Alone not Lonely

My husband, who was my best friend for 47 years, fell off a ladder onto concrete & died in 2009. Since then I have learned how to live alone. There have been many discoveries along the way:-

• I can do it & like my own company.
• A few of my "friends" weren't, but many more "aquaintances" were.
• Real friends are rare & to be treasured.
• People generally are kind & want to help. Asking for & taking help is difficult if you value independence.
• None of us prepare for the "worst case scenario", so it's a struggle.
• Marriages are partnerships & we all develop our own role within them. So when you have to do everything yourself it's hard & is time consuming.
• Every achievement outside your comfort zone gives you confidence for solving the next problem.
• Facing the fear works - I think of the worst case scenario and accept that it might happen, but statistically it probably won't. 
• I resolved not to say no to anything that was on offer. So I have done more outside the house than I did when I was married.
• Doing something for other people takes one's mind off oneself. I have several volunteer "jobs" & get a great deal from all of them.
• To be interesting you have to be interested - in people & all sorts of things.
• No one want's to spend more than the minimum time with a self absorbed moaner.
• Whatever has happened to me in my life, however painful and hard, is nothing in comparison to what is happening to many other people in the world this very minute.

We learn by experiencing life's journey. I wish that there could be a micro chip to insert into the brain to make us wise without traumatic experience, but maybe pain is necessary.

Despots Dictators & Tyrants

I've been to all the North African countries except Algeria. I've also been to a lot of countries in the Middle East including Yemen. So I'm really interested in the current political situation. Several things amaze me:-

• The bravery & power of ordinary people.
• The speed of the "domino effect" across country boundaries as they realise that they can do it.
• The fact that they are so similar to us & want democracy & freedom
• The mind boggling corruption of the leaders who have robbed their people of not just millions, but billions of dollars. How much can one person / family / tribe spend?
• The lengths that these men will go to to retain power.
• Their ability to repress their citizens & deprive them of their human rights.
• The fact that Western politicians, particularly America & the UK, have supported these unspeakable tyrants for their own self interest for decades.
• Our complicity in allowing our governments to support these regimes.

I so admire what the people - old / young, rich / poor, educated or not, of different religions & political beliefs - are achieveing. We should support them in any way we can, without self interest, namely their oil wealth. They should be allowed to decide their own future & follow their own path to it.

We should stop our arrogant interference thinking that our way is best. We have a lot to learn about co-existance. We have made enough of a mess of it over the years. History is littered with the mistakes of the Western Powers & America which have led to many of the problems the world now faces.

It's about time we learned the lessons. Sadly I don't think we will & future generations will pay the price.

Blind as a Bat

I'm having cataract surgery on the 1st March. Have to say I feel a bit squeamish about it. However the nurse at the pre op assessment was very reassuring - I won't feel a thing & better still won't be able to see a scalpel coming towards my eye. (No scalpels really - don't worry). My eye will be fully anaesthetised & my head will be under a little tent. 20 minutes tops. Isn't that a little miracle. The main problem is that I won't be able to drive for up to 2 weeks & can't swim for 4 weeks while I have to put drops in my eyes because of the danger of infection. But at the end of it I will be able to see the world in all it's glory. God bless the NHS - I'm having the head Consultant & the wait was very short. We just don't appreciate how lucky we are in the UK.  

Banks & Insurances

I am so p..... off with Banks. I have just wasted huge amounts of my time trying to get an error made by Santander on my current account sorted. The problem has been on going since December. This is the 3rd major complaint with this bank. Writing, emailing, phoning has no effect - The communications drop into a black hole. No wonder we are in the current financial mess in the Western World if my experience is typical of their competence. Once they sort it satisfactorily I'm off to a bank that understands that it's my money & I expect good customer service.

Ditto Insurance policies, but for a different reason. Why do I have to go through the time wasting nausea of comparison websites in order to get a reasonable price for insurance? Why are there so many variables that it's impossible to ensure that you are getting "like for like quotes"? Why don't Insurers check their prices against the competition for a range of different customers & ensure that they are offering similar policies for similar premiums? There are still  people who have the outmoded concept of loyalty to a company & naively imagine that the company reciprocates. So the companies rely on these customers inertia and have no concept of offering value for money at the market price.

There is more to life than this - but if you don't want to be ripped off you have no choice. Oh for the simpler life of previous generations. 

Swimming

2 days spent sorting out paperwork & files - a regular spring task to keep the mountain manageable, resulted in a migraine headache. Swimming is amazing. 32 lengths = half a mile = half an hour - 3 times a week. Headache gone. There is something Zen like about swimming. All I do is concentrate on that stroke, that length. I'm not consciously thinking about problems, but I find that solutions to problems I have pop into my brain. Added benefits are - keeping my range of movement, muscle tone, weight control, helping my breathing, mood enhancing and pain relief. A multiple win situation. Try it!

Valentines Day

Difficult for those of us who have lost a partner. However I was never showered with flowers, chocolates, jewels & cards - "I love you" wasn't said very often over 47 years. But I know he did.

What you do, or don't do is so much more important than what you say. Saying is easy, doing requires effort. Saying can turn into lying or deception. Doing is straightforward, obvious & unchangeable. So we should be careful about our actions or lack of action. I'm not religious, but the concept of sins of omission and commission is right.

So the shops are full of red roses, pink champagne, and assorted trivia. But will the love last? What will be the fall out of the superficiality? 

Life

No one warns you what getting older is like, if they did you'd make sure you lived every day, doing only what you really want to do. Imagine the impact of that on society! There are no "TOP TIPS" or road maps. It's not a fun subject in this youth obsessed, superficial world.

So I'm going to tell you what it's like for me. Here I sit losing my mind & minding my loss. All the things I relied on - physical fitness, an attractive face & body, competence - are in decline. But there are compensations. I say "no". I do what I want to. I enjoy the company of real friends & discard the toxic friends who are so obsessed with themselves they don't even ask me what I have been doing & how I am.

Come with me on a journey into old age. Lets make it what we want it to be, something to enjoy & relish. Don't be an invisible "grey" shadow of your former self. You are a child of the 60's a "baby boomer". Just think what we have experienced & achieved.