Lifestyle

I'm not at all sure that I have a "lifestyle". What exactly does it mean? It's such a nebulous term. Does it mean that there are rules or patterns of behaviour? Wikipedia says it is the interests, opinions, behaviours, and behavioural orientations of an individual, group, or culture. So I have to wonder how you become a member. How you find out the rules that apply.

More importantly, why do individuals want to join a particular "lifestyle club". 

I suppose that a lot of it is dictated by social media, advertising & influencers. That puts me off for a start.

The key to my unease is the word dictated. Where is individuality in all of this? Where is the value in being different, following your own beliefs & interests. Why don't we value our individuality, our difference? Why are we determined to be a member of a group, without being able to diverge from the behaviours or mores of that group? Why should we allow ourselves to be so influenced by someone else. Often someone that we don't even know?

I'm trying to work out what my lifestyle is. I'm old, I live alone, I have a house, but no pets, I have an interesting & busy life, I don't have a big family, but I have lots of friends, I have a routine, but I do like unplanned things, I enjoy doing lots of things, I'm never bored....

What group does that put me in? A granny, A retiree, A pensioner? Well no, I don't think I conform to the image any of those names conjours up. I hope not, because I think those names categorize & are dismissive & I don't want to belong to a homogenous group.

I want to be me far more than I want to "belong". I don't want to wear what old people are "supposed " to wear, or do what old people are "supposed" to do. I wish I had realised that when I was young & did try to fit in with others & their expectations. Now I really don't think that is the way to be. 

 

It is important to know what matters to you, not try to conform to what matters to other people. 

My Territory

Some Bolshie idiot. (I use the term advisedly, you'll soon get why), parks his car in my driveway. I don't know him & I certainly haven't given him permisson to invade my space. I'm both surprised & annoyed. It's very inconvenient. What right has he got to do that - none whatsoever. 

So I remonstrate. Strongly. But he is very aggressive & belligerent. Its a war - of words. But he is a bully.

All the neighbours can see what is happening & in various ways most support me. I need help from an organisation with clout to enforce the rules - the police. But the police sympathise & just monitor the situation. They don't forcibly remove him or charge him.

So I ask Citizens Advice what to do. They just advise mediation. But the mediation will be just the mediator & the man who has parked in my drive. I will not be invited to attend my own mediation.

It's ridiculous right? It would never happen. There are laws & people have rights that can be enforced.

Well, think again, because that is exactly what is happening between Russia, (the agressor parking his tanks unlawfully) & Ukraine (the landowner trying to defend himself).

If anyone had asked me whether this could happen when I was young I would have simply laughed. But the Jugoslavian war opened my eyes to how ineffectual enforcement of international law is. We have not prepared any better for dictator bullies. We have many leaders who appease rather than confront. We do not act together as a proper international force. 

What is happening shames us all. Ukraine is not perfect. But it is a sovereign state that has defended itself bravely in the face of terrible cost in destruction, injury & death against a very wealthy & powerful aggressor. 

If we are not able to stop this without the aggressor benefitting from his aggression we are all not only shamed but we will open Pandoras Box for future generations.

 

Reality TV

There is more than one kind of reality TV. The obvious one is programmes like "The Apprentice", "The Traitors", "Dragons Den", "Race Around the World" - all BBC. On ITV there is "Big brother", "Love Island", "Britains Got Talent", "TOWIE". 

The other kind is the reality we see in daily news & documentary programmes. 

Then there is the reality of our own individual lives. How do we process reality tv & real events we can see at a safe distance? 

I seriously wonder if we truly understand what reality is. We are bombarded with the "reality" of social media & "influencers" as well as reality tv. What we see is carefully curated & edited. The people we see present a persona & we have no way of knowing how real that is. I suspect in many cases it is worlds away from the reality most of us experience.

The reality of disaster & war is removed from us. We watch, but do we really process & empathise? When people are actually involved in traumatic events that is light years away from watching it on a screen. Distance allows us to see it almost like a drama, because it is too hard to fully engage with what is happening.

I am concerned that we are becoming inured to events that should motivate us to action. Our own lives are so complex & busy that we cannot allow ourselves to become too involved in the lives of others. The daily grind, whatever that is, occupies our minds & energy to the extent that we possibly tolerate things that are intolerable. In fact it is all to easy to "other" people so that we don't feel personal responsibility to take action. This is evident in the way refugees & migrants are portrayed. If we were to acknowledge their equal humanity to ourselves, how could we describe them as illegal, a flood, an influx, an onslaught, mass migration......The language we use risks dehumanizing individuals and conflating legal status with identity. 

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/aug/02/language-on-immigration-in-uk-news-and-politics-found-to-have-shaped-backlash-against-antiracism

https://www.runnymedetrust.org/publications/a-hostile-environment-language-race-surveillance-and-the-media

 

Today we have the ability to know more of what the reality of living in other places is. We cannot say that we didn't know. If you accept that, then don't you have to do something about the unacceptable reality that millions live with? 

Titles

I'm reading a novel by Richard Coles. He was in The Communards in the 1980's. After that he was a C of E vicar. He was also a radio presenter. Now he writes novels. So, multi talented. It made me think about titles & wonder why, when he left the church because of it's stance on LGBTQ+, he still uses the title Rev.

Then I wondered why, when I have been widowed for 16 years, I am still Mrs....

That led me to the Monarchy & Aristocracy. Why do we accept that, simply because of an accident of birth, some people are given higher status than others. They haven't done anything to earn their status. They may not be particularly intelligent, or skilled, or have valuable experience or expertise. They cannot necessarily be thought of as having done anything to merit their exalted position other than been born to privileged parents. 

Then there is the vexed question of the Honors List where politicians & the monarch raise people to higher status. If it were only done because the recipients had done something exceptional to merit the honor, I wouldn't mind. But that isn't necessarily the case. The Conservatives apparently gave out 10 times more honours than Labour since 2010.

OBE, MBE, CBE - These are the most common honors and are awarded twice a year (New Year and King's Birthday) for contributions to various fields like arts, sciences, public service, and community work. I'm struggling to justify why, because someone has been talented in sport or the arts for example, that warants an honor. I certainly can't justify celebrity honours. 

Knighthoods/Damehoods -  Are higher honors given for supposedly major contributions at a national or international level. Many of these are political. A significant portion of these honors are tied to political service, donations and influence. Some are directly awarded by the Prime Minister upon resignation, and others are given to those who have held public office and contributed to national life. There has been an expectation that politicians & civil servants are almost entitled to these. Many people object to the degrading of these, for example by Boris Johnson & especially Liz Truss after being Prime Minister. 

Personally, while I am always interested in meeting new people, I struggle to defer to anyone. Honour means high respect, great esteem. If someone has done something outstanding or above the norm I would obviously respect that. But that does not seem to be how our Honors system always works. The system is inherently flawed & debases those who genuinely deserve to be recognised. 

It needs to change. Titles are not the answer. It just perpetuates the British class system. We need to be a genuine meritocracy.  

 

Fairness & Injustice

I don't know why, but fairness is really important to me. To me fairness does not mean that everybody gets what they want. Rather it means that everybody in the group has an equal opportunity to benefit. It's fundamental. It's one of the reasons I think that, as individuals & as a state, we should do everything to ensure that an accident of birth does not give some an unfair advantage & consign others to poverty.

Injustice, in any form, really gets to me. So much so that I simply cannot remain silent about what I perceive to be injustice. I also think that everyone should voice their concerns about unjust speech & actions. It isn't good enough to simply ignore unfairness & injustice. If we believe in a moral compass at all, we must be prepared to uphold it, even if that comes at a personal cost. 

We humans have been given a conscience. We have an internal voice & insticts to help us make judgements about what is fair & what is unjust. However we are also able to ignore those voices in order to avoid any adverse effects of speaking or acting. We can convince ourselves that what we do or don't do is of no consequence in the grand scheme of things. 

It isn't true. Atrocities can only happen when people stay silent. 

It seems that our world today is full of injustice. There seems little evidence of fairness. The news is full of negativity. Negative news sells newspapers & gets clicks on social media. How often do we see good news? We do need to shine a light on wrongdoing, but sometimes it seems that there isn't enough balance. 

I'm not sure I can see a solution to this conundrum. I have heard quite a few people say, for example, that they no longer listen to the news because it is so dire. That cannot be the way to go. We all need to face up to the things that are unacceptable & need to change. We can't be ostriches with our heads in the sand providing our little lives are OK.

We have the means to make our voices heard collectively. We need to use them wisely & loudly. We must not stay silent in the face of the dreadful events currently unfolding in our world. If Unfairness & Injustice prevail we all loose. 

The UK government is introducing a Crime & Policing Bill that includes measures to criminalise some protest activities. This bill, along with previous legislation like the Public Order Act, significantly expands police powers to restrict and penalize protests, even those deemed peaceful but disruptive. 

I think we should be very wary of accepting this. 

  

Neurotypical - Neurodiverse

Neurotypical -  Having characteristics and traits that are considered typical in comparison to other people in society.

Neurodiverse - the natural variation in how the human brain functions & processes information. A wide range of ways that people think, learn, and behave. It is estimated that 15% - 20% of the world's population is neurodivergent. That's more than 1 in 7.

I have just done 4 interesting tests to assess whether I am neurodiverse. It turns out that I possibly am. I seem to be somewhere relatively low down on the Autism spectrum. It hadn't ocurred to me. As far as I am concerned I am really normal - it's the rest of you that are odd. It was quite a surprise. I think it's important to focus on the strengths and unique perspectives that neurodivergent individuals can bring, rather than solely focusing on challenges. But I could possibly be biased.

Further it seems likely that I inherited it from my mother, who I definitely thought was different, but for other reasons. Around 80% of autism cases can be linked to inherited genetic mutations. Autistic people exhibit differences in social interaction, communication, and behavior. I suspect we all think we are normal, but how often do we tell family or friends what we really think about them? 

Autism presents differently in females, often leading to underdiagnosis or misdiagnosis due to masking & different symptom presentation. Women and girls are more likely to mask their autism symptoms, consciously or unconsciously mimicking social behaviors and using scripts to fit in.

https://www.oxfordcbt.co.uk/female-autism-checklist/ 

Anyway, I'm taking this revelation on board. In my apparently autistic way, I'm researching it & finding out as much as I can. The thing is, however honest you can be with yourself, you are hardly the most reliable judge of your own personality traits. 

Maybe the main thing we all have to live with is that human beings are wonderfully different in looks, in intelligence, in philosophy, in temperament, in everything you can think of. That is a good thing. Difference is to be cherished, not used to isolate or intimidate people. Humans do have a tendency to form cliques & to exclude outliers, even torment & bully them. 

We need alternative ways of thinking to get us out of the mess we are in. We should all be more accepting. I think I need to work on that!

 

Denial

Denial - The refusal to acknowledge or accept the truth of something despite evidence to the contrary. It's a psychological defense mechanism where individuals unconsciously avoid confronting painful or uncomfortable realities. For example, refusing to admit to a personal problem like addiction or rejecting the reality of a traumatic event. Our brain is remarkable & can prevent unpleasant or anxiety-provoking thoughts and feelings from reaching conscious awareness. Sometimes denial can help us to process the initial shock of trauma or loss. While denial can give temporary relief, it can also be detrimental in the long run. 

Plausible Deniability -  Politicians & people in power use this to deny knowledge or responsibility for actions, even if they were involved or had knowledge, by creating ambiguity, (ergo lying), or using indirect language creating doubt. This allows them to distance themselves from potentially damaging consequences, while still benefiting from the action. I'm sure you can think of examples.

Denialism - A phenomenon that goes beyond individual denial. It is the rejection of established facts and evidence, often for ideological or political reasons, e.g. Holocaust denial. 

Individuals can be in denial about personal life experiences or macro events. I may not want to accept that I have a serious illness or have done something very wrong or harmful. I may be misled by spurious conspiracy theories about world events, the death of President Kennedy for example. There may be plenty of evidence supporting the truth & precious little supporting the conspiracy theorists, but my brain does not want to accept the truth. It is easier to believe something else for some reason. There may well be conspiracies going on in the world, but there is also a huge amount of misinformation & downright lies, often spread by social media. 

We live in an information age where access to facts & evidence is easy because of technology. But that access works both ways, we also have immediate access to post truth information designed to mislead. Some politicians & political parties rely on that to stay in power. There have been huge international corporations that have had a very questionable relationship with truth, the Sackler family & the OxyContin scandal for example. Or closer to home the Post Office scandal. 

More & more it is our responsibility to verify what we believe to be the truth. We have the tools. We should all use them.

 

Or we will be lambs to the slaughter - possibly literally. 

Famine - Genocide - Ethnic Cleansing - You Decide

Famine - The most severe kind of hunger crisis. Extreme widespread scarcity of food. Not enough food for a great number of people, causing illness and death - children and adults within a certain area dying of hunger on a daily basis. Famine is preventable and, therefore, a choice. 

 

Genocide - coined in 1944 genos, meaning race or tribe, and the Latin suffix cide, meaning killing. Systematic murder, targeted actions aimed at the destruction of particular groups of people. An international crime. 

Ethnic Cleansing - coined after the 1990’s conflict in the former Yugoslavia. Not yet recognized as an independent crime under international law, why? Possibly because there is no precise definition of the concept or the exact acts to be qualified as ethnic cleansing. Interim report S/25274 defined as "… rendering an area ethnically homogeneous by using force or intimidation to remove persons of given groups from the area." In report S/1994/674 the same Commission described ethnic cleansing as “… a purposeful policy designed by one ethnic or religious group to remove by violent and terror-inspiring means the civilian population of another ethnic or religious group from certain geographic areas.” The Comission of Experts stated that coercive practices used to remove the civilian population can include: murder, torture, arbitrary arrest and detention, extrajudicial executions, rape and sexual assaults, severe physical injury to civilians, confinement of civilian population in ghetto areas, forcible removal, displacement and deportation of civilian population, deliberate military attacks or threats of attacks on civilians and civilian areas, use of civilians as human shields, destruction of property, robbery of personal property, attacks on hospitals, medical personnel, and locations with the Red Cross/Red Crescent emblem, among others.

https://www.un.org/en/genocide-prevention/definition

I simply can't see that any of this does not apply to what the Israeli government & IDF are doing in Gaza & the West Bank. Please note, I have not said Israeli's or Jews, because I do not believe that what is being done is in the name of all Israeli's or Jews. There is dissent against the way this war has been fought. There are moderate people who are standing up against the actions of an extreme right wing section of the Israeli population. 

What I do not understand or condone is that the international community seems to, yet again, be watching on the sidelines, as it did in Jugoslavia. What is the point of international law if it isn't enforced? What is the point of the United Nations if it allows veto's by vested interests & bad actors to stand in the way of justice? 

Homelessness

My husband & I started married life in a rented council terraced property in Bracknell. When our daughter was born we had enough money for a deposit on a semi detached house & could just about afford the mortgage. It was a financial stretch & there were weeks when we had egg & chips several times for supper.

Over our life together we moved up the property ladder as we both had professional jobs & our salaries increased. We ended up in a valuable property & mortgage free. We both worked hard, but we were so lucky.

Homelessness in the UK is a blight on all of us. We are a relatively wealthy nation, yet we seem to tolerate this epidemic. In March 2025, an estimated 3,438 people were sleeping rough on a single night in England. This represents a 2% increase since December 2024 and an 11% increase compared to the same period last year. There are other forms of homelessness, such as those in temporary accommodation, which brings the total number of homeless people to at least 354,000.  

Poverty, unemployment, lack of affordable housing, relationship breakdown and systemic barriers in welfare support are understood to be significant systemic primary drivers of rough sleeping. These underlying causes can often be exacerbated by personal vulnerabilities like poor health or substance use.

Poverty can arise from low wages, unemployment, and the rising cost of living, making it impossible for some to afford basic necessities like housing. Low-income individuals and families can't find suitable, secure & affordable accommodation to rent or buy. Eviction from private rentals, often due to rising costs or 'no-fault' evictions, is a major trigger for homelessness. Cuts to welfare benefits and inadequate support systems can leave vulnerable individuals with limited resources to meet their basic needs and prevent homelessness. Family or relationship conflicts, domestic violence, and the loss of a support network can lead to sudden homelessness. Mental health problems and substance abuse can significantly impair an individual's ability to manage daily life, maintain employment, and secure housing. Young people leaving the care system often lack the necessary support network to transition to independent living, making them vulnerable. Individuals leaving prison may face challenges finding housing and employment.

https://www.crisis.org.uk/ending-homelessness/about-homelessness/causes-of-homelessness/ 

It isn't a simple problem to solve. We need more affordable social housing. Charities like the Salvation Army have innovative projects like "Nap Pads" https://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/homelessness/nap-pads

 

Rough sleeping will be decriminalised next year under government plans to scrap the 200-year-old Vagrancy Act which outlaws rough sleeping in England and Wales. Given all the drivers of homelessness & rough sleeping I think this should have happened ages ago. 

There are undoubtedly people on the streets who cause a nuisance due to associated behaviours like begging, street drinking & anti social actions, which can negatively impact communities. But I have seen anti social behaviours by non rough sleepers too, far too often. People can be needlessly confrontational & aggressive, rude & abusive, in public. Dealing with bad behaviour is very difficult & it is all too common. I have had intimidating neighbours I actually thought were capable of violence.

We should also consider the many people living in unacceptable, mainly rented, housing. In 2022-23, approximately 3.5 million households (14%) in England lived in homes that failed to meet the Decent Homes Standard, according to the Gov.uk website. This includes 2.1 million households (9%) with at least one Category 1 hazard and 1.0 million households (4%) with damp.

Human beings are such a mixed bunch. We need to learn what to tolerate & what to confront. We also probably need a dose of empathy & understanding for the many people less fortunate than we are. I do worry about the knee jerk, very right wing, political responses to problems like this because we are in dire financial straits as a country because of poor previous political decision making. 

As humans we need to learn to care for people. Homelessness isn't a "lifestyle choice". We shouldn't just pass by on the other side of the road like the Priest & the Levite in the story of the Good Samaritan. 

 

Life & Tennis

I learned to play games at grammar school - netball, hockey & my favourite, tennis. I can't remember when I started watching Wimbledon, but I do clearly remember the Rosewall / Laver era in the 60s & 70s. I really got bored knowing that Laver was going to win almost every time. I also remember the beginning of the open era in 1968. I have been lucky to watch decades of tennis in which the game has changed in every way possible, not always for the better in my opinion. I got very fed up when the hard serving, baseline, game came in & there was very little nuance or skill. Just blasting your opponent off the court - Not engaging to watch. 

Watching tennis has taught me that there is far more to sport than physical fitness. Tennis is a game of the mind, psychology is really important. Personality matters. Not as some sort of icon, but in the sense of how you win. You do need to be competetive, but you also need to respect your opponent.

Among other good matches I've watched this week, the Cilic / Draper game has stood out. It was wonderful to see Cilic triumph over the difficulties he has had for a couple of years. You had to admire such skill & determination. 

Life is a game of tennis in many ways, full of challenges & opportunities. You have to be able to adapt to the unexpected. You have to persevere & fight back in adversity. You aren't necessarily in control. If you make mistakes & fail - and you will, you have to be resilient & learn from every experience. Moving forward with enthusiasm is more positive than looking back to the past with regret.

I'm not a fan of the change in rules that allows coaching from the box during a match which started last year. The point of tennis for me, especially singles, is that its a test for each player to show what they are capable of on their own. I'm also always disappointed when players, usually when they are losing, take a very long "comfort break" in order to upset their opponents rhythm. I remember the eras of skill & personality. The current trend to fist bump at every point won & look to the box for approval sets my teeth on edge. Watching good players who just get on with the game, like Fritz & Alcaraz is so much more in the spirit of sportsmanship. 

What is important, in tennis & in life, is how you win. Not to win at all costs. 

 

Taxation & the Welfare State

I have just watched "Scandinavia" with Simon Reeve. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002cg5l He is a travel journalist I admire far more than any celebrity travellers, because he is actually quite brave in facing difficult issues & situations. He is always informative & interesting.

Scandinavian countries are credited as being better run than the UK. Probably because of a combination of factors - a more robust welfare state, lower income inequality, & a focus on work life balance. These countries generally have higher levels of social trust, lower corruption, and stronger social safety nets. Universal access to healthcare, education, and social security is funded by higher taxes, but the benefits are widely distributed. There are shorter working hours, generous parental leave, and a strong emphasis on leisure and family time. 

The crux of success seems to be attitude, to eachother & to the government. There is a sense of communal welfare & willingness to pay for that through taxes. As a lifelong liberal socialist I would expect those values to be present in a Labour government. But the UK is not like Scandinavia. We have lost our way. 

We did not do what Norway did when oil & gas gave them a windfall. They established a substantial sovereign wealth fund. Instead of investing our profits for long-term benefit as they did, we used the revenue to fund tax cuts & government spending. We didn't diversify the economy and develop new industries. We privatized many state-owned assets, including those related to oil and gas, rather than retaining them for long-term national benefit. Thatcher's government inherited the emerging riches of North Sea oil & pioneered 'carbon neoliberalism' – a model of managing public goods for private interests. 

Nothing has changed as the recent 13 years of conservative government showed. 

I believe that the conservatives are responsible for the financial "black hole" we are in. They have decimated public services through cuts & underfunding. Privatisation has not worked. This was the inheritance bequeathed to Labour. 

But we need to accept that we choose our governments. We should be all prepared to pay higher taxes if we have a good income. The wealthy should be prepared to pay an equivalent proportion of their income to ordinary working people, rather than taking advantage of tax havens around the world. Data from the Office for National Statistics 2024 showed that the poorest 10% of households in the UK are still paying a higher proportion of their income in tax than the richest. 

The poorest 10% of households paid on average 48% of their income in tax in 2022/23

The richest 10% of households, however, paid on average just 39% of their income in tax

It's about fairness & community. It's about caring for the disadvantaged & providing equal opportunity for all. The UK has got a lot to catch up to, but we all need to be paddling in the same direction for the good of all.

 

Consequences

If I disagree with someone & I lose my temper & begin to shout & interrupt or override what they are saying there are consequences. What might be a simple difference of opinion escalates into a shouting match or real argument. If I canot control my emotions I might become violent & physically push them away. That is assault & they may well retaliate physically. The consequence of differing opinions is a fight which could result in real injury or worse. Road rage is a good example.

I once saw a young man shouting at a young woman & pinning her against a wall in the centre of Oxford late at night. I intervened & told him to stop, fearing for the girls safety. Both were possibly the worse for drink. The girl rounded on me & told me to mind my own business. Intervention in other peoples affairs has consequences. I walked away. 

Micro or macro actions, or even inactions have consequences. I would do the same again, but I would be more aware of the possible consequences. 

The consequences of argument & disagreement are much more dangerous on an international scale when individual leaders have huge amounts of power, armaments & money. The ultimate deterrent that is supposed to be keeping us all from the brink of annihilation is the nuclear bomb. I'm rapidly feeling that with the madmen in charge now, who have their fingers on the button, we are all in danger. The Doomsday Clock is currently at 89 seconds to midnight. Nuclear war can be triggered by both intentional and unintentional actions. Miscalculation of risk is a distinct possibility when you have volatile & unstable conditions & political leaders like today.

I remember the Cuban Missile Crisis in October 1962.I was in the common room of my hall of residence in college. I was convinced that the world as we knew it would cease to exist. You would hope that Mankind learnt from experience, but no. Mankind simply repeats the testosterone fuelled patterns of behaviour over & over.

History tells us that war has dreadful consequences & does not work. In the end there has to be a negotiated settlement. That settlement may or may not be just & fair depending on who "won". There are usually compromises. The Treaty of Versailles after W W 1 is considered a poor settlement. Possibly  the consequence of that was W W 2.

 

We need to find a better way of co-existing as human beings & understand that we do not own the land. Humans are temporary occupiers & custodians. Fighting is often territorial, but we created the boundaries on maps. They don't exist in the real landscape.  

Self Awareness - Bezos & Trump

Jeff Bezos is marrying Lauren Sanchez in Venice this month. Hundreds of their obscenely wealthy friends will occupy the best hotels – the Gritti, the Danieli, the St Regis and the Cipriani, each booked out in its entirety at an average of $500,000 a night. Some will be staying on Bezos's yachts. Water taxis have also been booked out. Venice already feels swamped by hoards of tourists who destroy it's charm & ambience. The nuptuals will go on for almost a week. The lavish, multi-million dollar ceremony could shut parts of the famous city down & the natives are not happy. Unsurprisingly they plan to demonstrate. They plan to disrupt the festivities by jumping into the canals to hinder the water taxis and blocking various calli, (Venice's narrow streets), to prevent the wedding guests from reaching the venue. 

 

I don't blame them. A better venue for this tasteless invasion would be Disneyland or Beverley Hills. 

Trump has just hosted a big parade, coincidentally on his birthday, supposedly to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the army. It was not as well attended as the "No Kings" parades across America. Possibly a couple of hundred thousand went to Trumps parade & the army refused to do the normal "lockstep" marching in protest. Millions protested at the largest mass demonstrations in the nation’s history. The parade was held while the conflict between Iran & Israel escalated dangerously & while Israel is breaking every international convention in Gaza & the West Bank. Both supported by the US. At home Trump sent the National Guard in to Los Angeles - a decision that should have been the Governors. Americans against Americans!

 

Both these men are powerful & excessively wealthy. They are not alone. Apparently there are 902 billionaires in America. The highest number in the world. Bezos is the world's third richest person, with an estimated net worth of $220.9bn. Trumps actual wealth is not publicly known, after all he has filed for bankrupcy several times. Obviously the "Art of the Deal" doesn't always work. 

The point is that in today's world of Climate Emergency, War, Famine, Homelessness, Lack of the basic necessities of life, (water, healthcare & education for example), Persecution.....there is so much good these individuals could do. But they don't. Why? Because they have no self awareness whatsoever. They are blind to the way ordinary people live & the difficulties they face. Or, maybe they simply don't care. 

But there is a groundswell in many countries against the powerful super rich because most of us are only too aware of how unbalanced & unacceptable this all is. Push people too far & they will rise up & make their voices heard.

I do hope I live long enough to see it.  

Neurodiversity

 

In the UK it's estimated that 15 - 20% of the population is neurodiverse. That includes people with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and dyspraxia. Around 6.3 million people in the UK, or about 10% of the population, have dyslexia. This means roughly 1 in 10 individuals experience difficulties with reading, writing, and spelling. It may well be more. That makes it normal in my view. Yet the majority of us don't really understand how dyslexia affects individuals.

There are 4 types of dyslexia include phonological (auditory) dyslexia, surface (visual) dyslexia, rapid naming deficit (difficulty naming a letter, number, color, or object quickly and automatically), and double deficit dyslexia (deficits in both the phonological process and naming speed).  

Dyslexics do not just have problems with reading & writing. They may struggle with navigation & map reading, they may be disorganised & forget instructions, they may suffer from anxiety, they may suffer from lack of confidence & self esteem. 

Dyslexia does not impact intelligence. Dyslexics may have a different cognitive profile, with strengths in areas like problem-solving, creativity, and communication. Famous individuals like Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Alan Turing and Leonardo da Vinci were dyslexic and demonstrated high intelligence and exceptional talent in their respective fields. UK intelligence agency, GCHQ, has valued Dyslexic Thinking for over 100 years. It recruits 4x as many dyslexics to its apprentice scheme than anyone else.

We all need to understand far more about neurodiversity & value difference. It seems that humans are fixated on being like everyone else. Being in a team, a clan, a group. That can lead to at best teasing & at worst bullying. We can see it everywhere, in all societies. 

Fortunately there is now more focus on neurodivergence & we know far more about it. When I was teaching it wasn't accepted that dyslexia even existed. There are books, dramas & documentaries about dyslexia. We also need to understand the other forms of neurodiversity better & be open to accepting & tolerating difference. We aren't all the same. Difference & diversity is beneficial.

Be Prepared - Emergency Planning

My husband was a Boy Scout. The Scouts aim is to help people aged 4-25 develop skills for life. Founded in 1908, their motto is "Be prepared"

https://www.scouts.org.uk/about-us/strategy/

 

It isn't a bad motto for all of us to follow in the current unstable world. In order to be prepared, you have to have some idea what you need to be prepared for. Because our world is so volatile, that isn't at all easy. There are things that are known & things that are unknown, both in the macro & micro. 

I know that I am ageing, so I can be prepared for the known fact that I will die. However, I don't know how, so the possibilities are quite wide. I can't be prepared for all of them - an accident for example. I can be prepared by leaving my life in order. Not hoarding, having a will & LPA's.....

I also know that we are in a climate emergency that threatens the existance of many species, including humanity. I can do as much as I can to mitigate my contribution to carbon emissions & try to live sustainably. I won't join the bunker mentality by living off grid. I don't feel that my individual life is that important.

Regarding big political decisions I have a vote & hopefully use it wisely. But politicians are possibly the least prepared people to make important decisions. They are short termist. They only think as far as the next election & trying to stay in power. Many become ministers with little or no experience, expertise or skills to bring to their position. They have to rely on the advice of civil servants, advisors & lobbyists. It's a deeply flawed system. They may only be in their position for a short time & then are moved on. "Churn" is a problem. 

Many chickens are coming home to roost in the UK, where decisions have been made which have had disastrous consequences. There are numerous commissions looking into the results of poor planning, short termism, protectionism....We do not have a Forward Planning Ministry set up to draw together all the information looking into future consequences, which is needed to make good decisions.

We are not prepared. So we suffer very poor outcomes which harm people, cost vast amounts of money & often take up years of time. We end up simply fire fighting because we weren't prepared. It is possible to give people the skills needed to be prepared. We just don't do it. 

 

Acceptance & Accepting the Unacceptable

I accept that my body is 80 & there are many things I can no longer do. I accept that I have learned so much in my life my brain struggles to remember a lot. I accept that birth & death is common to everyone. Most people have problems during their life. Most people suffer discomfort & pain at some point. Most people can deal with it & hopefully there is help for those who cannot.

Acceptance in some form is acceptable. There is no point in kicking against something you cannot control. 

What I do not accept is what is going on in so many countries in the world. The Israeli Palestine conflict. the Russian invasion of Ukraine, the Sudan civil war....Also worrying human rights violations in China, North Korea, India....All of these are situations we see clearly played out on our screens daily, reported on by reputable sources. We cannot say we do not know. We should not say there is nothing I can do. 

We can all make our voices heard by demonstrating, by signing petitions, by lobbying politicians who do have power. We can use social media honestly & effectively. We can donate money to help, we can give things to charity as well as money. We need to stand up & be counted. We have the voice that so many people are denied.

We should not be passive observers allowing others to both do things that are not acceptable, or do things on our behalf about the unacceptable. There is huge power in numbers. We should use it. If we don't we are complicit. In the same way that governments selling arms to Israel are complicit in what they are doing.

Many things are not black and white. There are usually grey areas. But when something is so obviously wrong we should not be standing on the touchline complaining about the referee. There is law & it is being visibly flouted.

 

A Pope & a President - Good v Evil?

There seems to me to be a circularity to the election of  a new American pope. It's very Dan Brown. A fight between good & evil staged between powerful Americans. The pope & Trump doing battle for control of the world.

Pope Leo has already spoken out against Trump voicing concerns for the poor and immigrants, he chose a name that references more liberal church leadership, and appears to have both supported the liberal-leaning Pope Francis and criticised the US president's policies on social media. Counter intuitively the Trump administration openly embraces advisers and officials who proudly say faith has shaped their views. I am amazed at how many politicians in America are religious.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_affiliation_in_the_United_States_Senate

I am even more amazed at just how many different churches there are in America. Scroll down to the comparison between the general population & politicians - very interesting. 

Personally I don't think religion should have anything whatsoever to do with politics. That isn't to say that religious leaders shouldn't speak out against the actions of politicians. They should. What I strongly object to is religion playing a part in the democratic process & influencing voting. Trump actually said his life was saved by god in his inaugural speech. 

https://edition.cnn.com/2025/01/20/politics/video/trump-inauguration-speech-saved-by-god-digvid

Absolute rubbish. If there were a god, s/he certainly wouldn't save someone as corrupt & self serving as Trump. 

Our politicians pussyfoot around openly condemning bad decisions & actions in the name of diplomacy. If church leaders don't do it who will?

 

Remembrance, Memory & War

Remembrance & memory are two different things. Remembrance is an action. Something we usually do deliberately. Memory is the mind storing something from the past. As I've aged I have realised that there have been many memories & a great deal of data stored in my brain over 80 years. Sadly remembrance is becoming more difficult as the years pass.

In the case of memories no one's life is filled with happiness & people or events that are good memories. There are usually things that we would rather forget. It seems that we have little control over what is remembered & what is forgotten. It might be good if we could chose which memories to store & which to erase. Apparently there are techniques to influence & improve memory. But I think it's a bit late for me to do that. The brain itself selects which memories to solidify & which to forget. A lot depends on the emotional impact of the event. 

We are currently celebrating 80 years since VE day. Personally I am very ambivalent about this sort of remembrance. Human history is littered with wars of varying magnitude from skirmishes to full blown world wars. England fought in over 120 wars across 170 countries post the Act of Union in 1707. Prior to 1707 England fought in the Hundred Years' War, the Wars of the Roses, and the English Civil War for example.

We do not celebrate anniversaries of all these wars I'm glad to say. I can see nothing to celebrate about war. It is pointless, cruel & destructive. It is generally brought about by men seeking territory, power & wealth. There is huge death, destruction & suffering. Often it is the weak & defenceless - women, children & the elderly who suffer most. What is there to celebrate? 

This week we are celebrating the end of the 2nd world war. All wars do end. History shows us that war achieves nothing positive. Over the years millions of people have been killed or maimed. Homes & infrastructure has been destroyed & rebuilt. 

Its a repeating, man made cycle. We now have ways of fighting that don't involve hand to hand fighting. It is done from control centres miles away from the actual conflict. Soldiers kill without even seeing the "enemy", led by powerful men in capital cities who have never been in harms way & have no concern for the "collateral damage" they instigate.

The only winners from war are the people & companies who profit from the clearing up & rebuilding after the devastation. Malthus had a theory that because population expands at a faster rate than the earths ability to provide what we need, we need events to control population. War, pestilence & famine.

 

If there is a god perhaps this is the inbuilt way of control & balance? If there isn't maybe we live in a self controlling universe that will carry on despite us & our pathetic ways of trying to be in control of something much greater than us. 

Transgender & Body Dysmorphia

I was born a woman & have always thought of myself as a woman. So I am not able to imagine what it might be like experience BDD. I have seen the sexual landscape change enormously in my lifetime. The mores that I grew up with have largely disappeared. That can be both good & bad. It's not my job to judge. I would like to understand though.

The UK Supreme Court has just ruled that the legal definition of a woman should be based on biological sex. Because of my age & experience that does seem to me to be logical. The impact on trans people & many areas of life in the UK will be huge. But Trans people will still have their rights protected by the Human Rights Act.

I can clearly remember when being homosexual was illegal. Naively I didn't think I knew any homosexual or lesbian people at the time. But statistically I must have. Looking back I can identify people who were probably in that category. Thank goodness we have come to realise that being gay is part of being normal. Now I have several lovely close friends who are gay. We have moved on & are mostly more tolerant.

I find transgender a much more complex situation to deal with. So I googled to find out more - as you do.

Body dysmorphia, also known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), is thought to be caused by a combination of factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, & environmental experiences. A family history of BDD or other related mental health conditions, like OCD or depression, may be factors. Differences in brain structure & activity in individuals with BDD, particularly in areas responsible for processing visual information and regulating emotions exist. Some researchers also believe that low levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter, may play a role. Bullying, teasing, abuse, or neglect, can significantly increase the risk of developing BDD. Western society's emphasis on physical perfection and beauty can contribute to negative body image and feelings of inadequacy, potentially triggering or worsening BDD. That is exacerbated by social media, which often portrays unrealistic standards of beauty. Perfectionism & low self esteem can also be factors.

I am wary of the current trend to over medicalising & over diagnosis of people today. I am not convinced that it helps. I'm not talking here about physical conditions like Cancer or Parkinsons. I'm talking more about the power of our brains to create thoughts & perceptions that may not be accurate. There is evidence that we humans have a tendency to live up to a diagnosis, particularly a mental one.

However, the fact is that humans are far more diverse that we knew. Medical science has moved on & there is very interesting neurological research that is producing evidence to explain much that should make us more accepting of difference.

 

Surely we can simply accept that we are different, not only in how we look, but what we believe, what our cultural norms are. If we can't do that we will just become more judgmental & adversarial.  

Role Models & Responsibility.

A role model is someone looked to by others as an example to be imitated. They are admired and their behaviour  is copied. Role models can be good or bad. I might admire someone who has good characteristics such as ethics, skills, experience, humanity. On the other hand many people follow role models that I would consider bad because their characteristics are misogynistic, self serving, unethical even cruel. I could easily name people in both categories, but maybe its better if you decide for yourself. 

The point is we humans do tend to follow other stronger, possibly more charismatic, or even dictatorial people. If we follow role models because they provide inspiration, guidance, and a blueprint for success and positive behavior that is a good thing. Our parents are our first role models. They shape our character. Good parenting is important to the healthy development of a child. 

People may follow bad role models due to many factors, the desire to fit in, the perception of being cool or successful associated with negative behavior, and the influence of peer groups or media. Some may be drawn to negative role models as a way to define themselves or seek validation from those who share their negative views. Again I could easily name some, but I'm sure you can too. 

The reason I'm posting about this is there needs to be a balance with the good role models outweighing the bad, because there will always be "bad actors" trying to achieve prominence. My feeling is that we are at a tipping point & I am going to use the words good & evil here. It seems to me that negative, undemocratic, unethical role models have far too much sway in our world today. Impressionable people worldwide are either voluntarily following them, or are too afraid to speak out against them. A lot of this is driven by the internet & social media. We cannot let that continue.

In order to stop this in it's tracks we all have to take responsibility. We have to be prepared to challenge & speak out against a great deal that is happening in our world. We cannot be passive & hope that others will act on our behalf. Individually we may not have much power, but collectively we can really change things. 

We must retain our freedoms to speak & to act. We must use that to influence decisions & actions.