Parenting Children

I've had one & taught hundreds, so I think I have a perspective based on experience. I find modern parenting confusing, which doesn't mean to say that I think my generation got it right all the time. Before I start my "grumpy old woman" rant, I have to make clear that I'm not only talking about my grandchildren, but what I observe in friends children & grandchildren as well as in public.

When did middle class children become the centre of the universe? Why do so many  parents treat them like little "prima donnas"? I'm not advocating going back to "children being seen & not heard". Just a more equable partnership.

Parents seem to think that they need to keep their children occupied & play with them all of the time. What happened to children learning by imaginative play, learning by doing themselves, learning by having fallow periods to reflect & do nothing, just messing about? Childrens lives seem to be a continuous round of stimulation of one sort or another. Why are childrens needs so important that the parent has to subsume their own needs to those of the child?

I find the family relationship to food worrying. Why are parents surprised when children who are allowed to eat sweets, cake, crisps, ice cream....between meals, don't want to eat at mealtime? If I do it I get fat. Luckily children are so energetic they don't tend to. But, "watch this space". Childhood obesity is increasing. If children are allowed to eat "on the hoof" why would they want to sit at a table with cutlery & a plate? If children are given a good choice of foods & how much food at mealtimes, why are they allowed to fiddle with their food & leave it? If the parent says "if you don't eat your main course you can't have any pudding", why don't they stick to it? Mealtimes become battle grounds & it seems to me that the child often has the upper hand.

Which leads me neatly to "mixed messages". Children & parents need consistency. Both parents need to be "singing from the same song sheet". Children need to understand that there will be consequences which arise from their actions or inaction. So the parent needs to set the boundaries & stick to them. This is hard if you are faced with childhood tantrums. But parents aren't meant to be their childs friend. Rewarding good behaviour is important, but so is "punishing" bad. It's a question of balance - more encouraging good behaviour than punishing bad. Just like training a dog really.

Children learn by copying, mimicing the behaviour of those around them. So parents need to set a good example. However, none of us is perfect. The way we deal with our mistakes teaches children just as much as our good behaviour.

When did what children want to say become more important than what adults are talking about? Conversation has rules & listening & waiting for others to finish are two of them. I am so fed up of being interrupted by children with the complicity of their parents. If an adult behaved like that would the parents tolerate it? No. It's rude. How can the child be ready to learn at school if they don't learn to listen and take their turn?

Parenting is a hard full time job. Nowadays there is a lot of help out there with courses, books & TV programmes. In my day there was just Dr Spock! It seems to me that it is simple common sense, but often that doesn't seem to apply. Parents "make a rod for their own backs", which is a shame, because most of us try to do the best we can.