"We mustn't forget old people with their rotten bodies, old people who are so close to death, something that young people don't want to think about. So it is to homes that they entrust the job of accompanying their parents to death's threshold, with no fuss or bother. Where is the joy of these final hours? They are spent in boredom & bitterness, endlessly revisiting memories. We mustn't forget that our bodies decline, friends die, everyone forgets about us & the end is solitude.
These old people were young once. A lifespan is pathetically short. One day you're 20 & the next you're 80. Life goes by in no time at all. Adults are always in such a hurry, so stressed out by deadlines, so eager for now so they don't need to think about tomorrow. If you dread tomorrow you don't know how to build the present. Tomorrow always ends up in becoming today.
We have to live with the certainty that we'll get old & it won't look nice, or be good or feel happy. Always remember that there's an old peoples home waiting somewhere, so make every day undying. That's what the future is for, to build the present" - Paraphrased from "The Elegance of the Hedgehog" by Muriel Barbery.
I've just had an interesting conversation with my daughter about old people's homes. I wonder why it is that when we are young we can't see anything wrong with them? From my aged point of view why would I want to live with a bunch of old people? What would we have in common apart from age? Why would I want to wait for death with the infirm & demented? What is more likely to send you to an early grave than watching someone drool & be spoonfed? Or sit watching the TV with people who are comatose.
I am enjoying now. I want to carry on enjoying my life. I want to be with people I like / love. I want as much independence as I can get. I want choices. I want to live in the now, not the past, with people who are stimulating & have something worthwhile to say. I want to carry on being interested & learning.
I accept ageing. I don't accept being shunted off out of sight & out of mind. I'd rather be alone and happy that isolated in a crowd of people.
Sunday 29 June 2014
Saturday 28 June 2014
Earning your Keep - Inheritance & Legacy.
My background is "working class". My father worked nights as a copper smelter & my mother worked part time on a cake factory production line. They worked hard for everything they had. Inheriting anything was never likely.
My husband & I inherited the houses of our parents when they died, but they weren't worth much & we shared the money with our daughter. My comfortable existance now is due to the fact that retirement lump sums were invested by my husband, who seems to have been either lucky or quite good at playing the stock market.
I don't believe in inherited wealth. So my daughter knows that when I die the majority of my money will go to charities. I hope she understands that it doesn't mean I don't love her - a great deal.
The reason for my stance are varied. I think in order to value money & spend it wisely you have to earn it. If you don't have to put in the effort it's easy to just take it for granted. Inheriting money, especially a lot of money, changes you, however much you think it won't. Inheriting money perpetuates the rich & poor divide. Having too much money can lead to spendthrift habits. "why pay less" rather than "why pay more". If you don't have to think about spending money your life changes & not necessarily for the better.
I believe you should live a life you can afford. If you are fortunate & have more than enough money I can't see why you should begrudge paying taxes to support the institutions of society & help less fortunate people. It is a pity though that we have such an unwieldy tax system that no one understands & which is not fit for purpose.
Some people seem to need to bolster their egos by their wealth. They are defined by what they have. Is that really what a human being is? How can an individual amass huge wealth & property & do nothing to spread that wealth across the divide to the poor & needy. They are cocooned in their disfunctional wealthy bubble. As power corrupts, so does money.
Money should work for the good of society & the people in it. Putting it in the hands of a priveledged few deprives the many. In my view legacy means more than just passing on your wealth to your children. Each person leaves a footprint when they die - the impact they have made on their part of the world. It should be a positive one.
My husband & I inherited the houses of our parents when they died, but they weren't worth much & we shared the money with our daughter. My comfortable existance now is due to the fact that retirement lump sums were invested by my husband, who seems to have been either lucky or quite good at playing the stock market.
I don't believe in inherited wealth. So my daughter knows that when I die the majority of my money will go to charities. I hope she understands that it doesn't mean I don't love her - a great deal.
The reason for my stance are varied. I think in order to value money & spend it wisely you have to earn it. If you don't have to put in the effort it's easy to just take it for granted. Inheriting money, especially a lot of money, changes you, however much you think it won't. Inheriting money perpetuates the rich & poor divide. Having too much money can lead to spendthrift habits. "why pay less" rather than "why pay more". If you don't have to think about spending money your life changes & not necessarily for the better.
I believe you should live a life you can afford. If you are fortunate & have more than enough money I can't see why you should begrudge paying taxes to support the institutions of society & help less fortunate people. It is a pity though that we have such an unwieldy tax system that no one understands & which is not fit for purpose.
Some people seem to need to bolster their egos by their wealth. They are defined by what they have. Is that really what a human being is? How can an individual amass huge wealth & property & do nothing to spread that wealth across the divide to the poor & needy. They are cocooned in their disfunctional wealthy bubble. As power corrupts, so does money.
Money should work for the good of society & the people in it. Putting it in the hands of a priveledged few deprives the many. In my view legacy means more than just passing on your wealth to your children. Each person leaves a footprint when they die - the impact they have made on their part of the world. It should be a positive one.
Wednesday 25 June 2014
Christian Fundamentalists
Following the thread of my last two blogs, I looked at Christian Fundamentalists. This began with Protestants in 19th & 20th C Britain & America.They are conservative & evangelical Christians such as Baptists, Wesleyans & Pentecostal Christians. A Christian is classified as a radical fundamentalist
if they believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible - Biblical inerrancy - the Bible is without error or fault. It is the original text, perfectly preserved through time.The word of God. Also if they
hold views against sexual permissiveness, homosexuality, abortion on demand,
or any views which are politically incorrect. Like other religious fundamentalists, the views are extreme rather than liberal.They are followers of Christ. The fundamental Christian believes in the
experience of the "new birth" which occurs when faith is placed in Christ as
Savior and Lord. These Christians are uncompromising, conservative and take their
beliefs to the maximum — exactly how every believer should live.
However because of recent, increased activism by some identified as fundamentalists, who have promoted unethical actions such as violence against abortion clinics, doctors etc, some people believe that fundamentalism has been redefined. It has evolved into a form of extremism, with views too radical for the balanced Christian. (para' Dale Robbins).
http://www.bible.ca/cr-independant-fundamental-%28IFCA%29.htm This link should open a website if pasted into the top address bar.
Creationism is the belief that the Universe and living organisms originate "from specific acts of divine creation. For young Earth creationists, this includes a literalistic reading of the Book of Genesis and the rejection of evolution. (Wikipedia).
Mormons believe that conventional Christian churches have lost the authority of God. They believe that conventional Christian beliefs are a mixture of the truth and of errors that have been added over the centuries.
Mormonism, the principal branch of the Latter Day Saint movement of Restorationist Christianity, which began with the visions of Joseph Smith in New York during the 1820s. After Smith's death in 1844, the Mormons followed Brigham Young. Mormons dedicate large amounts of time and resources to serving in their church, and many young Mormons choose to serve a full-time proselytizing mission. Mormons have a health code that eschews alcoholic beverages, tobacco, coffee, tea, and other addictive substances. They tend to be very family-oriented, and have strong connections across generations and with extended family, reflective of their belief that families can be sealed together beyond death and throughout eternity. Mormons also have a strict law of chastity, requiring abstention from sexual relations outside of opposite-sex marriage and strict fidelity within marriage.
Mormons self-identify as Christian, though some of their beliefs differ from mainstream Christianity. Mormons believe in the Bible, as well as other books of scripture, such as the Book of Mormon. They have a unique view of cosmology, and believe that all people are spirit-children of God. Mormons believe that returning to God requires following the example of Jesus Christ, and accepting his atonement through ordinances such as baptism. They believe that Christ's church was restored through Joseph Smith, and is guided by living prophets and apostles. Central to Mormon faith is the belief that God speaks to his children and answers their prayers. (Wikipedia).
My main concern about Christian fundamentalists is the extent to which they interfere in politics, particularly in America. They tend to be wealthy churches who can pay for lobbyists at the highest level. I recently spoke to someone who had travelled across the huge farm belt in America & what had impacted on her was the enormous numbers of churches in uninhabited areas where no other buildings could be seen.
The influence of these churches in America is in complete contrast to the UK. Long may that situation continue.
However because of recent, increased activism by some identified as fundamentalists, who have promoted unethical actions such as violence against abortion clinics, doctors etc, some people believe that fundamentalism has been redefined. It has evolved into a form of extremism, with views too radical for the balanced Christian. (para' Dale Robbins).
http://www.bible.ca/cr-independant-fundamental-%28IFCA%29.htm This link should open a website if pasted into the top address bar.
Creationism is the belief that the Universe and living organisms originate "from specific acts of divine creation. For young Earth creationists, this includes a literalistic reading of the Book of Genesis and the rejection of evolution. (Wikipedia).
Mormons believe that conventional Christian churches have lost the authority of God. They believe that conventional Christian beliefs are a mixture of the truth and of errors that have been added over the centuries.
Mormonism, the principal branch of the Latter Day Saint movement of Restorationist Christianity, which began with the visions of Joseph Smith in New York during the 1820s. After Smith's death in 1844, the Mormons followed Brigham Young. Mormons dedicate large amounts of time and resources to serving in their church, and many young Mormons choose to serve a full-time proselytizing mission. Mormons have a health code that eschews alcoholic beverages, tobacco, coffee, tea, and other addictive substances. They tend to be very family-oriented, and have strong connections across generations and with extended family, reflective of their belief that families can be sealed together beyond death and throughout eternity. Mormons also have a strict law of chastity, requiring abstention from sexual relations outside of opposite-sex marriage and strict fidelity within marriage.
Mormons self-identify as Christian, though some of their beliefs differ from mainstream Christianity. Mormons believe in the Bible, as well as other books of scripture, such as the Book of Mormon. They have a unique view of cosmology, and believe that all people are spirit-children of God. Mormons believe that returning to God requires following the example of Jesus Christ, and accepting his atonement through ordinances such as baptism. They believe that Christ's church was restored through Joseph Smith, and is guided by living prophets and apostles. Central to Mormon faith is the belief that God speaks to his children and answers their prayers. (Wikipedia).
My main concern about Christian fundamentalists is the extent to which they interfere in politics, particularly in America. They tend to be wealthy churches who can pay for lobbyists at the highest level. I recently spoke to someone who had travelled across the huge farm belt in America & what had impacted on her was the enormous numbers of churches in uninhabited areas where no other buildings could be seen.
The influence of these churches in America is in complete contrast to the UK. Long may that situation continue.
Tuesday 24 June 2014
Serial Motherhood - Baby Addiction
populationmatters.org/documents/family_sizes.pdf
Hopefully if you copy this link into your top address bar you will be able to open this very interesting document. The reason I am interested is because of recent news stories about very large families. It made me wonder if families of 10 or more children are a good or bad thing.
Then I wondered if there was more behind the story. Why do women chose to have so many children? Is there some deep psychological need to have something dependant to love? Do they in fact make a choice?
There can be cultural & religious reasons, (see previous blog). In certain cases it can become a compulsion, an obsession or even a "baby addiction". These women can be driven to have more children in an effort to make up for some sort of void or loss, usually from their own unhappy childhood. Babies, all new and cherubic and completely enthralled with their mothers, can bring profound joy. But when they enter toddlerhood and start developing independence and a mind of their own, some mothers miss the intensity of the newborn period and want another baby even though that may not be in the best interests of the family.
I am sure there are plenty of big, happy families that are not the result of baby addiction. Equally, children in small families can suffer emotional scars, from absentee or otherwise poor parents. Not all large families are financially deprived.
However having large numbers of children can strain a family’s finances and emotional reserves and that can negatively impact the children. It must be possible that neglect, abuse & emotional disturbances are more likely in a situation like this. Children in large families — particularly those involving a lot of youngsters close in age — who don’t get enough attention, because their mother is depressed or overwhelmed, for instance, may become anxious or depressed themselves. It seems really important, when you have children to also have enough resources. Not just financial resources but also emotional resources. It’s one thing to love babies and quite another to keep having babies. (paraphrased from a Jaqueline Stenson article).
In the case of religious reasons to have large families I wonder, perhaps cynically, if it is a deliberate method of keeping women subservient in the home & also increasing the overall numbers belonging to the particular faith. I doubt if it is in the interests of the womens health to have so many pregnancies & an eternal struggle with the amount of work children generate. If the older children become surrogate mothers to help out that seems to me to be depriving them of their childhood.
The bottom line is that it isn't simply a right to have as many children as you want. The rights of the child to a loving home that meets all their needs has to be a prime consideration.
Hopefully if you copy this link into your top address bar you will be able to open this very interesting document. The reason I am interested is because of recent news stories about very large families. It made me wonder if families of 10 or more children are a good or bad thing.
Then I wondered if there was more behind the story. Why do women chose to have so many children? Is there some deep psychological need to have something dependant to love? Do they in fact make a choice?
There can be cultural & religious reasons, (see previous blog). In certain cases it can become a compulsion, an obsession or even a "baby addiction". These women can be driven to have more children in an effort to make up for some sort of void or loss, usually from their own unhappy childhood. Babies, all new and cherubic and completely enthralled with their mothers, can bring profound joy. But when they enter toddlerhood and start developing independence and a mind of their own, some mothers miss the intensity of the newborn period and want another baby even though that may not be in the best interests of the family.
I am sure there are plenty of big, happy families that are not the result of baby addiction. Equally, children in small families can suffer emotional scars, from absentee or otherwise poor parents. Not all large families are financially deprived.
However having large numbers of children can strain a family’s finances and emotional reserves and that can negatively impact the children. It must be possible that neglect, abuse & emotional disturbances are more likely in a situation like this. Children in large families — particularly those involving a lot of youngsters close in age — who don’t get enough attention, because their mother is depressed or overwhelmed, for instance, may become anxious or depressed themselves. It seems really important, when you have children to also have enough resources. Not just financial resources but also emotional resources. It’s one thing to love babies and quite another to keep having babies. (paraphrased from a Jaqueline Stenson article).
In the case of religious reasons to have large families I wonder, perhaps cynically, if it is a deliberate method of keeping women subservient in the home & also increasing the overall numbers belonging to the particular faith. I doubt if it is in the interests of the womens health to have so many pregnancies & an eternal struggle with the amount of work children generate. If the older children become surrogate mothers to help out that seems to me to be depriving them of their childhood.
The bottom line is that it isn't simply a right to have as many children as you want. The rights of the child to a loving home that meets all their needs has to be a prime consideration.
Monday 23 June 2014
Religious Extremists
There has been a huge amount of press & media discussion of Islamic extremists. I don't doubt that they exist & cause untold death, hardship & destruction. They are a threat to our freedom & way of life. But there is no balance in the information we see & read. What about Jewish extremists & Christian extremists?
Ultra Orthodox Jewish extremists have grown exponentially over the last decades, not least because they tend to have very large families because they don't practise birth control. 10 children is not uncommon. It is thought that they now represent 74 -75% of all Jews. There are several types of ultra orthodox Jews - Hasidic, Ashkenazi, Haredi & Sephardic for example.
These Jews tend to chose to live in shtetls or ghettos which are patrolled to ensure conformity. Education is predominantly religious so children follow in the parents footsteps. The teachings of the Bible are held to be infallible. The main language spoken is Yiddish. TV is banned & computers can only be used for business purposes. On the Sabbath you are not allowed to drive, work or switch on electricity. Food has to be Kosher, although banned foods differ slightly for each community.
Women who are married or widowed have to wear a wig. Their own hair cannot be seen. They are considered to be impure when menstruating & have to have a ritual bath after menstruation befor they can touch their husbands. Women cannot pray in the same area as men.
Men wear black hats & also have fur hats for special occasions. They also tend to wear long black coats. They don't shave the hair in front of their ears, so grow sidelocks / curls. They may also not shave their beards. Boys are circumsised.
These beliefs are not necessarily threatening to non Jews, but they are certainly narrow & illiberal. Personally I have a problem with anyone who is so dogmatic that they are unable to listen to another point of view, let alone allow any change. If different faiths cannot accept someone else's beliefs & co-exist in reasonable harmony, what hope is there for the complex problems which beset communities & countries the world over?
I am unashamedly liberal. I would defend anyone's right to their beliefs, if those beliefs did no harm. But, I believe that if we are to make informed choices about right & wrong we need to have the broadest perspective & a lot of accurate information before deciding what beliefs we hold dear.
The thing that really worries me about any fundamentalists is that the children are brainwashed into perpetuating the status quo. In the end the biggest & strongest community always seems to get the upper hand.
Ultra Orthodox Jewish extremists have grown exponentially over the last decades, not least because they tend to have very large families because they don't practise birth control. 10 children is not uncommon. It is thought that they now represent 74 -75% of all Jews. There are several types of ultra orthodox Jews - Hasidic, Ashkenazi, Haredi & Sephardic for example.
These Jews tend to chose to live in shtetls or ghettos which are patrolled to ensure conformity. Education is predominantly religious so children follow in the parents footsteps. The teachings of the Bible are held to be infallible. The main language spoken is Yiddish. TV is banned & computers can only be used for business purposes. On the Sabbath you are not allowed to drive, work or switch on electricity. Food has to be Kosher, although banned foods differ slightly for each community.
Women who are married or widowed have to wear a wig. Their own hair cannot be seen. They are considered to be impure when menstruating & have to have a ritual bath after menstruation befor they can touch their husbands. Women cannot pray in the same area as men.
Men wear black hats & also have fur hats for special occasions. They also tend to wear long black coats. They don't shave the hair in front of their ears, so grow sidelocks / curls. They may also not shave their beards. Boys are circumsised.
These beliefs are not necessarily threatening to non Jews, but they are certainly narrow & illiberal. Personally I have a problem with anyone who is so dogmatic that they are unable to listen to another point of view, let alone allow any change. If different faiths cannot accept someone else's beliefs & co-exist in reasonable harmony, what hope is there for the complex problems which beset communities & countries the world over?
I am unashamedly liberal. I would defend anyone's right to their beliefs, if those beliefs did no harm. But, I believe that if we are to make informed choices about right & wrong we need to have the broadest perspective & a lot of accurate information before deciding what beliefs we hold dear.
The thing that really worries me about any fundamentalists is that the children are brainwashed into perpetuating the status quo. In the end the biggest & strongest community always seems to get the upper hand.
Saturday 21 June 2014
"Out of the Blue" - Song & Dance
http://www.ootb.org.uk
Last night I had a great time at a gig by "Out of the Blue". They are a 15 strong group of male "a capella" singers from Oxford university. I had seen them busking in the street a couple of years ago & thought they were amazingly talented. I didn't know anything about them though. When I saw the New Theatre concert advertised I immediately bought tickets, that's how good they are.
The repertoire is mostly modern pop, but with stunning a capella arrangements for 7 Tenors, 4 Baritones & 4 Basses. Not only do they sing, they also have great moves to the music. In fact I can't really see how they manage to dance, sing & breathe! As if that isn't enough they are also very funny.
Having sung their praises, the thing that I love is the sheer joy and energy that comes across the footlights. Each one had a moment in the spotlight & chatted to a packed house as though they were in someones living room. You feel you know them in a way I haven't felt at a concert before. They come across as really nice, polite young men, who don't take themselves too seriously - Unlike many male diva's in pop groups.The audience was ecstatic & they got a well deserved standing ovation.
Because they are all at the university the group is constantly changing. I suppose they must have to get a proper job at some point. Goodness knows how they manage to combine singing & study. But it's great that they do. So many academics become very narrow in their lives.
As if all that isn't enough they do workshops in schools & colleges & support Helen & Douglas House.
Awesome! Well done OOTB.
Last night I had a great time at a gig by "Out of the Blue". They are a 15 strong group of male "a capella" singers from Oxford university. I had seen them busking in the street a couple of years ago & thought they were amazingly talented. I didn't know anything about them though. When I saw the New Theatre concert advertised I immediately bought tickets, that's how good they are.
The repertoire is mostly modern pop, but with stunning a capella arrangements for 7 Tenors, 4 Baritones & 4 Basses. Not only do they sing, they also have great moves to the music. In fact I can't really see how they manage to dance, sing & breathe! As if that isn't enough they are also very funny.
Having sung their praises, the thing that I love is the sheer joy and energy that comes across the footlights. Each one had a moment in the spotlight & chatted to a packed house as though they were in someones living room. You feel you know them in a way I haven't felt at a concert before. They come across as really nice, polite young men, who don't take themselves too seriously - Unlike many male diva's in pop groups.The audience was ecstatic & they got a well deserved standing ovation.
Because they are all at the university the group is constantly changing. I suppose they must have to get a proper job at some point. Goodness knows how they manage to combine singing & study. But it's great that they do. So many academics become very narrow in their lives.
As if all that isn't enough they do workshops in schools & colleges & support Helen & Douglas House.
Awesome! Well done OOTB.
Wednesday 11 June 2014
Junk Mail
Living in a city is very different to living in a rural area. I am appalled at the volume of junk mail that comes through my letter box on a daily basis. The worst offenders seem to be Estate Agents. In Summertown alone there are 11 different agents, mostly nationwide chains. They all regularly distribute cards touting for business through local letter boxes. Then there are restaurants & take aways. There are also people offering local services or promoting events.........etc etc
Every time mail is pushed through my letter box I think someone is knocking at my door, so I rush from some part of the house to answer it. I suppose the exercise is good for me. But it is irritating when I am in the middle of doing something or on the top floor.
I don't read anything. It goes straight out of my door & into the re-cycling bin. I imagine that is what most people do. The fact that this goes to be recycled doesn't make it acceptable. A whole growth industry has developed to deal with this mountain of paper - over & over again. All of it is a waste of human, financial & natural resources.
Multiply Summertown by the amount of junk mail delivered every day to all the houses in big conurbations & the size of the problem becomes enormous. It is such a gross waste of precious resources. Is the paper & card made from sustainable forests? I doubt it. Even quick growing trees take years to grow to a viable size to be chopped down. We are mindlessly de-foresting the world, not just to make paper & card, but to provide grazing for cattle to feed the meat trade for example.
I have just ordered two signs from this website - http://www.stopjunkmail.org.
One is to stop all junk mail, the other is to stop cold calling. If we all did this the impact would be tremendous.
We wouldn't save the world, but we would save paper & make businesses think again about their promotional advertising. I've yet to see any research about how much business is actually generated by junk mail. I really can't believe that it is worth the cost, not just in financial terms.
Tuesday 10 June 2014
Words
Words. Droning. Rushing through the humid air.
Words. meaning what? Communicating?
My eardrums vibrate. The message enters my head,
But goes nowhere.
What happens to the words in my head?
Where are they going?
Why aren't I understanding their meaning?
My head - a vast area of cotton wool,
Muffled, deadened, a vacuum.
Surrounded by people, attacked by words.
I sit.
On my hard chair.
My body radiates heat.
My bones ache. I move, stretch, change position,
In an effort to alleviate the torture.
It doesn't work.
My eyelids give up the unequal struggle.
They sag, droop, drag the lashes downward.
Outside people are moving, going places.
Free.
Traffic moves, horns sound.
Bustle. Life.
I am encapsulated in time and space.
Hearing nothing.
Aware of everything.
Not wanting to be aware.
Intelligent questions.
How do they do it?
Is it me?
Why does my mind reject it all?
Losing my mind & minding my loss.
*NB I wrote this when I was a headteacher & had to go on courses. This man really bored me rigid & I felt really disconnected from his subject.
Words. meaning what? Communicating?
My eardrums vibrate. The message enters my head,
But goes nowhere.
What happens to the words in my head?
Where are they going?
Why aren't I understanding their meaning?
My head - a vast area of cotton wool,
Muffled, deadened, a vacuum.
Surrounded by people, attacked by words.
I sit.
On my hard chair.
My body radiates heat.
My bones ache. I move, stretch, change position,
In an effort to alleviate the torture.
It doesn't work.
My eyelids give up the unequal struggle.
They sag, droop, drag the lashes downward.
Outside people are moving, going places.
Free.
Traffic moves, horns sound.
Bustle. Life.
I am encapsulated in time and space.
Hearing nothing.
Aware of everything.
Not wanting to be aware.
Intelligent questions.
How do they do it?
Is it me?
Why does my mind reject it all?
Losing my mind & minding my loss.
*NB I wrote this when I was a headteacher & had to go on courses. This man really bored me rigid & I felt really disconnected from his subject.
Friday 6 June 2014
Big Feet
I have just trailed round Oxford shoe shops & gone on line to try to get a pair of flat shoes for summer. In my youth I was 5ft 9" which is quite tall for a woman. I have now shrunk into old age, but my feet don't know that. Also, my arches seem to have fallen. Consequently I need a size 9 shoe. I am not alone in this. Even young women today are taller & have bigger feet.
The problem is that shoe manufacturers don't seem to have realised this. Being able to get a size 9 in any shoe in a shoe shop, never mind about style or colour, is like looking for the Holy Grail. I don't want to wear dowdy lace ups or velcro strapped old ladies shoes either. Similarly when looking on line, you may find shoes which are made in a 9, but they are usually out of stock. You would think that would send a message to the manufacturers wouldn't you?
Many major shoe retailers don't do anything over a size 8. I haven't been looking at cheap shoes apart from M&S. I've been looking at premium brands & retailers like Ecco, Gabor, Jones, Clinkards, Clarks & LK Bennett. The only retailer I know who do all their shoes from a 4 - 9 is Lands End.
I really don't get it & I'm really p..... off. Am I supposed to go barefoot?
The problem is that shoe manufacturers don't seem to have realised this. Being able to get a size 9 in any shoe in a shoe shop, never mind about style or colour, is like looking for the Holy Grail. I don't want to wear dowdy lace ups or velcro strapped old ladies shoes either. Similarly when looking on line, you may find shoes which are made in a 9, but they are usually out of stock. You would think that would send a message to the manufacturers wouldn't you?
Many major shoe retailers don't do anything over a size 8. I haven't been looking at cheap shoes apart from M&S. I've been looking at premium brands & retailers like Ecco, Gabor, Jones, Clinkards, Clarks & LK Bennett. The only retailer I know who do all their shoes from a 4 - 9 is Lands End.
I really don't get it & I'm really p..... off. Am I supposed to go barefoot?
Tuesday 3 June 2014
Living to Die - Dying to Live
I went to the funeral of a friend of 35 years on Friday. We had taught together when I became Head of a small village school in Curridge when I was 34. She taught vertically grouped infants from 5 - 7 & I taught vertically grouped juniors. Looking back it was probably the best time of my life.
That's one of the problems with living. You don't get perspective until you have experienced a lot. Good & bad, even wonderful & utterly dreadful. Life is something we take for granted until those we love, or who have shared our lives, start dying around us. That started happening when I was around 40 & three people, who in their different ways had been a meaningful part of my life, all died in quite different, but tragic circumstances. I was very sad & in one case devastated, but at that age life goes on. Your whole life is ahead of you - You think.
The fact that my friends deaths were untimely & far too soon did impinge on my conciousness, but I didn't relate it to me. I didn't make the connection that it could happen to me, any time. I have since learned better.
Now I know that everyone is living to die & dying to live. We want the status quo of our small lives to continue, although we know that is impossible. We know that the world is continuously in a state of flux & everything changes. But we don't want to accept it. We want to be in control of something which is completely uncontrollable.
I have finally realised that I have been dying all my life & Death could swoop down at any moment. I put that thought in a box in the black holes of my mind & rarely open it. But I try to live every day. I try to say yes to new people & new experiences. I try to move forward into the unknown & not dwell in my history, except to remember the lessons it has taught me.
That's one of the problems with living. You don't get perspective until you have experienced a lot. Good & bad, even wonderful & utterly dreadful. Life is something we take for granted until those we love, or who have shared our lives, start dying around us. That started happening when I was around 40 & three people, who in their different ways had been a meaningful part of my life, all died in quite different, but tragic circumstances. I was very sad & in one case devastated, but at that age life goes on. Your whole life is ahead of you - You think.
The fact that my friends deaths were untimely & far too soon did impinge on my conciousness, but I didn't relate it to me. I didn't make the connection that it could happen to me, any time. I have since learned better.
Now I know that everyone is living to die & dying to live. We want the status quo of our small lives to continue, although we know that is impossible. We know that the world is continuously in a state of flux & everything changes. But we don't want to accept it. We want to be in control of something which is completely uncontrollable.
I have finally realised that I have been dying all my life & Death could swoop down at any moment. I put that thought in a box in the black holes of my mind & rarely open it. But I try to live every day. I try to say yes to new people & new experiences. I try to move forward into the unknown & not dwell in my history, except to remember the lessons it has taught me.
Sunday 1 June 2014
New Kitchen - Final Phase?
On Friday the Wren fitters, who are very good, came at lunchtime & worked till about 8pm. I had to leave them to it because I was going to a friends funeral. Splashbacks & cornice fitted. All the rubbish removed. So apart from a couple of very small things, I finally have a finished Wren kitchen - 11+ weeks since the start of fitting, which was supposed to take 5-7 days. - 22 weeks since the contract was signed. (I gather that my experience is not unique among Wren clients).
I had sent the Wren hierarchy a timeline earlier in the week to focus their minds. As usual there was no acknowledgement or response. However the glass splashback company got in touch straight after to say that the glass was ready.
On Saturday I used my new steam cleaner on the floors for the first time. It is lovely to have a clean kitchen now. It seemed a bit futile to be too houseproud when I never knew when work was going to be done. A new table, the old glass & chrome ultra modern one didn't go & a new smart TV. The latter is great, but I suspect it will take me ages to get to grips with what it will do!
I've made clear that I expect a site meeting with a senior manager from Wren to discuss the issues arising from this whole endless saga. Having paid a deposit & the extra because I had to have quartz worktops instead of the ones I wanted, which didn't go with the units, I am suposedly paying the balance by interest free direct debits.
What's done is done & can't be undone. If I had known that a new Wren kitchen would take this long & cause this amount of disruption to my life & waste of my time, I would never have signed the contract - It is fascinating listening to The Archers & Jennifers new kitchen. A kitchen is the hub of the home. It is where women spend a great deal of time.
Looking back I can't see how I could have avoided all this. Once you are committed you rely on a company to fulfill their part of the contract efficiently & within the allotted timescale. If they don't you have to be very pro-active & determinedly chase & fire fight.
It shouldn't be like that. I'll wait & see what happens now.
I had sent the Wren hierarchy a timeline earlier in the week to focus their minds. As usual there was no acknowledgement or response. However the glass splashback company got in touch straight after to say that the glass was ready.
On Saturday I used my new steam cleaner on the floors for the first time. It is lovely to have a clean kitchen now. It seemed a bit futile to be too houseproud when I never knew when work was going to be done. A new table, the old glass & chrome ultra modern one didn't go & a new smart TV. The latter is great, but I suspect it will take me ages to get to grips with what it will do!
I've made clear that I expect a site meeting with a senior manager from Wren to discuss the issues arising from this whole endless saga. Having paid a deposit & the extra because I had to have quartz worktops instead of the ones I wanted, which didn't go with the units, I am suposedly paying the balance by interest free direct debits.
What's done is done & can't be undone. If I had known that a new Wren kitchen would take this long & cause this amount of disruption to my life & waste of my time, I would never have signed the contract - It is fascinating listening to The Archers & Jennifers new kitchen. A kitchen is the hub of the home. It is where women spend a great deal of time.
Looking back I can't see how I could have avoided all this. Once you are committed you rely on a company to fulfill their part of the contract efficiently & within the allotted timescale. If they don't you have to be very pro-active & determinedly chase & fire fight.
It shouldn't be like that. I'll wait & see what happens now.
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