First thing every morning, around 7.30, I wonder what I'm getting up for & I'm reluctant to get out of bed. The days will only be filled by me & mostly I will be on my own in the silence, apart from Radio 4.
I do eat three meals a day & I do cook from scratch in the evening. But mealtimes are quickly over, obviously there's no lingering over conversation. Food isn't savoured, it's a necessity. Food is also a crutch, so I have been eating the wrong things too much between meals. Hence the diet - I've lost 3 lbs in the first week!!! I read at lunchtime & watch the news on TV in the evening. Occasionally I'll have a glass of wine with the right meal.
Periodically I have friends round for a meal, or go to them. Always lunch, I don't "do" evenings. I don't mind being a single in my world of mostly couples. I enjoy cooking, especially trying something new. Gnocchi is my new ingredient at the moment. It's always fun to have a group of us for a meal. I love the stimulation of good conversation. But the downside is that I find the preparation & clearing up really hard work & tiring. Having to do the drinks & all the peripherals as well as the food is quite difficult. I always forget something!
Eating requires shopping for food, which I do when I go swimming. I have upped that from 32 lengths 3 times a week to as often as I can. Again for health reasons. Also it occupies time. Swimming is also my only regular social activity. I swim on Sunday mornings with a lovely group of women. We also occasionally do other things together as a group - meals, walks,etc, & I walk weekly in the summer with a couple of the women.
I don't do much housework because I can't because of various chronic medical conditions, which are a pain in every sense. David always did most of it, but now I have Lucy, a fortnightly cleaner who is a friend. Ditto gardening, which I have always had a love hate relationship with because of the pain it causes. Once I'm out there I forget everything. There is always another job to do & it is very satisfying to tidy a rampant area or plant new plants for the future. Vaughan the fortnightly gardener is also a friend.
I spend more time than I should on the computer, I think blogging has probably kept me sane. I keep in touch with friends and aquaintances by email, buy things over the internet because shopping requires driving to a nearby town. Once I get there I wonder what I could possibly want which is worth the effort. So shopping trips are brief & infrequent. As I get older I want less & less "things" - I prefer a minimalist, simple life. So I'm not particularly "fashionable". I certainly am not a label slave!
I always read, sometimes 2 books at a time, maybe a fiction & a non fiction. I have favourite authors & avidly read everything they have written. I can't envisage not having a book on the go, and if I ran out of authors I would be bereft! I occasionally get a weekend newspaper & love the Telegraph general knowledge crossword. (I don't cheat by using the computer).
Facilitating a modern life takes quite a bit of time. I find paperwork a bind, but I am organised & I do it. What I hate is chasing up the incompetence of the financial institutions for instance, or doing price comparisons for insurance etc. The time wasted is enormous, but one thing I do have is time.
I see my daughter and family once or twice a month. I am very lucky, she is a lovely person, kind & considerate, & makes a real effort to include me in her very busy life. But I know the demands that a career, husband & family, & social life make on a woman. I remember what it was like when I was her age, & wonder how I managed to keep all the plates in the air. I love her very much & treasure our relationship which has deepened since David died.
I have various volunteer roles which take time periodically. I am a member of the Independent Monitoring Board of Gloucester Prison. I am a lay panel member for the HealthTechnology Assessment programme which looks a bids for NHS research. I am also a tutor for the Expert Patient Programme for people with chronic conditions. These all tend to be frantic bursts of quite intellectual & demanding work several times a year. I do enjoy the challenge of all of them, different though they are.
After supper I watch the TV because I'm knackered, usually pre recorded, selected programmes - I loathe the adverts. Sometimes I struggle to stay awake! Perversely usually if it's a documentary I really want to see. I go to bed at around 10 and always read for a while. I always think of David last thing at night & miss him.
Life is relentless. Time passes, sometimes quickly, sometimes inexorably slowly. I am still adjusting to a solo life, sometimes well, sometimes not at all well. There is no choice, except in what to do with my life.
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