"What every woman needs is a man who makes her laugh & lives 5 blocks away". A friend told me this quote today & attributed it to Martha Gellhorn, but I can't verify that or find who really did say it. Maybe it's apocryphal, but someone should have said it if it is.
It seems to me that this is the solution to the problem of the intelligent man who can't work household appliances, cook, iron, or clean the loo & needs a mother rather than a lover. With age you get to value good conversation, shared experiences, true partnership based on equality & real love. The last two are in short supply I think. Each person should want to give something, not just take. Neither should want to dominate. Both should value the strengths and weaknesses of the other.
Being in a relationship but living apart sounds wondeerful to me. I like my own space - The home I have created with my own things around me. I'm happy for a partner to visit, & vice versa. It would be good to be treated as an honoured guest rather than a skivvy. The concept of inviting someone to share your home, but being able to say that was wonderful, now let's have a breathing space sounds good to me.
Each would be an individual as well as a couple. Both could have their own life as well as a shared life. Both would know there was someone to call on, who would come running in extremis. The sharing of experiences without being joined at the hip 24 /7. It seems like perfect bliss to me.
Perfect Bliss isn't that easy to achieve though!
Monday 22 September 2014
Sunday 21 September 2014
Suicide
http://www.samaritans.org/sites/default/files/kcfinder/files/research/Samaritans%20Suicide%20Statistics%20Report%202014.pdf
The highest number of suicides per 100,000 by age is 45 - 49 years overall.
in males is 40 - 44.
in females is 50 - 54.
These statistics seem to back up the idea of a "mid life crisis" in both women and men.
I don't know what it must be like to try to commit suicide. It isn't difficult to envisage that one would have to be in a very low or desperate state to actually do it. I can remember thinking about just not turning the wheel to navigate a bend & crashing the car at one point when I was very depressed. I'm glad I didn't do it, things do get better, there is "light at the end of the tunnel", (what an apt metaphor), there is a life to be lived.
"Life is a bitch and then you die!" For most of us this is true in part at least. If we are honest, I think we mostly get by, with periods of actually enjoying our lives & unless we are very lucky some times which are fairly awful. It's important to know what gives you pleasure, but equally important to stop doing things which cause you pain - whether physical or emotional. It's good to learn to say "no" - in the nicest possible way of course.
The thing with suicide is the tsunami wave of devastation it leaves behind for friends & family. So many questions unanswered. So much guilt and blame. So much anguish & pain. "What did / didn't I do?" "Was it my / your fault?" So much anger - it is the cruellest way of losing someone you love or are close to.
I'm not someone who thinks that people who commit suicide are selfish & self absorbed. I don't believe many people would do this unless they were in unbearable pain, physical or mental. That pain must overwhelm the capacity to really think about others, especially the people who discover the body.
Attempted suicide can be a cry for help or an ending for one person. But it really isn't an ending for those left behind to pick up the pieces.
8
UK Suicides 2012 - TOTAL - 5,981 - Male - 4,590 - Female - 1391. For a variety of reasons these figures are very under-reported.The highest number of suicides per 100,000 by age is 45 - 49 years overall.
in males is 40 - 44.
in females is 50 - 54.
These statistics seem to back up the idea of a "mid life crisis" in both women and men.
I don't know what it must be like to try to commit suicide. It isn't difficult to envisage that one would have to be in a very low or desperate state to actually do it. I can remember thinking about just not turning the wheel to navigate a bend & crashing the car at one point when I was very depressed. I'm glad I didn't do it, things do get better, there is "light at the end of the tunnel", (what an apt metaphor), there is a life to be lived.
"Life is a bitch and then you die!" For most of us this is true in part at least. If we are honest, I think we mostly get by, with periods of actually enjoying our lives & unless we are very lucky some times which are fairly awful. It's important to know what gives you pleasure, but equally important to stop doing things which cause you pain - whether physical or emotional. It's good to learn to say "no" - in the nicest possible way of course.
The thing with suicide is the tsunami wave of devastation it leaves behind for friends & family. So many questions unanswered. So much guilt and blame. So much anguish & pain. "What did / didn't I do?" "Was it my / your fault?" So much anger - it is the cruellest way of losing someone you love or are close to.
I'm not someone who thinks that people who commit suicide are selfish & self absorbed. I don't believe many people would do this unless they were in unbearable pain, physical or mental. That pain must overwhelm the capacity to really think about others, especially the people who discover the body.
Attempted suicide can be a cry for help or an ending for one person. But it really isn't an ending for those left behind to pick up the pieces.
Thursday 18 September 2014
Tai Chi
I recently did a Tai Chi & Meditation weekend retreat at a lovely house in Oxfordshire called Braziers Park. It's a perfect venue, with beautiful, peaceful, grounds, but the house deserves some tlc. The food was great. Andy, the leader, was a really good teacher. Very skilled & very patient, (he needed to be!)
There's a lot more to Tai Chi than I realised. For one thing, watching the Chinese do it in parks & streets in China makes it look deceptively easy. It's not - think very slow, complicated & purposeful Line Dancing & you might get close. It's a series of movements involving the whole body & intense concentration. Each slight change in position of any part of the body means you have to be focussed & balanced. Falling over isn't an option.
We learned one small sequence at a time & then joined them all up into a longer sequence. I got close to being in the right position at the right time, but never achieved perfect flowing movement. We only scratched the surface of all the moves. It's something you have to be committed to and be prepared to practise for years.
The really surprising thing is that something so graceful & flowing is a martial art. Its just very slowed down. Andy did it with 2 mean looking swords & a long stick at a pace which made us all wonder whether he would survive uninjured. A really good teacher makes something complicated look simple & is able to break the information down in a way that enables novices to stand a chance of learning.
This novice needs a lot more time & practice!
There's a lot more to Tai Chi than I realised. For one thing, watching the Chinese do it in parks & streets in China makes it look deceptively easy. It's not - think very slow, complicated & purposeful Line Dancing & you might get close. It's a series of movements involving the whole body & intense concentration. Each slight change in position of any part of the body means you have to be focussed & balanced. Falling over isn't an option.
We learned one small sequence at a time & then joined them all up into a longer sequence. I got close to being in the right position at the right time, but never achieved perfect flowing movement. We only scratched the surface of all the moves. It's something you have to be committed to and be prepared to practise for years.
The really surprising thing is that something so graceful & flowing is a martial art. Its just very slowed down. Andy did it with 2 mean looking swords & a long stick at a pace which made us all wonder whether he would survive uninjured. A really good teacher makes something complicated look simple & is able to break the information down in a way that enables novices to stand a chance of learning.
This novice needs a lot more time & practice!
Wednesday 17 September 2014
Scottish Referendum
I am tired of the continual domination of this story in the media & press. I have got to the point where I don't care what they vote. I just want it to be over, so that we can have more balanced news. The whole long lead time has been counter productive, with the mucky politics, the in-fighting & the downright disinformation & lies.
Alex Salmond seems to think he is the Scottish Messiah who is infallible & on a Divine mission. He even has his own Mary Magdalene in Nicola Sturgeon. The English politicians were gob-smackingly arrogant in thinking that there would never be a yes vote. I'm truly fed up with the whole lot & simply don't care who is right or who is wrong. They all have their own personal agenda.
I think that this will be a historic moment whatever the result is. I'm not clever enough to be able to tell the difference between the lies & the truth. I suspect that it's all speculation anyway. Some expert could probably be found to back up anything anyone has said over the months leading up to this. The "proof will be in the pudding", (or the haggis).
After the result is declared hopefully the dust will settle & the divisiveness this has caused will die down. I've no idea what the long term outcome will be - good or bad - & for whom. Either way, the harm is done. Nothing will be the same again.
At least there hasn't been a war. No one has died. Put into that perspective there are other, far more pressing issues we should be concerned with.
19.0.14
Whew! The No vote won with a clear mandate. 44.7% Yes, 55.3% No = 10.6% clear margin. The only areas to vote Yes was the small cluster of 3 round Glasgow. The whole of the rest of Scotland was No. Personally I think it would have been a huge problem if the Scots had voted Yes, so I am very pleased.
It would be nice to think that the politicians would now look at the whole of the UK Constitution & make the necessary changes for all of our member countries. I'm not holding my breath though.
Mr Cameron must be hugely relieved that he won't go down in history as the Prime Minister who failed to stop the break up of the United Kingdom. We should all now decide what United means in the 21st century.
Alex Salmond seems to think he is the Scottish Messiah who is infallible & on a Divine mission. He even has his own Mary Magdalene in Nicola Sturgeon. The English politicians were gob-smackingly arrogant in thinking that there would never be a yes vote. I'm truly fed up with the whole lot & simply don't care who is right or who is wrong. They all have their own personal agenda.
I think that this will be a historic moment whatever the result is. I'm not clever enough to be able to tell the difference between the lies & the truth. I suspect that it's all speculation anyway. Some expert could probably be found to back up anything anyone has said over the months leading up to this. The "proof will be in the pudding", (or the haggis).
After the result is declared hopefully the dust will settle & the divisiveness this has caused will die down. I've no idea what the long term outcome will be - good or bad - & for whom. Either way, the harm is done. Nothing will be the same again.
At least there hasn't been a war. No one has died. Put into that perspective there are other, far more pressing issues we should be concerned with.
19.0.14
Whew! The No vote won with a clear mandate. 44.7% Yes, 55.3% No = 10.6% clear margin. The only areas to vote Yes was the small cluster of 3 round Glasgow. The whole of the rest of Scotland was No. Personally I think it would have been a huge problem if the Scots had voted Yes, so I am very pleased.
It would be nice to think that the politicians would now look at the whole of the UK Constitution & make the necessary changes for all of our member countries. I'm not holding my breath though.
Mr Cameron must be hugely relieved that he won't go down in history as the Prime Minister who failed to stop the break up of the United Kingdom. We should all now decide what United means in the 21st century.
Tuesday 9 September 2014
Royal School of Needlework
Yesterday I took a group of Friends of the Ashmolean to the Royal School of Needlework at Hampton Court Palace. It was the first trip I have organised for the Friends. It was a wonderful day. The weather was perfect, the group was a pleasure to be with & Hampton Court is a stunning location.
I won't say all went smoothly. There was some confusion over numbers & coach boarding points. One "Friend" was taken ill & had to go to the Palace sick bay, so sadly missed the RSN. It was just like being a primary headteacher again taking a school trip, except that these were sentient adults.
Hampton Court is massive. The RSN is in 3 cramped rooms & a tiny lobby & shop. How they cope I have no idea. The current exhibition "Inspired by the Garden" is wonderful. Words can't describe the skill, stitching & colour. All done by human hand & eye. Some of it so fine it defies comprehension. One strand of thread at a time gives subtle colour variation which is sublime. In the workroom people were doing skilled conservation work on old pieces of embroidery as well as new commissioned work.
English embroidery has a very long history of the highest skill. It is good to know that there is this small pocket keeping that tradition alive & well. It is also important that the degree & other courses continue to push the boundaries of what can be achieved with new materials & techniques.
I specialised in textiles & embroidery at college & have had a lifelong love of everything to do with it. It is a fine art which is sadly lacking in the modern education curriculum. It is not just a girly medium. Some men do wonderful work too. Fortunately it is something which many adults discover & keep alive. We also have really good City & Guilds courses.
Embroidery is very theraputic & can be very creative. Give it a go.
I won't say all went smoothly. There was some confusion over numbers & coach boarding points. One "Friend" was taken ill & had to go to the Palace sick bay, so sadly missed the RSN. It was just like being a primary headteacher again taking a school trip, except that these were sentient adults.
Hampton Court is massive. The RSN is in 3 cramped rooms & a tiny lobby & shop. How they cope I have no idea. The current exhibition "Inspired by the Garden" is wonderful. Words can't describe the skill, stitching & colour. All done by human hand & eye. Some of it so fine it defies comprehension. One strand of thread at a time gives subtle colour variation which is sublime. In the workroom people were doing skilled conservation work on old pieces of embroidery as well as new commissioned work.
English embroidery has a very long history of the highest skill. It is good to know that there is this small pocket keeping that tradition alive & well. It is also important that the degree & other courses continue to push the boundaries of what can be achieved with new materials & techniques.
I specialised in textiles & embroidery at college & have had a lifelong love of everything to do with it. It is a fine art which is sadly lacking in the modern education curriculum. It is not just a girly medium. Some men do wonderful work too. Fortunately it is something which many adults discover & keep alive. We also have really good City & Guilds courses.
Embroidery is very theraputic & can be very creative. Give it a go.
Sunday 7 September 2014
Being Connected, Fairy Godfathers & Wicked Fairies.
I have had a week without my computer. First my connectivity with my ISP, Plusnet, became intermittant & then died. I thought it might be the Home Plugs, but no. After doing all the usual things like unplugging everything & re-booting the router I rang Plusnet. Their customer service is good & they put something clever on the line - interleaving??? That seemed to work with the signal, but I suspect that it did something to my ability to connect with GMail.
So, the next problem was that GMail told me I had changed my password, suspiciously about the time the interleaving was switched on. I hadn't changed anything. I tried every password I'd ever used - nothing, zilch, nada. Then I discovered that GMail had my old telephone number, so when they sent instructions for re-setting my password by phone it was lost in the ether because the number no longer exists. I also couldn't access my backup email because I couldn't log on! A frustrating circle resulting in much gnashing of teeth & tearing of hair.
The final straw was that you can't contact a person at Google. You just go through the re-setting "help" pages over & over again trying to find a way through. I could feel the minutes of my life ticking away - there are a lot less now than there were. I also had to face the idea that I may have been Hacked - what an appropriate word. My life is on my computer - Literally.
All of this also caused problems with my new smart phone too bcause I'm "synched."
Finally, my Fairy Godfather, S, who was on holiday in deepest, darkest, Northumberland, waved his magic wand & got into my backup email & reset things so that this hopefully won't happen again. What would we do without kind High Tech Fairies. They are few & far between & sprinkle the gold dust of connectivity on the people they restore to the magic of the internet.
I don't have such warm feelings about the elusive Wicked Fairy Google.
So, the next problem was that GMail told me I had changed my password, suspiciously about the time the interleaving was switched on. I hadn't changed anything. I tried every password I'd ever used - nothing, zilch, nada. Then I discovered that GMail had my old telephone number, so when they sent instructions for re-setting my password by phone it was lost in the ether because the number no longer exists. I also couldn't access my backup email because I couldn't log on! A frustrating circle resulting in much gnashing of teeth & tearing of hair.
The final straw was that you can't contact a person at Google. You just go through the re-setting "help" pages over & over again trying to find a way through. I could feel the minutes of my life ticking away - there are a lot less now than there were. I also had to face the idea that I may have been Hacked - what an appropriate word. My life is on my computer - Literally.
All of this also caused problems with my new smart phone too bcause I'm "synched."
Finally, my Fairy Godfather, S, who was on holiday in deepest, darkest, Northumberland, waved his magic wand & got into my backup email & reset things so that this hopefully won't happen again. What would we do without kind High Tech Fairies. They are few & far between & sprinkle the gold dust of connectivity on the people they restore to the magic of the internet.
I don't have such warm feelings about the elusive Wicked Fairy Google.
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