Medicalising Normality

The Channel 4 documentary "The great ADHD Myth", which has proved controversial, was presented by the NHS psychiatrist Dr Max Pemberton, who concluded that ADHD was a “social construct” rather than a medical condition, and schools should better support children rather than doctors medicating them into fitting into a supposed norm. I haven't watched it yet, but I have been wondering whether we have over medicalised human behaviours that are actually within a "normal" spectrum.

If we have learned anything about our species with the development of science, it is that we humans are infinitely variable in how we think & behave. I have lived through the period when not being heterosexual was illegal. How ridiculous that seems now. Now we have LGBTQIA+ definitions of sexuality. I have to admit that I don't fully understand all of that. But it clearly makes my point that there are huge "normal" variations in sexuality.

I have also lived through much of my life when the common response to being anxious or depressed was something akin to "that's life - get over it". Stoicism & resilience were the answer. Now we have several neurodiverse conditions - Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Dyspraxia & Dysgraphia. Again, I can't claim to understand what each of those involves, but I do know that one size doesn't fit all. There are different levels in each individual.

My point is that being human is complicated, mentally, physically & emotionally. For every difference in thought & behaviour there is a huge range of "normal". I'm really not at all sure that compartmentalising & diagnosing people has helped us. Which brings me towards accepting that the medicalising of difference may well just be creating problems. 

There was a time when gay people were systematically persecuted - imprisoned, forced into chemical castration & given electro convulsive therapy. Now, hopefully we know better & are more tolerant of something that is also widespread in other animals. 

As to neurodiversity, why can't we just accept the we are very complex animals who are often "wired" very differently. Why do we have to diagnose & medicalise conditions which seem increasingly to just be part of a hugely diverse picture of humanity. Why can't we just accept difference exists. Why do we want to be homogenous, part of the crowd, not outsiders? We give people stimulant drugs like Ritalin & Amphetamines. We also give them non stimulants, anti psychotics & SSRI's. The list is endless. There are always side effects with drugs. Virtually all medical drugs are toxic in some way. Many of these drugs are being given to children & young people. 

I worry that we are just creating huge profits for the very wealthy Pharma industries & doing unknown harm to the people who are prescribed the drugs, because we don't have the time or the money to counsel & support & treat in other ways. 

 

Wealth Distribution & Inheritance

On & off I've been listening to BBC radio 4 "Tony Hawks is Giving Nothing Away" https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002fl03  It is very interesting & fits with what I have thought for years. I simply don't believe in inherited wealth for many reasons which are explored in the programme better than I can. 

In simple terms inherited wealth perpetuates wealth & land ownership in the hands of a select few. If the inheritance is substantial it can change the life of the inheritor, who did nothing to earn the money & land & will never need to work. On the other hand if the money & land is given to charity for example it can do so much good & benefit far more people. 

I have seen situations where offspring feel that their parents money is their right & due. I have also seen situations where one child is substantially better off than another & isn't prepared for the parent to give more to the less wealthy child. Inheritance does not breed altruism.

So I made the decision years ago that my only child would not inherit everything I leave behind. I am fortunate financially, but my husband & I earned everything we have through a combination of having good jobs, working hard to get senior positions & living fairly frugally. 

I think the really important thing about inheritance is that parents are open about what they intend to do & discuss it with their children. The reasons behind the decision are really important. After my mother died I discovered that she had cut me out of her will. Although there wasn't much to inherit I was devastated. It had a hugely emotional impact even though we had a difficult relationship all my life. I was an only child. It was a slap in the face.

My daughter has known what my will would be since before I wrote it. We discussed it & I have written a letter to her expressing my love & pride in the person she is with the will. She will inherit what I consider a reasonable amount, but the rest will be distributed to several charities. I think she understands & is happy with the decision. While I am alive I try to be generous both to my small family & to charities. I'm alive to see the benefit of doing that.

So I do not have any understanding whatsoever of the very wealthy who seemingly are only interested in amassing even more money & possessions for themselves. The net worth of individual multi billionaires eclipses the GDP or national income of small to mid sized nations - e.g. Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos hold personal net worth figures surpassing the nominal GDP of countries such as Hungary, New Zealand, or multiple smaller developing economies.

https://fortune.com/2025/04/02/world-record-number-of-billionaires-wealth-higher-than-most-gdp-despite-stock-market-bloodbath/  

Money can do so much good. It should not be concentrated in the hands of a few. Our relationship to wealth has become completely unbalanced. How have we reached the point where so few have so much wealth & therefore power? I would love the very wealthy to discover the joys of philanthropy. It's good for the soul. 

 

 

Work & Unemployment

According to the song from Cabaret "money makes the world go around". We need it for basic survival - food, water, a place to live etc. Society needs it for financial exchange, jobs, trade, and public services etc. Financial gain often motivates people's choices and actions more than other values do. 

The world of work & paid employment has changed beyond all recognition in my lifetime. The UK labour market has shifted from traditional 9 to 5 office & manufacturing models to widespread remote & hybrid work & an increase in digital & gig economy roles. There are new structural challenges with post pandemic inactivity & rising youth unemployment. My husband & I both had professional jobs for our lifetimes, both with excellent pensions. The jobs themselves were interesting & challenging although the hours were long. 

There are new roles which simply didn't exist 10 years ago - Artificial Intelligence & Data roles, Cyber Security & Cloud Computing, Digital Health & Remote Logistics, Green Economy & Sustainability.....I literally don't have any idea what most of these involve. I certainly don't know what qualifications skills & attributes tomorrows workers need in order to be successful in tomorrows world of work. 

How do our young people choose which subjects they should continue with & which they should drop? What sort of careers guidance do they get at school to enable them to choose whether to opt for an academic or technical further education course? The pace of change seems too fast for our traditional education system or parents & teachers to cope with. 

Are we producing a generation of children fit only for unemployment? What a waste of talent that would be.

There are some interpersonal skills that are applicable in any situation - active listening, communication, empathy, conflict resolution, teamwork, dependability, adaptability, leadership.... These are vitally important in today's changing world. How many schools teach them? How many parents & teachers value them? 

The current unemployment rate in the UK is 4.9% or 1.76 million. Youth unemployment is 16.4% - 1 in 6 young people are seeking work.

 

Human capital, (a persons skills, knowledge & health), is one of the most important sorts of capital. Financial Capital (the liquid funds, cash & investments available to trade & grow an organisation) is also necessary. Together they make personal & economic wealth.

We need workers, workers need jobs appropriate to their capabilities. We need a framework for stability & growth in order to keep our society on an even keel. At the moment there is no balance, no equilibrium. We are failing as a society & we are failing individuals. The Industrial Revolution started in 1760 & irrevocably changed our society from agrarian to industrial. We are now in an AI & robotic revolution that is changing society in a similar way.

Our school report would say "Could do better if they tried."  

Seeing is Believing & Willful Blindness

We are having the 5th almost consecutive heatwave in the UK this week. July has been the sunniest month on record for the UK, as well as the driest July on record for England and Wales.There have so far been 33 days this year when temperatures have exceeded 30C in the UK. This week, it is likely the record of 34 days, set in 1995, will be broken. For the first time ever, a temperature of 35C has also been recorded somewhere in the UK in the three consecutive months of May, June and July - August will join that list by the end of this week. Wisley in Surrey is now up to 52 days without recording any rain - This could easily rise to 60 days with no rain the forecast across southern England. (Source BBC)

The first heatwave was in late May - Amber - Max temp 35.1 The 2nd started in mid June - Amber / Red - Max temp 38 The 3rd & 4th were most of July - Amber - Max temp 35.5 

The impact on so many areas of life has been obvious;- 

• Excess deaths 2,877 in May & June alone.
• Severe drought conditions in all of Wales & half of England, affecting water supply, (reservoirs & rivers at critical levels), & farming in particular.
• Severe soil moisture deficit (SMD) caused clay-based railway embankments to shrink, disturbing track geometry and creating rail buckling risks across the national network.
• Exceptionally severe wildfire hazards, forcing fire and rescue services to keep personnel deployed on prolonged, multi-day damping-down operations at recent burn sites. 
• NFU predict very poor yields of cereals & a shortage of grass & winter feed for animals.

We can all clearly see & feel what is happening. There is no escaping the impact on our daily lives. At a basic level the heat impacts our ability to function effectively. Hot & humid weather affects people mentally & physically. Sleep is difficult. Productivity drops. Records are regularly being broken.

To me it seems obvious, man made climate change is here. Now. We may well be at or even past the tipping point. Earth Overshoot Day was July 30th. This date marks when humanity's resource consumption for the year exceeds Earth's capacity to regenerate those resources, meaning we live in ecological deficit spending for the rest of the year. Humanity currently uses nature 73% faster than ecosystems can renew, requiring 1.73 Earths. In 1971 Overshoot Day was December 31st. As our consumption grows the date moves earlier & earlier.

 https://overshoot.footprintnetwork.org/

    

It isn't rocket science. Many of the commodities & resources we take for granted are finite e.g. fossil fuels, metal ores, minerals & rocks, nuclear fuels, freshwater (aquifers replenish slower than extraction rates, drought obviously makes this worse). These cannot renew & population growth increases demand.

I am not a scientist but all of this is clear to me. I can see it & I believe it. I don't understand the mindset of climate change deniers. It can't be that they are all below median intelligence. Surely they can't all be so fixated on their own immediate needs & oblivious to the very real probability that we are leaving an unbearable & unlivable inheritance to our children & grandchildren?  

There are none so blind as those who will not see - Jeremiah 5:21   

 

Justice, Joint Enterprise & Early Release

The case of PC Andrew Harper is distressing & emotive & is causing debate in light of the Early Release Scheme due to prison overcrowding. In 2019 Harper was killed when responding to a burglary, (theft of a quad bike). 3 young men, (one 18 the driver & two 17 year old minors) were found guilty of manslaughter & were given 16 & 13 year sentences. A 21 year old was also charged with conspiracy to steal. Only the driver pleaded guilty to manslaughter. The sentences were reviewed and upheld.

The 2 younger passengers are eligible for early release under the Early Release Scheme. Unsurprisingly this has created much discussion about this case in particular & wider issues regarding criminals whose actions result in the death of any police officer or first responder.

I discussed this with friends over coffee this week & also with a different friend afterwards. There were very differing points of view. 

What happened to PC Harper & the impact on his family, friends & colleagues cannot be overstated. But the issues raised are at the least interesting legally.

The crux of one point of view is - could the passengers actually have stopped the driver continuing? The view of my coffee morning group was yes passengers can speak up, but they can't safely physically grab the controls because they could cause a crash & endanger life. If the boys warned the driver & he ignored them that makes his actions more serious. If they encouraged him that makes them legally liable too. I haven't found any evidence as to where the boys were sitting in the car front or back. If they were in the back it seems unlikely they could do much physically. I also wonder what evidence there was as to whether they encouraged him or did tell him about Harper & tell him to stop. I don't know whether or when they were all aware that Harper was being dragged. I have since seen the footage of the two boys attitude on TV which was appalling & did them no favours. 

My other friends point of view is that all three of the boys were equally responsible. So basically, as in murder, it was joint enterprise. This allows more than one person to be charged with a crime even if only one person directly did the harmful act. The others helped, encouraged or planned the crime. Again I haven't found anything to support or deny this idea. My assumption would be that all three must have planned the theft of the quad bike, but the killing of PC Harper was not murder because it was not premeditated & planned. It was a dreadful accident. The important element is if & when the boys all knew Harper was being dragged & what, if anything they did about it once they knew. 

 

I wish I knew more. But more importantly I think that in order for the public to make an informed decision on the idea of Early Release for criminals like this, they need to know much more of the background to the crime. Much of what we are seeing on TV & in the media is lacking in any detail other than the very sad & emotional bare bones. 

Our prison system is frighteningly close to collapse & has been in an appalling state for years. I resigned from the Independent Monitoring Board of Gloucester prison in 2013. So I know that for a fact. Privatisation was coming into the system & things went downhill from there. There have been decades of underfunding & mismanagement in the justice system. We are now seeing the results of that.

I was also a magistrate for years, so have some understanding of the whole justice system. My conclusion at the end of my time was that there is a lot of law, but not an equivalent amount of justice. The UK locks far too many people up. England, Wales & Scotland have the highest per capita rates in Western Europe compared to nations favouring rehabilitation and community alternatives.

There are always alternatives & different ways of doing things. The UK really needs to examine the justice in our justice system.  

 

Dogmatism, Dialogue & Politics.

It is so easy to see things in black & white terms. There is only one god & it's mine, not yours. You are deluded & will not go to heaven. I have been saved & will. Some politicians are convinced their party has the only workable policies. I watch someone on the far right like Zia Yusuf for example & despair. The arrogance & bombast precludes any semblance of listening to a different point of view. The mantra seems to be shout louder & over the top of anyone disagreeing. Interrupt anyone voicing a different view. Steamroller your opinion into prominence. No semblance of dialogue.

 

It is important to have conviction politicians. It is important that they believe in their policies. As long as those policies are backed up by evidence & have been properly researched. But policies also need to be inclusive, in the interests of the people as a whole, across the strata of the public. They should not benefit a particular group, unless it it to redress an unfair imbalance. 

Our education system values dialogue. Universities are based on tutorials & debating societies. My friendship groups are interesting because they are made up of such a diverse selection of people - different age groups, different ethnicities, male & female, different religions & none, different political affiliations, different financial situations.... But the thing I value most is that I can disagree with friends & still value them & remain on good terms. Sometimes they actually do persuade me to change my mind. (Not a lot though! It's taken me 81 years to really know what I think, what is important to me)

I worry we are losing the ability as a society to value difference. We are becoming more & more polarised both as a society & as individuals. There are far more grey areas, far more nuances, than we allow for. Circumstances change. We really need to listen more & be prepared to change our opinions. We need to understand that our opinions are simply thoughts our brain has created. They should not be set in stone. Our brains are fallible & make mistakes. 

Mistakes are good, so long as we learn from them. Changing your mind is acceptable. Your mind is not pre eminent. Others might well be better. You are not omnipotent, whether you are a low paid worker or a multi millionaire. 

Waiting Lists

When I was young I was very impatient. I was a person of lists & priorities. I was very organised & believed that I could do things better than anyone else. How self confident, how arrogant. But it did get me to the top of my profession. I wasn't good at waiting though, even in supermarket queues. I made decisions & took action quickly. So I imagine some things could have been done better & mistakes were made. 

Now I am much more patient & tolerant. I have learned not to expect things to be done yesterday. Just as well because that isn't how today's society works. I seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time waiting for people to rectify their mistakes. Mistakes that frequently should not have happened in the first place. I could give you a list, but it would be very boring. But I resent the amount of my time it takes & I still naively have expectations that people will do their job properly.

The whole concept of a "waiting list" in healthcare seems to me to be unacceptable. Yes I know that the NHS need ever increasing amounts of money to meet today's needs. I also know that we need more medics & more hospital beds. Health & social care are inextricably linked so we need to sort that out too. However those problems have not appeared overnight. They are the result of decades of mismanagement, lack of effective communication & sharing of good practice, a hierarchy of fiefdoms that don't look at the patient holistically.....It's a behemoth & won't be sorted anytime soon. Especially as we are effectively bankrupt & there hasn't been the political will.

A waiting list sounds innocuous, but it isn't. A waiting list means patients trying to live with ill health, pain, fatigue & disability at home. It means patients gradually getting worse even past the point of recovery. It means family, friends even neighbours trying to care for someone who need professional care. Some will die.

 

Two personal examples, fortunately not life threatening. 

Last year I tore a tendon in my right hand. (I am right handed & live alone). It was excruciatingly painful. I couldn't move it or do anything with it & was terrified someone would bump into me. I was referred urgently to the "hand clinic". By the time the appointment finally came, months later, this year, my hand had recovered on it's own. I was told that "hand clinics" are the busiest orthopaedic clinics & routinely have very long wait lists. 

This year I have had bilateral Trochanteric Bursitis in my hips. The flare up of pain, fatigue & disability at it's acute worst meant I crawled upstairs on hands & feet, could not walk the 5 -10 minutes to my local shopping centre, could not stand for any length of time to prepare food & couldn't sit down & get up from a chair or turn over in bed without real pain. At it's mildest I am still very limited but it's bearable. Although the consultant put me on a cancellation list for ultrasound guided steroid injections into both hips, I know there is a 6 - 8 months waiting list.

I'm not going to die from any of this. I'm resilient & I can cope. My point is that although I am not in the worst waiting list situation, I do think this is unacceptable. And it is largely hidden. Because people on waiting lists have no choice, but to cope. 

Unless they can pay & that is against my principles. 

Parking, Pedestrians & Pavement Rage

Recently I got our city council to re-do the parking lines in my street. People were constantly parking over into the no parking area in front of my drive. When the culprits were big 4 WD's or vans it was impossible to see whether it was safe to exit into the road. The combination of drivers doing the same on the area opposite my driveway meant that I was effectively boxed in. The markings were faded, but frankly it was simply carelessness & complete indifference to the annoyance caused. Or maybe they are just bad drivers. 

When I walk to my local shopping area I can guarantee that there will be cars & vans parked overlapping the kerb & pavement. That combined with trees & shrubs overhanging the pavement from the gardens leaves little space for pedestrians. Even less for mums with pushchairs or people on mobility scooters or walkers. In the UK we have a crazy situation where whether this is illegal or not depends entirely on where you live. In London & Scotland it is completely illegal. In England & Wales it can be unlawful if local restrictions or obstruction rules apply.

 

I may be a grumpy old woman, but I have a simple mind. Law shouldn't be random, piecemeal & confusing. If this is wrong in London & Scotland why on earth is it acceptable in England & Wales? What are the factors that make a difference? Is it simply that vehicles matter more & pedestrians matter less in England & Wales? 

I am normally a peaceful person. But I am increasingly incensed by how little pedestrians are prioritised in our society today. Especially as demographically we are an ageing population. I often struggle to walk to the shops, but I don't want to lose my capability completely, so I do make an effort. Coping with the above as well as playing "chicken" with cyclists & scooterists on the pavement means that I feel more vulnerable than I should. 

So I have to admit I am tempted by pavement rage. I have obviously never "keyed" a vehicle or pushed a cyclist or scooterist over. But lurking in the depths of my "granny" persona there is a rebel who is seriously tempted. 

The real issue is that all of this is happening on a daily basis everywhere & it is being completely ignored. We are all habituated to it & have learned the skills of avoidance. There is no enforcement even if there is legislation. People get away with it all the time. 

I think we pedestrians should rise up & fight back with our mobile phones. We should flood local councils with photos of offenders showing vehicle reg plates & gardens overhanging pavements. We should complain & they should be forced to do something about it. I've even been tempted to go out with secateurs & throw the cuttings into the front gardens.  

Westminster - The Seat of Government?

I have quite strong views about this topic. I think they are very logical, but I know that they probably won't be universally popular.

For starters I think we should sell off the Houses of Parliament & permanently move the seat of government to somewhere more central in the UK. That would give us the opportunity to have a purpose built, much better designed, far less adversarial, setting for decision making. We need a circular design that isn't as sectarian. Just like Scotland & Wales. It seems to work very well there. I've mentioned before that the cross bench adversarial design of Westminster is anachronistic. England is stuck in the old hierarchical, class ridden, traditional past. This is the 21st century for goodness sake.   

 

I don't much care what we do with the current building - but I'm sure a good developer could make a lot of money & given that it's Grade 1 listed they won't be able to do anything that will detract from the building itself. There must be touristic opportunities, or a hotel or conference centre maybe. It is a big building, right on the Thames, in the centre of London after all.

Maybe number 10 North is designed to open our minds to such a possibility? Maybe Burnham is quite Machiavellian in his thinking? I do hope so. Because selling the H of P off would surely generate shedloads of money. So the new parliament would presumably be self funding, given the difference in house prices in London & "up North". As a real bonus we wouldn't have to pay the estimated cost of repair of between £11 - £40 billion the H of P needs right now.

But all of that, important though it is, isn't the main reason for my thinking. We must get rid of the so called "North South divide". We must start to think and act as a cohesive country with 4 semi independent states. We must acknowledge that currently there is a post code lottery & not all counties are the same - They all have distinctive characteristics. London & the South East must not be allowed to dominate politics & decision making. Devolved government works. The 14 Regional Mayors have been a really good decision. Great examples are - Greater Manchester, West Midlands, London & Tees Valley.

So whatever else I think about Andy Burnham, I'm hoping that his experience as mayor of Greater Manchester will mean that he is capable of not only seriously thinking about this, but actually doing it.

Then he can tackle our ridiculously unfair voting system.  

 

   

Autonomy & the Sandbox

Autonomy - self governing, independent, free to make choices. It embodies personal freedom, political self rule & workplace empowerment. It is very important if democracy is to survive.

Apparently the company behind Chat GPT has revealed that an autonomous agent powered by Chat GPT went rogue & hacked into a startup. They consider this to be unprecedented, but they also expect it to become more commonplace. Only the big brains of technology could make such a contradictory & worrying statement.

I can't believe they haven't thought this through. Surely it isn't just a question of the income generated for these companies? Surely they realise that allowing machines to be autonomous means the we won't be. 

The AI escaped from it's "sandbox". How cuddly & friendly that sounds. Just like my toddler when she was 3. Frankly I think it's deliberately misleading, to stop us from seriously considering the implications of this. 

It really doesn't matter whether there was malicious intent or not. The genie is out of the box & Pandora has opened it simultaneously. The tech brains are not in control & we certainly aren't. An unknown IT flaw is known as a zero day vulnerability. I think that says it all. Anthropic, the rival of Open AI, said it's Mythos has found thousands of these flaws. 44 incidents have been recorded in which AI acted against it's users intentions.

To be specific, autonomous AI might pursue assigned tasks using harmful or unintended methods. More worrying the machines might hide capabilities or bypass safety guardrails to achieve their goals. As has now already happened, advanced machines can break out of isolated testing environments & access the internet.

I hope this raises as much concern in you as it does in me. I certainly don't trust the various owners of  Open AI (Chat GPT). In my view they have already failed. I doubt the genie can be put back in the bottle now. Unfortunately they probably have enough arrogance & self confidence to think that they can. 

 

Are we really stupid enough to hand that over to a machine we don't control? Apparently so. 

Politics - Optics, Expectation & Andy Burnham

I'm not sure what I feel about Andy Burnham. He is certainly very different from Starmer, but what needs to be done will be extremely unpopular, very costly & take a very long time. Time will tell whether he is the one to do it. I really hope he is.

A change in optics is welcome. Starmer & Rachel (from accounts) Reeves came in telling us repeatedly how dire everything was. It was true, the conservatives single handedly almost destroyed everything they touched over 14 years. But it started way back with Thatcher in 1979. If you don't agree just research the effects of privatisation & think about your own water company. 

I do think that politicians must give people an honest, clear & evidenced picture of the state of the nation. How can we judge what part we need to play individually - How can we know what to expect to happen & their proposed solutions & accept them if they don't? I just seriously doubt that many have the ability to communicate that well.

Things are in deep trouble here & internationally. There are multitudes of conflicting demands & pressures. Running a country & a world must be frighteningly complex. Unpopular choices will have to be made & we will have to accept them even if they cause us pain. 

When politicians talk about change I worry. Having a new shiny PM will, not of itself, solve all of this. No one is that good & we shouldn't expect it. This will take an end to party politicking & real cooperation between the best in all parties & people outside politics with relevant skills & experience. I can't see any evidence that anyone in UK politics can see that, never mind actually do it. 

Maybe the first step is to come clean. Maybe each government ministry should produce a public brief of where we are now. Not a historical gripe about what different parties have done wrong, but a clear indication of the issues facing them & the possible solutions. In order for governments to govern they have to have consensus. They have to be able to get the people to accept very difficult choices. They have to stop thinking about being re-elected. 

I simply don't believe that our current system is capable of all of this. Not least because of the intense speculation, voicing of opinions & media circus we live in. Burnham has been in for just one day & already it has started. 

 

It's really depressing. 

Disappointment & The World Cup

England lost a football match against Argentina. Possibly there was a wrong decision about substitutes, possibly not. Argentina brought politics into their celebrations & will hopefully be disciplined. Thousands of people will be disappointed & thousands will celebrate. It is just a game. It's good to have something that gives people great pleasure & hope. But it is just a game.

Life is full of disappointments, losing a football match shouldn't be that important in that context. We all need to learn the lesson of losing gracefully, trying to see the positives, congratulating the winners. The England team undoubtedly did their best. No one should ask more than that.

I watched the build up to the world cup in the news. It was full of unrealistic statements that must have put pressure on the players & their manager & coaches. I've been a fan of individual tennis players for decades, but have never been so blinded that I thought they would always win, although some top players seem to. I got bored with Laver winning Wimbledon all the time & Rosewall never. 

There is a difference between supporting your player or team & being blindly obsessed. There is certainly no excuse for the sort of jeering & trolling that disappointed football fans engage in. Imagine how that must make players feel when they have just given their all to try to win. Some fans said it was the biggest disappointment in their lifetime. All I can say is if that's true they have led a charmed life. There are far worse disappointments.

Very few people go through life without major disappointment, I can think of many. I'm sure readers can too. We have to learn how to deal with disappointment. It isn't necessarily an ending. It can often encourage a change of direction, a new beginning. We should try to see it as an opportunity. 

Time

"Time & tide wait for no man" is a proverb dating back to at least 1225. There are numerous sayings about time.

 

We live our lives at such a pace that we now talk about being "time poor". We have allowed ourselves to become overly busy in the "developed world". We seem to have lost balance in our lives, lost the capacity for peace, introspection, doing nothing. We are teaching our children to be seekers after instant gratification, to need constant stimulation & have very short attention spans. We have even given it a name & made it into a medical disorder - ADHD. The symptoms appear before age 12 & are inattention, hyperactivity & impulsivity that interfere with daily functioning. It can continue into adulthood. Many experts agree that society has medicalised normal human emotions & behaviours turning everyday stress, grief, and shyness into clinical conditions. For example labelling natural grief as major depression, treating normal childhood high energy as ADHD, and turning daily work stress into generalized anxiety.

When you age you notice the passage of time more I think. You seem to travel onwards to the final stop ever faster. Days, weeks & months pass in a blur of speed. Seasons & years too. Oddly, at the same time many of us elderly people become much slower, both physically & mentally. We are like grandfather clocks winding down. But there is no key to wind us up again. We have the time to think even if we don't have the energy to do & we have a lifetime of experience.

To many, that experience is irrelevant, out of date. However we have the benefit of seeing the patterns. Over time things repeat, not just history. Fashion for example. I've just bought some linen culottes. They were in fashion in the 60's - 70's & the 90's. We know when our world is going down a path it has gone down before. We often know what is at the end of that path. 

Sadly, we are so irrelevant we are no longer listened to. As Dickens said in "The old Curiosity Shop" "Twas ever thus". We are all living in "Groundhog Day" but the dangers are increasing & we aren't adapting well. 

 

Heat Impact

According to the Met office temperatures of 35°C or higher have now been recorded for the first time in May, June and July of the same year in the UK weather record, as heatwave conditions continue through the weekend and into next week. We have had a record eight days with temperatures exceeding 34°C, surpassing the previous record held in 1976 and 2020. This is exceptional warmth over several months. We have had red, amber & yellow heat warnings.

Fire chiefs are concerned about the wildfire risk. Medics are concerned about heat associated ill health. People trying to escape exceptional heat by wild swimming are dying. Excess deaths across Europe are expected to be over 20,000. Average UK A&E attendances exceeded 80,000 for the first time ever in June. During the June heatwave there was a 118% increase in the number of times 999 emergency call takers directed members of the public to collect a nearby defibrillator for someone in suspected cardiac arrest. More than 1,000 schools across the UK were either closed or partially closed during the June heatwave. Supermarkets across the UK have struggled to keep their fridge and freezer units running in the extreme heat, with many shoppers finding empty shelves at their local store, including my local M&S. The knock on effect of man made climate change is obvious to see.

 

Personally I am struggling to exist. During the heatwaves I have hardly left the house. I am lucky because I have a north facing downstairs room I can spend most time in with the shutters closed. It's not just uncomfortable, it is actually almost unbearable. My pacemaker is helping but I am finding it difficult to do anything. My body can't keep my core temperature down. Any exertion makes me breathless. My underlying health conditions are exacerbated by the heat & I find walking, even round the house, exhausting. By the afternoon there is no respite anywhere. Despite trying to distract myself from the exhaustion of the heat, it is difficult to concentrate.

However there must be so many people much worse off than me. People who have to continue working, especially those wearing uniforms like first responders. Elderly or sick people living alone with no help. People having to continue looking after their families as well as themselves. People living in unsuitable housing, particularly high rise flats. 

We are not prepared or adapted for this in the UK. Yes, of course climate varies. But this is truly exceptional. Denying that will get us nowhere. We need to scour the world for best practice in getting CO2 emissions down & transitioning from fossil fuels to renewables. We all need to accept that the necessary changes will be difficult.  

There really is no plan B. Climate Change, like it or not, is here & won't go away unless there is Human Change.  

Football & Other Sports

I am completely fed up with the way the World Cup is dominating everything - the airwaves, media & news generally. All of the main TV channels have wall to wall football. FIFA have made headlines about rescinding a red card ban so the best American footballer could play. They still lost. The competition lasts for 39 days, nearly 6 weeks, for goodness sake. In 16 stadiums in Canada (2), Mexico (3) & the USA (11). The longest & most expensive ever. For non football fans it's unbelievably boring. 

According to FIFA it will generate $13 billion profit for the organisation. The cost of running it is apparently $3.8 billion. It's a money making bonanza. Sport, particularly football, has become big business.

Miami, Mexico & New Jersey will have non air con, energy sapping, temperatures of above 30 degrees. Why on earth are FIFA exposing players to that? This is expected to be the hottest world cup ever. Surely it will benefit the home teams who are used to it & disadvantage those who are not. I imagine it is a real health risk for players.

There are 48 countries represented. The vast majority stand no chance of winning. It isn't really a fair fight. One list I saw put Argentina at the top & New Zealand at the bottom. 

My main criticism is that sport used to be seasonal. Football, for example was played from the late summer to spring. It was established in England in the 19th century so cricketers could play football to stay fit during the winter. Now it's never ending. Football has become a replacement religion for fans. Stadia are 21st century cathedrals. They have their own mass responses & hymns. Supporting a team is a belief system led by managers & star players. When a player scores they often slide on their knees to adoring fans. In the same way that religion has become divisive, so has football fandom. 

 

Where is the sporting ethos in all of this? Young & talented players are made into icons & paid exorbitant salaries.They have to deal with both extreme fame & adoration as well as rejection & vilification while very young & relatively inexperienced. They have to deal with failure. 

It's called the "beautiful game". Personally I can't see it. To me it seems very exploitative & money driven. 

Stupidity & Trump's Independence Day Speech

America has been an independent nation for 250 years. It's founding fathers were immigrants from all over the world, the UK, France, Spain, the Netherlands, Sweden & Russia. There were over 1,000 native American tribes in North & South America when colonisation began. More than 500 in North America. The indigenous peoples were not treated well, both in the Americas & other colonised countries.

The USA celebrated Independence Day on the 4th of July. Trumps speech was the usual long, rambling, jingoistic, self aggrandising, monologue. He believes he single handedly revived a diminished USA that is now celebrating its founding through his unmatched presidency - Really?? 

According to the Washington Post "A recent Gallup Poll found that national pride has fallen to its lowest point since the organisation began asking in 2001 how proud respondents were to be an American. Just 33%  reported being “extremely proud,” down eight percentage points from a year ago and 37 points since a high in 2003. The partisan gap is wide, with Republicans reporting much higher American pride while Democrats and independents have hit record lows." Trumps speech made everything about him, even though he paraded war veterans as old as 107 who saluted from wheelchairs, astronauts from the Artemis II and Apollo 17 missions, and families of soldiers killed in battle. 

Trump claims Americans are "the best & the bravest people the world has ever produced". They are " the finest people on the planet". They are "citizens of every race, religion, colour & creed - one people, one family." America is "the worlds most strongest & powerful nation., & has the greatest military anywhere." He claimed that America "liberate(d) Europe & defeat(ed) Nazi fascism forever." American marines "saved the world." Also at the Berlin Wall "America finally brought communism crashing down to an end." He celebrated America's "unmatched achievements & unlimited potential". He claimed that America is the "oldest constitutional republic on earth". Unfortunately he obviously hasn't heard about San Marino which dates back to 1600.

America's destiny is written by god according to Trump. Presumably he is gods messenger on earth. 

It's all bombastic rhetoric. Very little that comes out of his mouth has any basis in truth. He is an 80 year old child seeking approbation. But he is also an 80 year old bully who is addicted to money & power. He was democratically voted into power by Americans who fell under the spell of glitz, glitter & the best PR money could buy. 

 

The cost of the 4th of July celebrations is said to be multi millions. Just the firework display estimated cost was $1.6million. Now we are all paying the price for Trump's excesses - Nero supposedly fiddling while Rome burns springs to mind.  

Migration

The world is ocean & land. There are barriers to travel, but there are no actual borders. Every living thing has the capacity to migrate. Plants set seeds & move across the earth. Birds fly across oceans to other landfall. I remember being in Kenya watching the annual Great Wildebeest Migration, one of the most spectacular natural events on Earth. Driven by weather and the search for fresh grazing, over 1.5 million wildebeest, alongside hundreds of thousands of zebras and gazelles, make an arduous 1,800-mile round trek between the Serengeti in Tanzania and the Masai Mara in Kenya. 

 

This movement is to find better conditions for life. Better habitats & ecosystems. It's all about survival, not just of the fittest, but everybody, whatever their race, religion or culture. 

Humans are not exempt from this basic urge to optimise the conditions under which they live. But humans want to control. Humans take defining their territory to extremes. They have maps with artificial country boundaries. They build walls & fences. They have laws. They defend their territory against incomers.

 

As I have aged I have become more & more aware of the futility of this. We are fighting against our own kind. We are literally dehumanising ourselves in order to protect our own small piece of "property". But we don't own the land we stand on, whether it is our home or our country. We are simply the current tenants. We die, the land & ocean remain in perpetuity.

We differentiate between refugees & migrants. Some are acceptable, some aren't. If they are persecuted & / or have skills we want, they are higher up in the pecking order. If they are economic migrants, young & male they are at the bottom. We choose who we will help & who we won't.

I do understand the complexities of the mass migrations we have seen due to war, disaster & economic failure. I also understand the argument that we in the UK are at the end of a long migration route during which migrants travel through other "safe" countries. I understand that our landmass is significantly smaller that France, Germany or Turkey for example. It can be argued that the UK has less capability to accommodate thousands of migrants. 

But, & it's a big but, we, in the so called "developed world," have things that others don't. Above all we have security & democracy. We have relatively sophisticated infrastructure - water, electricity, food security, education, healthcare, a justice system....These things may well have flaws, but they work relative to poor countries.or counties ravaged by war & disaster.

Surely our basic humanity, whether we are religious or not, means that we should share? We should not pass by on the other side. We should be "good Samaritans"?

There is no simple answer. It requires international cooperation of the countries receiving the migrations to equally share the burden. It also requires the problems at source to be tackled effectively. 

At the moment we are doing neither.  

Regret & Public Inquiries

To an extent regret is pointless. You can only regret something you have or haven't done or said. It's the past, regret can't change it. But you can apologise. You can try to put things right. You can acknowledge that you have made a mistake or caused hurt or real harm.

I can think of many things that I regret over my 80 years. I'm fallible, I make mistakes. Some I'm not prepared to mention here. I do think I could have been less judgemental at times. I could have been less volatile, less emotional. I think I did my best as a parent, but I could undoubtedly have done better by today's safeguarding standards. I certainly think I could have tried to understand my parents better & been a less difficult teenager. On the whole I hope I was fairly average, but there are sins due to thoughtlessness, being headstrong & convinced I was right. I was, & am still very intolerant of unfairness. I always wanted to reform people or organisations I thought didn't operate fairly or effectively.

Hopefully I haven't done anyone any real harm.

What I find difficult to understand is why many people today are incapable of expressing regret, can't admit they are wrong, don't take responsibility for mistakes. It applies to politicians for example, very few resign when they probably should. The NHS seems much more willing to try to cover up mistakes until they are forced to admit them by public inquiries. Maternity services have had 3 major inquiries - Ockenden, Kirkup & Morecambe Bay, plus 2 Systematic reviews. How many does it need for something to actually be done to put things right?

There are 5 ongoing UK Public Inquiries this year covering healthcare & security. UK public inquiries usually last 2 - 5 years. Major ones can last 5 -13 years. The average cost of a UK public inquiry is £17.4 million. It can be more. The taxpayer spends over £200 million per annum on active inquiries & the figure is increasing.

Why? Well Inquiries are heavily adversarial and run by top-tier lawyers, barristers, and judges whose hourly rates dominate the budget. They must be the only people who benefit. Also data & administration costs are massive. Sifting through hundreds of thousands of WhatsApp messages, emails, and physical corporate documents requires expensive digital forensic infrastructure. It all takes time & add to the huge cost.

I'm not saying we shouldn't find out what has gone wrong. I am saying that all of this money could be better spent if we had a culture of admitting mistakes & trying to put things right. But we have followed the American model of litigation, so people are afraid of being sued if they do something wrong. Personal liability means that individuals & whole departments cover up. 

I'm really tired of hearing that "we must make sure this never happens again". It doesn't work. History repeats itself over & over again. We have to accept that things do go wrong. The important thing is to improve & put in more safeguards each time they do.

 

Public Inquiries are thought to be no longer fit for purpose. So we need to find a better way, because the public feel that they can only get at the truth through an Inquiry & the truth matters. To everyone.  

Emergencies

A sudden, unexpected, unforeseen and dangerous situation that threatens health, life, property, or the environment and requires immediate action to prevent worsening results. For example - a medical crisis, fires, toxic fumes or gases, natural disasters, violent crimes....

In a well run society there will be emergency first responders who act quickly to deal with the situation. There will be protocols that those responders adhere to in order to be as efficient as possible. They will be well equipped. They will hopefully be as well trained as possible to cope with very difficult situations. There will be hospitals ready to care for the injured - In an ideal world.

But we don't live in an ideal world.

We live in an unstable & volatile world, fraught with war & severe political unrest & mismanagement. We in the UK are relatively lucky. For all of the failings of decades that have led to the situation today, we are still a functioning reasonably democratic state.

That isn't true of a country like Venezuela. Despite vast oil & mineral reserves it is economically impoverished with widespread poverty. It is also one of the most politically corrupt nations of the world -  A dictatorship under Maduro. More than 7 million Venezuelans fled the country, one of the largest migration crises in the world.

Now Venezuela is dealing with exceptional earthquakes on Wednesday - tremors of magnitude 7.2 and 7.5 struck within 39 seconds of each other west of the capital Caracas. 235 are known to be dead, but that will rise. 40,000 are missing & 4,300 are known to be injured. All those figures will rise.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/venezuela-earthquake-caracas-terremoto-death-toll-map-live-b3003427.html 

I cannot imagine the horror of living in a failed state, enduring such a catastrophic disaster, when the emergency services simply don't exist. There will undoubtedly be aftershocks. UK charities are asking for donations from the generous public to help & I'm sure they will get money. Charities like ShelterBox have already decided to sent teams out to Venezuela despite the undoubted danger they will face. They send out emergency shelter & basics for displaced people & have a huge amount of experience in situations like this. 

 

 https://shelterboxusa.org/welcome/

Charities like ShelterBox need our support as do the people facing emergencies.  

 

Heatwave

I remember lying out in the sun for hours sunbathing & developing a tan. I also remember sunburn. Eventually it dawned on me that keeping a tan required time & dedication & there were better things to do with my time. We also became aware that UV light is dangerous to health, especially if, like me, you had auburn hair & fair skin. 

Now I dread very hot weather. It is a real trial - I simply can't cope with it. I have to remain indoors in the coolest, darkened, room. Even then I am acutely uncomfortable because the weather exacerbates all my medical conditions. Nights in a heatwave are even more sleepless than usual. 

I am not alone. It is not just a question of discomfort. People die. There were 1,311 heat-associated deaths during the 4 heat episodes in the summer of 2024. Somehow you don't associate good weather with illness & death. Despite a pacemaker, I am acutely aware of the effect of any exertion. It's exhausting. 

https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/heat-mortality-monitoring-report-england-2024/heat-mortality-monitoring-report-england-2024

The UK isn't adapted for extreme heat. Mediterranean counties are, but even they struggle. The US has air con everywhere.

Europe has adapted to excess heat through widespread infrastructural retrofits, urban greening & mandatory heat health action plans. Cities use passive cooling, such as cool roofs and shaded green infrastructure. Meanwhile, healthcare systems have scaled up early warning systems to dramatically reduce heatwave mortality. Cities have increased tree canopy cover, converted asphalt to permeable surfaces, & installed green roofs - Even green bus stops to lower ambient temperatures. Europeans have adapted labour laws & modified outdoor working hours, have shaded breaks & suspended heavy physical labour. School timetable are different.

The European Environment Agency has just published a report looking at climate risk & resilience.

https://www.eea.europa.eu/en/newsroom/news/extreme-weather-and-uneven-climate-adaptation-challenge-europes-resilience  

The UK is really not ready for this. We are being catapulted into a situation that Europe, particularly the Mediterranean countries, have taken years to adapt to. Climate Change needs to be at the top of any government agenda. The trouble is there are so many other serious issues. Not least the threat of war with Russia & other rogue nations. Then there is Poverty, Housing, the NHS & Social care, Privatised utilities etc....

Who would be a politician today? There are no easy answers & there certainly isn't any money unless we all pay more & ask for less. 

  

 

 

Unpopularity

Childhood & teenage are often full of insecurities. We want to be liked. We want to be in the "in crowd" part of a group. We think that as we become adults that all disappears, but it doesn't. No one really wants to be unpopular, an outsider. However brave a face we put on it we all want to belong throughout our lives. We are social animals.

But the thing is if we simply follow the herd, if we agree with untenable opinions in order to avoid confrontation & exclusion, we sell a part of our soul. As adults we should be able to deal with different opinions, arguments, confrontations in a calm & rational way. We should not be passive, we should have the courage of our convictions. Even if that means that we risk unpopularity & exclusion.

Politics is a dirty business. The temptation is to want the impossible in a leader - charisma, decisiveness, understanding of complex issues, speedy ability to always make the right decisions, never changing your mind.....It's ridiculous. No one can live up to such unrealistic expectations. So the MP's turn on you & the masses bray for your destruction. It becomes a gladiatorial fight to the death. 

According to the Institute for Government "Political churn in the UK refers to the rapid turnover of Prime Ministers, cabinet ministers, and civil servants, exacerbated by weakened voter loyalties. The instability has sparked debates about whether systemic dysfunction makes the UK ungovernable". There have been 6 prime ministers in the UK in the last decade & we are on course for a 7th. Almost half of all senior cabinet posts have had as many people fill the role since the 2019 election as they had in the previous nine years. 7 chancellors of the exchequer. 7 Home Secretaries. It's become the norm & it cannot be a good thing. 

Our politicians have become disposable at the whim of unpopularity.

 

Running a country demands intelligence, experience, good qualified advisors & information, ability to see the big picture & make informed decisions. It isn't a beauty contest. It requires a lot of characteristics that seem to be in short supply. We are in the age of superficiality & instant gratification. We, the public, are volatile & easily led. Particularly by misinformation & personality cults. That is not a recipe for good governance.

Keir Starmer is allegedly very unpopular. He has undoubtedly made mistakes, but would you do any better? I think not. Shouldn't everyone be allowed to make mistakes as long as they acknowledge them & put them right. What we need is integrity. I'm sure that both Streeting & Burnham think they can do a better job & maybe they can. But they will undoubtedly become unpopular at some point. 

Will we just change them too? Is that the solution? Is that what the country need in such unstable times? We put a "Best Before" or "Sell By" date on our food. Seemingly now we do the same with out politicians too.

Internet & Social Media

I use a lot of technology in my life. I have a smart phone, an iPad, a laptop & a desktop. I also have 2 Alexa Echo Shows, (one in the kitchen & one in my bedroom) & a Ring doorbell. In fact my life is on my technology. I would probably miss appointments & forget where I was meant to be without it. I would forget things I need to do. My short term memory is fading into the morass of data in my brain.

So I am a fan. I play solitaire & mah jong on my iPad to keep my brain working. I communicate through my Blog. (It's less weird than talking to myself). I use Alexa to listen to radio & to time my cooking. She is linked to my calendar & prompts me about appointments. I WhatsApp, use Facebook & Twitter. I email & I research online. AI is a boon as long as you realise it's limitations. I have a "to do" list on my phone & other files with information.

I have never been on the Dark Web, looked at pornography or dubious websites as far as I know. If I am researching I do spend a lot of time going from link to link, but I only use verifiable websites. I don't feel the need for a VPN. 

My point is that the internet & social media is a tool that I think I use sensibly. I can differentiate between evidence based content & drivel. I can recognise dubious conspiracy theories & AI generated rubbish. But I am an adult who has used computers for decades. I am not naive. I am not a child, a teenager or vulnerable. My brain is fully developed & backed up by years of experience of the world.

Crucially, I am hopefully not addicted. My phone is turned off overnight & dormant for long periods during the day. It isn't always in my hand or pocket. I do not feel compelled to constantly scroll & check. My phone knows it's place in my life. I know where the off switch is on all my hardware. 

I don't feel that is true of so many people today. Not just children & teenagers. A day does not go past without I see people walking, looking at their phones instead of where they are going. I even see people looking at their phones riding a bike. People look at phones in social situations. People have private conversations publicly on buses & trains - loudly. We seem to have accepted that the mobile phone should take precedence over everything else in our lives. People are addicted & get withdrawal symptoms if they can't use their phones. It's sad.

So why should our children be any different when adults are such bad role models? We have not only allowed our children to become addicted to mobile phones & social media, we have actively encouraged them to do that by example. We opened the Pandora's Box. Yes, the Tech Bro's are responsible for the platforms with all their failings. But we allowed them to do it. 

So we are now having to try to navigate away from the undoubted harms we created. The UK is going to block social media for under 16's. I will watch with interest how that goes. The words horse, stable door & bolted, spring to mind. Parents need to be parents. But that has now become far more difficult in the age of technology.

 

 

Manners & Respect

Socially accepted codes of conduct & polite behaviour, showing respect for others feelings & comfort. A framework for societal interaction which varies according to culture. Differences in norms can create misunderstandings & problems.

 

Do they matter? Well, yes. They demonstrate you care about others & aren't completely self centred. People are more comfortable in social situations if behaviours are predictable. Hopefully there is less friction & misunderstandings.

The language you use is important - please, thank you, excuse me, I'm sorry.... Listening & not interrupting. Respecting boundaries & personal space. Hygiene, (I was very irritated by someone who had a nasty chest infection, continually coughing without covering her mouth. We were a group in a small room.) ....

I think manners are closely linked with respect. Sadly, my impression is that both have diminished over my lifetime. Little things, like if I'm driving & I give way to someone & they don't raise a hand to say thank you, annoy me. Young / healthy people sitting in the priority bus seats for the elderly, disabled or pregnant are infuriating. People sitting on the aisle seat with an empty window seat & not moving when the bus is full. Being buzzed by cyclists / scooters when I'm struggling to walk on the pavement. Similarly groups of children / teenagers walking side by side & occupying the whole width of the pavement so I have to step into the gutter or very edge of the pavement. I could go on, but it is all commonplace. It is the norm & it shouldn't be. 

Lack of manners & respect seems to be cross generational, it isn't just the young. It also seems to be across genders & ethnicity. Different cultures have different norms of behaviour. Living in a culture different to your own can be tricky to navigate, but I would argue that it is your responsibility to adjust.

We learn social behaviours from our parents, family & friends. The UK is still a class based society dependent on wealth or lack of it, so upbringing varies hugely. The problem now would appear to be that there are divisions & differences in what is acceptable which is causing social unrest. 

We need to tackle the root of this. We need a more equitable society. 

 

Uniform

When I went to Grammar school at age 11 in 1956 my parents had to buy me a whole new set of clothes & shoes - Startright shoes, very expensive. Velour winter hat & summer one too, gym kit, even navy blue knickers! Summer & winter uniform, including a blazer, only available from one shop in Birmingham. It was an expense that I now realise they could not afford. Up till that point my mother had made most of my clothes. 

In theory school uniform is good because it levels the social playing field, reduces peer pressure & limits fashion related issues. It also possibly promotes school unity. Arguments against include suppressing individuality, creating financial burdens & the clothing being uncomfortable or restrictive. I have fluctuated in my opinion over time as a teacher & headteacher. I actually hated wearing my uniform at grammar school, especially the hat. When I was a head teacher I was against uniformity & in favour of individuality. Now I think that the availability of cheaper supermarket clothes & flexibility of which items children wear or don't wear is a good compromise. There is more choice. 

 

We humans seem to like uniforms & uniformity. The armed forces are immensely proud of theirs. Healthcare workers, emergency responders, the police, transport staff, sportspeople, construction workers, ....Even trades like painters & decorators. It does make sense in many ways. These people are immediately recognisable. Their uniforms are often protective. They don't have to risk damaging their own clothes & replace them. 

But people are not uniform. We are all individuals with commonalities & different traits & beliefs. The concerning thing today seems to be the tribalism that is widespread. Left wing, right wing, extremists, religious beliefs, conspiracy theorists, feminists, misogynists, racists, ..... We humans are social, we want to belong, we like to be in a group. We don't want to be outsiders. We dislike being ostracised. Isolation & loneliness are common societal problems in all age groups. Sometimes that can lead to "groupthink" - a psychological phenomenon where the desire for harmony or conformity within a group results in irrational or dysfunctional decision making. 

Why? Maybe we are too afraid of difference. Maybe we are not confident enough in our own opinions. Maybe we just want to be whatever "normal" is. But being critical, dissenting, is not wrong. There is definitely pressure to conform, but that is not good. We all need to listen to differing opinions, look for evidence one way or another & then make up our minds. 

We all need to be able to speak out & take action. 

 

Stimulus, Action & Reaction

A stimulus is a detectable change. Action is the accomplishment of a thing usually over a period of time, in stages, or with the possibility of repetition. A reaction is any action, feeling or behaviour that occurs as a response to a specific stimulus, event or situation. The term spans multiple disciplines, covering psychological responses, physical symptoms, and scientific interactions. 

I find myself wondering why, for so many people, the action / reaction is often abuse. Both verbal & physical. Currently there is the news about the rioting resulting from the police handling of the murder of a 19 year old student Henry Nowak by a Sikh, Vikram Digwa. Also the Jewish concerns about racism in the NHS. 

In both cases surely the first reaction should be concern at what happened. Then, shouldn't we all want to know the actual facts of the case before we weigh in with our reactions? Shouldn't we be well aware of how both of these things are politically charged & subject to misinformation & conspiracy theories. Shouldn't we turn to verifiable sources for information rather than the hotbed of social media & trolls?

What is it that makes people so quick to anger & turn to physical violence & verbal abuse? How, in a so called democratic & civilised society, does that become expected as the norm? Surely we all know what is acceptable behaviour & what is not? We know what is criminal. How has mob rule become such a frequent reaction?

Apparently this behaviour is driven by a complex interplay of biological dispositions, social conditioning, cognitive biases & situational triggers. These behaviours feed off the roots of frustration, power imbalance & the erosion of individual accountability. Individuals or groups feel marginalised, deprived, or threatened & aggression can become a mechanism to regain control or assert power. Impulsive aggression is linked to neurobiological elements (e.g. serotonin imbalances) and psychological factors like a lack of empathy or unresolved childhood trauma. People who witness domestic violence, bullying, or systemic discrimination growing up are significantly more likely to normalise and replicate these behaviours.

Recent research looked into single mother households in the UK. 9 in 10 of single parent households are headed by a mother, which is approximately 84 - 89% of single parents. An estimated 2.5 - 2.7 million children do not have a father figure or male role model. Single mothers do an amazing & difficult job on the whole. But children do need good male & female role models to learn how to be adults. Both girls & boys need a consistent, good, male influence, which doesn't necessarily have to be a biological father. 

https://genuinefutures.co.uk/news-resources/britain-is-facing-an-epidemic-of-fatherlessness-and-the-cost-is-being-paid-by-our-children

 

However, many people who have experienced these factors manage to become adults who do not exhibit this anti social behaviour. There must be something else in play. Whatever the causes, the behaviour is completely unacceptable & is very destructive. Innocent people are caught up in the violence & abuse. 

We must find a way to channel parental & educational influences to counteract this. We must accentuate good role models. We adults must lead by example & be prepared to call out unacceptable behaviour. 

We must not pass by on the other side.  

Violence & Abuse.

I am quite ashamed to say that I smacked my daughter when she was little. I also smacked children when I was a teacher. There is no defence. Not even that it was" normal" at the time, (it was the 60's). I had been hit as a child & a teenager. Naughtiness does not warrant physical punishment. What child isn't naughty?

Thank goodness we know better now. Any physical violence against anyone is unacceptable. So if we know better, why are we such a violent society & world? Why are some people unable to control their emotions to the point that they will hurt & injure others? Even kill?

There are 3 main types of violence. Physical violence occurs when someone uses their body or an object to control a person's actions. Sexual violence occurs when a person is forced to unwillingly take part in sexual activity. Emotional violence occurs when someone says or does something to make a person feel stupid or worthless. The Council of Europe Istanbul Convention lists 10 types of violence.

https://www.coe.int/en/web/gender-matters/types-of-gender-based-violence

Statistics for violence against women are deeply concerning. In 2025 an estimated 840 million women, almost 1 in 3 have been subject to violence according to https://www.unwomen.org/en/articles/facts-and-figures/facts-and-figures-ending-violence-against-women  In 2024, around 50,000 women and girls worldwide were killed by their intimate partners or other family members. It is shocking.

Then there is war.  

According to the latest VIEWS (Violence & Impacts Early Warning System) forecast for state-based armed conflict, the estimated number of battle-deaths in 2026 is: 

• Ukraine: 28,300
• Palestine/Israel: 7,700
• Sudan: 4,300
• Pakistan: 2,000
• Nigeria: 1,900
• Ethiopia: 1,800
• Somalia: 1,700
• Syria: 1,400
• Yemen: 1,300
• Burkina Faso: 1,200

Global conflict data for 2025 / 26 indicates that tens of thousands of civilians & combatants have been injured across multiple major ongoing wars. Because of the chaos of war, exact comprehensive global figures are impossible to compile, but specific conflict zone reports give a clear sense of the scale.

It is difficult to avoid the conclusion that we humans are becoming more violent & uncontrolled. According to international statistics men are responsible for 85 - 90 % of violent crime. In the UK for attempted murders, serious assaults, and robberies, women makeup only a small fraction (often under 10%) of arrests for these specific offences.

We need to ask why some men are so violent. It's a complex interplay of biological factors, socialisation, and gender norms. It is important to understand that while men are statistically the primary perpetrators of violent crime, the vast majority of men are not violent.

• Testosterone promotes dominant & status seeking behaviours.
• The pre frontal cortex, which regulates impulse control, develops differently. Sometimes predisposing boys to be more physically reactive to stress.
• Boys may be socialised to traditional masculine ideas of toughness & dominance.
• Boys may be socialised to suppress emotions. 

Whatever the causes, routine violence seems to me to have increased over my lifetime. Almost to the point that we accept it as the norm. It isn't normal. It isn't acceptable & we should be doing more to stop it.

 

 

 

"Dear England", Tolerance, Machismo & the Internet

Over the years I think I have changed a little. I think I have become more measured & tolerant. This may well be a complete delusion, but I hope not. If ageing brings anything, surely it should be experience & understanding leading to tolerance.

Watching the BBC drama doc "Dear England" made me think a lot about masculinity as well as football. I have to admit football is a closed book to me. But I do understand the concept of team playing. I also admire the dedication & skill of any elite sportsman. But I was made to think about the pressures on everyone involved in elite sport. It is so easy to dismiss footballers as overpaid, entitled & full of machismo & self absorption.

This well acted drama made me think again. 

In a way it is a commentary on maleness. It highlights the weight of expectation on not just athletes & teams, but on the whole infrastructure around them. That in turn makes you think about what it is like to grow up as a boy in today's society. I would never have contemplated the lifelong trauma of missing a penalty & losing a game without watching "Dear England". I hope I intellectually understand the sheer destructiveness of racism. But this drama brought home it's cruelty & mindlessness - It's bullying. 

The lessons this production teaches are not just related to one sport. We see the vulnerability & emotional reticence of being a boy or man in 21st century England. Where does this begin?  Well it seems obvious to me it begins in the home. It begins with parenting. It begins with the role models of parents & family. It is definitely related to what we all expect a boy or a man to be.

 

A football pitch is a huge space, as is the world we live in. Finding your place in it can be very difficult. 

We think we have become more tolerant & understanding & Southgate, who was England manager from 2016 - 2024, certainly shows us a different way to be masculine. But somewhere along the way we have gone wrong. It isn't a new thing. Why is there still such a difference in the way that girls & boys are parented? 

The average age of first exposure to pornography for boys today is between 10 and 13. Roughly 50% of boys are in that statistic. What does that show about how those boys have been brought up? Pornography normalises unrealistic sexual expectations, distorts views on consent, and impacts adolescent brain development and impulse control. By age 16, approximately 70% of boys watch porn multiple times per week, resulting in higher rates of emotional disturbance, anxiety, and problematic sexualised behaviours.

The reason for that previous paragraph is children's easy access to the internet & social media. Laptops, iPads & mobile phones put unacceptable content right into the hands of children. The tech billionairs are so driven by profit that they do not face up to the fact that they destroy lives by not adequately policing what children can access. 

So we as adults, parents & politicians must force them to take responsibility for the harms. But we must take a measure of responsibility too. We have allowed this to happen.   

Difficult Conversations

The dilemma of how to say something to others, when you know that it may, at best, be taken the wrong way & at worst cause confrontation, argument & hurt, is difficult to handle. The judgement call is a fine line. Should you say anything at all? Should you just "bite your lip" & pretend the problem doesn't exist? Should you be true to yourself & face up to the issue?

I don't think there is a straightforward answer. There are so many variables - the personalities involved, the importance of the issue, the circumstances surrounding it....My gut feeling is always to bring things out into the open & discuss them. But I know that is a touch selfish, because I am not good at going along with something I don't agree with for a quiet life. The issue nags away at me. It may keep me awake at night. I go over conversations in my head. Especially when it involves people I love or like a lot. 

But life is not straightforward. Life is a bumpy ride. We all need to learn how to deal with problems, arguments & confrontation. We all need to be true to our own sense of right or wrong - of fairness. We also need to learn how to broach issues in a tactful & sympathetic way, trying to be rational & keep emotion at bay. In order to do it well we need to listen as much or more than speak. We need empathy & understanding. There are far more grey areas than black & white ones. 

We also need to be able to apologise if we are wrong or accept apology if the other person is. We need to be able to forgive. As Alexander Pope said "To err is human, to forgive divine". 

The thing that concerns me about politics today is that politicians don't seem to be able, or allowed, to "Speak truth unto Power". This means courageously challenging authority, calling out injustice, or sharing critical feedback without fear of retaliation. It originates from a 1955 civil rights and pacifist pamphlet by the American Friends Service Committee. Which is ironic when it seems that few people are speaking truth to the president of the United States who is becoming more & more unpredictable, volatile & downright unhinged in his utterings & behaviour.

My current dilemma is to withdraw from doing something that isn't working for me, without giving offence. Sometimes you do just have to do what is best for you regardless of how others will interpret it. That isn't self centred, it's being pragmatic & having integrity. But that doesn't stop it being difficult. 

 

Repetition

My personal data base is full. So my systems sometimes become confused. This means that I may be becoming quite annoying, repeating things I have already said. I am not necessarily aware of this, but can see that it could be irritating to those nearest & dearest to me. I also have words & patterns of speech that are repetetive, most of us do. The classic is the pointless use of the word "like" dotted throughout every sentence. Personally I find that hugely irritating.

Use of language is important. Words matter. I wonder if we are so use to texts, WhatsApps, emails & all the short form communications today, that we have forgotten how to verbally communicate clearly & well. 

When I listen to the news on radio 4 it is striking that the presenter asks a question, usually straightforwardly & clearly. The interviewee, particularly politicians, may well not want to answer. So they prevaricate by answering a different question of their own to get other information across that they do want the audience to hear. There follows an irascible ding dong of repetition of the actual question & the non answer. It is very unedifying.

I find that on a more personal scale, when contentious subjects are being discussed, often people don't really listen to what the other party says. There is a tendency to hold fast to their own point of view & repeat it over & over. I have sometimes tried to disengage from arguments like this by saying "we will have to agree to disagree". But it often doesn't work. Sometimes people cannot let go. It appears that they feel that repetition will convince me that I am wrong & they are right.

We humans are hidebound, (stubbornly inflexible, narrow minded & rigidly stuck in the past or traditional ways of thinking), by repetetive patterns, not just of speech, but of behaviour. If we are to live together reasonably amicably, both personally & as communities, we need to move on from just repeating the patterns of the past. 

We need to be more open, more generous, more accepting of difference. We need to listen more & speak in a more thoughtful way. We need to try to understand different points of view.