I seem to be breaking the frugal financial habits of a lifetime & have just put down a deposit on a new kitchen. Given what this house cost me and the fact that it's only 7 years old it is amazing to me that I need one. But, and it's a big but, I really don't like the current layout & the whole kitchen is really worn & tired. That's what no maintenance & 10 tenants do for you I suppose. So for the first time in my life I am going to have a good kitchen that I have helped design, which will meet my expectations as I age gracefully, (maybe).
What has been interesting is the process which I have gone through to get to the point of ordering. I looked at 3 companies - DIY Kitchens, (an on line company), Howdens, (a company which only sells through installers, so the price varies according to who does the job), and Wren a company which has high street showrooms.
By far the most work is necessary if you go with DIY Kitchens, but what they offer is a very high quality spec', many more options than the other two & an extremely competetive price. This link shows just how good they are compared to other companies. http://www.diy-kitchens.com/about-diy-kitchens/price-and-quality-comparison/ Howdens offer wonderfully comprehensive brochures which give you a lot of choice & information. The drawback is, having had a designer out to measure I can't seem to get even a ball park figure for what the kitchen will cost, so how can I compare?
In the end, because of all the hassles I have had with the house - replacing the fuse box & downlights because they didn't comply with H&S, the central heating failing completely & replacing the boiler, a roof leak into the study in the dreadful recent weather conditions, being unable to lock the front door, acid leaking from the alarm battery & being unable to switch the alarm off, to name but a few of the more important ones...... I have gone with the easiest, but not cheapest option which is Wren.
You get what you pay for in this life by an large. The designer, Dan, was extremely good at his job & was backed up by excellent software & graphics which he knew inside out. The process, a site visit to measure up + 2 consultations in the excellent showroom, was enjoyable & constructive. What I wanted was of prime importance & was refined down to a really good design. The only real complaint I have is that I think Wren could provide a bit more information in the brochure, but that's because I like working from hard copy, rather than a screen. If the website was a bit more informative, showing the many in cabinet fittings options for example, it would help.
I'm really pleased that I have bought a British manufactured kitchen made by state of the art technology. We do seem to have caught up with the Germans in using infinitely flexible & precise technology to manufacture a good quality spec'. Can't wait to have it.
Sunday 29 December 2013
Saturday 28 December 2013
National Treasures & Sell By Dates
I listened to Saturday Live on Radio 4 this morning. Michael Palin had re-visited Ethiopia & did a piece from Axum which claims to have the Ark of the Covenant containing the tablets of stone in an Orthodox church. A monk is the caretaker guardian & he never leaves the building. The Axumite kingdom goes back to 5,000 years BC & became Christian in around 356 AD.
I was really irritated by the banal & patronising questions put to a local guide by Mr Palin. For example he asked if he could become the monk guardian. Would he, I wonder, ask a Catholic senior cleric in the Vatican the same question about becoming the Pope? Or indeed, more possible, ask an English Bishop if he could become the Archbishop of Canterbury? Of course not. So why would he feel that the question and the silly way it was asked be acceptable?
I have been to Ethiopia & to Axum. The one thing that stands out in many wonderful memories of that country & it's people is how devout they are. One has only to see the processions & church ceremonies to realise that they have something which we have largely lost, a real belief which is part of their everyday life. A life, which in Northern Ethiopia where Axum is, is very hard indeed for the majority. People walk miles to go to church.
I do think it is a shame when entertainers spoil their hard won reputations because they don't realise that they have passed their "sell by date". Personally I can't watch Strictly Come Dancing because I am so irritated by Bruce Forsyth. It is sad to see him struggle to remember the joke & get the timing right. Not to mention that comedy has moved on light years from the music hall days.
We all get old. The trick is to do it gracefully without embarrassing ourselves.
I was really irritated by the banal & patronising questions put to a local guide by Mr Palin. For example he asked if he could become the monk guardian. Would he, I wonder, ask a Catholic senior cleric in the Vatican the same question about becoming the Pope? Or indeed, more possible, ask an English Bishop if he could become the Archbishop of Canterbury? Of course not. So why would he feel that the question and the silly way it was asked be acceptable?
I have been to Ethiopia & to Axum. The one thing that stands out in many wonderful memories of that country & it's people is how devout they are. One has only to see the processions & church ceremonies to realise that they have something which we have largely lost, a real belief which is part of their everyday life. A life, which in Northern Ethiopia where Axum is, is very hard indeed for the majority. People walk miles to go to church.
I do think it is a shame when entertainers spoil their hard won reputations because they don't realise that they have passed their "sell by date". Personally I can't watch Strictly Come Dancing because I am so irritated by Bruce Forsyth. It is sad to see him struggle to remember the joke & get the timing right. Not to mention that comedy has moved on light years from the music hall days.
We all get old. The trick is to do it gracefully without embarrassing ourselves.
Sunday 22 December 2013
Raining on my life.
It's raining in my house! All of the extreme weather over the last 2 months, high winds & torrential rain, has revealed that once again my vendor was economical with the truth about the house. He assured me that the damp patch in the study, (which he painted over), was the result of a leak from the shower in a room on the top floor & had been fixed. Definitely not so according to a roofer & a maintenance man. It's coming from the flat roofed patio area above.
So, I had a sodden carpet which alerted me to the problem & now have a bucket catching the drips when it rains. I'm not sure exactly when it happened - who looks up at the ceiling when you are going through a door? It was the wet carpet that made me look up.
The thing is it's not straightforward, certainly not for someone like me who knows nothing whatsoever about roofs. Is it a faulty Sarnafil membrane & how long is the guarantee on the product?- Is it a bodged roofing job by the main contractor? (The roofer showed me where there should be lead flashing & someone has made a bit of a hash of putting some sort of silicone sealant on. So the vendor must have known there was a problem). Did the main contractor do the work, or did he sub' the work out? If so, who to?
The house was completed in December 2006, how long is the build guaranteed for? I would expect a roof to last longer than 7 years. Surely even if builders don't have NHBC guarantees, they have to insure a new build for a reasonable length of time? What is a reasonable length of time for a new house to last? At least 10 years seems reasonable in my opinion.
I have tried contacting the main contractor, he washes his hands metaphorically. I have also tried the award winning local architects, several times, they don't respond at all. The manufacturer of the roofing membrane has responded, but not answered all my questions. Why am I not surprised? I didn't used to be so cynical.
Fortunately my buildings insurers are sending a loss adjuster out because the leak is caused by extreme weather - storms. So I'm hoping he will get something authorised temporarily & then a permanent repair. I wouldn't know where to start or who to employ. I will lose part of my 30% no claims bonus though & have to pay the excess of £150.
I feel as if it's been raining on my life for the last 4 months. On the bright side, I have learned not to panic, but take things one step at a time & find a solution. On the other hand I feel really let down that someone else's lack of conscience or any sense of obligation to honor a contract has landed me with all the problems.
I do believe in Karma though. "What goes around comes around." "Do unto others....."
So, I had a sodden carpet which alerted me to the problem & now have a bucket catching the drips when it rains. I'm not sure exactly when it happened - who looks up at the ceiling when you are going through a door? It was the wet carpet that made me look up.
The thing is it's not straightforward, certainly not for someone like me who knows nothing whatsoever about roofs. Is it a faulty Sarnafil membrane & how long is the guarantee on the product?- Is it a bodged roofing job by the main contractor? (The roofer showed me where there should be lead flashing & someone has made a bit of a hash of putting some sort of silicone sealant on. So the vendor must have known there was a problem). Did the main contractor do the work, or did he sub' the work out? If so, who to?
The house was completed in December 2006, how long is the build guaranteed for? I would expect a roof to last longer than 7 years. Surely even if builders don't have NHBC guarantees, they have to insure a new build for a reasonable length of time? What is a reasonable length of time for a new house to last? At least 10 years seems reasonable in my opinion.
I have tried contacting the main contractor, he washes his hands metaphorically. I have also tried the award winning local architects, several times, they don't respond at all. The manufacturer of the roofing membrane has responded, but not answered all my questions. Why am I not surprised? I didn't used to be so cynical.
Fortunately my buildings insurers are sending a loss adjuster out because the leak is caused by extreme weather - storms. So I'm hoping he will get something authorised temporarily & then a permanent repair. I wouldn't know where to start or who to employ. I will lose part of my 30% no claims bonus though & have to pay the excess of £150.
I feel as if it's been raining on my life for the last 4 months. On the bright side, I have learned not to panic, but take things one step at a time & find a solution. On the other hand I feel really let down that someone else's lack of conscience or any sense of obligation to honor a contract has landed me with all the problems.
I do believe in Karma though. "What goes around comes around." "Do unto others....."
Tuesday 17 December 2013
Confidence & Anxiety
Not everyone is confident & we all have our own anxieties & fears. Unfortunately some people prey on that & take advantage. Sometimes I think that the most aggressive & confrontational people are like that because they are inwardly lacking in confidence & self belief. However I'm not a psychoanalyst.
I do just find it very difficult to deal with people who switch on the "fight" response rather than the "flight" one. In my experience it has mostly been men & it's usually men who can't cope with an assertive, competent & confident woman. There have only been a few times, thank goodness, when I have felt bullied as an adult. The men I'm thinking of didn't like the fact that I challenged their right to do as they pleased regardless of whether it was right or fair. It isn't always a case that justice wins either. Sometimes the pain isn't worth the gain & the sensible thing is just to back off - however galling that is.
Over the years I have learned to reflect on the situation & try to see the other person's point of view, however much I dislike their behaviour. That's the key I think - it isn't the person I have no time for, it's the behaviour they seem to think is appropriate. The words reasonable & proportionate just don't seem to be part of some people's vocaulary. They just want to win regardless & are seemingly incapable of empathising with someone else. The anxiety & pain they cause is just collateral damage in the war they fight against anyone who stands up to them.
A young friend has received some appallingly threatening communications from someone like this. She does a professional job & is very good at it. She is concientious & caring & completely in the right as far as I can see, (I know I could be biased!) I am just baffled at really bad behaviour which seems to be increasingly a part of life today. Rage seems to be endemic. You have to be quite brave to stand up to it & there are risks in doing that.
It shouldn't be like this.
I do just find it very difficult to deal with people who switch on the "fight" response rather than the "flight" one. In my experience it has mostly been men & it's usually men who can't cope with an assertive, competent & confident woman. There have only been a few times, thank goodness, when I have felt bullied as an adult. The men I'm thinking of didn't like the fact that I challenged their right to do as they pleased regardless of whether it was right or fair. It isn't always a case that justice wins either. Sometimes the pain isn't worth the gain & the sensible thing is just to back off - however galling that is.
Over the years I have learned to reflect on the situation & try to see the other person's point of view, however much I dislike their behaviour. That's the key I think - it isn't the person I have no time for, it's the behaviour they seem to think is appropriate. The words reasonable & proportionate just don't seem to be part of some people's vocaulary. They just want to win regardless & are seemingly incapable of empathising with someone else. The anxiety & pain they cause is just collateral damage in the war they fight against anyone who stands up to them.
A young friend has received some appallingly threatening communications from someone like this. She does a professional job & is very good at it. She is concientious & caring & completely in the right as far as I can see, (I know I could be biased!) I am just baffled at really bad behaviour which seems to be increasingly a part of life today. Rage seems to be endemic. You have to be quite brave to stand up to it & there are risks in doing that.
It shouldn't be like this.
Monday 16 December 2013
Decorations
I spent the weekend hanging pictures. It's more complicated than I remember from the last time, because I've got quite a lot of wall. Then, do you group or not group? If you group how do you arrange the combinations? Is the criteria subject, frame, too much / little light, or sentimental links? You have to be able to get closer to small pictures & big ones look better from a distance. Finally there's the measuring.... cms / inches & remembering which you used? Holding a group with only two hands is tricky. It's certainly not possible to stand back & look. So you have to take the plunge & hope it's right.
At the end of it all I was really pleased. It's a good feeling knowing that I did it myself & I like what I did. Contrary to my expectations I actually could buy some more pictures - how good is that?
This morning my friend D came for breakfast to do me two flower arrangements. One for the hall & one for the kitchen. I'm not precious about artificial flowers so long as they aren't cheap & nasty. However I am not good at arranging them. D is a whizz, quick, decisive & very artistic with it. So two very tasteful, very different arrangements which give me great pleasure. And a wreath for the door - what a bonus.
Later I got down the Christmas tree which hasn't been out of storage for at least 5 years. Dave, (husband), always assembled it, but it was colour coded so even I could do it. For an artificial tree it isn't bad. The next thing is to be very selective about the baubles. Less is more & a restricted colour palette for me. If I'm going to "do" Christmas it's only going to be in a restrained way & all the surplus is going to a charity shop.
All of this is time well spent. My house is personalised & feels more like my home.
At the end of it all I was really pleased. It's a good feeling knowing that I did it myself & I like what I did. Contrary to my expectations I actually could buy some more pictures - how good is that?
This morning my friend D came for breakfast to do me two flower arrangements. One for the hall & one for the kitchen. I'm not precious about artificial flowers so long as they aren't cheap & nasty. However I am not good at arranging them. D is a whizz, quick, decisive & very artistic with it. So two very tasteful, very different arrangements which give me great pleasure. And a wreath for the door - what a bonus.
Later I got down the Christmas tree which hasn't been out of storage for at least 5 years. Dave, (husband), always assembled it, but it was colour coded so even I could do it. For an artificial tree it isn't bad. The next thing is to be very selective about the baubles. Less is more & a restricted colour palette for me. If I'm going to "do" Christmas it's only going to be in a restrained way & all the surplus is going to a charity shop.
All of this is time well spent. My house is personalised & feels more like my home.
Tuesday 10 December 2013
Mandela - Man before Icon
I didn't know Nelson Mandela. I only know of him because of the legend he has become during my lifetime. Others have eulogised him far better than I could. His memory and legacy will remain long after he has gone. It isn't often that one person has the impact that he has had, so the temptation to deify him is strong.
I do hope we will resist that, because the really extraordinary thing about Mandela is that he was not a saint. He was an ordinary man - Gifted, intelligent & relatively privileged compared to many of his compatriots. Mandela's power lay in the articulate simplicity of his message & his willingness to sacrifice everything he had in order to overthrow the abomination that was Apartheit and White Supremacy in South Africa.
One of the interesting things about Mandela is the complexity of the things he did & stood for. How did he reach the balance between passive resistance & "terrorist" action? There are real contradictions in his life as there are in all our lives. We all make mistakes, as he did, about AIDS & corruption in the ANC for example. Somehow he is the better for that & gives us hope that we might be the better for our mistakes.
Mandela allows himself & us to be fallible and imperfect yet ultimately triumphs over that. Mandela holds out the hope for all of us that the world can be a better place where peoples can live in tolerance & understanding. There is a place for redemption & reconcilliation in this mired world of conflicts.
The world needs more Mandela's. Sadly they are in very short supply. All we have is two dimensional politicians who are passionate about nothing except self & power. Mandela didn't need "focus groups" or PR to tell him what to think or do or believe. Mandela knew what was right & did not let himself be deflected from that by self aggrandisment or expediency.
A life well lived. May he rest in peace.
I do hope we will resist that, because the really extraordinary thing about Mandela is that he was not a saint. He was an ordinary man - Gifted, intelligent & relatively privileged compared to many of his compatriots. Mandela's power lay in the articulate simplicity of his message & his willingness to sacrifice everything he had in order to overthrow the abomination that was Apartheit and White Supremacy in South Africa.
One of the interesting things about Mandela is the complexity of the things he did & stood for. How did he reach the balance between passive resistance & "terrorist" action? There are real contradictions in his life as there are in all our lives. We all make mistakes, as he did, about AIDS & corruption in the ANC for example. Somehow he is the better for that & gives us hope that we might be the better for our mistakes.
Mandela allows himself & us to be fallible and imperfect yet ultimately triumphs over that. Mandela holds out the hope for all of us that the world can be a better place where peoples can live in tolerance & understanding. There is a place for redemption & reconcilliation in this mired world of conflicts.
The world needs more Mandela's. Sadly they are in very short supply. All we have is two dimensional politicians who are passionate about nothing except self & power. Mandela didn't need "focus groups" or PR to tell him what to think or do or believe. Mandela knew what was right & did not let himself be deflected from that by self aggrandisment or expediency.
A life well lived. May he rest in peace.
Friday 6 December 2013
More - Buy nothing day
Buy Nothing Day (BND) is an international day of protest against consumerism. In North America, BND is held the Friday after Thanksgiving (November 29, 2013). Elsewhere, it is held the following day, which is the last
Saturday in November.[1][2] BND was founded in Vancouver by artist Ted Dave[3] in September 1992.
It was organized as a day for society to examine the issue of over-consumption."[5][citation not found] In 1997, it was moved to the Friday after American Thanksgiving, also called "Black Friday", which is one of the ten busiest shopping days in the United States! BND was initially denied advertising time by almost all major television networks except for CNN.[1] Soon, campaigns started appearing in the United States, the United Kingdom, Israel, Austria, Germany, New Zealand, Japan, the Netherlands, France, and Norway. Participation now includes more than 65 nations.[5][citation not found] - Wikipedia.
The irony of the juxtaposition of Thanksgiving, Black Friday & BND and the excessive
consumerism of our modern lives, let alone Christmas, is not difficult to see. While I
welcome anything which makes people stop and think about their purchasing choices
in any sphere, at any time, I just don't think a day is enough.
If our enormous levels of debt & credit don't make us stop profligate spending, I doubt
whether a named day will. Neither does job insecurity, short term / part time / zero
hours contracts or unemployment seem to do the trick. Today's Western culture
believes in our right to have something new, now. When we have finished with it we
don't have any qualms about replacing it with the latest model, even if the old one is
still perfectly adequate.
Our's is the society of more. The more we have the less we value it & the more we want.
We are the slaves of the Ad Men, who come to us like an angelic visitation through our
TV's, phones & computers. We want to have what our neighbour has, better if possible.
Give us posh labels, high spec', (never mind we will never use half of the capability).
The latest, the biggest, ever more, ever changing to satiate our endless desires. We
will queue for hours & fight each other for it if necessary.
B..... Buy Nothing Day - lets have Buy Nothing Week or Month or Year. Better to do
it voluntarily than have it forced on us by used up resources.
Look at Easter Island!
It was organized as a day for society to examine the issue of over-consumption."[5][citation not found] In 1997, it was moved to the Friday after American Thanksgiving, also called "Black Friday", which is one of the ten busiest shopping days in the United States! BND was initially denied advertising time by almost all major television networks except for CNN.[1] Soon, campaigns started appearing in the United States, the United Kingdom, Israel, Austria, Germany, New Zealand, Japan, the Netherlands, France, and Norway. Participation now includes more than 65 nations.[5][citation not found] - Wikipedia.
The irony of the juxtaposition of Thanksgiving, Black Friday & BND and the excessive
consumerism of our modern lives, let alone Christmas, is not difficult to see. While I
welcome anything which makes people stop and think about their purchasing choices
in any sphere, at any time, I just don't think a day is enough.
If our enormous levels of debt & credit don't make us stop profligate spending, I doubt
whether a named day will. Neither does job insecurity, short term / part time / zero
hours contracts or unemployment seem to do the trick. Today's Western culture
believes in our right to have something new, now. When we have finished with it we
don't have any qualms about replacing it with the latest model, even if the old one is
still perfectly adequate.
Our's is the society of more. The more we have the less we value it & the more we want.
We are the slaves of the Ad Men, who come to us like an angelic visitation through our
TV's, phones & computers. We want to have what our neighbour has, better if possible.
Give us posh labels, high spec', (never mind we will never use half of the capability).
The latest, the biggest, ever more, ever changing to satiate our endless desires. We
will queue for hours & fight each other for it if necessary.
B..... Buy Nothing Day - lets have Buy Nothing Week or Month or Year. Better to do
it voluntarily than have it forced on us by used up resources.
Look at Easter Island!
Wednesday 4 December 2013
Meditation - A web of Support
I went to a group meditation with a good friend this morning. Before the catastrophe that was 2009 I used to meditate alone several times a week. After 2009 I tried, but found I couldn't get back into it, apart from the fact that I find swimming very meditative. So this morning was a pleasure & a surprise.
Stilling the mind is very difficult. Our minds are dictators of mood & action. We have been programmed, hardwired, conditioned, from our earliest years, to be the people we are today. We think. We rewind. We imagine. We project. We don't question whether this is a good thing or not. We just accept it, because it has always been like that. We are intelligent. We think & therefore we try to control. Meditation practice teaches us how to stop the mind from fast forwarding us into actions which may be egocentric. It helps us reflect.
This morning I found myself meditating on the fact that everyone in that room had problems. Physical, emotional, practical problems, some quite serious. That is life. Then I had a very powerful image of a spiders web glistening with frost or dew & being suspended in it. The people meditating were the spokes of the web, giving it strength, cradling us. Each of us was supporting the others & strengthening the web.
We are all individuals, but we all need support. We all need to trust someone enough to let them in & give us the help we need. We also need different types of support at different times for different problems. The web of people available to us is invisible but our friendships make it strong & tangible.
Our friendship webs can help deliver us from the turbulent seas of life to the calm waters of the safe harbour if we let them. Our webs won't necessarily solve the problems, but they might help us to cope with them.
Stilling the mind is very difficult. Our minds are dictators of mood & action. We have been programmed, hardwired, conditioned, from our earliest years, to be the people we are today. We think. We rewind. We imagine. We project. We don't question whether this is a good thing or not. We just accept it, because it has always been like that. We are intelligent. We think & therefore we try to control. Meditation practice teaches us how to stop the mind from fast forwarding us into actions which may be egocentric. It helps us reflect.
This morning I found myself meditating on the fact that everyone in that room had problems. Physical, emotional, practical problems, some quite serious. That is life. Then I had a very powerful image of a spiders web glistening with frost or dew & being suspended in it. The people meditating were the spokes of the web, giving it strength, cradling us. Each of us was supporting the others & strengthening the web.
We are all individuals, but we all need support. We all need to trust someone enough to let them in & give us the help we need. We also need different types of support at different times for different problems. The web of people available to us is invisible but our friendships make it strong & tangible.
Our friendship webs can help deliver us from the turbulent seas of life to the calm waters of the safe harbour if we let them. Our webs won't necessarily solve the problems, but they might help us to cope with them.
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