New Year - Forget resolutions - Do something.

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,

The flying cloud, the frosty light

The year is dying in the night;

Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,

For those that here we see no more,

Ring out the feud of rich and poor,

Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,

And ancient forms of party strife;

Ring in the nobler modes of life,

With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,

The faithless coldness of the times;

Ring out, ring out thy mournful rhymes,

But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,

The civic slander and the spite;

Ring in the love of truth and right,

Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,

Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;

Ring out the thousand wars of old,

Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,

The larger heart the kindlier hand;

Ring out the darkness of the land,

Ring in the Christ that is to be.

 

Couldn't have put it better myself. Thank you to Tennyson.

A peaceful New Year to all my friends & readers.

Christmas in Malta - Poinsettia Heaven.

I think I have overdosed on Poinsettias! They must grow them in Malta & they were arranged in serried ranks in our very nice hotel & every church & most shops too. I had no idea that they have traditional relgious associations. Red - Blood - Obvious really, except that Christmas is the birth not the death. It all started in 16th C Mexico apparently. I don't think I'll be able to have one in my house ever again now!

The Maltese are big on Crib scenes too & have ginormous ones in churches, shops & seemingly almost every household's window. Actually it was quite nice to be in a country which takes the real meaning of Christmas seriously. Children dressed as angels and shepherds processed a crib with a baby Jesus through the streets round our hotel on Christmas Eve. It was lovely, but I can't see it happening in the UK really.

The sun shone every day but one. There is an impressive back story of history & pre-history going back to 3,500 - 5,000 BC. The buildings are beautiful. Many are in dire need of restoration - I was tempted, but installing a new kitchen in the UK has put me off somewhat!

The bus & ferry service is amazing and extremely cheap. You can get anywhere including the outer islands. What's not to like about that? We have a lot to learn about an integrated transport policy - Oh yes, but we haven't got one have we?

Our hotel was great. Seafront room with balcony & glorious views over the harbour to Valletta. The similarity to Venice was striking. They drive on the right & speak English, which is just as well because I just couldn't get the hang of Malti.

Possibly one of the best non Christmases I've ever had.

Fashion & City Life.

Because Oxford has such a diverse & shifting population - Town & Gown + Tourists & Students, it's possibly more than usually interesting from the sartorial perspective. It's also very stratified in terms of income, reflected in where exactly you live. There are some extremely wealthy people, particularly in North Oxford. On the other hand some areas are really quite deprived. It's also very cosmopolitan with a very ethnically mixed population.

One tries not to gawp, but you can see everything from bag ladies to very expensively turned out mothers of children who attend one or other of the independent schools. It's a reflection of the UK now - the "haves" have so much they can buy anything, the "have not's" struggle to make ends meet. In the middle are people like me.

There is a "bag lady" I see in Summertown, who apparently phones for a taxi when she has had her coffee & a fag in one of the pavement cafes. I have never seen her in any different clothes at any time of year. There are students who climb up to the top deck of the bus in skirts so short they leave nothing to the imagination. (Fortunately now it's winter they wear tights). It is weird when exams are on to see the university students flocking round town in their white bow ties & black gowns just like crows.

The tourists tend to wear gore tex & walking gear, except perhaps the ones staying in the Randolph or the Old Jail. They tend to be very smartly turned out & the women are beautifully made up. "Old money" and older academics really don't give a damn what they wear.

In the summer ball season the university students really go to town - literally. There is a hire shop on the Plain for those who can't afford to buy. Also in Summertown we have very posh charity shops which always have very special evening clothes for a fraction of the cost.

The myriad cyclists are a tribe of their own. They wear everything from cool & trendy lycra to "normal" clothes with high viz jackets. Everyone wears a helmet, but not everyone has lights on their bike, which strikes me as rather irrational. Being quite flat Oxford is best navigated on foot or by bike, so there are thousands of them.

It's often the shoes that identify which tribe you belong to. Trainers & basketball boots for the students. High heels for the fashionistas, (shiny polished brogues for the men), Walking boots & sensible shoes for the tourists.

 
I really think you could walk round the centre of Oxford wearing anything at all & not excite any attention. I am tempted, but haven't yet done it.

"We wish you a Merry" & "The Lost Sheep"

Readers will know I am not religious in the sense of believing in Christianity or any of the other Abrahamic religions. It will also be fairly obvious that I don't enjoy Christmas & would happily ignore it altogether. If it were a time of real reflection & thinking of others, rather than a commercialised bun fight, I might be persuaded to participate.

This year I will escape, I hope - to Malta for the whole Christmas week. No tinsel, no over indulgence, no unwanted presents. no sitting to the point of crying out for some real exercise & fresh air. So often Christmas is so steeped in family tradition no one thinks about what it's all for. We just don't want to upset someone else by selfishly breaking out & doing our own thing.

Well just for one year I am going to. I think I've earned the right to be selfish.

I wish everyone who enjoys it a very Happy Chrismas. I just think that many of us in the developed world are  "Lost Sheep".  We need to be brought back into the sustainable fold of community, sharing, equality, human dignity - where "each is given according to his needs". While we are gorging on an overdose of food, drink & "stuff" people are homeless, or ill, or alone & lonely.

Millions of people, including me, assuage their conscience by giving to charity. It is debatable how effective at tackling the underlying problems aid is. Tomes have been written on the subject. But if we have any spirit of human kindness we can't "walk by on the other side" in the face of a disaster. Help is needed quickly in order to save lives & provide food and shelter.

The spirit of giving & generosity is not dead. Sometimes it's just buried under self interest. We need the political will of the populus & the politicians to really identify the problems & come together to provide the solutions.

I hope it happens in my lifetime, but time is running out & I'm not optimistic.

Grey Days & Pools of Sunshine

Having lived in very rural areas for 24 years, living in a city is very different. I do miss the open vistas of sky & countryside & the feeling that you are part of the seasons. You can see the weather coming - good or bad.

Yesterday morning I was walking to the swimming pool & as I turned the corner onto the main street in Summertown I was greeted by a lovely sight. One side of the main road is planted with Ginko trees. There must have been a frost on Monday night & they had all simultaneously shed most of their leaves, which were a beautiful golden yellow. So the base of each tree was a pool of bright sunshine. It was a lovely sight, and very unusual. I don't remember seeing it last year. It cheered me up immensely.

All my walking now is on pavements, which I find much less comfortable than country footpaths. It seems harder on the feet & legs. Maybe it's just that there isn't the distraction of a view. There is also the fact that the pavements in Oxford often have a camber to one side so you seem to walk on a sideways slope, which is tiring. They also undulate because the curbs are removed so people can park their cars in their drive. All of this makes walking wearing for me. It must be much worse for people with walkers, pushchairs or those electric vehicles though.

I don't suppose there is an answer, and there are compensations to living in a city.

Gym - More fun less Torture

Who would have thought it. I actually came close to enjoying my 4th session today. I plugged myself into my MP3 player. Dire Straits definitely helped with the walking & cycling. The Buena Vista Social Club made even the cross trainer seem more achievable.

It is really interesting. When I'm listening to music I'm not slavishly looking at the display figures. I'm definitely not noting every second & wishing it would stop. I adjust the speed & level of what I'm doing according to how my body feels. I did actually go further, faster & at a higher level.

All that after just a week. I'll be bionic by the end of 12 weeks if I keep up my 3 Gym sessions & 4 swims each week. Maybe.

Language - Use & Misuse.

My Dad came from Chesterfield in Derbyshire & he loved faggots. I thought he was very queer in his tastes. A completely innocuous sentence - or not?

I passed a group of young men today. I think what I heard was banter, but maybe not. One of them called another "a bloody faggot" or something similar. It made me think about all the words I know for LGBT people - There are a lot more words than I realised - see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_LGBT_slang_terms  It's also surprising how many more terms there are for male homosexuals than lesbian women. I would say that these are, by an large, derogatory & judgemental terms, which show how mindlessly we use language.

When we call people names, for whatever reason, we are using language to hurt, to undermine confidence, to make people more vulnerable & to ridicule them, often in public. It is verbal abuse which can have a devastating effect on the victim. If you are confident you can ride above it or respond. Many of us are not that confident, especially if facing a bully or a gang bent on intimidation.

Verbal abuse is a sign of ignorance & intolerance. Oddly it is also a sign of insecurity & immaturity. Most bullies will back off, fade into the background, if we have the courage to stand up to them. But nowadays there's a real risk of escalating the situation into violence. How are we to know if the bully has a knife or is prepared to inflict bodily harm?

It's a real & ever present problem for some people. The only way of really tackling it is through our young people themselves. It is firstly the responsibility of parents & secondly the education system.
The lessons of tolerance of diversity & difference have to be taught. Young people need good role models in their parents and teachers.

If we allow verbal abuse on our streets unchallenged, we are only a small step away from open physical violence.

A Financial Services Web

I now know why I had a poor Experian credit rating. I now know how much I owe Wren, how I am supposed to pay the money & what my Agreement reference Number is to enable me to hopefully be able to get information on the Barclays Partner Finance  / Clydesdale Financial Services website. I know this because I sent an email to the B / C website asking for information - Not because Wren had done anything about informing me. Obviously I should have received documentation about all of this a long time ago. Instead I found out that I was technically in debt for a large sum of money when I applied for a credit card. What would have happened if I hadn't done that?

I was still waiting for Wren to respond to my communications & negotiate a compensation sum for the 7+ months of my kitchen installation. How naive. I have now had the documentation in order to sign off on the project from the new Wren manager in Oxford. I should have had it months ago. No surprise there then.

What I didn't know is that I am in debt to Barclays / Clydesdale. This, as I understand it, is because Wren borrow the money from them for their sales & I pay their debt back to B / C. This means that B / C do not have any responsibility for complaints. It also means I have no choice but to pay the total amount even if I dispute it because of my compensation issue with Wren. So I have no leverage. To be fair B / C have now formally notified Wren that there is a complaint. This means Wren have to respond to me within 40 working days. Over 6 months - I wonder if that's enough time! If they don't I can go to the Ombudsman. Great!

I would have thought that a responsible company, who valued their reputation & good customer service, wouldn't dream of waiting that long. I would expect that they would be keen to negotiate & resolve the matter.So far there is a deafening silence from Wren. There are other routes I can take, but I would rather have my life back & get this sorted & finished with.

This financial set up feels dodgy to me. I think there are questions about it on the web, so I'm not alone. It doesn't seem to be in the customers interest at all.

Gym - Instruments of Torture

I have been referred to my local Leisure Centre Gym. Oxfordshire have a great 12 week programme for people who need to use a gym for medical reasons. This involves 2 assessment sessions & me turning up for 45 minutes 2 -3 times a week. Not just turning up - actually working out for 45 minutes. On machines.

Couldn't imagine anything more boring!

So far I can do the walking machine - much faster than my normal pace in case you, like me, couldn't see the point. (20 mins) I can also do the cycling machine, much to my surprise. The seat position leans backwards & I don't have to bend forward for the handlebars, so don't get backache. So far, so achievable. However the legs is another matter. But I did 15 minutes. The real killer is the cross trainer. In the first instance my arms & legs were all over the place. And I always seemed to be going backwards. However, determination won in the end & it now knows I want to go forwards. But I can only do 5 minutes & then I'm completely jelly like. It's a real instrument of torture for me. Not my thing at all.

And this is all supposed to be doing me good. I will strengthen my muscles & be heaps fitter according to my GP & that will help with the pain. May even lose weight.

It's not that I don't believe him. I'm sure he knows what he's subjecting me to. I'm just struggling with the concept of torture being beneficial. I'll take my MP3 next time & see if music helps.

My Wren Living kitchen - a Cautionary Tale.

Wren Kitchen Timeline

Acc No – 4448221 Ord Ref – S529613/13 Ord No - 20161487

16.12. 2013 – 1^st design meeting Wren Oxford – (Dan Melville).

28.12. 2013 - 2nd design meeting (D.M) – Order & deposit.

4.1. 2014 – Fitter (Woody) Preliminary survey.

18. 2. 2014 – Full survey (Woody)

5-6. 3. 2014 – Old kitchen removed by my fitter. Kitchen empty for new kitchen delivery.

7.3. 2014 – New kitchen delivered & stacked using most of the whole of the ground floor

– Barely enough room for all boxes. Simply impossible to check for damage. No

one from Wren to supervise. No worktops.

• Lead Time – 10 weeks! Why?

• Do Wren not have enough capacity to manufacture their product & meet orders in a timely fashion?
• Or enough good fitters to do the work?
• Are their links with other manufacturers not good enough – eg worktops, splashbacks, appliances, sinks & taps, handles?
• Are their project management & oversight procedures lacking?

10.3. 2014 – Supposed to be first day of fitting – cancelled at the last minute.

10 weeks after signing contract.

11^th – 14^th 3. 2014 – Fitting – Woody & Ben – a lot of time lost – absence from site.

17.3. 2014 – Site visit (Morgan Phillips, showroom manager) - requested by me because

of overrun. (5 - 7 days for installation quoted)

19.3. 2014 – Woody leaves site, take tools, appliances not fitted. My electrician had to do

a lot more work than expected at the last minute.

21.3. 2014 – Conference call, (unexpected) from Gavin Challinor (area manager, Morgan

Phillips, & an unnamed woman).

26.3. 2014 – Site visit (Dave Fyfe, installation manager) – organised as result of

conference call.

7.4. 2014 – Measuring for quartz worktops because edging of original “Galaxy Dove” didn't

go with cupboards. (Very disappointed - £2,250 extra cost).

23.4. 2014 – Fitting of worktops cancelled, not ready.

24.4. 2014 – Quartz fitters arrive. Upstands too high, have to go back.

9.5. 2014 – Upstands fitted after being chased by me..

12.5. 2014 – Woody measures for glass splash backs.

16.5. 2014 – Glass company say they can't match the standard Dulux wall colour I chose. I

sent a sample of paint.

26 5 2014 – 11+ Weeks since fitting due to start. Estimated time for fitting 5-7 Days. Why?

30.5. 2014 – Glass splashbacks delivered. Woody to do final fitting. 5 months since

signing the contract.

• Does Wren have the structure in place to ensure a seamless process from order to completion?
• How is this process monitored?
• What is the chain of command to ensure that customers are not kept waiting unnecessarily, bearing in mind that the kitchen is the hub of a home & in daily use.
• Does the customer have sufficient information to know what their role is & what is covered by the contract? - In my case not until after there had been problems & delays.

Total time since order 27 weeks.

30.6. 2014 – Waiting for final sealing of glass splashbacks, replacement of tap, cover for

a socket & adjustments to doors not closing properly. 16 weeks / 4 mths

since start of fitting.

4.7.2014 – Site visit by Area Manager Gavin Challinor. Apologised for everything that has

happened. Admitted it shouldn't have. Said a new department had been set up

to negotiate compensation for the many complaints there have been. Mine is

one of the worst. Someone will contact me.

8.7.2014 – Woody should have come at 5pm but didn't. ( A lot of the fitting has taken place

at really inconvenient times & late into the evening as I had to slot into the many

other jobs Woody & Ben were working on. Some Wren some private).

9.7.2014 – Woody came at 5pm & finished the fitting. 17 weeks since start date.

30.7.2014 – E mailed Area Manager G.C, Installation Manager D.F, & M.D A.S about

payment & compensation.

28.8.2014 – No response to above email so Emailed final, formal, notification to G.C, D.F,

& A.S that I would not continue to chase this. They should contact me to sort

this out.

12.11.2014 – Application for M&S credit card refused because of bad Experian rating due

to large outstanding unpaid debt! Horrified! Could only be Wren Kitchen.

Contacted Oxford Wren Living & asked for new store manager Stephen Hinitt.

(Previous one demoted & left). Discovered I should have had 2 documents to

sign off on the installation.

12.11.2014 Emailed G.C, D.F, A.S, & S.H about the above problem. Given a new important

sounding email address by S.H starting “directorsoffice....”

Forwarded the most recent string of emails to “directorsoffice...” No response

so far. AGAIN! Is there anybody there running this company I ask myself?

To sum up, in my experience:-

• High turnover of personnel so no continuity of project management
• Complete lack of efficient & competent oversight of project. There should be 1 person who liaises & has oversight of each job, communicating with the client at every stage & at regular intervals..
• Appalling lack of communication between Wren & client, & between Wren employees & outside contractors & appliance providers.
• Lack of relevant documentation & information given to client.
• No response to concerns, problems & complaints.

Quotes from Brochure.

“Cutting edge design, great quality & exceptional customer service should be for everyone, not just the rich and famous” - Armando Sanchez - MD Wren Living.

1. “I'm proud to be part of a company that puts the customer first....” - Armando Sanchez

“Turning your ideas into your dream room should be lots of fun & with Wren Living it will be”.

“our aim is simple..... (to) give you, our customer, the best possible experience.”

I wonder how Wren Living think my experience measures up to these stated aims & mission statements?

Update
 

16.11.14 – Sent 2 signed forms - “Satisfaction Docs” !

17.11.14 – Letters & copies of time line sent to Wren Directors – A Sanchez & M Pullman.

Formally informed them we are in dispute. Also mentioned Experian credit

rating. Gave 7 working days for them to respond & negotiate.

18. 11.14 – Contacted Barclays Clydesdale via their website. The contract number,

(06799478), Steve Hinitt gave me for payment of the 1yr interest free credit is

not the right number so I can't get any information about the contract. I have

never been given any documentation at all.

19.11.14 – 1)Ben Phillips contacted me from Barclays re my email. I should have been

given documentation about the agreement, (No – 9600360106057496). It went

live in May & ends on 28^th May 2015. I owe £17,770. £8,885.00 to date &

£1,480.83 every month for a further 6 months. I did not know any of this. He will

refer to C Relations customerrelations@barclays-loans.com

I paid off the lump sum & set up the St Ord from Santander. Barclays Acc No -

70185604. S Code – 20 19 90.

2) Matthew Davis, C Relations, contacted me re above. 08001522888 ext

22408. Will raise a formal complaint with Wren.

3)Ludovic ? Contacted me. Wren have to respond to me within 40 working

days. If the matter isn't settled I can go to the Financial Ombudsman,

T Standards etc.

Naming and shaming is all very well. Hopefully prospective clients will learn from my experience. I also hope the company puts their management structure right. But it doesn't solve my problem.

New Kitchen - the Final Straw

I applied for a M&S credit card last week. I heard a couple of days ago they were refusing me because of my poor Experian Credit Rating! Shock. Horror. Being a woman of independent means I simply couldn't understand what the problem could be. There have never been any issues before. When I contacted M&S they looked into it & said it's because I have a very big outstanding debt. We finally came to the conclusion it must be something to do with my Wren Living kitchen.

I must digress & remind you, dear reader, that all did not go smoothly with this kitchen installation. (See the "My Wren Kitchen" link). The kitchen was finally finished after 27 weeks 3 days. I was never given a Certificate of Completion or a Quality of Work Survey so I never signed off on it. I also didn't have any paperwork relating to any direct debit arrangements for payment. Furthermore, according to the Area Manager (G.C) who came to discuss the job with me on site, my kitchen was supposed to be being referred to the new department set up to deal with complaints & negotiate a compensation settlement. (I gathered that there were a lot of complaints, but none quite as bad as mine). So as far as I was concerned I didn't know how much I actually owed them.

Having heard nothing I sent an email to the CEO (A.S), the Area Manager (G.C), & the Installation Manager (D.F), on the 30th July. (The Oxford shop manager at the time of my order & installation had been demoted & left so I didn't include him). I reminded them that I was expecting to hear from them. Nothing, zilch, nada, rien, absolute resounding quiet.

So then, on advice, I sent them another email at the end of August pointing out that I had heard nothing & was not prepared to keep chasing them for proper closure of the contract & payment. Since then complete & utter silence.

When I was refused a credit card I rang the Oxford Wren Living store. I discovered that both the Area Manager & the Installation Manager no longer worked for Wren. (I don't know when they left, but they don't seem to have been replaced). What a surprise. If it was me I would have abandoned the sinking ship too.

To add insult to injury it seems possible that I may be being charged interest on the non payment too!

I was told to send details of all this to a special email address, starting with the official sounding "directors office......." Still no response, nothing, zilch, nada, rien, deathly hush. If it weren't so serious it would be laughable. I really am at a loss what to do next. But I am sending this link to the "directors office...." Someone must be alive there.

A Good Death

I have just heard about Death Cafe's - http://deathcafe.com/ & the Kicking the Bucket Festival - http://www.kickingthebucket.co.uk/index.htm . Brilliant! Bring Death out into the open, into the mainstream, into the light of day. Let's get rid of the taboos & talk about the issues openly. Don't let Death skulk in the shadows of our fears, at the back of our minds where s/he can do immense damage.

At some level we all know we are dying. Some are terrified, some lucky people are accepting, some refuse to contemplate the inevitable at all. In the end we all have to face it. Better to do that before our final breath & have a "Good Death" rather than a painful or frightened ending, with lose ends remaining for our family & friends to try to deal with.

The people who are facing the ending of their lives need to be able to make decisions about what they want. They need to be able to communicate those decisions to the people who will have to carry them out. If we have consciously chosen what we want & don't want some of the fear recedes into the background. If we have discussed the issue & shared our thoughts with those closest to us we have helped them immesurably. They will know our wishes at a time when they are, hopefully, mourning our loss.

Death has no thrall if we have faced it toe to toe. The only thing to be afraid of is how we die. No one wants to be in pain & alone as they drift into the unknown.

"Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new". Steve Jobbs.

"There's something about death that is comforting. The thought that you could die tomorrow frees you to appreciate your life now" - Angelina Jolie

Old Friends are like old socks.

When you suddenly become widowed or single you don't really know what your place is in the world. Do people like you or did they like your partner & put up with you? Did you only put up with them because they were your partners friends? Gradually over time you learn who your friends are & establish a different dynamic.

I am very lucky to have really good friends. Some are couples & I really like both of them, one or two are singletons like me. Some are friends I've had for more years than I can remember, some are newer friends I have made since I was widowed. They are all very different people, but all are valued & even loved. My life would be poorer without them

The socks analogy comes about because with some really special people the friendship is just so easy & symbiotic. Even after a period of absence the friendship renews immediately. We all benefit from it I hope. It's as comforting & warm as an old pair of bedsocks. We all enjoy each others company & would be "there" for each other should the need arise.

I'm really sad when I think of the huge number of people who are lonely, isolated in their homes, with no one who really cares. I think you have to get into the habit of being outward & forward looking. The trick is to try to leave the past behind & welcome the present & those who inhabit it.

It sounds so easy, but for some it's too big a mountain to climb & they just haven't got the confidence or the energy. Perhaps we all need to help them more. The question is how.

(My apologies to all my friends for comparing them to old socks!)

Losing your grip

I suspect I'm not alone in being frustrated, irritated & thoroughly annoyed when I can't open things. I have a  tin of Kiwi shoe polish which is beyond my capabilities. It has also defeated a round sheet rubber opener, a really meaningful metal, gripping opener & a screwdriver. All because the little twist lever doesn't go under the lid & push it open.

I admit that my hands aren't very strong having been injured by several bad falls. However it shouldn't be beyond the wit of wo/man to design a simple opening mechanism. Then there is the opening of jam & Mayo jars for example. Also some film covered plastic containers & tetra packs.

Why don't manufacturers understand that we purchase their goods because we want to use or eat the contents? Why make life so difficult? I don't want to have to attack packaging. Some manufacturers have done something about this - Hooray for them. I want easy access & a life with as little irritation as possible.

Is it so much to ask?

Sods Law & Smoke Alarms.

Why do smoke alarms always start beeping in the middle of the night?
Why do they have to have a battery and be connected to the mains?
Why are they a b..... to dismantle & put a new battery in?

So far in 14 months I have had to change the batteries in all 4 smoke alarms on the first & second floors. One I had to get my electrician in to do because it was so high up & difficult to reach, even with a long ladder. What cretin decided that was a good place for an alarm? (There was a reachable & safer alternative). Another he did because I couldn't slide it apart. They all need me to climb a step ladder to get to them. So I totter, literally, and hope I don't fall off over the bannisters.

Last night I woke to the beeping at about 1.30 & tried to ignore it. It isn't possible. So I collected the step ladder & a screwdriver & struggled, on the top floor, to get the cover off. It had obviously been a problem before because the cover was cracked.

So, my question is - can't someone design a smoke alarm that an elderly person who doesn't have the strength of thousands can dismantle quickly and easily? You shouldn't have to pay an electrician to do what should be a simple job. You also shouldn't have to risk life & limb in order to be safe from a fire & go back to sleep.

My guess is that a lot of smoke alarms don't function because elderly & disabled people simply can't maintain them. You can't call an electrician out in the middle of the night.The temptation is to force the cover off & take the battery out & not put it back.

In the light of day the events of the night have faded. I had a mug of tea and went back to sleep having put two alarms in a room so if they beeped I wouldn't hear them. (I wasn't sure which one was beeping). But I know I was unsafe & at risk.

It shouldn't be beyond the wit of man to design a safe alternative.

Lock On Lock Off

http://maximizeyourmindset.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/lock-on-lock-off-lolo.html

This webpage shows an image which can be seen in two ways. Either a young woman in a fur coat or an old hag with a white hat. It all depends how you look at it. The brain can only focus on one thing at a time, so we need to be careful what we focus on. Do we dwell on all the things that go wrong, or do we count our blessings?

Life is like that. Sometimes it seems as if we are trapped in a constant series of problems to solve. If we let them depress us it almost seems to become a self fulfilling prophecy. There are always  different ways of looking at things though. What might seem a setback can often open new pathways which we hadn't thought of. The trick is to try to see the positive & be open to different ways of doing things.

I'm not for one minute saying this is easy when life deals you a dreadful blow. I think what I'm saying is that it is what it is, so accept it and move on. I'm not advocating being a fatalist. I only accept things I know I can't change. That doesn't mean I stop trying to influence change if I think I can. It's a delicate balance & it isn't easy. I can't make someone else think or do as I do, but I can try to influence them if I have the energy or think I'm right & might succeed.

As I get older though I'm no longer trying to change the world, right wrongs & reform things as I did. I realise my own limitations and the amount of time & effort I have available to me. Sometimes though you do have to stand up and be counted or else you are complicit in a wrong. Turning the other cheek isn't the answer.

If we could all only lock on to right thought & right action we would be a power to be reckoned with. But sadly human beings just aren't like that.

A few days in Paris

I spent 4 days in Paris with my daughter last week. I hadn't been there since I was in my 20s & took a coach load of Primary children on a school trip. We had a wonderful, if exhausting, time. I'm really lucky that my daughter & I enjoy doing the same things.

We overdosed on art galleries - everything from the Musee du Moyen Age / Cluny with its wonderful tapestries, "La Dame a la Licorne", housed in a 16th C Renaissance mansion, to the Impressionists. The Orangerie, built to protect the Tuileries orange trees, houses eight of Monet's stunning giant waterlily paintings. The Pompidou Centre has the largest collection of modern art in Europe in a stunning modern building. The views as you ascend the escalators on the outside of the building are wonderful, as are the views form the restaurant on the top. However the price of a cup of watery tea is outrageous & the service by the sleek & sophisticated waiters leaves a lot to be desired. The Musee d'Orsay has a wonderful collection of Impressionists & Post Impressionists in what was a railway station.The restaurant here also had good views, which were very original from behind the huge clock faces of the station.

We also did the tourist thing visiting the Notre Dame on the Ile de la Cite & the Sacre Coeur in Montmartre with it's wonderful views over Paris. We took the easy route ascending via the funicular. Then we came down via the place de L'Abbesses which has an Art Nouveau metro station & some interesting little shops on the way back to the Gare du Nord.

Paris is a wonderful city. I saw none of the supposed aloofness of the Parisians. They were unfailingly helpful and pleasant, especially those in our lovely hotel Lindbergh Saint Germain des Pres. The shops remind me what we have lost. Lots of small independant, interesting shops. We didn't go shopping in the big stores, apart from Le Bon Marche which is the worlds oldest department store. The luxurious Grande Epicerie is amazing and sells every food you can imagine. Probably even better than Harrods.

Speaking of eating we loved the Cojean chain selling really good home made food for lunch, particularly the soups. Our best meals were undoubtedly in La Petit Chaise, founded in 1680 & the oldest restaurant in Paris.

I didn't take a single photo. I just looked & absorbed everything. We didn't rush to tick things off  a list, we ambled, allowed ourselves to be distracted & enjoyed. As I age I realise that it is memories & enjoying the moment which are important. The joy of travelling independently is that although there may be an overall structure & plan it is the unexpected which is the real bonus. Like the organ playing & the woman singing in the church of St Jean de Montmartre in the Place des Abbesses. Pure heaven & totally unexpected.

Equality & Equal Pay - Rights & Responsibilities

Are we all equal? Probably not. We are individuals & our talents, experience, skills, age, sex, abilitites & disabilitites vary enormously. Some people's lives seem blessed, while others struggle with difficulties we can only try to imagine.

Do we all have the same rights & responsibilities? Again, probably not. A mother or father caring for young children doesn't have the right to go off and work or enjoy themselves & leave the children alone. They are responsible for vulnerable young people.

The dilemma is do we all have a right to equal opportunities? Well, yes, up to a point. I for instance would love to drive a fork lift truck. Should I be given the opportunity to do that? Probably not. I have trouble driving a Nissan Micra & am rubbish at reversing as all my friends would agree. My concentration has been known to lapse too.

It seems to me that the crux of the matter is fairness and access. Everyone should be able to access good education and health care appropriate to their needs for instance. The fact that some can afford to pay for better quality services seems only to point up the fundamental unfairness & lack of access.

When it comes to work we all expect to be paid for the work we do for others. Most people get a sense of worth from the work they do, however humble that work is. I remember working my way through college in various shops & was inordinately proud of my weekly pay packet. I actually enjoyed the work & the people I worked with too. I was fortunate to become qualified for a profession & spend most of my working life doing a job I loved, (& got paid for).

Things have changed though. The world of work today is light years away from my experience. The unemployment statistics are massaged to a point where they bear little resemblance to reality. Enormous numbers of people are on temporary or zero hours contracts. Many have unpaid volunteer jobs or internships. Many work for the minimum wage or less. Many have had to become self employed in order to work. The Black Economy has always thrived. Statistically these people aren't  unemployed.

We have to give as many people as possible opportunities. The working people who pay taxes are getting fewer, while the demands on taxation are increasing. We also have to balance all that with the needs of employers to keep their companies going & make a profit. Without them no one wins.

Being unemployed is demoralising & boring. It's a waste of human resources and a drain on the economy. We need to find a new way of creating opportunities for everyone - including the disabled & mentally handicapped. We need some real creative thinking rather than blind political point scoring.

Opera & Soap Opera

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/26/arts/music/in-the-mets-macbeth-anna-netrebko-as-the-scheming-wife.html?_r=0

I have just got back from seeing this live in the cinema. It was an assault on the senses. The lead singers were stunning, as was the chorus. The orchestra was wonderful & the sets were clever, but not intrusive. The costumes were beautiful & appropriate to the story. The wonderful music and the quality of the singing & acting transports you so that you become really involved in the tragedy which unfolds. It really is a classy production.

Opera has the power to transcend the hum drum & make you suspend disbelief. Some of the arias & duets are sublime. The chorus in Macbeth is probably the best I have ever heard. I can be moved to tears or laughter by the beauty of the music or the acting. The skill involved in memorising the music, & the libretto, often sung in an unfamiliar language, not to mention the acting, seems an impossible range of skills to me. Being able to see this in the local cinema has made opera accessible to most people, in a way that it isn't in the great opera houses of the world.

At the other end of the spectrum we have the modern soap opera, which supposedly reflects life in our society today. This is usually taped for distribution & so has none of the spontenaity or unpredictability of live theatre. Arguably it also doesn't require the same amount of skill due to multiple takes if something goes wrong. There is a need to suspend disbelief because of some of the plot lines, bodies strewn everywhere, disfunctional families - poor or wealthy, the dead coming to life, for example. It's probably quite cheap to produce whereas opera is very expensive.

I'm not precious. I watch Holby City & even used to watch Neighbours while cooking the supper. You do get hooked into the plots & the characters. That's the problem it seems to me. You get sucked in & then don't want to miss an episode. So you end up wasting a lot of time on something transient & inconsequential, which doesn't inform, transport you, challenge you or even represent great art in any form.

As my dad used to say - "It passes the time". But is that enough?

The Wallace Collection - Food for thought?

I took a party from the Ashmolean to the Wallace Collection in London on Friday. It has a world-famous range of fine and decorative arts from the 15th to the 19th centuries with lots of French 18th-century paintings, furniture, arms & armour, Sevres porcelain and Old Master paintings. The stunning Great gallery reopened in September after re-furbishment.

Trying to do the 25 galleries in one day is exhausting.There is a particular kind of weariness which comes with mooching round galleries & museums. You glaze over into sensory over stimulation. If you have a guide your brain ceases to process the reams of information. Really the only sensible way to "do" a gallery or museum is to cherry pick a few things you are most interested in and concentrate on those. However, if you know you probably won't go back, the temptation is to see it all. Then you end up not really seeing a lot of it.

In 2000 the inner courtyard was given a glass roof &  a restaurant was started named "Cafe Bagatelle" after the Hertford's chateau Bagatelle. The Wallace Restaurant is now run by Peyton and Byrne as a French-style brasserie. It's a really nice space for a restaurant, which makes the fact that our experience there was appalling more than disappointing.

We arrived for pre booked & paid for coffee & biscuits which was fine. We were given menus & asked to make a selection for lunch in advance. When we arrived back exhausted after a  2 hour tour they weren't ready for us. There wasn't a designated area a for our group to sit together, so the waiters could concentrate on serving us as a group. There simply weren't enough waiters to cope.

No one seemed to know what people had ordered. The food simply didn't arrive - for a very long time. Over an hour in most cases. More than one person gave up & left because it was eating into our individual time to look round the gallery. You would have thought that with a couple of hours notice the cold food could have been plated up, covered & the customer identified. (They had taken our names).

People ordered wine to go with their food, several times. It didn't arrive until they had almost finished their meal. The waiter took one bottle away before the table had finished it. We had to ask for cutlery. One lady asked for some pepper & was told "you can see that it is s for salt" by a very harrassed waiter.

The portions were miniscule - Nouvelle Cuisine gone mad. Mains were more like starters. A "piggy terrine" was served in a small glass yogurt pot with no celery salad & a small slice of bread. The lady was told that they had run out of the salad when she complained. Nothing was offered in it's place. Presumabaly they hoped she wouldn't notice the absence. One lady had  a smoked salmon salad which was less than I would give for a starter. Others had the soup which was cold and watery & served with no bread. When I spoke to the catering manager about how poor we thought the restaurant was, she said "well it's a set menu for ladies who lunch"!

By this time there were justified rumblings among the group. Fortunately a senior manager came to speak to me to ask what the problem was. As you can see from the length of this, it was quite a long converstaion. However, he was brilliant. He agreed that it wasn't acceptable & said the people I had been trying to help didn't need to pay, which I thought was generous. (The prices for what we had were outrageously high). How refreshing to have someone who is decisive & doesn't try to come up with pathetic excuses.

Having now looked on line I realise that our experience is far from unique. Another Friend of the Ashmolean who wasn't with us also told me that his NADFAS group had had very similar problems. It's such a shame. To have such a prestigious international museum & lovely venue totally let down by the catering is unforgivable. Goodness know what foreign visitors think.

Are the Wallace trying to make up for not charging an entrance fee, or trying to pay for the gallery refurbishment? Whatever the reason they need to address this, sooner rather than later.

Sods Law & Cleaning Carpets.

It's a good job I moved house when I did. Another couple of years & I wouldn't have been able to remain calm in the face of adversity! Just when I thought I was on the very final leg of the making the house my home another problem arises.

The carpets are good quality wool, but with some small mysterious black spots & a sort of pale turmeric coloured stain. (Did the tenants eat curry in all the bedrooms?) Having had a fitter in from a "trusted tradesman" website to advise on patching the worst stain we agreed a date for the work to be done. Then a second date when he didn't turn up. Then a third, which was last Friday afternoon. Yes, he failed to turn up again. No contact at all. I had to phone him each time.

T... the carpet cleaner came on Monday morning as arranged. So we agreed he would do his best with the stains. I now know more than I did about cleaning carpets. First you use a brushing in machine to put the first solution on - gets the carpet ready for the proper clean I think. Then you use the actual cleaning machine with a second solution, which to be fair was "Woolsafe".

All was going well so I popped round the corner to the shops. When I got back T... was a bit panicked. He had only done my bedroom & the small landing outside & the carpet was undulating! Something had gone drastically wrong & the machine had pulled the carpet into raised humps. I can only guess that the suction must have stretched the wet carpet.

Profuse apologies - it had apparently never happened before. T... is insured - thank goodness. So he contacted a carpet fitting & supply company he knows & they will hopefully come out & stretch the carpet to get rid of the humps. However not till next week sometime.

If it can't be stretched T... will have to replace the whole bedroom carpet, but obviously he doesn't really want to have to make a claim. However, unsurprisingly, he now isn't prepared to clean anymore of the carpets. So even if the carpet can be stretched I still need it to be cleaned.

Completely baffled as to why this has happened & what the solution will ultimately be. Hopefully the fitter will have a clue what the problem is & may be able to suggest an alternative method of cleaning. If not I suppose I may have to replace the whole of the first floor carpeting.

What a complete pain!

"What every woman needs.... Perfect Bliss

"What every woman needs is a man who makes her laugh & lives 5 blocks away". A friend told me this quote today & attributed it to Martha Gellhorn, but I can't verify that or find who really did say it. Maybe it's apocryphal, but someone should have said it if it is.

It seems to me that this is the solution to the problem of the intelligent man who can't work household appliances, cook, iron, or clean the loo & needs a mother rather than a lover. With age you get to value good conversation, shared experiences, true partnership based on equality & real love. The last two are in short supply I think. Each person should want to give something, not just take. Neither should want to dominate. Both should value the strengths and weaknesses of the other.

Being in a relationship but living apart sounds wondeerful to me. I like my own space - The home I have created with my own things around me. I'm happy for a partner to visit, & vice versa. It would be good to be treated as an honoured guest rather than a skivvy. The concept of inviting someone to share your home, but being able to say that was wonderful, now let's have a breathing space sounds good to me.

Each would be an individual as well as a couple. Both could have their own life as well as a shared life. Both would know there was someone to call on, who would come running in extremis.  The sharing of experiences without being joined at the hip 24 /7. It seems like perfect bliss to me.

Perfect Bliss isn't that easy to achieve though!