth telling. Nor are politicians. You just have to skim through the aftermath of the US Presidential elections & the Brexit vote to see the "truth" of those campaigns revealed.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/jun/26/people-spoken-brexit-did-media-tell-the-truth-eu-referendum

There has always been propaganda & half truths. Political commentators & leaders have always been economical with the truth. It has always been difficult to really know what the rights & wrongs of a decision would be. But there has been a radical change, led by Social Media.

Lying is the new truth. Lying is blatant & unrepented. Lying is expected & acceptable today. It's almost as if the public wants to be misled, wants to be in denial. The press & the media, with some notable exceptions, collude in a miasma of misinformation.

How on earth do we, the public, know who to believe, who to trust? The simple truth is that We Don't.

Truth is burning on the altar of democracy.

Education - Learning & Teaching

I had a fairly conventional education for a woman of my generation. Primary school, Grammar school (fortunately), Teacher Training College (luckily degree equivalent). Then a professional career in Primary Education. I think I was lucky because I was only moderately bright. I was driven & hard working though. Nothing came easily.

But I really don't think that pathway "educated" me. I had a few inspirational teachers, but I also had some truly dreadful ones. I can't really say that I enjoyed my education - it was a means to an end - a good, professional job & a way out of working class "getting by".

Looking back I think the majority of my learning has been through people other than teachers & because of my own motivation to know about something I was interested in. Learning doesn't & shouldn't stop once you have reached a certian age or get a piece of paper. If you don't continue with "lifelong learning" you don't adapt to a changing world & doors are closed to you.

I imagine I must have taught my pupils some skills & bits of information. But I don't think we think enough about what the role of a teacher is & what any teacher can be expected to achieve given the huge spectrum of intelligence, application, interest, creativity & home background each child brings to school. If you really think about it it seems an almost impossible task to meet the needs of every child. One size does not fit all - but in the main, that's what we give them.

We need to refine what it is important that we do try to teach - at what point in a childs development. We need to decide what social, creative & physical skills we want to encourage. Finally we need a plan for how we do that to meet the needs of all children from the "special needs" to the "gifted" child.

Children really need to learn how to learn for themselves. In this technological age virtually all knowledge is available to them. They just have to know how to access it. Self motivated learning has a  lifelong influence. Force feeding "education" is quickly forgotten. Good teachers are facilitators not indoctrinators.

http://collectivelyconscious.net/articles/teaching-children-how-to-think-instead-of-what-to-think/

Hillary Clinton - Putting on the "Slap"

If you know me now it's hard to imagine I know, but I was once quite good looking. Tall, slim, mini skirted with long, wavy, auburn hair. In the 60s we all wore quite a lot of make up. I wouldn't have dreamt of going out in public without the full "Slap" on. Think Twiggy, with huge eyes accentuated by false eyelashes, eyeliner painstakingly applied & smudgy shadow. Pale skin & pale lipstick.

In my professional life too I wouldn't have gone to work without a "face" on. It's all about image. Your image of yourself & the image you present to the world. Clothes, makeup & accessories make women feel confident.

In some ways not a lot has changed, except that it has all become a vast industry & women have become the pawns of image makers, multi national companies & "so called" celebrities. Women are bombarded daily with glossy photos of "perfection" which they are persuaded to aspire to.

According to "The beauty Economy" report in September 2015 - "The beauty industry is worth £17 billion to the UK economy, and consumers are expected to spend an average of £342.90 (each) on beauty and skincare this year".

Body dismorphia is a problem & increasing numbers of women are having plastic surgery. According to the British Association of Aesthetic and Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS)

The top surgical procedures for women in 2015 (46,526 total. A rise of 12.5% from 2014)
Women had 91% of all cosmetic procedures in 2015.
In order of popularity:

• Breast augmentation:                                     9,642 – up 12% from last year
• Blepharoplasty (eyelid surgery):                   7,713 – up 12%
• Face/Neck Lift:                                              7,047 – up 16%
• Breast Reduction:                                           5,450 – up 13%
• Liposuction:                                                    4,965 – up 20%
• Rhinoplasty:                                                    3,393 – up 14%
• Fat Transfer:                                                    3,001 – up   3%
• Abdominoplasty:                                             2,816 – up   8%
• Browlift:                                                          1,946 – up   6%
• Otoplasty (ear correction):                              553 – up 15%

How delightful then to see Hillary Clinton bravely going to her first public engagement since the debacle of the US Presidential Elections without make up. She is 2 years younger than me, born in 1947. Needless to say the public reaction has been mixed. Personally I admire her hugely. Any woman in such a public position prepeared to "face down" the judgemental public in this way deserves to be applauded. It's literally a "Slap" in the Face to her detractors.

She's an amazing woman - Sadly their loss.

Being Unwell - Alone

When my husband was alive we always joked that he went into his Cave when he was ill. I think it's quite a common male phenomenon. He didn't want to be fussed over, he just wanted to be left alone - well that's what he said - I never quite believed it.

I'm the opposite, especially now I'm living a single life. I find it quite hard to be ill. Maybe it's partly because when you are older you are never quite sure what the end game is going to be & when it will happen.

I've been in my very comfortable cave for the best part of 5 days & have cancelled all but one thing in my diary because I've felt quite unwell. Some friends know that I am poorly, some don't. I'm certain all of my friends would care & if I asked for help they would if they could.

But I can function. I don't actually have any appetite, so food isn't a problem & anyway I have enough to keep me going for quite a while. If I had the energy to do anything I have plenty to occupy myself, but in fact I've spent a lot of time resting or reading.

I spoke to a triage doctor yesterday & got an appointment with my doctor today. My doctor thinks the mess of symptoms is a result of a viral infection exacerbating everything else that's wrong with me, but checked me out for a stroke. I don't think either of us think that is what's wrong, but if I'm not better by Thursday they'll do some blood tests. It's the second nasty viral infection since October, so I'm a bit p......off with it. In the meantime I have to cancel my diary, (already happened) & rest - not actually a problem, can't do anything else!

Actually I'm extremely lucky. I have friends. I have a daughter. I'm computer literate, so can run my life from home. I have a warm & comfortable home. I wear a phone linked alarm in the house & carry emergency medical information when I'm out. (The NHS is still one of the best healthcare systems in the world). I can pay people to do things for me if I need to. I'm able to live my life independently.

There are millions of people who are much, much worse off than I am. People in the UK as well as people in the developing world. I think that if we want to call ourselves a civilised society we have to understand & empathise better with people who are trying to cope alone. There are lots of charities to help single women & parents. There are also quite a few to help the elderly. Mostly these offer advice & financial support.

What we really need is a less insular society, neighbours who notice, people popping in, families keeping in contact regularly. That's what it was like in my childhood, but it seems as if it is lost for ever. Families are more dispersed & busy with their own lives. My generation's children's lives are busy & often complex. They are time poor & don't seem to feel the same sense of responsibility to ageing parents as my generation did. The situation isn't helped by the fact that people are far more mobile than previously, & move house more often, away from family & friends.

People like me don't want or need a "carer". We value our independence. But everything is easier to bear if you have someone to share it with who cares & takes the time to show it.

Populism, Politics & People

When you have lived for 70 years you have experienced the ups & downs of life. You have also been an observer of the World stage. I can remember the 3 day week & the lights going out in the Heath years. I can remember the divisive Thatcher years, which in my view set the stage for the 2008 Financial crisis, which is largely responsible for politics & life today.

We are now in a world of polarised, populist, politics. There is a war going on between extremes of authoritarianism, the right wing & the left wing, not to mention extremes of religion. Racism, Misogyny, Homophobia & Isolationism are rife in society. Tolerance of difference seems to have disappeared.

There is a dangerous disconnect between the rich & powerful & the working poor & middle class. There is also a disconnect between young & older people, who for the first time are less well off & less secure in their jobs, if they have one, & who have little chance of buying a home of their own. The rise of food banks shows just how difficult life is for the really poor, who are often also poorly educated. Who would have thought that child poverty would not have been stamped out in the so called "developed" world in the 21st century?

On the other hand the world seems to be ruled by multinational, global corporations & the "free market" economy. These often generate more income than whole countries & seem not to be held to account for their excesses.

Unemployment, the demise of manufacturing industries & poverty has led to male emasculation. The only place a man can be a man seems to be in the military. Maybe that explains our willingness to fight in the wars which have dogged us since Yugoslavia & the Arab Spring. Money can't be found for health care, education, the justice system etc. But it can always be found to fight a war.

No wonder the West is becoming more & more anti establishment. Fairness & equality of opportunity doesn't exist. People are fighting against a feeling of powerlessness. Brexit & the US Presidential election show that people do have power & can exercise it in a way which can be very detrimental to themselves.

The only bright spot is that the young seem to have found "politics". It is reminding me of my youthful activism in the 60s. The liberal democrat Bernie Sanders is 75 & could well have been the President elect with the huge support of young Americans had it not been for Mrs Clinton. Jeremy Corbyn is 67 & has been elected Labour leader for the second time because young Brits support him.

I am still seriously beginning to wonder whether this is the End Game though. I'm glad I'm not young.

Trump - Leader of the Free World!

OMG - Trump as US President! What are they thinking? Or perhaps that's an oxymoron - with the emphasis on moron.

Sorry I'm not usually as denigrating & blunt about people - but it is very hard to fathom what experience, qualifications, transferable skills, knowledge & understanding Trump has which would make him an appropriate choice.

He has at least visited other countries, which is more than many Americans, 64% of whom don't even have passports. Most of those who do are probably in the forces. Only 3.5% of Americans travel abroad.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/william-d-chalmers/the-great-american-passpo_b_1920287.html

"Donald Trump
No surprise for a guy who owns his own Boeing 757, the Republican frontrunner gets around. And he’s always got a business excuse to wing out of the country — a new golf course in Ireland, a Miss Universe pageant in Panama, casinos and resorts all over the world, very successful — by now, you surely know the routine".


Trump is Boris Johnson on steroids & with a worse haircut. He is Berlusconi with a worse perma tan & similar misogynistic attitudes. He isn't even the successful businessman his publicity would have you believe. He has an impressive list of failed businesses.
http://gawker.com/a-complete-list-of-donald-trump-s-business-disasters-1764151188

Trump has been analyzed as a Sociopath with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniel-berger/trump-profile-of-a-sociopath_b_11318128.html

The number of Americans Googling how to move to Canada was up 1,000% after Super Tuesday. I wonder what it will be now.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2016/03/02/how-to-move-to-canada-searches-up-1000-after-trump-super-tuesday/

God help America & the whole free world. I simply cannot imagine the harm this man could do.

Malice

Malice - The desire to do harm or mischief - Evil intent.

I have known people who have been spiteful, thoughtless, self absorbed, unable to control what they say or do. I have also known people who have deliberately stirred up trouble for others, even bullied. Fortunately I have know only a very few who I would say were malicious.

All humans have failings - none are perfect - I don't believe in Saints. But on the whole I do think that most people, on balance, are essentially good.

That makes the people who are malicious stand out from the crowd, & not in a good way.

Personally I would count Donald Trump as malicious & am dreading his possible election as President of the USA tomorrow. There have been, and still are, many leaders who have abused power & amassed ridiculous amounts of money.

We need to recognise malice & evil intent & find a way to deal effectively with it. Currently we aren't doing a very good job.

Top 10 Most Corrupt Politicians In The World 2016 - http://www.themeshnews.com

Rank	Name	Country
1	Vladimir Putin	Russia
2	Nawaz Sharif	Pakistan
3	King Salman bin Abdulaziz	Saudi Arabia
4	Sigmundur Davíð Gunnlaugsson	Iceland
5	Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan	UAE
6	David Cameron	United Kingdom
7	Petro Poroshenko	Ukraine
8	Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo	Guinea
9	Kim Jong UN	North Korea
10	Jayalalithaa	India

I wonder where President Assad is on this list?

Worlds 10 most corrupt Former Leaders

Name	Position	Funds embezzled
1. Mohamed Suharto	President of Indonesia (1967–1998)	$15–35 B
2. Ferdinand Marcos	President of the Philippines (1972–1986)	5–10 B
3. Mobutu Sese Seko	President of Zaire (1965–1997)	5 B
4. Sani Abacha	President of Nigeria (1993–1998)	2–5 B
5. SlobodanMilosevic	President of Serbia/Yugoslavia (1989–20	1 B
6. Jean-Claude Duvalier	President of Haiti (1971–1986)	300–800 M
7. Alberto Fujimori	President of Peru (1990–2000)	600 M
8. Pavlo Lazarenko	Prime Minister of Ukraine (1996–1997)	114–200 M
9. Arnoldo Alemán	President of Nicaragua (1997–2002)	100 M
10. Joseph Estrada	President of the Philippines (1998–2001)	78–80 M

                                                                                                    M – million B - Billion

PS
I wonder whether President Elect Trump will  join one of these lists?

Edward Fox - Sand in the Sandwiches - John Betjeman

I saw "Sand in the Sandwiches" at the Oxford Playhouse yesterday. I am a volunteer usher, so am lucky to be able to see lots of productions.

A good production draws you in, involves you, entertains you, makes you think - laugh - cry. This was a one man show, which I hadn't realised. There was no action or interaction - no plot. Edward Fox, who is 79 was on stage, alone, for the whole show, lasting the best part of 2 hours. As someone who realises that my memory is not what it was, I find that alone hugely impressing. I imagine that the fact that much of the dialogue is Betjemans rhyming poetry helps - but even so...

Fox has a very distinctive voice & way of speaking. He has a way of running words into one another whilst having very aristocratic "cut glass" diction. He is quite softly spoken. The problem with the performance was that I couldn't hear a lot of the script. (Yes I did have my hearing aid in).

This production is not the only one I have experienced the frustration of having to guess what has been said. It's also increasingly true of TV, where there seems to be a fashion for whispering - "The Fall", "Person of Interest" to name but two. The text is important. It isn't an adjunct to the acting.

I'm not sure where the blame lies. You would think that in this highly technical age, with sound systems only dreamt of 10 years ago, technicians would be able to get the sound levels right. You would imagine that directors would, at some point, put themselves in the situation of the audience in the back row, or their living rooms, to see if the message was getting through. You would think that actors were properly trained in voice projection or would wear today's unobtrusive microphones.

I know I'm a "grumpy old woman",  but there are an awful lot of us who go to theatres & many people have hearing problems. Several times yesterday members of the audience left the auditorium to go & get a loop headset. Listening to comments as the audience left I know I was not alone in being irritated.

John Betjemans words deserved better.

Identity - Who am I?

Identity - Unique identifying characteristics held by no other person or thing, which make us recognisable individuals.

Fortunately I can still remember my own name, although I realise that might change because I can't say the same about other people's names! But there is so much more to identity.

I am a woman, a pensioner, a widow, British with a dash of German, white, heterosexual, reasonably intelligent & well informed, (although that might change along with failing memory).

I like lots of things - music, art, reading, friends, meeting people, travelling, dogs, the countryside...

I'm interested in lots of things - politics, justice, fairness, equal opportunity, Buddhism, ethics, different cultures...

I don't like - self absorbed people, (people who don't ask about me & listen, as well as talk about themselves = Drains), prejudice, racism, fundamentalist religion, bores, ....

I think I am - kind, thoughtful, generous, a good friend, outgoing....(I might also be deluded).

I know I can be - short tempered if stressed, too honest, intolerant of fools, organising, controlling, too conscientious, sometimes judgemental / too black & white...

The thing is we humans are highly complex beings. We have intellect & emotion. We have physical characteristics & traits of character, some of which are learned & some inherited. We are the product of our genes, our upbringing & our experience. We change over the years we live our lives. So how do we define ourselves & how well do we know ourselves?

Maybe we all need to ask ourselves "who am I" & think about the answer. I'm beginning to think that the whole point of life is to give ourselves time to reflect on this. Until we do we will be rats in a maze. We each have the software & the hardware - we just don't use them to their full capability.

http://study.com/academy/lesson/what-is-personal-identity-definition-philosophy-development.html

 

Christmas is Coming..

..and the goose is getting fat - But not everywhere.

The charities I support monthly with direct debits increase annually at Christmas. I don't send any cards. I don't give presents, other than to immediate family. I start a new charity instead. I've been doing it for years now. So the list of charities grows. I try to give to smaller niche charities which empower people in the developing world to be able to feed themselves, make an income & access education & healthcare.

I particularly like charities like Tree Aid www.treeaid.org.uk & Re-cycle www.re-cycle.org  I also give to medical charities. Charities like the Micro loan Foundation https://www.microloanfoundation.org.uk & Camfed https://camfed.org  help women to set up businesses & access education.

It doesn't really matter what the charity is, it's just really nice to feel that I am helping, in a very small way, to redress the imbalance between the haves & the have nots. It seems appropriate to think about this at a time when we spend ridiculous amounts of money. People who have very little can do an awful lot to become less dependent on aid with small amounts of money. It counterbalances my negative feelings about the excesses of Christmas in the UK.

People in the UK are really good about giving to charity when there are big disasters, or to something like Children in Need & Red Nose Day. People are generous & respond quickly. What we are not quite so good at is regular giving so that Charities know that they have money they can rely on to meet day to day need.

 

Check out all the quotes on Google about giving. It's the best Christmas present you can give to yourself as well as others.

A Night at the Opera - Glyndebourne's "Saul" by Handel

I went to my local "Picture House" yesterday to see the Glyndebourne production of Handel's "Saul". This is probably the earliest opera I have seen, written about a hundred years after Montiverdi began the operatic tradition.

Saul is a Baroque opera, nothing like the more familiar Romantic operas of Rossini & Donizetti, the Comedia operas of Mozart, the Verismo of Puccini for example. I really don't know enough about opera - I'm sure you could study it for years, so I'll stop there.

I do know that "Saul" was written as an Oratorio so directors can pretty much do as they wish with it because the production is not written down. This production was visually stunning from the outset. The vivid & beautiful costumes, the clever & eyecatching sets, the superb chorus & visually arresting dancing were all a joy & a delight. I did think that some of the dance movements were too modern for Handel, but that's probably nit picking. The singing from both the soloists & the wonderful chorus was bright & alive - As was the superb orchestra.

To be an opera star now you have to have more than a good voice. You have to be able to act well, the cameras are up close & personal. You can't get away with the woodenness of Pavarotti for example. You also have to be able to move well - Principals  have to be able to dance & sing at the same time, just like pop stars.

What I didn't like was some of the more gratuitous elements. The introduction of Homo Erotic relationsghips & male kissing - the, for me very off putting, appearance of the male witch of Endor who is portayed as hermaphrodite with pendulous boobs which Saul suckles. Seeing milk dribbling from his mouth & then being expressed over his head really put me off. What on earth did that add to the story apart from inches of press coverage?

As a long time opera lover I am getting a bit p.....off by the seemingly increasing liberties taken with productions in the name of art. I'm sure some directors can justify themselves with pretentious drivel, but the bottom line seems to me to be exactly that - Generating prurient interest & bums on seats.

I wish they would just let the music & the story speak for themselves. I really don't mind innovation & new interpretations. I do mind rubbish.

A Dog is for Life - Finale

Having a pet appeals to a basic instinct in humans. Man socialised dogs, & vice versa, way back in history. It is thought dogs were first domesticated when man was a hunter gatherer. It's a symbiotic relationship, of mutual benefit.

We are drawn to small creatures with appealing eyes & winning ways. Look at how animals are portrayed on all the documentaries on TV.They are guaranteed to make anyone rush out & get a pet. Especially if the animals are in shelters & have had a troubled existance. Even the websites & publicity of rehoming charities ensure that the images make us want to take the animal home. Puppies are the extreme example. They are surrogate children.

It's undoubtedly true, & is backed up by evidence, that animals have a beneficial impact on people. Most people care for their pets, although ill treatment can be truly shocking. The problem is that the majority of people do not understand dog psychology & how to properly train & socialise a dog. It isn't enough to teach a dog to sit or shake a paw - (How anthropomorphised is that?)

A dog needs to learn his place in the family hierarchy & it should be at the bottom of the list. A dog's basic needs should be met & it should be secure & loved. It should not be allowed to do everything it wants & dictate a family lifestyle. It should not be overfed with treats & spoiled any more than a child should.

But we British are soft about our animals & we perhaps do not go into pet owning with enough knowledge & information. Hence the number of animals which are badly treated, abandoned, given up or even killed. At least we have animal charities, but they are inundated because of our thoughtlessness & ignorance.

I made a mistake with Bandit despite trying to be informed & logical. Both of us were lucky that Blue Cross would take him back again & he stands a good chance of being re-homed. I now wonder whether the whole area of pet ownership should be much more regulated. Should we just be able to look on sites such as Preloved & Gumtree to get a dog without any checks & balances being in place. That just suits the notorious puppy farmers everywhere & isn't in the interest of dogs or owners.

The root of it is that too often pet owning is a decision of the heart & not of the head. That way is bound to lead to mistakes & heartache.

PS
I've developed a chest infection overnight - How on earth did I think I would manage with something like that?

A Dog is for Life - 4

I have just returned from taking Bandit back to the Blue Cross. Last night precipitated the decision.

I walked him at 10, just before I went to bed & put him down with a dental chew. I had just settled in bed myself when he started making noises which became whines & then barking. The last thing you should do is respond if a dog does this. You should leave them & hope it stops. Otherwise you are rewarding behaviour that you don't want. However I have neighbours with small children on both sides who would hear it as clearly as I did.

So I went down - again & again. I gave him a rawhide bone. I left the radio on. I left the radio & a light on. I gave him his ball to play with. Nothing worked & it went on for over 2 hours till after midnight. By this time I was quite stressed & having fibrillation problems. So I had to bring him upstairs & put him in my ensuite bathroom. That meant I could tell him to shut up every time he barked. Eventually we both got some sleep.

I have no idea what set him off after the first quiet night. But there had been  a warning when I left him for 1 1/2 hours to go for a swim yesterday. He barked. So I waited in the hall till it stopped & left. I don't know if he barked for the whole time I was away.

You really can't subject neighbours to this on a regular basis & I woke up with a migraine feeling dreadful. So, sadly decision made.

In addition, although I put him out in my courtyard first thing to pee, he did nothing. Then when I went upstairs to get dressed to walk him I came back to find he had peed in the kitchen again. Just like yesterday when he peed after I had walked him before leaving to swim.

Bending down is a big issue for me - to clean up his mess, to put his harness & lead on, to towel him down when it's been raining, which it did this morning. I hadn't thought about the impact of having a small dog on my conditions. None of that is good for me.

It was emotional to leave him. It means that I have to accept that I can not have a dog at all. I felt a failure that I hadn't thought it through from my health perspective enough. Blue Cross were fine about it. Very sympathetic. I suppose it happens sometimes. I'm not looking forward to explaining to my grandsons why I have taken him back. I know they will be very disappointed.

I'm sure Bandit would make a lovely pet for someone with the time & patience to train him properly. I do think he needs a garden though. My courtyard isn't enough. 

A Dog is for Life - 3

The thing is that Bandit has Duracell batteries & I don't. I've got the cheap Ikea ones! It's quite a revelation. I knew that I have to pace myself & not overdo things & rest, but I wan't expecting this. I found it quite difficult to do my normal half mile swim today because of all the extra walking taking Bandit out for training & toileting.

Although he is a small dog, having him on a lead is having an impact on the Fibromyalgia in my arms. Bending down to put his lead on & take it off is not doing my heart problems any good. I'm having bad hot sweats & get breathless. I'm also finding it really difficult to unclip his collar or harness because my hands are bad.

None of this is what I was expecting. All the problems are because of my health, not his behaviour. The real problem is that all my health issues are chronic. None are going to improve, quite the opposite.

I still think I should give it a week. But I do need to make my mind up because I don't want him to be upset by another return to the Blue Cross when we have bonded. At the moment I could just be another foster owner.

A Dog is for Life 2 - Bandit

I'm not at all sure that it's going to work with Bandit for several reasons, none of which were the ones I anticipated.

He hasn't messed in the house or destroyed anything. He hasn't seemed too bothered about being left overnight. I've managed to take him out for walks regularly enough & he is fine on the lead, although he doesn't respond to commands from me as well as his handlers.

It's me not him I think. I anticipated enjoying having a dog around, but don't really like the continual presence of something needy that I have to watch continuously. He is very agile & hyper & will need constant training not to jump on furniture. He doesn't settle & is into everything. Although well behaved at the Blue Cross, he's not so good here. It's a very different environment.

I found our first morning very difficult. I don't feel good first thing & got up earlier than usual so I could take him out for a walk, which was an effort. I really didn't feel well. It's early days I suppose, but I think I am too accustomed to being on my own now & being able to completely relax when I'm tired.

But it is only the first day. I think I will give it a week. A dog really is for life & I may have left it too late in mine to adjust to a new one.

PS
Spoke too soon. After taking him out @ 7.15 & again mid morning I got back from 1 1/2 hrs  swimming at lunchtime to find a big puddle in the kitchen. Seems illogical - how can you tell how long you can leave a dog?

A Dog is for Life

Such a quandry! I really don't know what to do.

I love dogs - Not in a soppy anthropomorphic sort of way - They are animals after all.

I had a much loved German Shepherd & have been toying with the idea of a smaller dog for ages, as company now that I am on my own. It would be nice to have something to welcome me home to an empty house. Talking to a dog is certainly preferable to talking to myself! I didn't particularly want or need a pedigree dog. I prefer to give a home to a rescue dog. There are, after all an enormous number of them.

So I have been looking at dog charity websites for months. I have found a very nice JRT - Bandit,  at the Blue Cross in Burford who seems to fit the bill perfectly.

We have been introduced & he seems very confident & fairly well trained. Blue Cross are very organised & helpful. So, what's not to like? Why the hesitation?

Well it's a lifestyle issue - Mine, not his. The problem of caring for & managing a dog when you are on your own & frankly getting on a bit. It's going to turn my daily routine upside down & curtail my freedom enormously. At the moment I can do what I want to when I want to & for as long as I want to.

I have built up a life. I'm a volunteer for 2 local organisations. I swim most days. I go to the cinema & to exhibitions. I meet friends & also stay with them overnight. A dog should be OK for a couple of hours, but 6 hours is about the maximum. You can't leave them indefinitely. They need exercise & toileting. They get bored & anxious on their own.

So what do I do? Give up going out for the day? I don't have any family who can step in. My daughter works & has two boys at school. You can't put a dog in kennels for a day out it's disruptive for them.

The internet may have saved the day. I've found several websites where local people who are willing to visit or walk a dog advertise. There do seem to be plenty of people who are available to do this for a fee.

It's so amazing - You can literally find anything on the internet.

PS - Saturday
Bought food, chews, treats & a dog tag this morning. Collecting Bandit tomorrow. It's a big deal. I had to cancel seeing Miss Saigon tomorrow night - couldn't leave him on his first night in a new home. Time will tell.

PPS - Sunday
Paperwork completed, cheque paid. Now we are home after a very excitable journey in the car - my twin Grandsons, not the dog. Not sure this is going to work. Bandit is very hyper, doesn't settle & is into everything. At the moment he is destroying a tennis ball. Nothing like Mable my GSD, but then that's not surprising - very different dogs! Although well behaved at the Blue Cross not so good here.

But it is only the first day.

"Things I Know to be True"

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all ye know on earth & all ye need to know" Keats

I ushered at "Things I Know to be True" at the Oxford Playhouse last night. It was a wonderful performance. It managed the difficult task of being funny, honest & touchingly sad at the same time. The cast of six were all excellent. It made me think - about family realtionships, about what I know to be true.

When it comes down to it if I was to make a list of things I really know are true it would probably be very short - We are born, we die. We love & hate & experience all the emotions in between. If we are lucky we make relationships that enrich our lives. However we can never really know someone else. All of us keep something back. We all have secrets. We all massage the truth at times in our lives, often because we don't want to hurt someone else.

The only truth I  really know is my own truth - What I think, what my values are, what matters to me. We are all capable of deluding ourselves, but I believe that at some level we do know ourselves. The good & the bad.

We all have choices to make about which path to take. Our decisions shape us into adults. We don't live in isolation, everything we do or don't do affects others. 

If we were all able to be "true" in the real sense of the word maybe the world would be a better place.

A Cross Passenger on Cross Country Trains

I caught the 14.14 from Birmingham International to Oxford on 23rd Sept. It was a very short train & was completely packed when it arrived. People were standing throughout the train. I am 71 & have a disabled railcard. Standing on a moving train is quite difficult. Someone did kindly give up their seat for me at Banbury. This is not the first time this has happened to me. 

If I pay for a ticket I expect to get a seat, especially as I rarely travel in peak times. Train companies appear to treat paying passengers no better than cattle & should be ashamed.  I met a middle aged lady who had had to stand from Scotland.

The refreshment trolley was unable to operate because of all the people & luggage in the aisles. The shelves above the seats are too shallow for a lot of cases & elderly people or women cannot lift heavy cases that high. The luggage racks by the doors are totally inadequate for the number of people travelling. 

Surely companies have a pretty good idea how many tickets have been sold & how many are likely to sell on the day. It is their job to provide adequate trains to meet the demand. This just seemed like total incompetence to me, which at the least causes people huge discomfort & at worst is a H&S risk. 

I sent a complaint to Cross Country Trains. The following are their responses.

"I am sorry for how busy the service was, our franchise does not have the resources to acquire longer or more trains, but we do understand that crowded trains are a daily problem that we face.Unfortunately we have only been allocated a set amount of coaches which is set out in our franchise agreement.

Please be assured that we are looking at ways that we can alleviate the pressure on our busiest trains, by altering the workings of our higher capacity trains to more closely match demand.  We also encourage those that are flexible with their travel plans to travel on quieter trains. Whilst I'm sure you will appreciate the challenges we face to try and provide enough seats for all of those passengers travelling, it does not take away the fact that your journeys with us have not been as you would hope to expect and so I would again like to apologise for any discomfort caused.

For future journeys I would recommend you reserve a seat, you can do this at your point of purchase, by calling 03447369123, at any ticket office or by using our Ten Minute reservation service via the following link https://www.crosscountrytrains.co.uk/tickets/ten-minute-reservations

I responded:-

• "Our franchise does not have the resources to acquire longer or more trains" - Why not? If you don't have the capacity to meet demand & don't have sufficient carriages or finances to increase provision then you should not be the operator, especially as you admit that "Crowded trains are a daily problem that we face".
• "We also encourage those that are flexible with their travel plans to travel on quieter trains" - That is no help to many people who have no options.
• "I would recommend you reserve a seat" - I did on the outward journey, but had no way of knowing which return train I would be able to catch.

Nothing encourages me to be confident that "should you choose to travel with us again that you have a much better experience". Basically Cross Country Trains know there is a serious problem, but have no plans to make the experience any better in the future. That is really not acceptable. I don't have to stand if I book a seat on a plane, why should trains be any different? I wonder what the company would have done had I had a heart attack through standing.

You have not addressed the issue of the lack of accessible luggage space at all.

Cross Country responded:-

"Our franchise, like all others operating in the UK, is set by the Department for Transport (DfT) who prescribe the services we must provide and the frequency of trains to deliver this. This specification was set by the DfT in 2007 at the start of our franchise and we procured all available trains to deliver this. Since then the railways have seen unprecedented numbers of people seeking to use rail as their preferred form of travel and our trains, like those of other operators, are seeing instances of crowding throughout the day on many services. We have recently extended our franchise for a further 3 years and we have been provided some additional coaches to provide further seating for our passengers however access to new coaches is limited. There are currently no trains suitable for us to lease in the UK, this situation is unlikely to change for many years.

As we are limited to the number of coaches we have, we try to encourage passengers to travel on quieter services by offering cheap advance fares. This does help passengers who cannot choose to travel on quieter services as if we didn’t do it the services during peak times would be much busier than they currently are.

As mentioned in my previous email, we provide a number of options for passengers looking to reserve seating for their journey. If you were unsure of the train you were travelling on you still can reserve a seat up to 10 minutes prior to the scheduled departure time by using our ten minute reservation service via the following link https://www.crosscountrytrains.co.uk/tickets/ten-minute-reservations

I can fully appreciate your concern about the number of passengers travelling on our trains. However, unlike bus and air travel, there is no legal limit for the number of passengers on a train. This is because trains are deemed safe no matter how many people are on board. Under the Health & Safety at Work Act (1974) train operators must manage risks from overcrowding ‘so far as is reasonably practicable’. They may be liable for problems arising in hot weather but given that trains are walk-on services, it is not feasible to limit passengers to the number of seats."

I responded:- 
 

It would appear that much of the responsibility for passenger discomfort & annoyance with train services lies with the DfT. In particular the fact that the spec's they set for franchises are not reviewed & updated frequently enough. This would appear to make it impossible for franchises to respond quickly to the demands of increased passenger numbers. It has long baffled me why successive governments have never produced an integrated transport policy for the UK.

I had no idea of the option to reserve a seat 10 mins prior to departure time & will use this in future if I don't know what time I am returning  home. So thank you for the information.

I have to say I am amazed that there is no H&S requirement for any limit to numbers travelling on trains. While I can understand that it is a walk on service & passengers would be unhappy if they were refused access to a train, that does happen with buses, which have advertised maximum numbers standing & seated. I cannot see any reason why a similar rule should not apply to trains. 

The information you have given me confirms my view that train passengers often get a pretty rough & expensive deal. What does surprise me is that train operators do not make more fuss about this situation. It would seem to be in the companies interest to publicise this information widely & encourage passengers to become involved in order to make our train service at least comparable to the service standards on continental Europe.

I didn't expect to be sympathetic to Cross Country Trains, but I am. The whole set up seems ridiculously incompetent to me & the root of the problem appears to be the Department for Transport. The least important people in the equation are the passengers. 

Surely passenger needs & safety should be at the heart of Government policy. I can't help feeling that a transport system which is privatised & driven by shareholder profit rather than excellent service values is never going to achieve customer satisfaction under the current system. 

Anyone who travels on trains in Europe knows it can be done. Why not here?

All in the Mind

I have always been very task orientated. I am organised. I have prioritised lists. I have a calendar, a diary & a weekly magnetic planner. I keep a notebook.

Hitherto I would always be busy, working through my prioritised "To Do" list. I would rarely "waste" time. Every day would be packed from breakfast until after supper.

Now the 71 year old me seems to have morphed into someone else. I still have all the above, but I don't seem to have the energy or the inclination to get things done. So things can stay on my list for a very long time if I don't feel motivated to do something. The younger me wanted everything done yesterday.

For example, I have been meaning to tidy up the plants & plant some bulbs in my courtyard for weeks. I didn't want to do it. I know that bending & using hand tools causes me problems. I also know in my logical brain that I can pace myself & stop. However it wasn't getting done. The only reason it is now done is that my daughter took me to the garden centre this morning & I actually bought the bulbs. I'm really pleased that I will have Spring bulbs to enjoy. It was a job worth doing. I would have been irritated with myself if I hadn't done it.

So, what's the problem? Why do I do all sorts of displacement activities rather than getting things done that need to be done? I don't know. Some things just don't seem to be as important as they once were. It isn't just avoidance of pain, although that is part of it. I simply don't feel that I have to "do" in order to be a worthwhile person.

I am content to "be" a lot of the time. I'm more & more reflective & I research more because I want to know stuff. The computer is to blame for a lot of my time disappearing without obvious outcomes.

Time to think is really important & all too often modern life just doesn't allow us to do that. We are always busy. We don't listen enough, see or feel properly. People pay fortunes to briefly go on Retreat, to detox in Spa's. We frantically move from one thing to another & don't really live our lives in a healthy way.

Maybe it's one of the few benefits of ageing. You finally realise what is really important to you.

Yemen - Famine & War - UK Arms Trade Responsible

I'm old enough to have seen the extent of man's inhumanity to women & children as well as man. War is despicable and an admission of a failure to use our God given ability to communicate, think & be rational. War is failure on an epic scale. No one really wins & millions are killed, maimed & caused unimaginable suffering.

At the moment I am so angry I really can't put it into words. If you don't know what I'm talking about watch Channel 4's documentary, aired last night about Yemen - "Yemen’s forgotten war" @krishgm and @unreportedworld witness the horror of hunger. https://youtu.be/sIJppFpRbsc 
www.oxfam.org.uk/what-we-do/emergency-response/yemen-crisis?cid=psc_FB_Yemen&dclid=CMifiLrguc8CFQuJ7Qodwx4DJQ

 I cried throughout this programme with pity for the people, especially babies & toddlers. But also in frustration at the part the UK is playing in this. We are now the second biggest arms dealers in the world. We are fuelling the conflicts in the middle East & elsewhere & our companies are making billions from other people's suffering.

I am ashamed.

We are selling bombs & planes to Saudi Arabia & they are bombing the infrastructure for importing more than 90% of the food which Yemen depends on. Babies are dying slowly of malnutrition & people are starving. Medical treatment is virtually non existant & people have no money for medicine.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/britain-is-now-the-second-biggest-arms-dealer-in-the-world-a7225351.html 
https://www.caat.org.uk/get-involved/act-now/lobby/91

I have sent a letter to my MP, I have signed a petition, I have sent money, I have shared on Facebook - Big Deal! I know it it isn't enough, but I don't know what else to do. It is so frustrating.

There must be effective ways to stop all this madness in the world today - but what? Politicians are obviously not the answer. People do have power if they act together in sufficient numbers. But how do you achieve that?

Roaming Round Rome.

Just got back - 4 full, packed, days bookended by 2 days travelling. Spirit willing, but flesh weak.

Air travel has lost it's allure - it's just boring - interminable queues & delays - & tiring, although you aren't really doing much. Land travel isn't much better, but more of that later.

Nice hotel apart from the first night when I slept in a room which reverberated with the air con machinery. "Sleeping" with a pillow over your head on a hot night isn't enjoyable. Once I'd persuaded them to move me it was fine, although I'm mystified as to why an Italian hotel couldn't produce a decent cup of coffee with the excellent buffet breakfast.

Fortunately we had booked tickets for all the important sites beforehand, so we skipped the queues in theory. In practice you still have to queue for ages for security, which is full airport type scanning. Rome is definitely the busiest city I have visited apart from possibly Istanbul. Everyone wants to see the Pope, (although he is so far away you can't see much), (tick), the Vatican (tick), the Sistine Chapel (tick), & St Peters (tick). The Vatican Museum is possibly the busiest, worst signed & most difficult to navigate tourist destination I have ever visited.

Hop on Hop off buses take you round the whole city. Our company was supposed to have buses every 10 - 15 minutes - They lied. They only had 4 buses & one of those was broken down. The others weren't far off  the scrap yard either. Standing in a queue, in the blazing sun, for well over half an hour isn't my idea of fun.

We did all the main things - Trevi Fountain - big / Spanish Steps - closed for some event / Piazza Navona - nice / Borghese Museum - long walk through lovely park / Colosseum, Roman Forum, Palatine, Circus Maximus - not as impressive as other ancient sites I have seen in other countries, many now sadly bombed / Trastavere district - interesting / Via Appia Antica + Catacombes of San Sebastian + tomb of Cecilia Metella - lovely rural escape from the city.

Coming home I got a cross country train from Birmingham airport to Oxford. It was packed when it arrived with people standing in all the carriages & lobby areas. It was a very short train from Manchester to Bournemouth. Surely the train companies know how many tickets they have sold & how many people are likely to travel on given days at given times? I would have had to stand all the way except that a very kind woman gave me her seat at Banbury. I spoke to one woman, a similar age to me, who had stood all the way from Scotland! I think this is appalling. I buy a ticket expecting to have a seat. It should be part of the contract. I don't have to stand on a plane.

Glad to be home, even if it isn't exciting. There's a lot to be said for places & people you know, boring routine & UK TV.

Travel

Travel - To go, move, journey from one place to another.

I've lost count of all the places I've travelled to in my life, both in the UK & the World. I've had wonderful experiences & met wonderful people. I've also had dreadful experiences & met dreadful people. I have been very priveleged to have the money to travel for enjoyment & have learned a great deal about different cultures & places.

Now I'm in my 70's I'm beginning to question whether I want to keep travelling. All that research & preparation beforehand, which I used to really enjoy, seems more onerous & takes a lot of time. I've always wanted to know a lot about places I'm going to so I see the important things. Now I'm beginning to think that I ought to just go & see what happens, who I meet.

Conversely I now wonder whether travelling, especially going on holiday, which is different, is a sustainable & justifiable thing. It's another "issue" that is full of grey areas. We need to know about other people, their beliefs & the way they live. In travelling to do that we are using finite resources, polluting the world & giving large amounts of money to multinational corporations, but very little to the local people who are often less well off than we are.

We are a culture who takes holidays as a right. Many people don't really think about the impact, often very adverse, they have on the places they go to - think about the Southern coast of Spain for example.

One of the less desirable aspects of our ability to travel is people who literally tick off a list of the places they have been, much like Birders do with different species. Then there is the tendency to brag about where they have been & what they have seen. I've done it too - so I can't take the moral high ground.

I've got two holidays in the pipeline - Rome & The Hebrides. The latter because I love the sea & landscapes. I also feel it's important to support our UK economy & see my own heritage. Rome because of the art & architecture.

It would be very easy not to travel any more. The thing that concerns me about doing that is I would get more stuck in the rut of comfortable routine - people & places that I know. I do think you have to deliberately remove yourself from your own comfort zone or you vegitate rather than stimulate. You deny yourself new experiences.

Just not sure I've got the energy anymore.

Truth - Honesty.

Truth - Genuine, actual, factual. Proven or verified.
Honesty - Sincerity, fairness.

How far is truth & honesty subjective?

I think I am, by an large, an honest & truthful person. That isn't to say that I have never & will never lie. There are times when I make a concious decision not to tell someone something because I feel that by doing so I will needlessly hurt them in some way. I can freely admit that I have actually lied on occasion for similar reasons. My first precept is "Do no unnecessary harm".

The motivation not to "tell the truth & the whole truth" can be love or caring for someone & wishing to protect them. I'm certainly guilty of that & would do it again if necessary without shame. Whether it's the right choice is debatable, because people don't like to feel that a relationship is based on falseness.

I think you can argue this from both sides. People have a right to know the truth & their nearest & dearest don't really have the right to keep that truth from them, because no one can know the ultimate consequences of that action or inaction. Saying nothing can be just as bad. Sins of comission & omission.

People often portray themselves as "being blunt", "calling a spade a spade (or shovel)", "speaking truth to power" as though it is a quality to be admired. We do need whistleblowers with the courage to speak up. We need people to stand up to injustice regardless of the harm it may do them or their families. The weak need the strong.

I'm just feeling conflicted because there are so many shades of grey in life. Deciding on the right course of action isn't necessarily simple anymore. So often the consequences are completely unpredictable. You don't want to destroy a relationship, but you do want to do your best for the person involved.

In the end I think you just have to go with your gut instinct & hope that it is reliable, honest & true.

Concrete & Oxford Open Doors

Oxford is an interesting place to live. There is a huge amount going on to suit every interest - the arts & architecture, music, academic courses, world class museums etc etc. I was able to visit two wonderful modern buildings this morning as part of the Open Doors annual event.

The Investcorp Building at St Anthony's College designed by Zaha Hadid
http://www.zaha-hadid.com/architecture/middle-east-centre-st-antonys-college/




& the Blavatnik School of Government designed by Herzog & de Meuron https://www.architecture.com/Awards/Awards2016/RegionalAwards/South/BlavatnikSchoolofGovernment.aspx




This is somehow a very British event all over the UK.  Buildings which are not normally open to the public allow you to wander about & often make huge efforts to put on talks & give interesting information. Who, for example, knew that there is a Concrete Centre which produces "Concrete Quarterly"?

I've always thought that concrete was a really bad building material from an environmental point of view. I've certainly been to places in China & the Middle East for example, which have been completely blighted by cement works.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environmental_impact_of_concrete
However, according to the Concrete centre, it would appear that things have changed quite a lot.
https://www.concretecentre.com/Performance-Sustainability-(1).aspx

Concrete can certainly be a beautiful building material as both these buildings show. What I find uplifting is that fusty Oxford colleges are brave enough to build iconic, thoroughly modern buildings using modern materials, juxtaposed with the old Oxford stone college buildings.

House building companies please take note & stop building dreadful boxes which are a pastiche of old building styles without any of the original building's charm.