Hope & Expectation

I'm past my " best before" date so I live in hope not expectation. It used to be the other way round. I think I'm still an optimist, a "glass half full" person. I know now I can cope with most things, but I don't expect the best outcome anymore.

I know the frailties of people, including myself. I have also experienced the caring & supportive capacity of people & hopefully returned the favour.

• I've stopped expecting things to work for a reasonable length of time & have definitely stopped expecting to get them repaired.
• I've stopped expecting a reasonable rate of interest from banks. 
• I've stopped expecting people in highly paid jobs or politics to take responsibility for their mistakes & resign. 
• I've stopped expecting politeness. 
• I've stopped expecting to win a prize with my premium bonds - the very occasional £25 isn't worth it. 
• I've stopped expecting what I hear or read in the press or media to be the truth. 
• I've stopped expecting extremists to be reasonable & obey the laws of their religions.
• I've stopped expecting humane behaviour in war & now expect "collateral damage" on an industrial scale.

Basically I've stopped expecting life or the world to be fair. It isn't. It probably never was & never will be. Sh.. happens to most people. There are just variable degrees of sh.. You just have to deal with it & hope someone is there to help you do it.

Brexit - "A plague on both your (political) parties"

Apologies to Shakespeare (Romeo & Juliet).

I am sick to death of Brexit. But I can't begin to tell you politely how totally fed up I am with some politicians. How is it that having a second referendum is anti democratic, but bringing back the soundly defeated "Brexit Deal" three times is OK. Thank God for Bercow. Someone has to try to end this farce.

Listening to someone on Radio 4 this morning, a very valid point was made. In European countries the very right or left wing politicians are in their own party. They don't bring democratic government to its knees by destroying more moderate political parties. That is, in effect what the ERG have done to Conservatives & Momentum has done to Labour.

The extreme left & right wing don't have the courage of their convictions. They shelter under the auspices of more reasonable voices & drown them using the most despicable tactics. "Populism" has a lot to answer for - nothing good that I can see.

So we have come to a democratic crisis which is making us a laughing stock in Europe & the wider world. What price us being the 5th most culturally influential country in the world? Or Britain being a global influencer? Or one of the most democratic countries in the world? Well, all that's trashed - by our politicians!

I have no idea what will happen next. All the norms I grew up with have gone. There is no "moral compass" - expediency is the word. It feels as if everything is out of control & chaotic - including the weather - apocalyptic even. Perhaps I should read the Book of Revelation.

  

Solitariness & Isolation

I haven't been out of the house today. I haven't actually spoken to anyone at all. But, I have been busy all day & I am ushering at a local theatre tonight. So I will meet & speak to a lot of people.

I don't feel isolated. I am solitary through force of circumstance, not choice. I do have to work at keeping in touch with family, friends & acquaintances. Keeping in touch isn't necessarily face to face now - It can be phone, (not my forte), text or email - (Much more my thing). I also keep others in touch with my life by Blogging.

Solitariness can actually be addictive. It's quite possible to find noise & crowds unsettling & tiring.Being free to do what you want when you want is quite a pleasure.If your normal daily way of life is solitary it can be hard to adjust to people "en masse".

Quiet is definitely my favourite option when doing anything requiring thinking. But I love Radio 4 & my music CD's. I watch TV a lot in the evening. I cannot bear music, the TV or Radio to be on as a constant background though, with no one actually listening. The Internet, Radio & TV keep me up to date with what is happening in the world. Just because I live alone doesn't mean I'm totally self absorbed & isolated.

I lived with my parents for the first 18 years of my life. As soon as I finished 3 years at college I got married. So it wasn't until I was 64, when my husband died, that I had to adjust to being solitary. It was quite difficult & I would have described it as lonely then.

Human beings are capable of adjusting to a variety of circumstances. Sometimes there is no choice. We should maybe all make more effort to help people we think may be lonely or isolated though.

    

Thoughtlessness Rant

I sometimes feel I can't be a member of the human race. People do such daft & thoughtless things, quite beyond my comprehension.

• Occupying the outside double seat on a bus or having your bag on the spare seat, even when it's busy.
• Getting on a bus without your bus pass / ticket / money to hand & holding everyone up.
• Standing in the restricted space close to the bus door so people can't get out when there is plenty of space further in.
• Standing, often in a group, blocking an entrance / doorway, often checking a mobile phone / chatting.
• Walking several abreast taking up the whole width of the pavement.
• Arriving late for a performance & disturbing the whole atmosphere. 
• Going out of the auditorium to get food or drink during a performance - Obviously starvation & dehydration is much more prevalent than I thought!
• Being so intent on your own agenda that you actually push someone out of the way / tread on their feet / almost knock them over.
• Being generally impatient, especially in queues.
• Talking very loudly - often on a mobile.

I could go on - but you get the picture. I feel people are becoming more impolite. The words "excuse me", "please", "thank you", "would you mind"..... seem to be used less & less. People also seem to becoming more impatient & even aggressive in what they say & how they say it as well as in their behaviour. Sometimes I cringe listening to how people talk to the people who serve them.

I remember when "road rage" became more common. Now I think that "pedestrian rage" is too. Sadly, a probably fairly small percentage of the population, seems to me to be on a very short fuse & very self obsessed.

It's probably because I'm an old lady & now live in a city. I hope so anyway. I'm offsetting rude & thoughtless behaviour by making an effort to really notice kind behaviour.

Meaningless Activities

According to the Dalai Lama - "Meditation on death cuts off attraction toward transient & meaningless activities".

Well, I try not to think too much about death! I'm all too aware that mine is inching closer. I prefer to focus on living a resonably happy & caring life according to my own moral compass.

I do know about meaningless activities though, especially "distraction technique" to avoid more meaningful things. There are things I hate doing, not exactly meaningless, but not high on my list of priorities - checking my monthly bank statements, renewing / switching annual house & car insurance & energy supplier. In the grand scheme of things these have to be done, but they aren't meaningful. So I do meaningless things to avoid them.

Meaningless activities include tidying cupboards & getting rid of stuff -  sorting & shredding paperwork - I'm very good at all that & do it regularly. I watch too much TV. In my own defence only in the evening & I rarely watch live TV - I record on a PVR & so can avoid adverts & cull programmes I don't like.

The thing is I don't think I could always be doing meaningful things. I just don't think it's possible. I have done various volunteer "jobs" since I retired, but I wouldn't want to do more than I have. I do quite a bit of "research" on the internet & it's good to be well informed about lots of things. But I do wonder whether my "enlightenment" makes much difference to the world. I will die & whatever experience, expertise or knowledge I have will die with me.

But then, maybe that is what a life is - a constant search to be the best that you can in the short space of time that you have. To be meaningful in your own small way.