I am a fan. I have watched Wimbledon for decades, & probably enjoyed the era when personality was as entertaining as the game itself more than the modern game. Sports science, the frightening focus of the top players, lightweight racquets, the heavy serve & baseline play, have all made it less enjoyable & exciting to my mind.
You have to admire the dedication & discipline of top sportsmen & women. I just wish they would show that they are enjoying themselves more. It almost seems that they have been brainwashed into a deadpan focus on this point in this game. Emotion is not to be encouraged until that final moment of winning, when it all comes pouring out. You make a mistake & you turn round & move on seamlessly to the next point, or you "abuse your racquet" like a petulant child, for which crime you can be fined!
Players who have an instictive feel for the game, rather than a computer like calculation of the percentages of various shots, are few and far between. Players who take risks & try the clever inspirational shots hardly seem to exist. It's all hard slog - heavy unreturnable serves & the impeccable placement of bullet like baseline shots which kill rallies dead.
It is such a game of the mind that the least lapse in concentration, the least distraction can have you down in a set before you know it. Repartee with the crowd is a thing of the past. Some players even wrap their heads in a towel so they can blot out the crowd.
Give me Connors, Nastase, Navratilova, King, even McEnroe any day. Brilliant players who were hugely entertaining to watch. People who loved their sport & were sporting in their play. People who had a real relationship with the crowd. People for whom the prizemoney wasn't the main incentive, which is just as well as it wasn't the mega bucks of today.
Sport isn't just another day at the office as some say. It's far more than the sum of it's parts. Tennis is much like life, it's about values, belief in yourself, fairness. If it isn't that then what's the point of it? It's just another moneymaking opportunity, for you and all the hangers on.
Sunday 26 June 2011
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Parenting Children
I've had one & taught hundreds, so I think I have a perspective based on experience. I find modern parenting confusing, which doesn't mean to say that I think my generation got it right all the time. Before I start my "grumpy old woman" rant, I have to make clear that I'm not only talking about my grandchildren, but what I observe in friends children & grandchildren as well as in public.
When did middle class children become the centre of the universe? Why do so many parents treat them like little "prima donnas"? I'm not advocating going back to "children being seen & not heard". Just a more equable partnership.
Parents seem to think that they need to keep their children occupied & play with them all of the time. What happened to children learning by imaginative play, learning by doing themselves, learning by having fallow periods to reflect & do nothing, just messing about? Childrens lives seem to be a continuous round of stimulation of one sort or another. Why are childrens needs so important that the parent has to subsume their own needs to those of the child?
I find the family relationship to food worrying. Why are parents surprised when children who are allowed to eat sweets, cake, crisps, ice cream....between meals, don't want to eat at mealtime? If I do it I get fat. Luckily children are so energetic they don't tend to. But, "watch this space". Childhood obesity is increasing. If children are allowed to eat "on the hoof" why would they want to sit at a table with cutlery & a plate? If children are given a good choice of foods & how much food at mealtimes, why are they allowed to fiddle with their food & leave it? If the parent says "if you don't eat your main course you can't have any pudding", why don't they stick to it? Mealtimes become battle grounds & it seems to me that the child often has the upper hand.
Which leads me neatly to "mixed messages". Children & parents need consistency. Both parents need to be "singing from the same song sheet". Children need to understand that there will be consequences which arise from their actions or inaction. So the parent needs to set the boundaries & stick to them. This is hard if you are faced with childhood tantrums. But parents aren't meant to be their childs friend. Rewarding good behaviour is important, but so is "punishing" bad. It's a question of balance - more encouraging good behaviour than punishing bad. Just like training a dog really.
Children learn by copying, mimicing the behaviour of those around them. So parents need to set a good example. However, none of us is perfect. The way we deal with our mistakes teaches children just as much as our good behaviour.
When did what children want to say become more important than what adults are talking about? Conversation has rules & listening & waiting for others to finish are two of them. I am so fed up of being interrupted by children with the complicity of their parents. If an adult behaved like that would the parents tolerate it? No. It's rude. How can the child be ready to learn at school if they don't learn to listen and take their turn?
Parenting is a hard full time job. Nowadays there is a lot of help out there with courses, books & TV programmes. In my day there was just Dr Spock! It seems to me that it is simple common sense, but often that doesn't seem to apply. Parents "make a rod for their own backs", which is a shame, because most of us try to do the best we can.
When did middle class children become the centre of the universe? Why do so many parents treat them like little "prima donnas"? I'm not advocating going back to "children being seen & not heard". Just a more equable partnership.
Parents seem to think that they need to keep their children occupied & play with them all of the time. What happened to children learning by imaginative play, learning by doing themselves, learning by having fallow periods to reflect & do nothing, just messing about? Childrens lives seem to be a continuous round of stimulation of one sort or another. Why are childrens needs so important that the parent has to subsume their own needs to those of the child?
I find the family relationship to food worrying. Why are parents surprised when children who are allowed to eat sweets, cake, crisps, ice cream....between meals, don't want to eat at mealtime? If I do it I get fat. Luckily children are so energetic they don't tend to. But, "watch this space". Childhood obesity is increasing. If children are allowed to eat "on the hoof" why would they want to sit at a table with cutlery & a plate? If children are given a good choice of foods & how much food at mealtimes, why are they allowed to fiddle with their food & leave it? If the parent says "if you don't eat your main course you can't have any pudding", why don't they stick to it? Mealtimes become battle grounds & it seems to me that the child often has the upper hand.
Which leads me neatly to "mixed messages". Children & parents need consistency. Both parents need to be "singing from the same song sheet". Children need to understand that there will be consequences which arise from their actions or inaction. So the parent needs to set the boundaries & stick to them. This is hard if you are faced with childhood tantrums. But parents aren't meant to be their childs friend. Rewarding good behaviour is important, but so is "punishing" bad. It's a question of balance - more encouraging good behaviour than punishing bad. Just like training a dog really.
Children learn by copying, mimicing the behaviour of those around them. So parents need to set a good example. However, none of us is perfect. The way we deal with our mistakes teaches children just as much as our good behaviour.
When did what children want to say become more important than what adults are talking about? Conversation has rules & listening & waiting for others to finish are two of them. I am so fed up of being interrupted by children with the complicity of their parents. If an adult behaved like that would the parents tolerate it? No. It's rude. How can the child be ready to learn at school if they don't learn to listen and take their turn?
Parenting is a hard full time job. Nowadays there is a lot of help out there with courses, books & TV programmes. In my day there was just Dr Spock! It seems to me that it is simple common sense, but often that doesn't seem to apply. Parents "make a rod for their own backs", which is a shame, because most of us try to do the best we can.
Friday 17 June 2011
"No wo/man is an island"
Quote - John Donne
Second cataract done on Tuesday. I was delivered like a parcel & collected by my good friends & neighbours Sarah & Dick. Now I'm single it's all so different. David was, if anything, over protective when I was ill or had hospital appointments. But I always knew there was someone there to care for me, even if the caring was liberally laced with black humour.
I can remember thinking "I don't need him to do this" at times. But it isn't a question of actual need. It's a question of demonstrating love & caring. Sharing & supporting in the difficult times. Now it isn't there I realise it's value.
The practicalities can usually be got over, there are taxi's. But very few of us really want to be completely alone when we are ill or recuperating. It's just nice to have someone around to make a cup of tea & cheer us up & be there in case things should go wrong.
Dottie & David came armed with lunch & flowers the day after surgery. It was a hilarious afternoon & probably aided my recovery more than anything else could have. Anne emailed & came for a coffee. Friends who are intuitively aware of what you need are indeed rare. Those who will put themselves out to do it are even rarer.
We are social animals. We do not thrive if we are alone. So I'm going to join a choir, even though I can't sing. Singing is good for your health too.
Second cataract done on Tuesday. I was delivered like a parcel & collected by my good friends & neighbours Sarah & Dick. Now I'm single it's all so different. David was, if anything, over protective when I was ill or had hospital appointments. But I always knew there was someone there to care for me, even if the caring was liberally laced with black humour.
I can remember thinking "I don't need him to do this" at times. But it isn't a question of actual need. It's a question of demonstrating love & caring. Sharing & supporting in the difficult times. Now it isn't there I realise it's value.
The practicalities can usually be got over, there are taxi's. But very few of us really want to be completely alone when we are ill or recuperating. It's just nice to have someone around to make a cup of tea & cheer us up & be there in case things should go wrong.
Dottie & David came armed with lunch & flowers the day after surgery. It was a hilarious afternoon & probably aided my recovery more than anything else could have. Anne emailed & came for a coffee. Friends who are intuitively aware of what you need are indeed rare. Those who will put themselves out to do it are even rarer.
We are social animals. We do not thrive if we are alone. So I'm going to join a choir, even though I can't sing. Singing is good for your health too.
Thursday 16 June 2011
High Maintenence Woman
I'm definitely not - but my life is. Since I've been on my own I've had:-
None of these was major, all were irritating, time consuming & caused me some degree of inconvenience & worry. All needed the attention of "a man who can". All could be solved because I can afford to pay the "man who can".
What I find baffling is the fact that, like buses, they arrived in clusters. So I could have dealt happily with one at a time, but had to cope with several at once. Commonly known as "S... Law".
The other thing I don't understand is that it seems to me that when Dave was alive we didn't have problems like this. Am I being tested for sainthood? Unlikely. Or is it just that Dave dealt with "stuff" like this, so it really didn't impact on my life? So in the same way that his clothes magically appeared in his wardrobe washed & ironed by the Persil fairy, all these little maintenence issues were sorted by him.
I now know that I can deal with all of this - but I'd rather not. I try hard not to stress when a problem arises, but say to myself I have dealt with all the problems so far, so chances are I will deal with anything else that arises. It's just all very wearing & it would be really nice to have someone to share the load with. Even if it was only to talk it through with. Independence & self reliance is great, but there is a price.
- 5 Plumbing problems
- 6 Electrical problems
- 2 Building problems
- 2 Joinery problems
- 2 TV problems
- 1 Mower problem
None of these was major, all were irritating, time consuming & caused me some degree of inconvenience & worry. All needed the attention of "a man who can". All could be solved because I can afford to pay the "man who can".
What I find baffling is the fact that, like buses, they arrived in clusters. So I could have dealt happily with one at a time, but had to cope with several at once. Commonly known as "S... Law".
The other thing I don't understand is that it seems to me that when Dave was alive we didn't have problems like this. Am I being tested for sainthood? Unlikely. Or is it just that Dave dealt with "stuff" like this, so it really didn't impact on my life? So in the same way that his clothes magically appeared in his wardrobe washed & ironed by the Persil fairy, all these little maintenence issues were sorted by him.
I now know that I can deal with all of this - but I'd rather not. I try hard not to stress when a problem arises, but say to myself I have dealt with all the problems so far, so chances are I will deal with anything else that arises. It's just all very wearing & it would be really nice to have someone to share the load with. Even if it was only to talk it through with. Independence & self reliance is great, but there is a price.
Sunday 12 June 2011
Loss & Lost
It's coming up to the 2nd anniversary of David's death. Fathers Day on the 19th June, his accident on the 27th June, our 43rd wedding anniversary / the day he died on the 9th July, his funeral on the 18th July and his 67th birthday on the 19th July. All within one month.
Last year I asked his friends to remember him & send me those memories for Maryon & the twins. This year I won't do anything. Next year I've resolved not to put the dates in my diary.
I can't say the sense of loss is any less. In many ways it's worse. I miss doing things with him & sharing things with him. I miss his presence, his strength, his integrity & his humour. I miss his infuriating habits & traits. I miss someone to lean on & someone to help sort out the problems of life. I loved him for the imperfect human being he was, not some idealised memory.
I have moved on. I have gained confidence in my ability to cope with life. I have done things I would not have done if he were here. I do simply get on with it & value my friends & what little family I have. But I do miss him & am beginning to realise that I probably always will.
I am not depressed or suicidal. A lot of the time I am actively engaged with life and other people's lives. But I am lost, & alone quite a bit. It isn't what I have been used to. The whole of the first 64 years of my life was spent living with someone else. For 47 of those years David was the focus of my life. At times, during our marriage, I actually did think that it would be good to be alone & independent. I was confident that I would cope with that very well - Be careful what you wish for!
Losing someone you love is hard. But there is no choice, you have to find a way of living with the loss. You have to begin again & find what & who is important to you. You have to try to find a way to enjoy your life.
Last year I asked his friends to remember him & send me those memories for Maryon & the twins. This year I won't do anything. Next year I've resolved not to put the dates in my diary.
I can't say the sense of loss is any less. In many ways it's worse. I miss doing things with him & sharing things with him. I miss his presence, his strength, his integrity & his humour. I miss his infuriating habits & traits. I miss someone to lean on & someone to help sort out the problems of life. I loved him for the imperfect human being he was, not some idealised memory.
I have moved on. I have gained confidence in my ability to cope with life. I have done things I would not have done if he were here. I do simply get on with it & value my friends & what little family I have. But I do miss him & am beginning to realise that I probably always will.
I am not depressed or suicidal. A lot of the time I am actively engaged with life and other people's lives. But I am lost, & alone quite a bit. It isn't what I have been used to. The whole of the first 64 years of my life was spent living with someone else. For 47 of those years David was the focus of my life. At times, during our marriage, I actually did think that it would be good to be alone & independent. I was confident that I would cope with that very well - Be careful what you wish for!
Losing someone you love is hard. But there is no choice, you have to find a way of living with the loss. You have to begin again & find what & who is important to you. You have to try to find a way to enjoy your life.
Sunday 5 June 2011
Sexualisation of Children
There is a media dialogue at the moment about the sexualisation of children - girls obviously. The whole way we in the West bring children up today is a baffling mystery to me. But this, specifically, fills me with concern & horror. What sort of adults think that it's OK to dress little girls in a parody of adult sexual clothing & make up? Why would anyone want children to be anything other than innocent & childlike? When they have childrens bodies, why would anyone think it's acceptable to dress them not only as sexual beings, but provocatively so?
It seems to me that this deliberately put's very young girls in harms way. It knowingly focuses the worst kind of attention on them. No adult today can be unaware of the risks of Paedophiles or males who objectify women & treat them at best with no respect or at worst physically, verbally & mentally abuse them. This sort of behaviour seems to have reached epic proportions, yet here are parents or carers seemingly complicit in encouraging it to continue.
Have we, so called adults, become so used to sex with everything, explicitly portrayed on TV, in films, & in novels that we no longer view it in a healthy way ourselves? Sex is so all pervasive that it seems to me to have become a simple commodity available to all, at any time, in any form. There doesn't have to be a relationship, love or even liking. "Gratification of my needs now" is the mantra and never mind the impact on anyone else.
Not everyone behaves like this of course, but I do believe we have all been conditioned to accept images which my generation find offensive & gratuitous. In this climate how can young parents make choices which are in the best interests of their children. They need to be extremely strong minded when faced with pester power, cheap availability & advertising.
Children mimic adults, it's how they learn. If the adults & role models dress like this & posture sexually & children see it, that is how they will behave. We have shown them it's OK by broadcasting it in every way possible. Well it's not OK and it's about time we did something about it - Collectively & individually. If we don't, future generations will pay the price.
It seems to me that this deliberately put's very young girls in harms way. It knowingly focuses the worst kind of attention on them. No adult today can be unaware of the risks of Paedophiles or males who objectify women & treat them at best with no respect or at worst physically, verbally & mentally abuse them. This sort of behaviour seems to have reached epic proportions, yet here are parents or carers seemingly complicit in encouraging it to continue.
Have we, so called adults, become so used to sex with everything, explicitly portrayed on TV, in films, & in novels that we no longer view it in a healthy way ourselves? Sex is so all pervasive that it seems to me to have become a simple commodity available to all, at any time, in any form. There doesn't have to be a relationship, love or even liking. "Gratification of my needs now" is the mantra and never mind the impact on anyone else.
Not everyone behaves like this of course, but I do believe we have all been conditioned to accept images which my generation find offensive & gratuitous. In this climate how can young parents make choices which are in the best interests of their children. They need to be extremely strong minded when faced with pester power, cheap availability & advertising.
Children mimic adults, it's how they learn. If the adults & role models dress like this & posture sexually & children see it, that is how they will behave. We have shown them it's OK by broadcasting it in every way possible. Well it's not OK and it's about time we did something about it - Collectively & individually. If we don't, future generations will pay the price.
Friday 3 June 2011
Windows - A poem
I look out of my window.
I see my face reflected in space,
Imprisoned in glass,
Distorted by prisms of light.
Bound by a framework so rigid nothing can destroy it.
Separated from freedom
By a fragile wall
I am incapable of destroying.
I can see light, air, space.
Birds soar in the air.
Trees sway delicately in the wind.
I move only within constraints.
My mind is free,
But serves no useful purpose,
At odds with my body.
A feeble moth,
Wings beating in futility.
Drawn to the light
And ultimately destroyed by it.
My reflected face seems to hover
Between the confines within
And the tantalising expanse I can see.
Why don't I break the crystal wall,
Move outwards,
Accept the invitation?
I touch the cold, intractable divide.
Withdraw.
Humiliated in defeat.
Val Carlill
I see my face reflected in space,
Imprisoned in glass,
Distorted by prisms of light.
Bound by a framework so rigid nothing can destroy it.
Separated from freedom
By a fragile wall
I am incapable of destroying.
I can see light, air, space.
Birds soar in the air.
Trees sway delicately in the wind.
I move only within constraints.
My mind is free,
But serves no useful purpose,
At odds with my body.
A feeble moth,
Wings beating in futility.
Drawn to the light
And ultimately destroyed by it.
My reflected face seems to hover
Between the confines within
And the tantalising expanse I can see.
Why don't I break the crystal wall,
Move outwards,
Accept the invitation?
I touch the cold, intractable divide.
Withdraw.
Humiliated in defeat.
Val Carlill
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