"We mustn't forget old people with their rotten bodies, old people who are so close to death, something that young people don't want to think about. So it is to homes that they entrust the job of accompanying their parents to death's threshold, with no fuss or bother. Where is the joy of these final hours? They are spent in boredom & bitterness, endlessly revisiting memories. We mustn't forget that our bodies decline, friends die, everyone forgets about us & the end is solitude.
These old people were young once. A lifespan is pathetically short. One day you're 20 & the next you're 80. Life goes by in no time at all. Adults are always in such a hurry, so stressed out by deadlines, so eager for now so they don't need to think about tomorrow. If you dread tomorrow you don't know how to build the present. Tomorrow always ends up in becoming today.
We have to live with the certainty that we'll get old & it won't look nice, or be good or feel happy. Always remember that there's an old peoples home waiting somewhere, so make every day undying. That's what the future is for, to build the present" - Paraphrased from "The Elegance of the Hedgehog" by Muriel Barbery.
I've just had an interesting conversation with my daughter about old people's homes. I wonder why it is that when we are young we can't see anything wrong with them? From my aged point of view why would I want to live with a bunch of old people? What would we have in common apart from age? Why would I want to wait for death with the infirm & demented? What is more likely to send you to an early grave than watching someone drool & be spoonfed? Or sit watching the TV with people who are comatose.
I am enjoying now. I want to carry on enjoying my life. I want to be with people I like / love. I want as much independence as I can get. I want choices. I want to live in the now, not the past, with people who are stimulating & have something worthwhile to say. I want to carry on being interested & learning.
I accept ageing. I don't accept being shunted off out of sight & out of mind. I'd rather be alone and happy that isolated in a crowd of people.
Living with an elderly person, as I am now, with my wife's 83 year old Mother, I can relate to all you write Val! I think your wishes to achieve something other than sitting around all day watching TV is admirable but don't forget that when illness strikes or medical matters leads to an immobile status, all those frustrations about being unable to do this or that, manifests into a change of mindset.
ReplyDeleteMost of us have had enough of other people by the time we reach our 80's (if we manage that age) and not everyone can accept solitude solely and TV & Radio get a bit tedious & repetitive after a while but overall, I'm with you regarding keeping one's own company. Personally, I'd prefer a visit once a day or week by someone similar to Meals-on-Wheels and to check I haven't fallen foul of the weather or something, in my own home ... somewhere I have lived and been happy for most of my time, but for many people, that is almost a pipe-dream. For most others, it's an OAP Home ... out of sight.
I think we are all different people when we are 20-30's and somehow metamorphose into someone else when we hit our 60+ years!
PT