All in the Mind

I have always been very task orientated. I am organised. I have prioritised lists. I have a calendar, a diary & a weekly magnetic planner. I keep a notebook.

Hitherto I would always be busy, working through my prioritised "To Do" list. I would rarely "waste" time. Every day would be packed from breakfast until after supper.

Now the 71 year old me seems to have morphed into someone else. I still have all the above, but I don't seem to have the energy or the inclination to get things done. So things can stay on my list for a very long time if I don't feel motivated to do something. The younger me wanted everything done yesterday.

For example, I have been meaning to tidy up the plants & plant some bulbs in my courtyard for weeks. I didn't want to do it. I know that bending & using hand tools causes me problems. I also know in my logical brain that I can pace myself & stop. However it wasn't getting done. The only reason it is now done is that my daughter took me to the garden centre this morning & I actually bought the bulbs. I'm really pleased that I will have Spring bulbs to enjoy. It was a job worth doing. I would have been irritated with myself if I hadn't done it.

So, what's the problem? Why do I do all sorts of displacement activities rather than getting things done that need to be done? I don't know. Some things just don't seem to be as important as they once were. It isn't just avoidance of pain, although that is part of it. I simply don't feel that I have to "do" in order to be a worthwhile person.

I am content to "be" a lot of the time. I'm more & more reflective & I research more because I want to know stuff. The computer is to blame for a lot of my time disappearing without obvious outcomes.

Time to think is really important & all too often modern life just doesn't allow us to do that. We are always busy. We don't listen enough, see or feel properly. People pay fortunes to briefly go on Retreat, to detox in Spa's. We frantically move from one thing to another & don't really live our lives in a healthy way.

Maybe it's one of the few benefits of ageing. You finally realise what is really important to you.