Self, Selfie, Selfish.

We have the capacity to be Selfless. Think about any person you have heard of, famous or not, now or historical, who has done something outstanding for other people or for a cause. There are thousands to chose from.

We can rise above our own personal Self Interest. We can put ourselves in jeopardy of harm or even death for the sake of something we know is right & just. Something we believe in. People do it all the time. Causes have been won. Lives have been saved. Pick any instance you can remember.

Then look at the whole Selfie movement. People taking photos with their phones - Of what? "Me" in front of a beautiful landscape or iconic place. "Me" latching on to a "famous" person. "Me" having a lovely meal, or even just a cup of coffee. "Me" showing the world how many "friends" or loving "family" I have got. Me. Me. Me. Selfish Selfies.

 

Often the people look like idiots - just Google "Images of people taking selfies". They seem to be trying to convey a completely wonderful, deliriously happy, perfect, lifestyle. It can't be reality.

The trouble with having a small computer/camera in your hand is that you stop actually looking & really seeing. All you are interested in is getting an image & often posting it for the world to see how important you are - where you have been - who you have been with.

When I was in Istanbul a couple of years ago I literally could hardly move through the streets because of thousands of people mindlessly taking photos with their phones on Selfie Sticks! Istanbul - the beautiful cradle of a civilisation & what's important? Me! My photo.

As an older woman I am literally horrified at the Selfish, Self Centred, Self Interested, Self Obsessedness of our world today. Seemingly anything goes as long as "I" get what "I" want - now. That has led to unimaginable debt & consumerism. It's led to built in obsolescence. It's led to a world where big multinationals feed the Self Obsession constantly. Our whole economy is built on it.

Unless something changes very quickly & the Selfless triumph over the Selfish, it will lead to the world becoming the biggest Failed State ever. Then our planet might have a chance to recover from what we have done.

We can chose. But there really isn't much time.

"Amazing"

"You're amazing" - Well actually no, most people aren't, most of the time. Amazing is a very overworked word, which has become so commonplace it's actually more or less meaningless.

People, places, things are all "amazing" - all the time. So when something really is amazing, like the Wimbledon mens singles final between Federer & Djokovic yesterday, calling it amazing devalues it.

We use language too casually. We do need to think about what we say & how we describe things. If we use superlatives all the time, we are left with nothing in our vocabulary to truly describe something out of the ordinary.

The language we use can influence the way we think. The way we think can influence the way we behave. Are you unable to think about things you don't have words for, or do you lack words for them because you don't think about them? Your culture, the traditions, lifestyle, habits, and so on that you pick up from the people you live and interact with, shapes the way you think, and also shapes the way you talk.

Our sloppy use of language can be really annoying. I truly loathe the universal use of the word "like" spattered thoughtlessly throughout speech today. Everytime I hear it used inappropriately to the actual meaning of the word I want to do physical harm to the speaker! It's become a universal cultural language "tic" or "tell".

We do not have words for everything. We only have words for concepts that are important or salient in our culture. The gift of language should be valued - Language opens the doors of thought, communication & description to us. Just try to imagine having Aphasia or being struck dumb.

Language is truly "amazing". We have words for concepts, which work as shorthands for those concepts. For example Rain or Snow,(that cold and white thing that falls from the sky in the cold days of winter)”. Each language lets us see what's important to the people speaking that language.

So, let's try to use language well. Let's teach our children the value of language. Let's think about what we are saying & engage our brain before we speak.

 

David Geoffrey Carlill 1942 -2009

 

I went on a painting day with a really gifted teacher on Friday. I want to try to get back to my real love of art & creativity. Trying to paint a portrait of my husband seemed like a good idea. You don't forget what someone you love looked like after they have left you behind - The image does become more difficult to bring to mind in detail though.

I had digitally manipulated a few photos of David to work from. I had a plan for how I was going to work - squaring up the image & the canvas, doing a detailed sketch, then painting. It's so much easier, with modern technology, to do a "paint by numbers" sort of painting. But it isn't very creative. I do know I am a bit of a control freak though.

It wasn't like that at all. Rachel the teacher encouraged me to work in a much loser way. No drawing, just painting. The basic outline brushed in in blue. Then trying to see the dark, medium & light areas rather than the features. 

When I went to art college in 1963 no one taught anything. There was just a tutor who didn't seem to do much & a studio. You were expected to just "be creative". I know nothing about colour theory & colour mixing. I know nothing about the different ways to apply paint. It is such a relief to have someone who does know how to paint & be creative to teach properly, while still letting my own ideas come through.

So I'm really pleased I did this, on every level - Remembering David & rescuscitating my painting skills. It isn't finished, it will take a lot more work. It's all helped me get through a difficult week & oddly made me realise that it actually isn't the image of someone that matters when they have gone, it's the memories of things you shared over the years - good & bad. In my case, definitely mostly good.

Death, Grief & Remembrance

Today is the 10th anniversary of the death of my husband David. For some reason, known only to him, he was up a ladder looking at the roof of the house. The ladder slipped & he fell onto concrete. His legs were trapped in the ladder & he hit his head. I heard him fall & screamed for help. He was airlifted to hospital & died on the 13th day on life support in intensive care. I was waiting for the operating theatre to be free for them to harvest his organs, but he died naturally before they could do that. It was our 43rd wedding anniversary. He was 67.

He was a really nice man - That sounds so bland. He cared about his family & friends. He loved the outdoors & conservation. Walking was the main thing we enjoyed doing together & most of our holidays involved us walking in quite remote places. He was concerned about what we were doing to the world even then.

He was very unassuming & completely lacked any sense of self importance. He was shy & did not enjoy big social occasions. Social chit chat did not come easily & he thought it a superficial waste of time. He was self effacing & self contained, in a way quite introverted.

We were polar opposites in many ways. But it worked, goodness knows why. I suppose we complimented eachother. He had an inner strength & I always felt I could do anything as long as he was there. So I dragged him to many places on our worldwide travels knowing I would be safe - Yemen, Libya, India...We both loved visiting "rubble factories" - (ancient archaeological sites to most people).

He was never ambitious in his professional life. He was conscientious, though. He worked to live, rather than lived to work. He worked for years for the CAA. Before he took early retirement he ran a team working on the software for the new air traffic control centre at Swanwick, which was bizarre because he was completely disinterested in computers. Fortunately the team knew what they were doing!

Grief is a strange thing. Grief doesn't ever go away. It does stop screaming. It whispers in your ear instead. It is true that you remember a loved one virtually every day because tiny things prompt a memory. But that's OK. Someone you really loved is worth remembering. That's how we live forever - in the memories of those who loved us. It's the only life after death worth having.

Freedom

I'm free. I'm not a prisoner. I'm not constrained by anything other than my own mind & my physical capabilities. I can go where I want & do what I want within the law & my financial situation. I'm free to say what I think.

Aren't I lucky?

Women around the world are not free, even the wealthiest. Princess Haya one of the 6 wives of Dubai’s ruler Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum has fled the Emirates & sought asylum in Germany because of his abuse. Her daughter Latifa attempted to flee last year but was re-captured & hasn't been seen since. Maybe people who holiday in Dubai should consider that.

According to the Committee to Protect Journalists, 33 of the 251 journalists currently in jail around the world are women. Turkey is the world’s top jailer of women journalists with 14 in prison. The whole point of journalism is that reporters should be free to tell truth to power.

According to Amnesty women are discriminated against and subjected to violence the world over, just because of their gender. There is an Amnesty Womens Action Network https://www.amnesty.org.uk/tags/womens-action-network

Common forms of violence against women in India include domestic abuse, sexual assault, & murder. Many expressions of violence are not considered crimes, or may otherwise go unreported or undocumented due to certain Indian cultural values and beliefs, so accurate statistics are difficult to find. This is due in large part to the threat of ridicule or shame to the potential reporter, as well as an immense pressure not to damage the family's honor. 65% of Indian men believe women should tolerate violence in order to keep the family together, and women sometimes deserve to be beaten.

Women are victims of human trafficking:-

• 51% of identified victims of trafficking are women, 28% children and 21% men
• 72% people exploited in the sex industry are women
• 63% of identified traffickers were men and 37% women

Many women who fall victim to trafficking want to escape poverty, improve their lives, and support their families. Often they get an offer of a well-paid job abroad or in another region. Often they borrow money from their traffickers in advance to pay for arranging the job, travel and accommodation.

When they arrive they find that the work they applied for does not exist, or the conditions are completely different. But it’s too late, their documents are often taken away and they are forced to work until their debt is paid off. Women can be trafficked for many different forms of exploitation such as forced prostitution, forced labour, forced begging, forced criminality, domestic servitude, forced marriage and forced organ removal.

Once you become aware how much we take freedom for granted & how little freedom many people in the world at all levels of society have, you realise that we should be actively working to ensure that Human Rights are respected.

Does it Matter?

As you age you change perspective. You are the sum total of your life experiences - (providing you can remember them!) You do modify your beliefs. What is important to you changes over time.

But some things are constant & fundamental - for me it's my personal ethical & moral compass. The things that I do think matter.

• Treading lightly on the world & the people in it.
• Preserving the incredible world we live in & not wasting it's resources.
• Valuing each human being & wanting everyone to have the same opportunities regardless of where, when & to whom they were born.
• Understanding that we actually own nothing - we can't take anything with us when we die.
• Also understanding that all you really need is enough money for food, shelter, warmth & clothing. Any wealth above that is a bonus. So each & every one of us should do what we can to share out wealth so that everyone has the basic needs. 

People are more important than things. Not just those close to us or those we see in our daily lives, our family & friends. We need to think more widely & truly address the vast chasm of inequality that exists in the world today. Those fortunate enough to be born into financial security & wealth need to learn to share more. Just because you can buy anything that you want doesn't mean that it is right to do so. Certain things should not only be available to you if you can afford them - good healthcare & education for example. They should be a universal right.

There are things that I really don't think matter - Wearing the latest fashions, having the latest high tech gadget, having a new car or bigger & better house. I don't believe that changing the decor in my house to keep up with the latest trends is important. I don't give a stuff what other people have got. I do think that the completely over the top, ostentatious, spending of the very wealthy is obscene. The wealthiest 1% of the world's population now owns more than half of the world's wealth. https://knoema.com/wqezguc/wealth-of-the-world-s-richest-people-vs-gdp-of-countries

It really does matter that people are migrating to escape war & persecution or to increase their chances in life. It matters that many countries are trying to keep them out.

It matters that many countries are ruled by corrupt governments. That bribery is rife & considered the "normal" way of operating.

It matters that big corporations are desecrating the world we live in & not paying proportionate taxes on their profits.

It matters that we are polluting our world & wasting resources.

Unless we all realise what is truly important very soon it will be too late - for all humanity. There needs to be a lot more sharing. A lot more caring. A lot more generosity. Just a lot more love.

Is that too much to matter?  

Waffle, Politics & Boris Johnson

I first had waffles in France, (gaufres), & loved the crispy outside, light fluffy inside topped with whipped chantilly cream & syrup - absolutely delightful, but very bad for you.

It seems to me that this perfectly describes Boris Johnson. Seemingly some bite to his pledges, with a fluffy persona, all going down with a delightfully sweet & creamy taste that makes you want more.

Waffle, as in language without meaning; blathering, babbling, droning, also perfectly describes his promises & answers to any probing questions about his proposals.

We have created political monsters. People with little or no moral compass. People who will say anything to get what they want, which is power & influence. People who will change direction without compunction as the perceived mood of the people, (focus groups), dictates. People who are not what they seem - shapeshifters.

Is that really what we want in our politicians, never mind in our Prime Minister? Well, seemingly yes for the Conservative party, who have lost all sense of what is best for the country.

Parliament, the Cabinet & individual politicians created this constitutional mess.

We the people, did not vote for Brexit.

71.8% of the UK population who were registered voted. Leave won by 51.9% to 48.1%. Ireland & Scotland voted to remain. The diagram says it all.

We are now in a seemingly never ending cycle, which no one in government seems capable of sorting out.

If we are a democratic nation we need to give everyone the opportunity to say what they think now. I don't much care whether it's through a referendum or a general election, except for the fact that we will have now had two unelected Prime Ministers. This is actually not unusual.

 

Personally I do think that a Prime Ministers resignation or death should lead automatically to a General Election.

My only conclusion in the current situation is that we are not a democratic country any more.