First thing every morning, around 7.30, I wonder what I'm getting up for & I'm reluctant to get out of bed. The days will only be filled by me & mostly I will be on my own in the silence, apart from Radio 4.
I do eat three meals a day & I do cook from scratch in the evening. But mealtimes are quickly over, obviously there's no lingering over conversation. Food isn't savoured, it's a necessity. Food is also a crutch, so I have been eating the wrong things too much between meals. Hence the diet - I've lost 3 lbs in the first week!!! I read at lunchtime & watch the news on TV in the evening. Occasionally I'll have a glass of wine with the right meal.
Periodically I have friends round for a meal, or go to them. Always lunch, I don't "do" evenings. I don't mind being a single in my world of mostly couples. I enjoy cooking, especially trying something new. Gnocchi is my new ingredient at the moment. It's always fun to have a group of us for a meal. I love the stimulation of good conversation. But the downside is that I find the preparation & clearing up really hard work & tiring. Having to do the drinks & all the peripherals as well as the food is quite difficult. I always forget something!
Eating requires shopping for food, which I do when I go swimming. I have upped that from 32 lengths 3 times a week to as often as I can. Again for health reasons. Also it occupies time. Swimming is also my only regular social activity. I swim on Sunday mornings with a lovely group of women. We also occasionally do other things together as a group - meals, walks,etc, & I walk weekly in the summer with a couple of the women.
I don't do much housework because I can't because of various chronic medical conditions, which are a pain in every sense. David always did most of it, but now I have Lucy, a fortnightly cleaner who is a friend. Ditto gardening, which I have always had a love hate relationship with because of the pain it causes. Once I'm out there I forget everything. There is always another job to do & it is very satisfying to tidy a rampant area or plant new plants for the future. Vaughan the fortnightly gardener is also a friend.
I spend more time than I should on the computer, I think blogging has probably kept me sane. I keep in touch with friends and aquaintances by email, buy things over the internet because shopping requires driving to a nearby town. Once I get there I wonder what I could possibly want which is worth the effort. So shopping trips are brief & infrequent. As I get older I want less & less "things" - I prefer a minimalist, simple life. So I'm not particularly "fashionable". I certainly am not a label slave!
I always read, sometimes 2 books at a time, maybe a fiction & a non fiction. I have favourite authors & avidly read everything they have written. I can't envisage not having a book on the go, and if I ran out of authors I would be bereft! I occasionally get a weekend newspaper & love the Telegraph general knowledge crossword. (I don't cheat by using the computer).
Facilitating a modern life takes quite a bit of time. I find paperwork a bind, but I am organised & I do it. What I hate is chasing up the incompetence of the financial institutions for instance, or doing price comparisons for insurance etc. The time wasted is enormous, but one thing I do have is time.
I see my daughter and family once or twice a month. I am very lucky, she is a lovely person, kind & considerate, & makes a real effort to include me in her very busy life. But I know the demands that a career, husband & family, & social life make on a woman. I remember what it was like when I was her age, & wonder how I managed to keep all the plates in the air. I love her very much & treasure our relationship which has deepened since David died.
I have various volunteer roles which take time periodically. I am a member of the Independent Monitoring Board of Gloucester Prison. I am a lay panel member for the HealthTechnology Assessment programme which looks a bids for NHS research. I am also a tutor for the Expert Patient Programme for people with chronic conditions. These all tend to be frantic bursts of quite intellectual & demanding work several times a year. I do enjoy the challenge of all of them, different though they are.
After supper I watch the TV because I'm knackered, usually pre recorded, selected programmes - I loathe the adverts. Sometimes I struggle to stay awake! Perversely usually if it's a documentary I really want to see. I go to bed at around 10 and always read for a while. I always think of David last thing at night & miss him.
Life is relentless. Time passes, sometimes quickly, sometimes inexorably slowly. I am still adjusting to a solo life, sometimes well, sometimes not at all well. There is no choice, except in what to do with my life.
Friday 27 May 2011
Monday 23 May 2011
Chance - Carpe Diem
I met a male friend of a friend 2 weeks ago at the theatre. Nice man, widower, just out of a 2 year realationship. Encouraged by my friend I emailed him to see if he would be interested in a friendship. Although I would say I'm fairly assertive, I've never done anything like that before in my life. But I feel that if I don't make an effort & "Carpe Diem" my life will slip away.
A chance meeting may lead to someone to share doing things with, but one needs to be pro active. Grab life by the neck, not sit at home alone. So while he decides whether this would be right for him I have just signed on to a Saga singles website. I would never have anticipated doing that!
However it just makes you realise that there are a huge number of single people out there, all ages, all shapes & sizes, all backgrounds - all looking for someone to share their lives. We humans are social animals, we are programmed to live in groups, not isolated. Our society has become quite disfunctional because of a range of factors which have led to more and more people living alone.
What is the point of being able to talk if there is little conversation? What is the point of having an out going & giving personality if there is no one to share doing things with. Regular, close, human contact, physical & emotional, is vital to most of us. So most of us are at our best in a shared relationship, whatever form that might take.
So I'm not looking for a handsome prince - just an ordinary, nice, single, man who I can be a friend to and be friends with. Actually, a single woman would do.
A chance meeting may lead to someone to share doing things with, but one needs to be pro active. Grab life by the neck, not sit at home alone. So while he decides whether this would be right for him I have just signed on to a Saga singles website. I would never have anticipated doing that!
However it just makes you realise that there are a huge number of single people out there, all ages, all shapes & sizes, all backgrounds - all looking for someone to share their lives. We humans are social animals, we are programmed to live in groups, not isolated. Our society has become quite disfunctional because of a range of factors which have led to more and more people living alone.
What is the point of being able to talk if there is little conversation? What is the point of having an out going & giving personality if there is no one to share doing things with. Regular, close, human contact, physical & emotional, is vital to most of us. So most of us are at our best in a shared relationship, whatever form that might take.
So I'm not looking for a handsome prince - just an ordinary, nice, single, man who I can be a friend to and be friends with. Actually, a single woman would do.
Friday 20 May 2011
Slimming
Trousers too tight! Must focus. Target - eight weeks - lose 16lbs - 10% of current weight. A new healthier me. Clothes that fit. Less bulges. I have allowed myself to put on weight by eating between meals & eating too many sweet things & nibbles. It's comfort eating to fill the gap in my life & it won't do.
So - a brutally honest chart & will power. More exercise too - Swimming x 3, Yoga x 2, Walking x 1 - every week. I can do it. I have before, but wasn't this overweight then.
So - a brutally honest chart & will power. More exercise too - Swimming x 3, Yoga x 2, Walking x 1 - every week. I can do it. I have before, but wasn't this overweight then.
Monday 9 May 2011
Cicero - On the Good Life.
Reading a detective novel I came across a reference to Cicero's duties & moral goodness in "On the Good Life".
Individuals have to be capable of putting others first for good to be done. They also have to be able to empathise with anothers situation and be prepared to make an effort in order to improve it. Sometimes we have to put our own desires at the bottom of the list in order to benefit someone or society in general.
Human beings are capable of amazing selfless actions. Many are truly caring & endure great hardship and pain for the benefit for others. Honesty & truth are difficult taskmasters, temptation is all around us. But we should at least be honest with ourselves.
Above all we should try to think first & not go into "fight & flight mode" as soon as something thwarts us. We sometimes seem to let our emotions rule our lives. How many times have I lost my temper, been judgemental, said something cruel or unkind, even wanted to hit someone. It often seems that adults behave like spoilt children having a temper tantrum.
Truth, Emotion & Kindness - Could do better if I tried!
- The ability to distinguish truth from falsity, and understand the relationship between one phenomenon and another & the causes and consequences of each one.
- The ability to restrain the passions.
- The ability to behave considerately and understandingly in our associations with other people."
Individuals have to be capable of putting others first for good to be done. They also have to be able to empathise with anothers situation and be prepared to make an effort in order to improve it. Sometimes we have to put our own desires at the bottom of the list in order to benefit someone or society in general.
Human beings are capable of amazing selfless actions. Many are truly caring & endure great hardship and pain for the benefit for others. Honesty & truth are difficult taskmasters, temptation is all around us. But we should at least be honest with ourselves.
Above all we should try to think first & not go into "fight & flight mode" as soon as something thwarts us. We sometimes seem to let our emotions rule our lives. How many times have I lost my temper, been judgemental, said something cruel or unkind, even wanted to hit someone. It often seems that adults behave like spoilt children having a temper tantrum.
Truth, Emotion & Kindness - Could do better if I tried!
Saturday 7 May 2011
Rain & Water Wars.
After weeks of dryness throughout April & May we finally had rain last night. All climate records have been broken. There was stunning thunder and lightening. The Alchemilla looked lovely with it's fat raindrop globules this morning. My newly planted trees have struggled despite my watering efforts, and my lawn is full of deep cracks in the ground. The spring flowering has been spectacular. This following on from the third hard winter in a row. The man made cause might be disputed, but but not by me. I don't see how anyone with eyes to see can deny climate change.
We think of the UK as a "green & pleasant land"- I wonder for how long. We assume water is an ever flowing constant, always there. Without a plentiful water supply we are simply unsustainable. Growing food, rearing animals, industrial needs, not to mention the simple day to day routines of washing - all water dependent. The trouble is, as so many things, we take it for granted.
Informed people are already talking about "Water Wars". Nations abstract huge amounts of water seriously impacting on other nations further down river. Massive dams are built, again impacting on other countries. I have seen the "Great Man Made River" in Libya and was filled with horror at the wasteful selfishness of the whole project. Farmers, villages & individuals do the same.
We seem to think that water is a right rather than a valuable natural resource. Tell that to millions of people in the third world who have no access to clean water. As you are watering your flowers think of people walking miles to get a container full of water or drinking filthy, contaminated water from a river or stream.
I'm not naive enough to think that this can be solved easily, but it could be solved now. We have the technology & the resources. It's not rocket science. It just takes the will of enough people not to accept the unacceptable. It also takes the will to spend the money on something really worthwhile.
We think of the UK as a "green & pleasant land"- I wonder for how long. We assume water is an ever flowing constant, always there. Without a plentiful water supply we are simply unsustainable. Growing food, rearing animals, industrial needs, not to mention the simple day to day routines of washing - all water dependent. The trouble is, as so many things, we take it for granted.
Informed people are already talking about "Water Wars". Nations abstract huge amounts of water seriously impacting on other nations further down river. Massive dams are built, again impacting on other countries. I have seen the "Great Man Made River" in Libya and was filled with horror at the wasteful selfishness of the whole project. Farmers, villages & individuals do the same.
We seem to think that water is a right rather than a valuable natural resource. Tell that to millions of people in the third world who have no access to clean water. As you are watering your flowers think of people walking miles to get a container full of water or drinking filthy, contaminated water from a river or stream.
I'm not naive enough to think that this can be solved easily, but it could be solved now. We have the technology & the resources. It's not rocket science. It just takes the will of enough people not to accept the unacceptable. It also takes the will to spend the money on something really worthwhile.
Tuesday 3 May 2011
Change - Osama bin Laden
One of the basic tenets of Buddhist philosophy is accepting that change happens. Osama Bin Laden the leader of the terrorist group Al Quaeda was killed by the Americans yesterday. This will undoubtedly result in change in the Arab world & the world generally. Whether that change will be for good or ill we have to wait & see. In the meantime the press & media are dining out on pointless speculation.
The whole nature of change is that it happens unexpectedly & we cannot control it, but we do have to accept it and manage it as effectively as we are able. We are living through times where the rate of change in our lives seems to be growing exponentially. Very little can be expected to be immutable. This can be quite stressful, especially to those of a less robust disposition or control freaks.
At a simple individual level my life now bears very little resemblance to my life when I was a child, a teenager or a young adult. The tendency can be to resist change because the familiar is comfortable & known. But I have learned to embrace change. Resisting is futile anyway. It seem to me that the thing is not to fear change. We all have to find a way to deal with it anyway, at any level. So we might as well go forward into the unknown with a positive attitude. Change is often ultimately good.
I do believe that one's attitude actually colours the reality of one's experience. I would like my life to be as positive as possible. So I do actively try not to be negative. (It doesn't always work though. I am only human!)
The whole nature of change is that it happens unexpectedly & we cannot control it, but we do have to accept it and manage it as effectively as we are able. We are living through times where the rate of change in our lives seems to be growing exponentially. Very little can be expected to be immutable. This can be quite stressful, especially to those of a less robust disposition or control freaks.
At a simple individual level my life now bears very little resemblance to my life when I was a child, a teenager or a young adult. The tendency can be to resist change because the familiar is comfortable & known. But I have learned to embrace change. Resisting is futile anyway. It seem to me that the thing is not to fear change. We all have to find a way to deal with it anyway, at any level. So we might as well go forward into the unknown with a positive attitude. Change is often ultimately good.
I do believe that one's attitude actually colours the reality of one's experience. I would like my life to be as positive as possible. So I do actively try not to be negative. (It doesn't always work though. I am only human!)
Sunday 1 May 2011
Talking - A Poem
Talking to people is strange,
I say what I think.
The words pass in straight lines
From mouth to ear.
And yet are distorted,
Like a childrens whispering game.
Is the air a catalyst,
An agent for change,
That you don't understand what I'm saying?
We descend to trivialities
To cover our confusion,
Our inability to comprehend,
The vast depths of emotions felt.
The need to communicate is strong
And yet......
We avoid understanding,
Afraid of what we might reveal,
Afraid of the pain
Of sharing emotions.
And so we pass the time of day
In mundane conversation.
Because anything else
Is too fraught with dangers,
Too likely to end in disaster.
Preserve the veneer
At all costs.
Don't really listen.
Because we don't want to hear
What is really being said.
Val Carlill - written in the 1970s
I say what I think.
The words pass in straight lines
From mouth to ear.
And yet are distorted,
Like a childrens whispering game.
Is the air a catalyst,
An agent for change,
That you don't understand what I'm saying?
We descend to trivialities
To cover our confusion,
Our inability to comprehend,
The vast depths of emotions felt.
The need to communicate is strong
And yet......
We avoid understanding,
Afraid of what we might reveal,
Afraid of the pain
Of sharing emotions.
And so we pass the time of day
In mundane conversation.
Because anything else
Is too fraught with dangers,
Too likely to end in disaster.
Preserve the veneer
At all costs.
Don't really listen.
Because we don't want to hear
What is really being said.
Val Carlill - written in the 1970s
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