Being Unwell - Alone

When my husband was alive we always joked that he went into his Cave when he was ill. I think it's quite a common male phenomenon. He didn't want to be fussed over, he just wanted to be left alone - well that's what he said - I never quite believed it.

I'm the opposite, especially now I'm living a single life. I find it quite hard to be ill. Maybe it's partly because when you are older you are never quite sure what the end game is going to be & when it will happen.

I've been in my very comfortable cave for the best part of 5 days & have cancelled all but one thing in my diary because I've felt quite unwell. Some friends know that I am poorly, some don't. I'm certain all of my friends would care & if I asked for help they would if they could.

But I can function. I don't actually have any appetite, so food isn't a problem & anyway I have enough to keep me going for quite a while. If I had the energy to do anything I have plenty to occupy myself, but in fact I've spent a lot of time resting or reading.

I spoke to a triage doctor yesterday & got an appointment with my doctor today. My doctor thinks the mess of symptoms is a result of a viral infection exacerbating everything else that's wrong with me, but checked me out for a stroke. I don't think either of us think that is what's wrong, but if I'm not better by Thursday they'll do some blood tests. It's the second nasty viral infection since October, so I'm a bit p......off with it. In the meantime I have to cancel my diary, (already happened) & rest - not actually a problem, can't do anything else!

Actually I'm extremely lucky. I have friends. I have a daughter. I'm computer literate, so can run my life from home. I have a warm & comfortable home. I wear a phone linked alarm in the house & carry emergency medical information when I'm out. (The NHS is still one of the best healthcare systems in the world). I can pay people to do things for me if I need to. I'm able to live my life independently.

There are millions of people who are much, much worse off than I am. People in the UK as well as people in the developing world. I think that if we want to call ourselves a civilised society we have to understand & empathise better with people who are trying to cope alone. There are lots of charities to help single women & parents. There are also quite a few to help the elderly. Mostly these offer advice & financial support.

What we really need is a less insular society, neighbours who notice, people popping in, families keeping in contact regularly. That's what it was like in my childhood, but it seems as if it is lost for ever. Families are more dispersed & busy with their own lives. My generation's children's lives are busy & often complex. They are time poor & don't seem to feel the same sense of responsibility to ageing parents as my generation did. The situation isn't helped by the fact that people are far more mobile than previously, & move house more often, away from family & friends.

People like me don't want or need a "carer". We value our independence. But everything is easier to bear if you have someone to share it with who cares & takes the time to show it.