What Comes Next?

I've been intermittantly listening to Joan Bakewell reading her autobiography "Stop the Clocks" on Radio 4. I think it is good that someone articulate & well known chronicles the process of ageing for them personally. It is always a singular journey though. It's very easy to fall into the trap of euphemisms  & avoid the reality of getting older. It's very easy to be in denial & not face the difficulties as well as recognise the benefits.

My friends started dying when I was in my 30's. I can think of 3 in particular 2 men & one woman whose lives were cut short drastically & it was very painful, particularly in one case. But it didn't really make me think of my own mortality. I was at a stage of life when I had everything I wanted, home, family, career, friends & social life. I didn't have time to be particularly reflective. I wasn't about to die.

Now I know that at any second I could cease to exist I do think about death & mortality. Not with any dread, just as a simple fact. I have become more spiritual - Not religious - I can't believe in the tenets of Christianity. I can't have faith in any religion which has actually caused so much suffering historically. I just know what my moral compass is. I know what is important to me & it doesn't have anything to do with God, the Clergy, or religious buildings.

I have always been political, but have become more so than ever. I am angry about the huge inequality of opportunity in the world. I am angry that people starve while others waste. I am angry that we tolerate discrimination. I am angry about man's ability to despoil & damage this gift of a planet we inherit & inhabit. I am angry about short term political decisions for political gain when we need brave long term action. I am angry.

I do hope. I hope that against all the odds civilisation will prevail. That the best of human nature will defend & protect. It is a small hope though.

Most of all I think I am glad that I will probably not live to see the world descend into even more chaos than currently. I will not see riots & public unrest about basic needs like water, food, housing, medical care & education in our city streets. I do think there is every chance it will come. If it does it may well affect my grandsons.

There is still time. We could start real long term planning. We have the tools & the technology. The fight is in the hands of a younger generation than mine. My generation are responsible. We did the damage. I'm just not optimistic that it will happen before it's too late.