Heatwave

I remember lying out in the sun for hours sunbathing & developing a tan. I also remember sunburn. Eventually it dawned on me that keeping a tan required time & dedication & there were better things to do with my time. We also became aware that UV light is dangerous to health, especially if, like me, you had auburn hair & fair skin. 

Now I dread very hot weather. It is a real trial - I simply can't cope with it. I have to remain indoors in the coolest, darkened, room. Even then I am acutely uncomfortable because the weather exacerbates all my medical conditions. Nights in a heatwave are even more sleepless than usual. 

I am not alone. It is not just a question of discomfort. People die. There were 1,311 heat-associated deaths during the 4 heat episodes in the summer of 2024. Somehow you don't associate good weather with illness & death. Despite a pacemaker, I am acutely aware of the effect of any exertion. It's exhausting. 

https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/heat-mortality-monitoring-report-england-2024/heat-mortality-monitoring-report-england-2024

The UK isn't adapted for extreme heat. Mediterranean counties are, but even they struggle. The US has air con everywhere.

Europe has adapted to excess heat through widespread infrastructural retrofits, urban greening & mandatory heat health action plans. Cities use passive cooling, such as cool roofs and shaded green infrastructure. Meanwhile, healthcare systems have scaled up early warning systems to dramatically reduce heatwave mortality. Cities have increased tree canopy cover, converted asphalt to permeable surfaces, & installed green roofs - Even green bus stops to lower ambient temperatures. Europeans have adapted labour laws & modified outdoor working hours, have shaded breaks & suspended heavy physical labour. School timetable are different.

The European Environment Agency has just published a report looking at climate risk & resilience.

https://www.eea.europa.eu/en/newsroom/news/extreme-weather-and-uneven-climate-adaptation-challenge-europes-resilience  

The UK is really not ready for this. We are being catapulted into a situation that Europe, particularly the Mediterranean countries, have taken years to adapt to. Climate Change needs to be at the top of any government agenda. The trouble is there are so many other serious issues. Not least the threat of war with Russia & other rogue nations. Then there is Poverty, Housing, the NHS & Social care, Privatised utilities etc....

Who would be a politician today? There are no easy answers & there certainly isn't any money unless we all pay more & ask for less. 

  

 

 

Difficult Conversations

The dilemma of how to say something to others, when you know that it may, at best, be taken the wrong way & at worst cause confrontation, argument & hurt, is difficult to handle. The judgement call is a fine line. Should you say anything at all? Should you just "bite your lip" & pretend the problem doesn't exist? Should you be true to yourself & face up to the issue?

I don't think there is a straightforward answer. There are so many variables - the personalities involved, the importance of the issue, the circumstances surrounding it....My gut feeling is always to bring things out into the open & discuss them. But I know that is a touch selfish, because I am not good at going along with something I don't agree with for a quiet life. The issue nags away at me. It may keep me awake at night. I go over conversations in my head. Especially when it involves people I love or like a lot. 

But life is not straightforward. Life is a bumpy ride. We all need to learn how to deal with problems, arguments & confrontation. We all need to be true to our own sense of right or wrong - of fairness. We also need to learn how to broach issues in a tactful & sympathetic way, trying to be rational & keep emotion at bay. In order to do it well we need to listen as much or more than speak. We need empathy & understanding. There are far more grey areas than black & white ones. 

We also need to be able to apologise if we are wrong or accept apology if the other person is. We need to be able to forgive. As Alexander Pope said "To err is human, to forgive divine". 

The thing that concerns me about politics today is that politicians don't seem to be able, or allowed, to "Speak truth unto Power". This means courageously challenging authority, calling out injustice, or sharing critical feedback without fear of retaliation. It originates from a 1955 civil rights and pacifist pamphlet by the American Friends Service Committee. Which is ironic when it seems that few people are speaking truth to the president of the United States who is becoming more & more unpredictable, volatile & downright unhinged in his utterings & behaviour.

My current dilemma is to withdraw from doing something that isn't working for me, without giving offence. Sometimes you do just have to do what is best for you regardless of how others will interpret it. That isn't self centred, it's being pragmatic & having integrity. But that doesn't stop it being difficult. 

 

Concentration

I don't have any problem concentrating on what I am doing. Unfortunately I am really task oriented. I mostly continue with what I am doing until I'm satisfied it is finished. I can also multi task when necesary. What I can't do is do anything requiring thought & listen to the radio or watch TV simultaneously. I also can't be creative without concentrating. The best I can do is listen to classical music while working - piano or Bach for instance. 

One of the things I really enjoy is reading a good book. I read for various reasons - to relax, to be entertained, to be informed, to widen my horizons & learn something new. When I was younger I could never stop reading a book because I wasn't enjoying it, but now I am quite capable of doing that. My life will be too short to read all the books I actually have, so I'm not going to waste my time reading something I am not enjoying - Something that is a chore. 

So I am quite concerned to find that there has been a marked change in attention spans. Research shows that our ability to focus on a single digital screen task has steadily dropped from about 2.5 minutes in the early 2000's to about 40 - 47 seconds today. In addition overall book reading among adults & younger people is declining, largely because of social media, streaming & the pace of modern life. Plus of course the shorter attention spans.

My concern is even wider. "Sound bites" typically range from 5 to 15 seconds long. They are designed to distill complex information into a short, memorable, and easily quotable phrase. They often contain around 10 to 30 words. We apparently are not able to concentrate & take in longer complex information.

 

So presumably we have been in the process of radically changing our brains - Our Neural pathways. Modern life & technology has changed our brains. Neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to constantly reorganize and form new neural connections. Our environments, digital habits, and reliance on technology have measurably altered how we focus, remember, and process information. How often I have seen mothers glued to their phones & not talking to their babies or toddlers?

I'm not at all sure that I am happy with that. Thank god my brain is quite old & resistant to change. Although I'm quite technically competent, I'm definitely not scrolling on my phone all day. I'm not a slave to algorithms thinking for me. I don't go down the "black holes" or "rabbit warrens". I am capable of focussing.   

 

 

 

Little Pleasures

Ageing means changing, adapting & accepting. Both mind & body change, which affects what you can & can't do. There are two ways of dealing with this, you can accept & modify, or you can refuse & fight it. Accepting & modifying does not mean giving in & becoming isolated, insular & self absorbed. It means knowing the things you cannot change or do and finding "work arounds". It is important not to just lay down & give in, but you do need determination to continue to live a good life, whatever the challenges. 

Several previous pleasures are no longer open to me because of pain, stiffness, fatigue & breathlessness. Hill walking is a long lost pleasure. Pacing is important because stamina is non existant. Gardening & housework are difficult & some things are even impossible. Showering & dressing is a challenge, either my arms are shorter or my legs are longer & I can't reach my feet! Sitting for extended periods in the theatre or cinema is painful. Cooking from scratch is painful & exhausting. Visiting art exhibitions is difficult & tiring. Walking for more than 5 minutes is a challenge. Walking & talking even more so....I could go on, but how boring would that be?

I do think that you have to accept some of the challenges of ageing. I also think that mindset is really important. If you only see the negative you become someone who is not a pleasure to be with. You become a "drain". Self absorbtion is not a pleasant characteristic. Always focussing on your conditions or the aspects of your life you don't like will not endear you to those around you.

So, providing you don't have a terminal condition, (although we all do in a way), or you aren't suffering from a really serious illness, I think you have to be aware & outward looking. You have to find the things that give you pleasure. Little pleasures like enjoying good food & not eating rubbish. Finding a way of keeping fit you enjoy, (I love swimming). Keeping interested in what is going on with family & friends & the world. (You are not the centre of the Universe). Listening to the radio, (I love Radio 4).  Volunteering & helping others, (beneficial because you are actually meeting people). Doing things to keep your mind active & distracting you from the day to day difficulties of life - Puzzles, reading, games like solitaire & mahjong on an Ipad or phone....

I think I am saying look honestly at your thoughts & personality. Would you want to spend time with yourself? Yes, if you live alone I know you do most of the time. But would you enjoy a conversation with yourself? Are you interested in other people, new things, events in the world, life itself? Or are you trapped in a mindset that has unrealistic expectations of others & is negative about everything & everyone?

Actually, I don't think this is just about ageing. It's about just being a nice human being & really valuing how lucky you are in small ways. Accentuate the positive, a song from 1945, the year I was born. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3jdbFOidds&t=60s 

 

Civil War?

Yesterday I went to a discussion about the possibility of Civil War between Profs David Betz & Jonathan Portes as part of the Oxford Literary Festival. I found the former cogent & compelling & the latter surprisingly poor & arrogant.

I remember clearly the discontent & violence of the 60's - 80's. 

I think the 60's was the start of  profound social, economic, and political tensions that signalled a breakdown in traditional social norms and trust in authority. There was industrial unrest & economic weakness, declining trust in government, race & immigration tension, class divide & social inequality among others. Does that ring any bells?

The 70's brought all of that plus inflation near 30%. Resulting in the "winter of discontent" in 1978 / 79 with widespread strikes, a 3 day working week, rubbish not being collected & energy shortages - The lights literally went out. 

The 80's heralded huge economic & political divisions & Thatchers conservative government, with a decline of traditional manufacturing, mass unemployment, industrial conflict, and severe urban unrest. Not to mention privatization selling off so much of our infrastructure & services. The miners strike of 1984 / 5 was a bitter industrial dispute handled very confrontationally by the government & the police. That was so bad that there is finally going to be an official inquiry into the violent policing at Orgreave. Then there was the Poll Tax riots & the inner city riots in Brixton, Toxteth, Handsworth, (which I knew well) & Moss Side.

So, no one can tell me that civil war can't happen here. All of that laid the foundations for the society we live in today. But all of the metrics have got worse.

 

But there are significant differences that also make the situation worse.  I will just make 2 points. 

There is universal distrust of politicians & politics in general, with good reason. It is arguable that we do not have a functioning democracy & the complexity of governing has increased exponentially, requiring a cadre of very experienced & skilled leaders that are markedly absent. The 3 party system is past it's sell by date.

We live in a age of rapid communication. We all have powerful computers literally in our hands. We have instantaneous access to both reliable & unreliable information. It is difficult to differentiate between truth, lies & conspiracy theory. Equally it is easy to whip up discontent & anger & organise protests which can easily turn violent. 

I really hope that the curtailment of the right to protest & aggressive policing epitomised by "kettling" is not used to address the discontent evident between the "have's" & the "have not's". But I fear that we are in danger of ignoring the indicators that things are seriously unacceptable to so many people. I can envisage rioting & civil war because I have seen the foundations laid.

That is, of course, if we don't find ourselves in a 3rd world war. 

Losing my Mind

I once started to write a novel set in a school, (for obvious reasons). It came to nothing. But I remember the opening line - "Here I sit, losing my mind & minding my loss". While I loved teaching, being the head of a very large primary school, 450 children, was stressful. I didn't lose my mind though.

Now, although I don't feel I am losing my mind, I do feel less confident in my memory. I, who was really well organised, who felt on top of a professional job, running a family & home, plus organising holidays & a social life. 

Ageing does that to you. Bits of you wear out. I sometimes think about the amount of data stored in my brain over a period of 81 years. No wonder retrieval is tricky. Then there is the small miracle of a heart beating consistently for all that time - Aided now by a pacemaker & a daily handful of drugs. Not to mention all the other organs in a body. It is a miracle & we shouldn't take it for granted. Especially as life expectancy in the UK has increased by 10 -15 years since I was born.

But we do. We think living is our right. We think we are individually important. We think we will all live to old age. But we are grains of sand on an infinite beach. We are part of a whole, but of little consequence individually. We can all contribute something to the community or society we live in. We are all special in some way, we all have something we are good at. We just need to use what we have been given.

Knowledge is gained cumulatively through endevour & experience. There has to be effort & openness to learn. We are born with huge brain capacity. The popular idea that humans only use 10% of their brain is a myth; we actually use 100% of our brains. Brain imaging technology, such as fMRI and PET scans, show that almost every part of the brain is active over a 24-hour period, even while sleeping. 

 

Age related memory loss is frustrating. But forgetting what you were going to do, someone's name, an appointment, where something is, none of that is as serious as dementia. It is normal. I'm not losing my mind, I'm just misplacing the data temporarily, it usually comes back. If I'm doing a general knowledge crossword I can usually see an image of the answer, but not remember the word. I have a very visual memory. 

It's a case of "use it or lose it". Exercise increases the blood flow to the brain, socialising keeps the mind sharp, doing puzzles, reading & learning new skills & a good diet - all are important for the brain. If you don't want to lose your mind you have to actively stimulate it.

But you also have to give your brain a rest. So I do wonder whether our addiction to the constant stimulation of mobile phones & computers is a good thing. I was on a bus yesterday. Two pram pushing mothers got on. They spent the whole journey scrolling on their phones, not looking at their children. Only one mother spoke to her child - to say "no". Around 37% of children joining Reception in 2025 in the UK were not considered "school ready," an increase from 33% in 2024. I'm not surprised. 

  

 

Caring

Do we know how to care for eachother? Is our world envied health service really capable of caring for the sick & disabled?  I ask this while understanding all of the complex parameters of the questions - time, money, people available - skilled & willing, equipment, drugs....

The reason I ask is because I am old enough to remember what the NHS used to provide & what my generation understood to be reponsibility & duty of care. Also because I have just been quite ill for 10 days & had to navigate todays NHS.

However I phrase this it will probably annoy & upset people. But, although I think there have been huge improvements in technology & medication, I think things have changed at a personal level to an unacceptable degree. While I think that medics care, there are limits to what they can do & they have accepted things that shouldn't be accepted in terms of patient care. 

I have had a nasty viral chest infection which turned into bacterial Bronchitis. It started on the 29th December. By the 5th January I had felt really ill for 4 days, was coughing continuously, extremely congested, very breathless, aching all over & exhausted. I went through the online system to try to get an appointment. I am able to do that, many of my age aren't. I got a phone triage from the surgery, although I could barely talk. I was told to come into the surgery.

Really? Is that appropriate. I'm nearly 81 with several chronic conditions including heart failure & a pacemaker. I live alone. Fortunately my lovely daughter, who is a teacher & started term that day, was able to take me. But the triage person thought it was fine for me to get a taxi. I waited for quite a while in the crowded waiting room. I was the only person wearing a mask so that I wouldn't pass the infection on. I saw someone who wasn't a GP, but I don't know what qualifications she had. She prescribed anti biotics.

Not to mince words, a very nasty chest infection, at my age, with my medical conditions needs to be taken seriously. 

So, again fortunately, my daughter was able to take me home, picking up the meds on the way.  I know, only too well how fortunate I am.

Then on the 7th I got up & was coughing up blood. I think I had actually started the day before, but thought it was bacterial phlegm. But on the 7th it was very obvious. I have to say I was worried. I've never had that before. So I phoned the surgery & managed to explain to reception. A doctor phoned me & asked me to come to the surgery again. Quite honestly I was amazed. I told him I felt too ill to do that & he said he would send a paramedic.

The paramedic came about 1pm & did the obs. I have no idea whether he reported back to the GP. I certainly haven't had any follow up from the GP. 

I know that GP's have a big workload. I know there aren't enough of them. But I do wonder if my experience has anything to do with the new contracts they agreed a few years back that made them in charge of the finances & changed their work patterns, especially out of hours duties. The GMC has definitely become more militant & doctors seem to be far more willing to strike, despite the impact on patient care. 

Fortunately I am capable & independent & have family nearby& good friends. But this has been a very difficult time & I am still feeling quite unwell. I accept that many patients have access to information about illness & care. I accept that they need to take reponsibility for their own health & welfare. 

 

But I am left with the feeling that the NHS has had a care bypass. They are tolerating things that should not be tolerated. We all, patients & medics, need to put this right & make the politicians listen.

 

 

Childhood & Christmas

Whatever you think about the immigration issue I want you to consider another perspective. 

When I was a child we didn't have sleepovers. We played in the street or the back garden. But we did play. We played with marbles, balls, water, sand. We had swings & parks. I lived in Birmingham, but I could walk to grassy open areas, two of which had rivers or canals. So it was like being in the countryside. Children were connected with both other children, adults & their environment in a way that they aren't now. We didn't have TV, but we listened to the radio & read books, which sparked our imagination, made us concentrate & think.

My childhood shaped me.

I'm not going to dwell on childhood today in the UK. You all know what it is like. It's light years away from what I remember. In some ways better, but in many I think children have lost something important.

I do want you to think about children in Gaza, in Ukraine, in Sudan, Somalia & the DRC. Children who are living in war zones. I doubt that you can imagine what it's like to constantly be surrounded by death, destruction, shooting, bombs & noise. I can't. What sort of a childhood do these children have? Even survival is not guaranteed - Theirs or their friends & family. The risk of life changing injury is even higher.

Then there are the children living in countries where humanitarian law doesn't apply. In Nigeria for example, mass child abduction is fairly routine. Children in many countries do not have a childhood, they work, voluntarily or not, from a very young age. The family needs them to work in order to be able to survive. Children are sold & trafficked. It's a form of modern slavery in every country in the world, including the UK, the US & Europe. In Africa children are sold for as little as 15$ - 70$.

 

I'm going to stop there. It's too harrowing.

My point is today is the start of Advent - Leading up to the "money fest" of Christmas. We are sold a tinsel & Santa image of happy families. The projected spend on Christmas in 2025 is £41.6 - £46.6 billion. 

More & more I find that unacceptable. Just think of the good, even a small part of that money could do, for the children & their parents living in the conditions I have described. Where is our humanity? Why are we demonising refugees & immigrents? 

Pointlessness - Kuzozu Art

Kuzozu is Buddhist art showing 9 images of the decay of a corpse, (usually female for reasons I don't want to think about), left outdoors until it rots & turns into a skeleton. Death is one of the most cmmonly depicted subjects in art throughout history. Buddhist beliefs urged followers to meditate on the temporary nature of life and the physical world. It is arguable that our life span is so short & we are individually so inconsequential that our lives are fairly pointless. Earth to earth & ashes to ashes.

When you reach my age you do think about life and death & what the point of us is. Especially, as has just happened, when a good friend dies unexpectedly. 

We human beings want to believe that there is a point to our existance. We want to believe that we are, individually, important - Our lives are meaningful. I wonder how true that is. How much difference have I personally made to the lives of others? How much difference have I personally made to the universe? Has there been any real point to my life, other than to a very small number of close friends & family?

I think the point of us individually is as part of a whole. Part of the family we belong to, part of the community & country we live in & part of the the world everyone inhabits. We need to divest ourselves of self importance & see ourselves as a small part of a whole something. We have agency to achieve as a community. Power to the people is not just an empty phrase. It is a slogan for collective influence. It represents the idea that a group of individuals working together can achieve significant influence or effect change. It is often used in political and social contexts, from protests and elections to local community initiatives.  

Taken in isolation I think my life has had a little meaning. It hasn't been completely pointless. There have been achievements. I have tried to behave well & work for good. But in order to really effect change for the good I have realised two things;-

• If you have more money than you need you should use it to benefit others. You shouldn't waste it on pointless unnecessary posessions & grandiose schemes. The mega wealthy today do not give enough money away to those in need. 
• If you don't have more money than you need, you need to use your voice to lobby for change. We each have the capability to demonstrate & act in concert with others, who care about injustice & unfairness, to force wrongs to be righted.

No one's life should be pointless. Life is a gift that should not be squandered. We should not be a silent majority.

 

    

Reasons to be Cheerful

One of the pieces of music I have on my funeral playlist is "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life". I'm nothing if not eclectic, I also have the "Dies Irae" chorus from Verdi's Requiem mass, which is the choral depiction of the day of judgement. If I'm ever at the pearly gates I'm really not sure how the scales of justice will fall. But then I think heaven & hell is within each of us, not an ultimate destination.

At the moment I am finding it quite difficult to focus on the many & varied reasons I have to be cheerful. There are so many things happening in my small world, but mainly in the world generally, that do not generate cheer. I don't think I need to enumerate them.

But in order not to sink into gloom I think that we all need to try to focus on the positive. 

Yesterday I wrote the draft of this listening to a playlist of the most beautiful piano solos. I was sitting in my study, in my home, looking out onto a street bathed in sunlight shining from a clear blue sky. Two of my neighbours boys popped over to give me a huge box of apples because they are all going on holiday. That means I will bake an apple cake & pass most on to my daughter who is a better cook than me. We went to a ceramic fair in Oxford in the morning which showcased the most inspiring collection of human creativity in clay. That was just one day in the life of.....

 

My point is that hopefully most of us can find reasons to be cheerful because if we are really honest there are always people who are much worse off than we are. If I feel in the least sorry for myself when I am in pain or very fatigued, I can think of people who have far worse medical conditions than I do. If something goes wrong in my life, generally it isn't drastic or life threatening. I dread house maintenance issues, it's never easy to sort them out, but I have a comfortable house that I own. 

I've had 80 years of a really interesting & productive life. Happiness is a gift to be appreciated & acknowledged. I'm not given to joy, but I do appreciate contentment. Each new day is a bonus & a blessing now. 

That's a reason to be very cheerful. 

 

In Sickness and in Health?

I've got a torn tendon in my right hand & I've had to do a lot of chasing to get anything done about it. It seems that hand clinics & much else have all been outsourced to a private company called CORA. After waiting nearly 3 weeks for an appointment & trying to navigate a dreadful website, I finally phoned them. The woman I spoke to was really helpful & emailed me a "choose & book" form. The Oxford clinic had no appointments at all, Bicester & Banbury had 6 month waits. So I've had to choose Reading which has a 3 month wait. That's despite the GP saying the referral was urgent. I'm right handed, so the impact of the damage is difficult to deal with.

It brought home how the NHS is struggling. This isn't life threatening. Fortunately it isn't excruciatingly painful any more, but I can't put any pressure on with the palm of my hand & the hand is permanently at an angle & very stiff. So washing & dressing, making the bed & washing up for example, are really difficult. When I swim I have to have it splinted & dread someone knocking my hand. My osteopath thinks it might need surgery.

The median wait time for planned hospital treatment in England is 13.3 weeks, according to the latest NHS data from June 2025. I'm assuming that means the first consultation, not actual treatment. The pre-pandemic average was 7.3 weeks in 2019. Apparently trauma & orthopaedics has the highest number of patients on the waiting list, with over 800,000 people waiting in March 2024. So I'm not alone.

I'm doing what I can, I can afford my osteopath who is very good. Swimming helps because I do back crawl which means the water resists the hand & pushes it back a bit. I've bought a gel fidgit ball which feels like squeezing a silicone boob! But my concern is what sort of movement will I be left with after such a long wait to be seen, never mind actual treatment. I need an ultrasound scan to see exactly what the damage is.

But everything needs to be put into context - people are not being diagnosed in a timely way, they are  suffering a lot of pain & disability, some must be dying needlessly, because our health service isn't as good as it should be.

If we want the care we deserve the NHS has to improve the way it operates, (excuse the pun). But we too need to make clear that we want to fund it properly. The UK generally spends less per person on healthcare compared to other high-income European nations, such as France, Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Austria, Denmark, Ireland, Norway, Sweden, and Switzerland. This is because other countries are wealthier than the UK, some make better political choices about health care & some make more efficient use of resources. 

There is room for improvement in the NHS, but it needs political will, taxpayers to pay more & the NHS to put it's organisation in order.

 

https://www.kingsfund.org.uk/insight-and-analysis/blogs/comparing-nhs-to-health-care-systems-other-countries 

 

Joy, Happiness & Contentment

Of these three I find it really difficult to decide which I experience. I'm not sure that I have truly experienced joy at all. I think that the closest I have come is travelling with my husband & walking in wonderful landscapes. What is joy? Supposedly it is great pleasure & happiness. A deep, internal sense of well being & contentment, independent of external circumstances, which lasts longer than fleeting happiness. It is rooted in an authentic life aligned with one's values, meaningful connections, and a profound inner sense of purpose or fulfillment, even in the face of suffering. 

That's a lot to ask of life. The obvious response to the question "when did you experience real joy", is the birth of a child or ones wedding day. For me, for very different reasons neither were joyous. 

Then there is happiness - a state of mind characterized by positive emotions, a sense of purpose, and a feeling of fulfillment, deep pleasure. Well, yes. I have felt those things. It has usually been relatively fleetingly though. I always mistrust people who seem to be overly happy with their life. In my experience life is a bumpy road, full of surprises & challenges. You have to grab happiness when it happens, because you always have to deal with sorrow & heartache too. I don't think that it is possible, in this world, to feel happy all the time. 

So that leaves me with contentment - being satisfied with ones life & circumstances. A sense of inner peace with what you have without constantly wanting more. A lasting feeling of fulfillment that is distinct from fleeting happiness, an appreciation for the present and a sense of completeness. I can live with that & be immensely grateful for it.

 

The main point of life, as I see it, is to try to do no harm. We all have an ego, a sense of our self esteem & self importance. Self esteem is important, we need to value ourseves. Self importance can be the route to all sorts of problems. Maybe if we thought of ourselves as a grain of sand we would get some perspective of our real importance & be more content with what we have.   

Post Lunch Fatigue

Just as night follows day I struggle to stay awake after eating lunch. I usually sit for a bit & maybe play mahjong or solitaire on my tablet, or read a book. Even if I'm doing something on my computer, my eyelids drag themselves down & I do start to drift off.

My calvanistic upbringing decrees that my days should be productive, so sleeping isn't an option. I have to get up & do something. Things need to be crossed off my "to do" list.

However, I've been talking to someone who told me about "post lunch fatigue" - post any meal actually. But it is more of a thing at lunchtime for me. The scientific name is postprandial somnolence. Apparently it's caused by high-carbohydrate meals that cause a rapid blood sugar and insulin spike, or by high-fat meals that are harder to digest and divert blood flow from the brain. Blood flow to the digestive tract is increased.

We know so much more now about how our body works & how complex a system it is. High-carb meals lead to a surge in insulin, which can cause a subsequent drop in blood sugar, resulting in a feeling of energy loss. Eating triggers the release of serotonin, a hormone that promotes sleep. More blood being directed to the digestive system to process food, can lead to reduced blood flow to the brain, so we are drowsy.

Apparently the solution is;-

• Eating smaller, lighter, balanced meals
• Being hydrated 
• Light exercise to re-energise the body & increase concentration
• Mindful eating

Who knew?

I thought it was simply an ageing thing & I fight it. I don't want to waste the time I have left alive by sleeping, except at night time. On the other hand my nights are very disturbed & I wake a lot & don't get prolonged restful sleep. 

So I'm now thinking I should look at time differently. Just follow my circadian rhythm. I should listen to my master clock in the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN) of the brain. 

 

I don't think my body likes the current routines my brain has created.  

 

Lifestyle

I'm not at all sure that I have a "lifestyle". What exactly does it mean? It's such a nebulous term. Does it mean that there are rules or patterns of behaviour? Wikipedia says it is the interests, opinions, behaviours, and behavioural orientations of an individual, group, or culture. So I have to wonder how you become a member. How you find out the rules that apply.

More importantly, why do individuals want to join a particular "lifestyle club". 

I suppose that a lot of it is dictated by social media, advertising & influencers. That puts me off for a start.

The key to my unease is the word dictated. Where is individuality in all of this? Where is the value in being different, following your own beliefs & interests. Why don't we value our individuality, our difference? Why are we determined to be a member of a group, without being able to diverge from the behaviours or mores of that group? Why should we allow ourselves to be so influenced by someone else. Often someone that we don't even know?

I'm trying to work out what my lifestyle is. I'm old, I live alone, I have a house, but no pets, I have an interesting & busy life, I don't have a big family, but I have lots of friends, I have a routine, but I do like unplanned things, I enjoy doing lots of things, I'm never bored....

What group does that put me in? A granny, A retiree, A pensioner? Well no, I don't think I conform to the image any of those names conjours up. I hope not, because I think those names categorize & are dismissive & I don't want to belong to a homogenous group.

I want to be me far more than I want to "belong". I don't want to wear what old people are "supposed " to wear, or do what old people are "supposed" to do. I wish I had realised that when I was young & did try to fit in with others & their expectations. Now I really don't think that is the way to be. 

 

It is important to know what matters to you, not try to conform to what matters to other people. 

Neurotypical - Neurodiverse

Neurotypical -  Having characteristics and traits that are considered typical in comparison to other people in society.

Neurodiverse - the natural variation in how the human brain functions & processes information. A wide range of ways that people think, learn, and behave. It is estimated that 15% - 20% of the world's population is neurodivergent. That's more than 1 in 7.

I have just done 4 interesting tests to assess whether I am neurodiverse. It turns out that I possibly am. I seem to be somewhere relatively low down on the Autism spectrum. It hadn't ocurred to me. As far as I am concerned I am really normal - it's the rest of you that are odd. It was quite a surprise. I think it's important to focus on the strengths and unique perspectives that neurodivergent individuals can bring, rather than solely focusing on challenges. But I could possibly be biased.

Further it seems likely that I inherited it from my mother, who I definitely thought was different, but for other reasons. Around 80% of autism cases can be linked to inherited genetic mutations. Autistic people exhibit differences in social interaction, communication, and behavior. I suspect we all think we are normal, but how often do we tell family or friends what we really think about them? 

Autism presents differently in females, often leading to underdiagnosis or misdiagnosis due to masking & different symptom presentation. Women and girls are more likely to mask their autism symptoms, consciously or unconsciously mimicking social behaviors and using scripts to fit in.

https://www.oxfordcbt.co.uk/female-autism-checklist/ 

Anyway, I'm taking this revelation on board. In my apparently autistic way, I'm researching it & finding out as much as I can. The thing is, however honest you can be with yourself, you are hardly the most reliable judge of your own personality traits. 

Maybe the main thing we all have to live with is that human beings are wonderfully different in looks, in intelligence, in philosophy, in temperament, in everything you can think of. That is a good thing. Difference is to be cherished, not used to isolate or intimidate people. Humans do have a tendency to form cliques & to exclude outliers, even torment & bully them. 

We need alternative ways of thinking to get us out of the mess we are in. We should all be more accepting. I think I need to work on that!

 

Generating my own Electricity

I am quite excited. I feel I've done something really positive.

Last Wednesday scaffolders came & erected a complex network over my extension. They were very skilled. I thought it was quite difficult because the extension is clad with powder coated metal & the flat roof is covered with sedum. So the scaffolding couldn't touch any of it. 

On Friday a team of 3 came to install the solar panels, control box & battery. They too were very good at their job. The electrician in particular was really thorough & painstaking. He had to come back on Saturday morning. 

So around lunchtime on Saturday I started generating my own electricity. There is an app, of course, which tells you everything you need to know about the system & how it's working. It was generating even though it was cloudy. 

Because I live alone & don't use a lot of electricity I will be sending electricity to the grid which I will be paid for. The battery will just ensure that I use as little from the grid as possible.  

Yes it is expensive & I got nothing from the government to encourage me to do it. Yes, it is possible that I may not live long enough to recoup my investment. I'm willing to take that risk. I didn't do it to make a profit or break even. I did it because it is something positive I can do towards making the UK energy secure & combat climate change. It's important.

I simply canot understand why there has been no legislation or incentive from any government for householders to do this for years. It's a no brainer surely. Why would we willingly give up land for solar "farms" when that land is needed for both farming & housing? I actually think it's almost criminal. Even now the legislation making house builders install solar won't come in untill 2027. That could have been done decades ago.

It has been noisy & disruptive. It certainly is expensive. But my solar array will be there generating electricity long after I've gone. I would have to live to 105 before the guarantees end. 

It's worth doing something as an individual. None of us should sit back & wait for others to solve the energy & climate crisis. Mike Berners Lee says that "solar panels could be the best carbon investment you ever make" in "How bad are Bananas".

P S

https://theecologist.org/2025/may/30/ai-storm 

https://www.opportunitygreen.org/publication-data-centres-threaten-energy-systems-climate-goals 

 

Responsibility & Opting Out - Individual or Corporate?

I have just had an email from an organisation called Swiftaid telling me that one of my major charity  donations has automatically been registered for Gift Aid. There are tax reasons, according to my accountant, why this shouldn't happen & I tell all the charities not to do it. My first thought was that this was a scam. But when I checked it out it wasn't.

I am really cross. Hopefully I have stopped this in it's tracks. But this is the first I have heard about this new change of responsibility, presumably by many charities. Moving responsibility away from organisations onto individuals isn't a new thing. Now there are several. The most well known is automatic organ donor registration, for which there was huge publicity & did not happen overnight. 

Now there is also National & GP Data opt out. The balance has switched from individuals giving consent to them knowing they have to opt out. In other words affirmative action is ending. The responsibility has shifted. I'm sure this is much easier for the organisations, It saves them time & money. I'm not convinced that it is beneficial for the individual though. Personally I want to be able to make a choice, whether to opt in or opt out.

Most people are perfectly capable of making choices as long as they are aware of the choice to be made. We can make a "pre-emptive opt out" or  "withdraw consent". However that relies on individuals being notified in advance of the choice to be made & given any relevant information. The big problem is that despite our advanced technological age often relevant information is hidden away in small print or a button or link that people may not notice. 

Additionally not everyone spends their time on computers as I do. Not everyone is tech savvy. Not everyone has the time to check things out on reliable sources.

This seems to be a growing trend. I really think it is a retrograde step & will cause confusion & individuals being opted in to things they do not want to be. I suspect it is not in the spirit of Human Rights, but I can't think which one it might infringe. 

Basically we are moving to a Big State & increased power away from the individual.    

 

Too many Books - Not Enough Time

 

I've always been a reader. When I was 11 my family moved to a house on the Wolverhampton Rd in Birmingham. A 5 minute walk away there was a public library on Bleakhouse Rd, so I had access to a lot of books. My parents did not have disposable income for luxuries like books. I thought a book for Christmas was a wonderful present. Books informed & transported me. According to Google maps the library is still there thank goodness. As is my family home, number 187, although it has been modernised & improved. 

I can't resist books. I never go to sleep without reading first. I like fiction & non fiction & often have both on the go at the same time. I've been a member of 2 book clubs which have broadened my interests & choices. I have shelves of books & also cupboards full in several rooms. I regularly go to charity shops to see what they have for sale. I would be bereft if I didn't have a book to move onto after I finished my current book.

My main problem is I probably won't be able to read all of the books I own, because I keep finding more to interest or entertain me.

Public libraries are in crisis.The BBC did an analysis in 2024 & found that more than 180 council-run libraries have either closed or been handed over to volunteer groups in the UK since 2016. That is one in 20 libraries since 2016, which has had more impact on deprived communities, who were four times more likely to have lost a publicly-funded library, not to mention the jobs associated with them. A third of those remaining, have had their hours reduced and at least three councils have at least halved their provision since 2016.

Council-run libraries offer more than just book-lending facilities - stay-and-play sessions for children, literacy clubs, access to computers & crucially, warm spaces for people who can't afford heating costs. Upper-tier local councils such as county councils and unitary authorities have a statutory duty to provide a “comprehensive library service". But funding is under attack.

We still need books in this tech age. In 2024, the number of independent bookstores in the UK fell from 1,063 to 1,052. However, this is still higher than the 2016 low of 867. Good book shops are thriving despite Amazon. There is nothing like having a book in your hand. Now my short term memory is declining I can write pencil notes or underline when a new character enters the story. 

Unlike mobile phones, the TV, or film, books don't rely on pictures to stimulate our intellect or imagination. Like radio, books enable us to actually use the brain we were given. 

One of the most joyous things you can do is read a story to a child, thus leading them towards being readers.

 

Being 80

I will be 80 next week. Every day I think about the increasing odds that I won’t be here tomorrow. That fact isn’t difficult to deal with. The uncertainty of “how” is. This is the 16^th year of living alone & learning to cope with life. I value my independence. I value my own routine. I don’t want to have to rely on someone else unless absolutely necessary.

My daughter & her family live a few minutes away, but they all have busy lives. Currently its been 9 days since I have seen or spoken to any of them. I understand that. I experienced it all myself – a profession, a family, & a social life takes time & effort. But it is hard to feel that you are “out of sight & out of mind” of those closest to you.

Living to this age makes me realise that I could have done better myself with my parents & in laws. But that self knowledge only comes with age & experience. My husband & I had a difficult relationship with both my parents & his. The generation gap between us was huge. The generation gap now between me & my family is equally huge. “T’was ever thus” – (Dickens “Old Curiosity Shop”).

I don’t believe, as my mother did, & I suspect my mother in law did, that a child owes their parent a debt of gratitude & has responsibility for them in their old age or infirmity. Parents choose to have children & do owe them care & protection that does last a lifetime. Separation of children from their parents as they enter adulthood is normal & important. That is hard for parents to cope with. Some never let go.

I don’t believe that you can force your children & grandchildren to love & respect you. They have to want to love you & care for you. They have to want to know what you have been doing & how you are. They have to want to visit you or phone & chat. A WhatsApp or text isn't the same.

In my view when we are young adults we are self absorbed. We are time poor. We have to balance a job, running a home, a life & relationships. We compartmentalise & often prioritise ourselves & what we want or our immediate family & friends demand. We might sympathise with other peoples lives & problems but we are unable to fully empathise with situations we have not experienced.

When you are old your perspectives change. If you are thoughtful & introspective you gain insight with a lifetime of experience.

The reality of being alone at 80 is that I could have an accident, a stroke or a heart attack at any time. I could die peacefully in my sleep or I could be in pain. When that happens I could be alone in the house & no one would know. Possibly for days or even weeks. It happened to my mother in law.

Hopefully the probability is small. But I have no way of knowing & there is nothing else I can do to be safer. But I am lucky. I designed, renovated and adapted a home & I wear a tele-alarm. I have good friends who I hope might notice I’m not doing the things I normally do.

But the reality is that its all a gamble. My life could end at any time, (as could yours). So I think it’s important to try to achieve something every day & make living purposeful. We all need to feel it’s worth getting up in the morning.

Memories

I'm a bit ambivalent about the value of memories.I'm not sure that their impact on what we do or say is entirely beneficial. Even more importantly how they can make us feel is not necessarily good. 

I've never been very good at remembering things that have happened. Friends & family can remember times we shared far better than I can. I have very few memories of my childhood & they are not very clear. I can remember a place in the countryside I could walk to & really enjoy being in very well, even how I got there. I can remember a time in primary school when I was very upset, but not why or what happened afterwards. I can remember playing in the street with other children. I can remember a huge argument about me going to the Ideal Home exhibition with a friend. I can remember practicing the piano in a very cold front room. My childhood is little random vignettes. Even having hypnotherapy didn't help me recall more.

For some reason I don't understand my mind seems to have erased a lot. It isn't a new thing, I've always had a problem with it. 

I can remember far more of my life as an adult, but even then there are lots of events that other people remember & I don't. Mostly what sticks in my mind is polarised, either very pleasurable experiences & places I've been, or the complete opposite. I can remember emotions & feelings. I can remember faces.

My feeling is that it is important to know what has gone before in our lives, but dwelling in the past isn't helpful. It's gone & can't be changed. Everyones memories will be a melange of good & bad. Few of us will sail through life on a rosy cloud. I think that we should try to live in the moment & really value where we are now, what we are doing & who we are with. Life passes by so quickly, it's easy to become a slave to routine & not take chances that are offered.  

I know people who hold grudges, who misguidedly think that everything was better in the past, who hold onto sadness & anger. Lives filled with those sort of memories are not happy. We all need joy in our lives & we need to actively try to create good new memories. 

Now is what is important & what we do with it.