Not everyone is confident & we all have our own anxieties & fears. Unfortunately some people prey on that & take advantage. Sometimes I think that the most aggressive & confrontational people are like that because they are inwardly lacking in confidence & self belief. However I'm not a psychoanalyst.
I do just find it very difficult to deal with people who switch on the "fight" response rather than the "flight" one. In my experience it has mostly been men & it's usually men who can't cope with an assertive, competent & confident woman. There have only been a few times, thank goodness, when I have felt bullied as an adult. The men I'm thinking of didn't like the fact that I challenged their right to do as they pleased regardless of whether it was right or fair. It isn't always a case that justice wins either. Sometimes the pain isn't worth the gain & the sensible thing is just to back off - however galling that is.
Over the years I have learned to reflect on the situation & try to see the other person's point of view, however much I dislike their behaviour. That's the key I think - it isn't the person I have no time for, it's the behaviour they seem to think is appropriate. The words reasonable & proportionate just don't seem to be part of some people's vocaulary. They just want to win regardless & are seemingly incapable of empathising with someone else. The anxiety & pain they cause is just collateral damage in the war they fight against anyone who stands up to them.
A young friend has received some appallingly threatening communications from someone like this. She does a professional job & is very good at it. She is concientious & caring & completely in the right as far as I can see, (I know I could be biased!) I am just baffled at really bad behaviour which seems to be increasingly a part of life today. Rage seems to be endemic. You have to be quite brave to stand up to it & there are risks in doing that.
It shouldn't be like this.
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