Christmas - The Gift of Love

If Christmas is about anything I think it should be love - Loving kindness - Generosity of spirit - Caring & Empathy for others.

I've had conversations with friends and aquaintances over the years & this year too, & virtually all said similar things. Christmas has got out of hand, no one needs or wants all the "stuff", it's too commercialised, it's too expensive in time & money - we eat & drink too much - it goes on too long.....

Some friends try to rein in the shopping fest & present giving. They agree among themselves that they will escape from the tyranny of expectation - only have one lucky dip present for adults - see who can buy the funniest / best present for £10 or under - only give (one present) to children.

I've tried to inform / agree with friends & family that we won't buy presents for eachother & gave the money to charity. But now I am on my own I get invited to in law's Christmas day lunch, (and am grateful that they include me). So what do you do? Everyone is exchanging gifts, it would be miserable & churlish not to participate. I haven't sent Christmas cards for several years. I send an egreeting & add another charity to my list of direct debits.

It just seems bizarre & frankly unacceptable to me to be participating in all this excess having just watched an Open University series of programmes called "Why Poverty". The human mind has the capacity to put the blinkers on & only see what it wants to see. We all know, only too clearly, that a huge proportion of the world doesn't have the basics of life - health, adequate food, clean water & shelter - Including many in the so called "developed world". So how do we justify to ourselves the unjustifiable? We tell ourselves that we individually can't change things. We have no power. 

But if everyone made a small change in their Christmas, collectively it would make a difference - Think acorns & oak trees. If it became a public movement everyone would benefit. I doubt if we would really miss some of the trappings of Christmas. Adults could still keep the magic alive for children. How can we continue to celebrate a Christian festival like we do - nothing could be further from the teachings of all the religions than the consumer frenzy we call Christmas now.

If we love our fellow human beings surely this is intolerable?

A Gun is not just for Christmas

I do despair. How can America expect to be taken seriously as the world's peacekeeper when they are completely addicted to guns. Not just any guns, like handguns and rifles, which they could possibly argue were for self protection or hunting. Although I do wonder just how many urban Americans hunt on a regular basis. I also seriously wonder what the stats for the real risk of being attacked in your home are, and whether a gun is more likely to be turned on the householder or family.

The thing I don't get at all is that they own so many automatic & semi-automatic weapons. These are for killing people - end of! It seems to me that there must be something completely deranged about the psyche of people who think that this can ever be justified.

According to the Huffington Post America is top of the rankings for the developed world for gun ownership. Between 270 - 300 million guns are owned in America - 1 for each citizen. 70 - 80 million Americans & 40 - 45% of households have guns, so they must have more than one each - Why? How many times can you shoot someone or something?

80% of gun deaths are in America. America has the truly shocking statistic that 87% of children killed by guns in all the wealthiest nations are American. The recent tragic & horrific events at a school in Newtown are only following an all too familiar pattern.

It's all so horribly predictable I can only conclude that these gun toting Americans have lost all sense of reason. But.....hang on. The firearms industry in America was worth $30 Billion in 2011. 96% of the industry political coffers went to the Republicans. The politicians have been bought - they are simply a commodity in the land of the free & free enterprise.

How free are you if you are afraid of being shot? How free are children to play at home & school. Are the Americans going to live in fortress homes, schools, places of work? Are they going to go to baseball games "tooled up" in case a mass killer targets it? A society can't live like this.

I've travelled a lot in the Middle East & even went to a market in Yemen where automatic weapons were being sold from the back of pickups & virtually every man had one. I always thought that I wouldn't want to be in a situation where I needed to be rescued by a volatile Arab with a gun. Not now. I'd actually be more afraid of gun carrying Americans.

Suit World

In the spirit of keeping my world manageable & tidy I do regularly have a clear out. So all my professional working clothes have now gone. (It took quite a while because they were expensive & had lots of wear left in them & I don't waste money.) I don't lead the sort of life now that requires me to wear a suit. Nowadays it's usually trousers & a top. The world rarely gets the opportunity to see my legs even.

When I wore suits & high heels I felt confident in my abilities to do my job & cope with most situations I faced. I wore jewellery, perfume & full makeup every time I went out. It's odd - at a time of my life when time was at a premium & I rushed from one thing to another, I found the time to do that. It was a part of the "me" I presented to the world. Now I rarely bother with makeup & my perfume will probably outlast me.

It's over 20 years since I got early retirement & I'm now in my late 60's. Then I was at my peak professionally & personally. The changes have been many but I find myself reflecting on the whole concept of "image".

When I was in my late teens & early twenties I believed passionately in issues. One belief was that what mattered was who & what you were, rather than what you wore or posessed. The most important thing about a person was their "moral compass" & their willingness to "stand up and be counted".

I still hold to those beliefs, but I now realise that what you wear & how you look does matter. We are all "judged" on the impression we present to the world. The judgements the world makes may very well not be right, but by then it's too late. So wonderful people can become part of the inconspicuous background & absolute pillocks can command respect because of what they wear & who they are.

Image has become a god of the 21st century. We are "sold" people. Politicians & "celebrities" are "marketed" by a PR machine. Even the language used is censored & presented.

Oh for real characters, people who don't give a toss about public approbation, but who have confidence in their point of view, even if it isn't "mainstream". People who are prepared to be unpopular because their views run counter to the accepted doctrine. People who are prepared to let the "gloss" slip and be themselves.

Superficiality rules! Wealth & power sells newspapers. Suit World is ascendant. I wish the ordinary folk everywhere would realise their power to really change this decadent world & make their voices heard. The divide between "Suit World" & ordinary people is a chasm & a void. Nature abhors a vacuum - we can already see the results of this around the world.

Tax Doesn't Have to be Taxing.

It's a lie - in my experience it does. For the first time in my very average life I've had to pay an accountant & do self assessment. I contacted HMRC & said I thought I may owe them some money since my husband died. I did - a lot - Well a lot in my terms. I'm not sorry I did it, I'd rather pay my share & I am better off than many. I believe in the distribution of wealth & helping the less well off.

So I'm really p..... off to find that huge corporations who operate in the UK & make big profits here have paid little or no tax. My email is Google. I buy quite a lot from Amazon. Its personal. If I know what my tax responsibilities are I'm dammed sure they do too with all their corporate lawyers & accountants. Its a question of fairness, yet  again. There is no morality in the rich avoiding their tax responsibilities when the less well off have no choice. Most of us do PAYE and any savings we have are taxed at source.

However, the whole system of tax in the UK is not fit for purpose. The system is so complex even the people who work for HMRC don't neccesarily understand all the intricacies. I am really tired of the lame excuse that gets trotted out that clever professionals can always find loopholes in the system. Why? Why can't the system be simplified? Why can't it be reasonably proof agains immoral avoidance manipulation?

I'm glad the companies have been named and shamed. I hope more come under the same scrutiny. But when they are exposed lets not accept a "generous" donation from them. It doesn't put things right. Lets firstly sort the whole system out & secondly clobber them for all the years they have avoided tax. Enough is enough.

Karma - A life of merit & demerit.

Buddhists, like other religions believe in the possibility of resurrection. Their "Book of the Dead - the Great Liberation by Hearing" is the words spoken to the corpse to guide it through the country of death & resurrection to a higher incarnation.

Life after death isn't something I believe in. I think it is wo/man's inability to believe how completely inconsequential one is that leads to all the religious beliefs that we do not in fact die & return to dust. End of.

I do, however, believe in Karma. Karma is not punishment or retribution but the consequence of a person's acts. Karma means "deed" or "act". It is the universal principle of cause and effect, action and reaction, that governs all life. The effects can be mitigated by actions. We are not fated to some particular, pre-determined future experience or reaction. It isn't simple reward and punishment. Humans act with free will creating their own destiny. The theory is that if one sows goodness one will reap goodness & vice versa. Karma refers to the totality of our actions and their concomitant reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines our future. The conquest of karma lies in intelligent action and dispassionate response.

The parallells with Christianity are obvious. "You reap what you sow" - "Do unto others" etc etc. I actually don't care if it's a religious truth. It seems to me the only way to live your life - It's a "no brainer". We can't exist as a society & conserve our species & the world we live in if we don't try to follow this tenet.

It sounds so easy, but it is in fact very hard to prioritise the needs of others. It is impossible, in my experience, to always be truthful in word & deed. It is difficult not to do something if it will benefit oneself, but have a detrimental effect on someone or something else. I don't think that matters. What matters is the good intention & putting mistakes or wrong choices right.

If every individual just tried to do that the world would be a much better place. The cumulative effect of millions of people trying to do that would be transformative. I wish we could.

The End of the World is Nigh!

According to the Mayans this is the date & time the world will end - Friday, 21 December 2012, 11:11:11 (UTC time).

 Countdown Timer

25	days
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until Friday, 21 December 2012, 11:11:11 (UTC time)

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It is 25 days, 19 hours, 34 minutes, 12 seconds

until Friday, 21 December 2012, 11:11:11 (UTC time)

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Current time is Sunday, 25 November 2012, 15:36:59 UTC

  

Interestingly Hindus also believe we are in the time of Kali Yuga.

Kali Yuga (Devanāgarī: कलियुग [kəli juɡə], lit. "age of [the demon] Kali", or "age of vice") is the last of the four stages the world goes through as part of the cycle of yugas described in the Indian scriptures. The other ages are Satya Yuga, Treta Yuga and Dvapara Yuga.
Hindus believe that human civilization degenerates spiritually during the Kali Yuga,^[5] which is referred to as the Dark Age because in it people are as far away as possible from God. Hinduism often symbolically represents morality (dharma) as a bull. In Satya Yuga, the first stage of development, the bull has four legs, but in each age morality is reduced by one quarter. By the age of Kali, morality is reduced to only a quarter of that of the golden age, so that the bull of Dharma has only one leg.^[6][7]
Kali Yuga is associated with the apocalyptic demon Kali, not to be confused with the goddess Kālī (read as Kaalee) (these are unrelated words in the Sanskrit language). The "Kali" of Kali Yuga means "strife, discord, quarrel, or contention."

Well, I can't argue with that. We certainly have all four of those states in plenty in the world today. I doubt that the world will actually end, but we certainly seem to be doing our best to facilitate it.

If we look at the lessons of history each great civilisation goes through stages, from initial flowering, through a golden age, leading to the final decadent ending. That's where we seem to be to me. So in that sense I do believe in the Mayan & Hindu visions.

I differ in that I'm a glass half full person. So I don't think we've had it. I think we have the means to solve the worlds problems. We just need the will & politicians & leaders who are able to take the long term view.

Hope they do - Soon. If not the glass might empty faster than I thought.

Need & Want & Russian Oligarchs.

What we humans want isn't necessarily what we need. I want a lap pool of my own so I can swim everyday without having to drive in my car. It isn't going to happen & there are all sorts of reasons why it probably shouldn't.

I need somewhere to live, enough to eat and drink & a bed to sleep in. Those are the basic needs everyone on the planet should have a right to expect. I would add to that access to healthcare, clean water & loving friends & family. Adding to the basic necessities, I would include a good education & access to work that fitted with my capabilities so I could develop my skills & contribute to society. I need a safe environment & freedom from fear.

It doesn't seem a lot to ask & it is achievable. There are actually enough resources in the world for the present population. The problem is the distribution of those resources & the obscene imbalance between the "haves" & the "have nots".  The "accident of birth" which means that one child has no chances in life and another has every whim satisfied - immediately.

I simply cannot understand how a Russian oligarch can think it is acceptable to spend billions on a football club, when babies are dying needlessly, old people die in pain and alone, & young people are living on the streets. I do not understand the "developed" world with it's focus on instant gratification, risk taking & endemic waste.

We are intelligent human beings - why do we not mobilise our talents for the benefit of everyone? What has happened to out sense of fairness & humanity?

Jeanette Wintersons - "Why be Happy when you could be Normal?"

I have just read  wonderful book. In many ways, without the religion, it was like reading my own childhood. I found myself recognising themes all the way through, although my mother wasn't as extreme, thank God.

The themes of the book are important and all encompassing. They are written with great honesty & a remarkable lack of bias. The central theme is obviously the relationship between Jeanette, her step mother, her step father & their realtionship with eachother. The central role of a mother to a child is crucial to the adult that child becomes. Jeanette says she has "a sense of myself as a haunted house". The trouble with that, I have found, is that exorcism isn't easy. In Jeanettes case the picture is more blurred because she eventually does find her birth mother.

This particularly disfunctional family resulted in a woman who is obviously intelligent and talented making a real mark on the world through her writing. She doesn't shirk the difficult areas & doesn't make any attempt to play on the sympathy of the reader. That sympathy & admiration is, however, hers. In spades.

The theme of sex and sexuality is central to the book, as it is to Jeanette. The description of the exorcism, so Jeanette will be "normal", is harrowing. "Never let a boy touch you down there" was one of my mother's mantras. Being able to love & be loved, being happy with who you are seem fairly simple aspirations. "Most women can give - we're trained to it - but most women find it hard to receive".

Escaping from our demons can take many forms. The lifelong legacy of emotional turmoil left by a dominant mother is difficult to re-programme. "Living with life is very hard". Jeanette describes her anger & despair, her escape & attempted suicide, then her ultimate reconcilliation with her past. "Forgiveness redeems the past. Forgiveness unblocks the future". I think a lot of women need Dyno Rod to help them do this. Not everyone is as strong as Jeanette. She acknowledges this "I will always be recognisible by my scar".

We are the sum of our experience & how we deal with it. Pursuing happiness seems to be to be an admirable goal, yet so few really achieve it. Mothering is a very important skill. It can be taught & it should be.

Police & Crime Commissioners Election

I didn't vote. I'm not indifferent or apathetic & it had nothing to do with the election being in November. What's more I'm quite cross that those excuses are being put forward by the politicians, press & media. What do they know? At best they guess. If I'd known how to spoil a ballot paper I'd have done that.

People fought & died for my right to vote so I don't take my freedom lightly.

Less than 15% or 1 in 7 voted. Between 2.5% & 4.5% of voters spoilt their papers. (Anything over 2% is accepted as deliberate action). The Electoral Commission is to hold an enquiry. This debacle cost £100million to set up & the inquiry will add substantially to that total.

41 Police & Crime Commissioners have now been elected - 16 Conservatives, 13 Labour & 12 Independents. So we now have a majority of commissioners who are Political. They will have a 3 year tenure before they have to go to the people again. So we have perpetuated our government model which mitigates against long term decision making in the greater interest of the country. If you want to be re-elected are you really going to make the best decision, or will you go for expediency? No contest. Just look at America.

The Police Authorities, which have now been replaced, were not elected & were largely anonymous, so I'm not necessarily arguing for their retention. What I'm very annoyed about, apart from the politicising of this important area, is that I had no idea who was standing or anything about them. I don't get a newspaper & I didn't realise that I was supposed to go to the Home Office website for the information. (What about all the people for whom that isn't appropriate anyway?) I didn't realise that no pamphlets were going to be delivered. (Considering all the junk mail I get through my letter box that is ironic). Apparently there was no information at polling stations either for obvious reasons.

I wish I thought that this government of "bright ideas" would take notice & actually really engage with people. Sadly I haven't seen any evidence of that at all.

Nepal - a Country of fun & Festivals.

Nepal was the birthplace of Buddhism, but is largely a Hindu country. A Nepali's religion is broadly dependent on altitude. Buddhism in the high Himalayas, Hindu's on the plains. Hindu's have a pantheon of gods & godesses, with Vishnu, Shiva, Mahadevi  & Ganesh being the main ones. Buddhism rejects the idea of a creator God but they have their own Bodhisattva's - enlightened intermediaries. There is also Islam & Christianity. So basically the opportunities for a festival are numerous, & the Nepali's take full advantage.

We arrived in KMD just in time for the Teej festival which lasts 3 days. Groups of women feast first in a big "girls night out" then fast all day. Then they queue to worship Shiva at Pashputinath on the Eastern outskirts of KMD just outside the ring road quite close to the airport. It is Nepal's holiest Hindu pilgrimage site & is where the dead are burnt in the open on the banks of the Bagmati river. As we approached hundreds of people were walking towards the site along the road. There were vehicles everywhere, but we did manage to park. The site was completely packed, mostly with women, who were all dressed in their best red sari's. Despite the very grey & drizzly day it was one of the most colourful sights I have ever seen. Once they were in the site they queued happily to go to the shrine / temple area to give offerings & pray. Women were dancing in marquees erected along the paths, the music was very jolly & added to the wonderful atmosphere.

Another lovely day, another festival. We set off for Bhaktapur – the “city of devotees.”  This is South East of KMD, beyond the airport, 45 minutes away. There was a street festival, with yet more singing & dancing from all corners of Nepal.

Bhaktapur is probably what KMD looked like before the arrival of the “modern world”. Built of lovely warm red brick it rises out of the fertile fields of the valley as an elongated maze of streets, narrow alleys & squares. The beautiful buildings are traditional Newari pavilion houses, with exquisitely carved wooden doors & windows, and the streets are herringbone paved. Men sit in sattal – covered platform areas, women wash at public taps, people visit the shrines with offerings, lots of stalls & shops sell everything you can think of. It is a step back in time to a much better place. Traditional carved wrestlers guard the temples & shrines. The hereditary title for a prince, Malla, means wrestler. The entrance fee to the city pays for the restoration that has taken place & the city is preserved because it is largely pedestrianised.

It was a delight, even more so with the vibrant festival taking place. Gatherings of women in beautiful & colourful sari's were chatting in the shade under sattals making wreaths & offerings for the temples. The combination of bells, gongs & cymbals made a really moving wonderful sound. Nepali's are very pragmatic & Buddhism & Hindu seems to be almost interchangeable. Beggars run mortars round brass “singing bowls” to attract your attention – as do street vendors.

 

We watched boys dressed as Hanuman the monkey god dancing in one of the squares. They were just like Morris dancers, but very rhythmic. People were really friendly, most were locals, there weren't many tourists at all, and they gave us front row seats. Disconcertingly the Nepali's don't do clapping.

 

By 11.30. we were quite hot & tired so we went up to the balcony of a restaurant which overlooked the Dattatreya square & watched the bands marching up & down the streets & had a drink. The bands were really entertaining, not only different tunes, but simultaneous bands coming in and out of the square & performing in the arena. There was also a dance involving 3 monkeys who I think were bad spirits. Some sort of protest march with banners & placards came through, but it was all very good humoured.

The most fascinating festival we saw was the final day of the Indra Jaatra, which gives thanks for the monsoon rains. The Kumari Jaatra starts on the 3^rdday. The Kumari, a living goddess, is always a pre-pubescent girl chosen from a Buddhist clan of goldsmiths, which is odd as she is supposed to be a re-incarnation of a Hindu goddess, Taleju. She is chosen between the ages of 3 & 5 & has to exhibit 32 auspicious signs. Her feet are never allowed to touch the ground & the goddess spirit leaves her if she bleeds. So she becomes an ordinary mortal at puberty. The present one was installed in 2008. Adjusting to “normal” life must be difficult for ex Kumari's & their families. She lives in the Kumari Chowk a “gilded cage” & isn't allowed out of her house at all, apart from a few occasions like the Indra Jaatra festival.  

 

When we were walking towards Durbar Square to see her we met a procession with some men carrying what we thought was the Kumari. However it wasn't. It was another little girl with similar make up who will also be in the procession.

 

When we arrived there was already a big crowd & an air of great excitement. People were standing on every available space to get a good view. I managed to get on a platform just to one side of a lion guarding the main door of the Kumari Chowk. An American news crew were filming and doing a piece to camera, so we were filmed too. While we were waiting there was constant entertainment from the masked dancers & musicians playing cymbals & drums entertaining the crowd. Especially Lakhe with a red face & shaggy hair, a demon who keeps spirits at bay. The crowd itself & all the soldiers, riot police & policemen were entertaining too.

First the two girls representing Ganesh & Bhairab came out & were put onto chariots behind that of the Kumari. Then came the Kumari herself, carried & fussed over by lots of minders, both men & women. Once she was esconced on the leading chariot the men started the difficult task of pulling the chariot round the square. This must be a herculean task, the chariots are huge & made from very solid wood with massive metal rimmed wheels. Men on the chariot threw marigolds to the crowd. You are supposed to catch them with your right hand to be blessed. I got one but dropped it, so it probably won't work! A really amazing experience – I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

 

The Nepali's certainly know how to enjoy themselves & their enjoyment is infectious. They seem a happy people despite the many problems which beset them & their country. Nepal does have a long way to go in terms of development, but I found myself wondering again whether we are any happier in the West for all our supposed sophistication & lifestyle. I somehow doubt it.

 

Nepal - traffic nightmares & dream journeys.

Travelling from Kathmandu airport to the Malla Hotel was less than half an hour through the most amazing traffic I have seen anywhere. There are no rules of the road in KMD & it seems as if the total population of 4,000,000 is on the road in every conceivable method of transport known to man.

On the way to Samata school we pass through a road widening area where they are just slicing off the front of houses & shops - Seems a bit dodgy to me. The traffic is almost at gridlock on the bone shaking roads. The dust, rubbish & pollution is horrendous. It's all very hot & tiring & time wasting. One day we had a huge traffic jam with a faceless army of bikers in their helmets coming towards us from all directions & blocking our way. A policeman had to walk in front to get us through – not something to be done lightly I thought!

A journey to Bhaktapur took us along Nepal's only motorway the Araniko Highway – 7.1 k built by the Chinese along the main route to Tibet 115k away. Nepal is 17% mountains & 16% hills, the rest is terai. There seem to be hundreds of dogs, mainly sprawling asleep on the roadside, but I hadn't seen a single cat. Just before Bhaktapur we suddenly went from motorway to a rural tree lined road, from which we could see the city to our left through the trees.

On another hot and sunny day, when the monsoon had well and truly ended, we drove to Dhulikhel. After Bhaktapur the road is much more rural & we started going up into the foothills. There are lots of brickworks in the valley & terraced paddy fields on the hillsides. The number of Tata trucks on the roads is amazing, going in both directions. The roads here are truly dreadful in places, with very deep potholes & ruts. It isn't helped by the volume of very heavy vehicles. Climbing a hill we can see a huge sandstone statue of Shiva on the top of a ridge. Bizarrely it overlooks a new water park being built in the valley, supposedly to attract tourism. It really does look incongruous. People walking along the roads use umbrellas to shield them from the hot sun. Kavre district is very lush & green – lots of different shades. We passed through Banepa town which has a very wide main street to make into a motorway later. There are problems in this area because they remove the clay & then the buildings collapse.

Driving back from Pokhara all of life is on the roadside. Water buffalo stand in the river. We are following the range of mountains on our left. We reached Dulegaon, quite an industrial area producing concrete & stone with a huge quarry in the wide river valley. In contrast there are also rice paddies. So you get both coolie hats & hard hats. Irrigation channels follow the side of the road.

After an overnight stay at Bandipur we had a lovely drive back down to the main road. It's very clear so the twisty & precipitous road is even more hairy than it had been going up! The remnants of terracing are on hillsides everywhere. Wild orchids grow on the roadside. Oddly there is an Agricultural Research Station on the road with lovely flowering trees. Children are walking uphill to school. We pass little encampments of wooden huts with hay stooks & animals.

Almost all of the way from Pokhara we followed the river Mar Yang Nadi on our left which varies a lot in size & flow of water. Whole hillsides are clothed in jungly woodland. In flatter places it had been cleared & de-forested for farming. Charcoal makers use the plentiful wood. Steep cliffs rise vertically up from the road on the right in places. There are shanty dwellings all along the road where women are talking, squatting & going about their daily tasks. 

Dry river wadi's come down from the foothills. The drivers signals seem to be the reverse from ours. A right flashing rear light seems to mean overtake. At Abu Khaireni the road forks left to Gorkha. People routinely carry vast loads in Nepal in baskets on their backs supported by material round their foreheads. Sometimes they look just like walking bushes from the back. Goods are also transported by 3 wheeled bicycles pulling a wooden truck on the back.

We passed through Mugling where the road branches off to the right to go to Chitwan. Mugling is quite a big, bustling town. We had a couple of very near misses overtaking trucks or avoiding the potholes in the road. Quite a few trucks are carrying water buffalo in the back who seem to be roped in through their nostrils & tied by their tails. It seems very cruel packed tight in the jolting trucks.

 

In this area the steep river bank on the other side is dotted with sheer waterfalls. There is a cable car the only one in Nepal, to Manakamana Devi temple. You can toil up the mountain from the other side. The temple is on a ridge high above the confluence of two rivers & if you make the pilgrimage here you can expect your wish to be granted. (Seat belts seemed like a good wish to me).

 

Red clay tandoor ovens are in almost all the buildings at the side of the road. There are a lot of very long thin deciduous trees – I have no idea what they are. The river bed obviously produces a lot of gravel for construction. On the hillsides the soils are red clay. The roads in Nepal are almost universally bad – but now the road is much worse & overtaking is very dangerous. There is evidence of landslides from the steep rock face on one side & stones & boulders litter the road as well as the potholes. Canna lillies grow wild on the verges. I actually think that Basanta, the driver, is driving faster than is safe & is overtaking where he shouldn't in his efforts to get to KMD by lunchtime. He is hooting his horn almost continuously & overtaking everything on the road including convoys of lorries. He either has a death wish or a pressing appointment with a woman!

 

We passed through some sort of army checkpoint where a convoy of vehicles was waiting. We were through quickly because we are a tourist vehicle & have precedence. There are a huge number of vehicles coming from KMD as well as going there.

 

We started to climb higher & diverge away from the river for the first time. This is apparently an “accident blackspot” which makes you wonder what the previous road is supposed to be. As we climb higher above the river gorge the traffic becomes worse & worse & so does the road. There are more & more huge, overloaded Tata trucks & buses which can only go very slowly and which are very obviously ruining the road. The ruts everywhere are unbelievably deep & dangerous.

 

The road became even more appalling as we went further into the foothills. Everything is now covered with a thick layer of dust & sand. You wouldn't know the vegetation is green. There is a choking pall over everything. Everything is grey. We are literally dicing with death in a vehicle with no seat belts. Vehicles drive on the wrong side of the road to avoid deep potholes. Their suspension must be shot. Motorbikes & scooters weave in & out of cars & lorries on both sides of the road, overtaking & undertaking all the time.

 

We are part of a very slow moving convoy uphill round hairpin bends with precipitous drops on the left side of the road & no barriers. The trucks belch out clouds of pitch black diesel smoke to add to the general pollution & discomfort. We have to have the windows closed despite the heat. There is a real danger of the heavily laden lorries tipping over as they negotiate the potholes & ruts. Unsurprisingly we passed a crash which had just happened between two lorries going in opposite directions. No one was giving way & there was lots of shouting. On our side of the road a truck had also collided with the tangled mess of electricity cables which is commonplace in Nepal. A huge amount of hawking & spitting was going on as the drivers tried to sort the mess out.

 

Reaching KMD & the Malla after the drive back from Pokhara seemed like coming home! I was almost relieved to be back in the pollution & dire roads that I knew so well! 

 

Is the NHS fit for purpose for dementia & chronic conditions?

"Increasing sub specialism & the decline of generalism..... can create a lack of co-ordination & oversight of patients multiple needs".

"Co-morbid mental health problems are particularly common among people with long term conditions".

"Supporting the psychological & mental health needs of people with long term conditions ...can lead to improvements in both mental & physical health. Existing provision fails to realise these opportunities. A separation of mental & physical health is hard wired into institutional arrangements, payment systems & professional training curricula".

"Physical illness makes the detection of mental health problems more difficult. The majority of depression among (this group) goes undetected & untreated (because of a) focus on physical symptoms".

"There are currently significant practical barriers that impede the effectiveness of liaison teams (often because they are) employed by a mental health trust, but working in a hospital run by an acute trust. Communication & co-ordination can be compromised by IT systems that are not inter-operable & a high degree of caution with regard to information sharing."

"Several policy barriers will need to be addressed. Potential savings associated with integrated services (are) challenging to achieve as a result of separation of budgets...and the incentive created by the Payment by Results system to maintain or increase activity in secondary (hospital) care."

The Kings Fund - Long Term Conditions & Mental Health - February 2012.

What we need is a complete review of interventions for elderly people with any chronic conditions. I found it amazing & unacceptable when I was involved with the Expert Patient Programme that many GP surgeries do not seem to collect data systematically on the number of patients with chronic conditions, those with multiple chronic conditions, what the prevalence of each condition is & what medications / treatments were being prescribed.

I have 5 chronic conditions. All are dealt with separately, no one looks at the whole person. The patient is passed like a parcel from specialist to specialist. Each medic only unwraps one layer of paper & no one gets to the core. My surgery specifies that patients only bring one illness / symptom to a consultation. I can well understand the time constraints on busy GP's, but it isn't good for patients.

Some symptoms are common to many chronic conditions - pain, sleep disturbance, fatige, anxiety.....These symptoms can & should be managed by informed patients taking responsibility for themselves. But they need information & help from professionals or experienced lay people.

The NHS is too hierarchical with jealously guarded borders & fiefdoms. Until the whole patient & his / her needs are genuinely put at the centre of the NHS costs will escalate & waste will continue. Worse still the patients needs won't be met & they won't get the care they deserve.

Carers - a Ticking Timebomb.

Because of my personal experience & that of several close friends, I do think that any expectation that elderly people will silently bear the burden of caring for partners with dementia & chronic conditions is naive at best. This problem is a coming plague, which society has created for itself because of the development of interventions which prolong life. Women in particular did not sign up for lifelong caring for others, however needy & however much we love them. I wonder if the " me generation" who are used to instant gratification will consider it their role to be carers in the same way that my generation has.

The first thing that has to be recognised is that carers are not a homogenous group. Some children are carers, some carers are young people with demanding careers, some are from Ethnic minorities, some are single, some already have the huge demands of a family to care for, some have more than one elderly family member to care for on top of any of these. Sometimes many people share the burden of care, which brings it's own problems. Carers can be both men and women, with all the differences that involves. Deciding what we do & how we do it in terms of supporting carers & patients is very complex indeed & will need multiple options. Possibly something like a Menu in a restaurant.

Early diagnosis is an imperative so that the package of care can be implimented as soon as possible, before real problems arise. Similar services need to be available to everyone & expertise & good practice needs to be shared effectively & quickly. Effective communication is vital at all levels & involving everyone concerned. The Patient / Carer voice should be central to the process.The needs should be determined by the carers & patients. Patients, carers & service providers have to be actively involved in an ongoing process to constantly update & streamline available services.

Someone, at the very highest level, needs to be consulting & researching the development of strategies for carers & managing the care of elderly people with chronic conditions & dementia. There are charities with huge expertise in this area who should be closely involved.

This can't wait or it will be yet another poisoned chalice we leave for future generations. We need action. NOW.

Caring Women & Dementia

In many ways I was fortunate to be born a "baby boomer" immediately post the 2nd world war. I expected to have a career after college, not just a job. I considered marriage an equal partnership - (not sure I got that quite right - husband never did clean the bathroom, cook a meal or do the ironing!) I couldn't wait to get back to my career when my daughter was old enough to go to nursery & because I was a teacher the authority was desperate to have me back. I juggled all the plates in the air for years, so "had it all".

That all meant job security, a comfortable middle class lifestyle, a home of our own & ultimately a good pension.

But in one important way I don't think I was fortunate. I almost single handedly looked after my home & immediate family. Then when I retired on health grounds I had to look after my widowed father who became very ill & suffered from mild dementia. He finally died aged 89. After he died I looked after my widowed mother in law who also suffered from mild dementia & died aged 92. It could have been worse, it could have been all 4 parents. Life expectancy has risen over my lifetime. Had he lived, I might well have had to look after my husband who was older than me. I am currently trying to move closer to my daughter so I can play a part in caring for my grandchildren.

Women are, and have always been, "carers". Mostly we do what comes naturally & put ourselves last in the pecking order. Now, seemingly we are part of government policy because they have realised that we save them money - a huge amount of money. There is a movement afoot to avoid putting patients with dementia in care homes or hospitals. So lip service is being paid to "carers" needs.

I wonder how much thought the present young, predominantly male, leading politicians have given to this. Caring for your loved one with dementia is bad enough. Caring for someone who is no longer the person you married & has double incontinence in later stage dementia must be a living nightmare. The carers themselves are mostly elderly & many will have health issues of their own. Even if they don't, they probably don't have the physical strength or resiliance to care for someone 24 / 7. I doubt there should even be an expectation that they can / should be doing it. But they probably will go on trying, because they loved the person their partner once was & would feel guilty if they didn't. The burden of guilt & unreasonable expectations can be intolerable & unsustainable for women in particular.

So, we have an ageing population living a lot longer. This saga isn't going to get better. Dementia is progressive & incurable. We do need to look seriously at this as a society, because one day, the chances are, it will be each one of us in this situation. We need to look at the needs  of carers & the barriers to those needs being met.

Most of all we need to stop assuming that elderly women will do it for us on their own.

Getting to know Samata "Bamboo" School

Samata1Bamboo school is 6 years old & was founded by Uttam Sanjel. The original Samata school was destroyed by parents & teachers because they didn't understand what he was trying to achieve, which is education for very poor children. There are about 3,000 children here. A big rectangular courtyard / playground is surrounded by bamboo huts roofed with corrugated iron. We didn't teach there as volunteers. We worked in the newer 2 year old school run by Laxmi the wife of the pricipal of Samata 1,Sushil. The layout is very similar though – each hut is a fairly dark classroom, the only lighting coming from unglazed windows covered with bamboo latticework & a doorless doorway. Currently Uttam, the founder, has 14 schools in districts of Nepal. Women teach the younger children, men teach the 14 – 16 year olds. Some older children teach younger children.

When we arrived the children were doing the National Exams which they work very hard to pass. It is common for children to get up very early in the morning to do chores & homework, come to school & then do more homework when they go home. A high percentage get good pass marks in the exams. The family pays 100R a month for the school, which is very low. Some children who come from villages away from KMD don't see their families for months, which must be very hard for all of them. We talked to Uttam, Sushil & some of the older children, who were a delight. Sushil prides himself on being so strict that the children are frightened to talk in front of him. Corporal punishment is commonplace, which was quite difficult for Western volunteers to see.

We visited the other Samata school 5 minutes away & met the lovely Laxmi. Each classroom has a wall painted with black paint as a blackboard, a dirt floor & old fashioned metal & wood bench / desks which can seat 6 children. They are all arranged in rows facing the blackboard, girls on one side, boys on the other. Unfortunately the timetables we had been sent were for Samata 1 and organisation of this school is different to the older one. Contrary to what I had been told, I discovered that Samata 2 does actually have electricity, but it isn't connected up to the classrooms so doesn't benefit the children.

Class Groups are quite mixed in age according to ability. Older students with poor English are kept down. They use the Oxford Reading Circle. Children provide their own paper, pencils etc, there are no central supplies. The school takes children from Nursery to Stage 7. There are 20 classrooms on each side, but only 21 are in use at the moment. Laxmi took us to look in some of the classrooms & introduced us to her deputy Binod who is 17 & has come through Samata school himself. It's all learning by rote by repeating what is written on the blackboard in the younger classes – (A – L / 1 – 10 / + 10 Nepali symbols. Also A is for apple etc). Bizzarely a teacher who can't speak English is teaching English in one class. Another teacher was really lovely with the children & did singing games with actions. The classrooms are completely bare with no charts, pictures or children's work displayed.

We overlapped with two of the previous volunteers Roger & Pauline which is very unusual, but very helpful. They obviously have great reservations about the whole scheme, including the money aspect, and gave us quite a bit of info. They suggested we should spend the £150 Saga money which comes out of what we pay for the trip while we are here. Pauline wanted us to let her know when / if the stuff they had “bought” actually arrived!

All would be revealed once we started teaching.

Saga Nepal Volunteering - pros & cons.

Firstly, having had seven very different volunteering jobs since I got medical retirement, I have to say that I think anyone who volunteers gets more out of volunteering than they put in. The contact with different people in different circumstances, often worse than your own, is always stimulating & challenging. Your perspective & experience is broadened & you learn so much.

But, I have real doubts about what I have just done in Nepal. There are too many organisations with different agendas & levels of competence involved. I travelled with Saga Volunteer Travel, the land agents in Nepal were Social Tours in Kathmandu, the founder of Samata Bamboo Schools is Uttam Sanjel, the organisation which ran the Naxal Orphanage is OCCED, and finally the accommodation & transport was provided by Malla Hotel & Tours. Too many fingers in the pie resulting in a somewhat frustrating & less than satisfying experience for volunteers. Communication & demarcation lines of responsibility was poor throughout. We wasted a lot of time getting to understand how the set up worked, both in terms of the school or orphanage & in terms of the wider areas of responsibility between the various agencies. Someone really needs to get to grips with this & make very clear to volunteers who does what.

However that isn't the only problem. There seems to be little in the way of selection criteria for volunteers. Is it really reasonable, from anyone's point of view, to send middle aged people with no experience whatsoever of teaching primary & secondary children English as a second language, to teach anywhere without any preparation or training whatsoever? I wasn't expecting to have to mentor the other teaching volunteers & do all the lesson planning for them. What would have happened if they were on their own with no one who was experienced? Is it reasonable to send a volunteer to the orphanage, a very challenging environment, on their own with almost no back up?

I was also frustrated & infuriated not to be able to get  a proper professional briefing before I went out, so I knew what materials & equipment to take to maximise what I could achieve for the children. In fact we weren't even teaching in the school we had been given a lesson schedule for, so it bore no resemblance to the timetable in Samata 2! I was experienced enough to organise children who spoke good English as monitors for each volunteer & determine which periods we taught & what we taught, so the initial time wasting waiting for children to arrive was cut to a minimum. The one really good thing was Laxmi, the young woman in charge of Samata 2. She was a delight to work with, helped in every way she could & was always open to suggestions.

The initial grandiose ideas outlined by Saga of me training teachers, teaching music & art or computing were utterly ridiculous. There were no art materials, instruments or computers, (not to mention electricity in the classrooms!) & the teachers were teaching their classes of 50 plus!

Finally there is the question of the cash. I was left feeling that it was far too easy for it to go adrift. There was little evidence of the money from previous volunteers being spent directly for the benefit of the children, as opposed to paying salaries for instance. In theory each volunteer brings a paltry £150 from the £3.200 cost. There is no apparent accountability or transparency for this money though & I was aware of differences of opinion between the various bodies involved in Nepal. Often volunteers are sponsored by friends & also take out large sums of money as well. That money has to be given on trust. Given the huge & endemic corruption in Nepal, I didn't feel inclined to do that.

This was undoubtedly a great experience. Living and working in a country is not the same as having a holiday. I would love to go back & really use my skills & expertise to help these wonderful children & teachers.The children are a delight - very underprivileged & hard working. Full of drive & personality & a will to succeed. They deserve better & I could have done so much more. I know other volunteers have felt the same from their emails & blogs. So why haven't the issues been tackled? Is it all just a box ticking exercise?

Back Home

Home to the "season of mists & mellow fruitfulness" having been away for a month in the heat, dust & pollution of Kathmandu. It's really odd, in one way it's as if I've never been away, and in another I feel that things have changed completely.

I am now beginning to be able to talk properly after two and a half weeks of barely being able to speak. We do all take for granted the ability to communicate. It is deeply frustrating not to be able to participate in conversation & it was a bit worrying not knowing whether I was right, that it was simply a combination of external stresses on the voice - teaching, dust, pollution etc. Interestingly if you have to make a huge effort to communicate you tend to stop trying & listen more. Really listening to other peoples conversation without thinking of what you want to respond is fascinating. We can't have deep & philosophical conversations all the time, but it is amazing how the trivia of life plays a very repetitive part in general conversation.

Physically I have paid a price I didn't expect to pay. I thought I would be more or less bound to have a dreadful tummy bug - luckily it didn't happen. (I could have done with losing some weight!) But I wasn't expecting the daily hour & a half horrendous journey to and from school in a 4WD or taxi on the most unbelievably bad roads I have ever been on in my life. (That includes India, rural China & developing countries in the Middle East). Getting in & out of the vehicles, holding on for dear life in the absence of seat belts sometimes, & bracing my legs against the seat in front has all  left me limping with a much worse left knee & right hip. Not bad enough to be bionic yet according to the GP, so just have to adjust to more difficulties with hills & stairs & getting in & out of chairs & beds.

I certainly appreciate everything I have even more than I did before I went, if that's possible. Seeing how the orphans live in the orphanage we visited - spending a month in the delightful company of the children I taught in Samata school - seeing the street children living round the corner from my hotel, sleeping on the pavement curled up together like puppies on a rug on a main road, it is impossible not to be moved to real anger & despair at the unfairness of the world we live in.

We all actually know what the problems are - the solutions are the problem. Especially in a country as corrupt as Nepal. "Better to have a monarchy than anarchy" as one Nepali said to me about the current shambles of a government. More on this subject when I have had chance to reflect & assimilate the experience. But I loved it.

Too Good to be True

I knew it! Buyer bottled out. Rubbish excuse about waiting a month for her money to transfer from Australia & concern about a possible change in the exchange rate. None of it stacks up & one of the agents was far blunter than me. She's a recent divorcee & I guess is feeling fragile. I can understand that, being a single woman negotiating the housing market too. But it stinks!

Our system is not fit for purpose. An accepted offer, negotiated through agents, should be a binding agreement & there should be a penalty if you default. My offer on the house in Oxford was accepted, so I've lost that & had to pass on the bad news to the elderly lady who was also hoping to move nearer to her daughter. The knock on ripple effect goes all down the line.

No wonder buying & selling houses is so stressful. It's worse now because of the financial situation & there is a distinct lack of a moral framework to many people's way of operating. It is very difficult to trust the word of anyone involved in property. All you can do is try to maintain your own moral code & deal as honestly & fairly as you can.

Need to focus on the positives. It would have been much worse if it had happened when I was in Nepal & I'm lucky to live in a lovely house in a beautiful location with fantastic friends & neighbours. But, how do I explain that to 7 year old Sam & Theo who came on the second viewing with me & were very excited at seeing what would have been their bedroom in Granny's house?

Blind Panic - Homelessness Looms

If there is a God, and I'm not convinced, I sometimes think that he's a very perverse old b.....!

Why have I had an acceptable cash offer on my house 10 days before I go to Nepal, when the house has been on the market for months?  So I rush to Oxford & trawl round the myriad agents in North Oxford - they must breed like rabbits. In two and a half days I saw everyone & did 2 sessions of multiple viewings. I also found a property that meets most of my spec' & made an initial offer, which was turned down.

North Oxford is a very rarified area in terms of the property market & much else. Not at all like rural Gloucestershire. Oxfordians expect to get the asking price or above. They do not expect to negotiate, even with a cash buyer who is not in a chain - (called a "hot buyer" which tickled me immensely). People with cash are commonplace. An agent said he never managed to tick his targets in terms of arranging finance. Many properties don't ever reach the market & are sold to people waiting in the wings. Property that does reach the market usually goes quickly.

It's the story of my life in microcosm. If I want to buy something I never get a deal, it's always more expensive than I want to pay. But if I want to sell I have to bring the price down & be prepared to bargain. I'm thinking antique furniture, now euphemistically called brown furniture & cars I've tried to sell. Not to mention my house. S...Law always operates in my life!

So, now waiting for a further offer to be considered. It would just be wonderful, if not miraculous, if just for once everything went smoothly & my sale went through without a hitch & I got the house I've offered on. I won't hold my breath. Past experience demands caution & being prepared for the worst.

If any of my readers have more faith than me - a quick prayer wouldn't go amiss!

Early Warning System

I'm currently reading Marcus Berkmann's "A Shed of ones Own" - Brilliant - very well observed & written. Very funny too.

One of his ideas which caught my fancy is that we oldies of middle age & above are an early warning system for the young. We tread the path which awaits them & could, if asked, give them pointers of what to expect & what to avoid. We have gone through the conveyor belt of life, & although we haven't quite reached the endgame & seen the bright shining light at the end of the tunnel, we have experienced most things. We know what getting "past your sell by date" really means.

We understand that we cannot control the deterioration of mind & body, although some of us do try, in varying degrees, and at huge variation in cost, both in time & money terms. I don't think this is the time or place to burden you with too much detail. If you want to know, you have only to post. It just seems a pity that the huge resource of age isn't recognised & utilised more. 

Ageing is, like so many things, something which each generation avoids until it's too late & seems to imagine won't happen to them in the same way it has happened to their parents. Sorry - Wrong. Broadly speaking, it will be identical. However, much like having children, I think that if you knew what you were in for, you would probably avoid it at all costs. Indeed, there is an argument for being able to get off the conveyor belt when the going gets too tough.

But, again like procreation, the drive to live is very strong. So most of us potter on to the bitter end in varying degrees of happiness & comfort. For most of us the physical & mental decline is slow & symbiotic. So, hopefully, we become less & less aware of what we can't do anymore.

We are the silent, grey, majority & we are multiplying. So beware!

Nepal - Tickets.

The tickets and info about the taxi pick up arrived this morning. So it's really happening. Can't quite believe I'm doing this, given all the reasons why I shouldn't. I've just realised that I've unconsciously been sorting out my life in case I don't come back in one piece! I've sorted out my Tax and Lasting Power of Attorney. I've left detailed information for my daughter in a "Life Book". I've arranged direct debits for my credit cards & got enough pills & prescriptions for all my meds.

On a lighter note I'm in contact with the other two women who are going to Samata school as well & the one who will work in Naxal orphanage. Four middle aged women setting off into the unknown as volunteers. It is quite remarkable really. I wonder how much we have in common apart from age & an obvious intrepid spirit & wish to do something meaningful. So far the common theme from us all, as well as volunteers who went before us, is how poor the communication has been from Saga's Charitable Trust which operates this placement. It feels as if we have had to keep asking questions & prodding action.

I now suspect that this might be a box ticking enterprise by Saga. The big clue was when we sent off the visa form & were told to put holiday not volunteering. I will be disappointed if our skills aren't utilised properly. It has been difficult to prepare for the actual work in the absence of a reasonable amount of information about the facilities & set up of the school & orphanage. Looking at emails & blogs from previous volunteers they don't seem to have been too impressed with how their placements worked in practice either. Maybe that's something I can do, suggest what could go in a proper briefing pack for volunteers.

Three weeks tomorrow I'll be setting off - How exciting is that. 

Computer Life

My computer contains my life & is my life line. I can remember being very scathing about how pointless & time wasting a computer was. Now I doubt I could function without it. I have a desktop, a laptop & a Tab!

I keep in touch with friends & family via email. I blog regularly - Blogging has kept me sane since my husband died. I don't actually care if anyone reads my blog, although amazing numbers of people do. I do it because I spend long periods on my own & I'm an opinionated person without anyone to share my thoughts with. When I'm gone there will be a permanent record of my views on almost any subject for posterity! Communicating is important. I'd rather have someone to talk to & share ideas with, but the reality is I don't. So I blog.

I use my computer for research a lot. I can sit at my desk & find out about almost anything. You just have to be careful about the reliability of the source. I book holidays on the computer. It's especially good for booking independent holidays & checking out hotels & transport. I buy clothes, books, presents all sorts of things from the internet & don't have the nausea of actually shopping. I also don't have to schlep into town & queue in a bank anymore - I do all my banking on line. I've also sold stuff on Ebay. When I'm really decrepit I won't starve to death because I can order food from a supermarket & get it delivered.

I catch up with TV I've missed on my computer & download music to my MP3. I also download my photos & photoshop them. There are probably lots of other ways I could be using it, but I haven't discovered them yet. I also haven't yet got to the watershed of boredom where I am prepared to play games on my computer & I certainly haven't tried internet dating!

I love my computer. It's always ready to play. It doesn't answer back. It keeps my brain active, but probably hasn't improved my backside! It does have tantrums occasionally, but I have the lovely Steve at my beck and call & he always gets it back on the straight & narrow. I do probably waste time on my computer, but that's something I've got plenty of.

To Be The Best

I have always been competitive & driven. I was incapable of doing anything half heartedly, I always did my best. Without fail. Whatever it was. I think I always felt that I was good at what I did, whatever that happened to be. The cockiness of youth maybe.

So, at school I was a Senior Prefect and House Captain. When I started teaching I was never satisfied with being just a class teacher. I systematically went for promotion & always knew I wanted to be a Head. Arrogantly, I did actually think that I could be a better Head than any of the Heads I worked for. For a huge part of life I achieved everything I set out to do and never experienced failure.

I still believe that I can achieve anything I set my mind to do. Even now when I am swimming lengths I do actually compete with the person in the next lane! How sad is that.

There is a price to pay for trying to be the best if you are comparing yourself to others or trying to meet the standards & demands of someone else. In my case my mother, who never seemed satisfied with anything I achieved. I paid a high price in terms of the chronic health problems I now have.

So what best does it mean to be the best? With the experience of life & age now I think that it just means to be the best human being I can be now. Never mind what anyone else is doing. Never mind if I fail, so long as I have tried & so long as the goal was realistic & worthwhile. I do now accept that I may well fail, because I don't have the same capacities as I used to. I also finally recognise that failures usually actually teach you something.

We humans need a goal, something to aim for. Challenges often bring out the best in us. We rise to the occasion or the expectation. The Olympics have been a prime example of that. But we can't all be Olympic athletes, we need to make our goals achievable.

Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if we simply all tried to be the best person that we can be?

The Elasticity of Time

There are times of day I really enjoy - going to bed knowing I have a good book to read, going for a swim first thing in the morning & knowing that however awful I felt on waking, I will be revived & ready to face the day, for example. There are also times I dislike - first awaking & wondering what the point of getting up is going to be, eating solitary meals.

When you live alone you become very aware of time. Sometimes, if you don't have anything in particular to fill the time, you are almost aware of every minute that passes. Other times your "to do" list is so long you simply don't think you can fit it all into the time available.

I have always been active & busy. Now that is constrained by physical limitations, so there are things I can't do anymore. But I need to feel there is some point to my existence. I need to feel that I have achieved something each day. I also enjoy meeting friends & good conversation.

I watched a TV programme about the isolated & lonely elderly & it brought home to me how easy it must be to go out less. To become a virtual recluse in your own home. To have eons of time stretching before you with nothing particular to do & no one to talk to. Unless you have huge inner resources that must be a slow living death. Perhaps we should all make a little more effort to interact with lonely people we know.

It takes quite a lot of effort to go out, to engage with other people, to be interested in other people's lives. It's also quite daunting to do things on my own when I have been used to being part of a couple. But if I don't continue to make that effort I will lose contact with people & I too will become isolated.

Variety is the key I suppose - some time enjoying the peace of being alone & choosing exactly what I do or don't do. Some time enjoying the company of friends & neighbours & doing things together. When time hangs heavy I just need to remind myself how blessed I am to not be struggling simply to live.

Olympic Legacy

I have come through the last fortnight without watching any of the Olympics apart from the news. You couldn't avoid it there. This isn't going to be a gripe or a rant though.

My belief in the basic goodness of the human spirit has been reinforced over and over again by everyone taking part in any way whatsoever. The athletes deserved the cheers & encouragement & medals if they were lucky. Their effort and dedication puts most of us to shame. The organisers delivered a stunning location & largely glitch free infrastructure. I can't begin to grasp the complexity of the organisation & the number of people involved. The thousands of helpful & cheerful volunteers proved that not everyone looks for monetary reward or kudos of some sort. They did it simply because they wanted to contribute & take part. Finally the crowds of supporters - as far as I could see good humour prevailed. No fights, no drunkeness, not even any pushing & shoving. Just simple enjoyment & evenhandedly cheering the winners & the losers.

It is just so refreshing amidst the continuing news of financial wrongdoing & greed resulting in almost meltdown of the entire system. It's so different to the self aggrandisment & colossal over remuneration of people like footballers, "celebrities" & bankers. Hooliganism at football matches & bad behaviour by so called "role models" off the pitch couldn't be more different than the behaviour of all the athletes.

For a "buttoned down" nation we proudly wore our hearts on our sleeves. I thought it was really refreshing to see such genuine emotion on the faces of so many - athletes & onlookers alike. We shared in the victories & defeats & we admired the effort. Most of us knew that we couldn't aspire to reach the heights of skill displayed, but we wanted the athletes to know that it truly was the taking part that mattered.

In our generally negative news media there was a universal celebration of good news, apart from the glitch in the first week before the medals started rolling in. I suppose old habits die hard. Let's hope it lasts. Let's hope that in future there is a better balance between good and bad news. We should celebrate good news as well as be well informed about bad. Good news obviously does sell newspapers - hopefully the media moguls will remember that.

Infidelity - Unfaithfulness - Current Partnerships.

Interestingly, different names for the same thing & I think the meaning changes subtly according to which you use. Infidelity to me is definitely about actions & sexual betrayal. Unfaithfulness can cover much more - I do think you can be unfaithful in thought as well as deed. The modern euphemism, current partnerships, seems to imply all sorts of loose & varying relationships & is much less perjorative than either of the others. It seems to allow many different liasons at the same time, including sexual ones.

I have never believed that there is only one person that you can have a deep and meaningful relationship with. Given the world population there must be many people you could fall in love with & have a lasting relationship with. It's only the long term success of that relationship which varies. Being "in love" is very different to loving someone. I doubt the former can be maintained over a long period, whereas the latter can. The main point of a long term, stable, realtionship between a man & a woman is to procreate & rear children in an optimum environment. We are animals & that is what we have been programmed to do.

The question is how much does it matter whatever you call it? I think it does, but I imagine that is quite old fashioned to many younger people. One of the reasons I think it matters is because of the harm it does to the people within a broken relationship. Even the adults may have their confidence destroyed. Worse than that though, the children will almost inevitably be unable to really understand & will suffer divided loyalties & their world turned upside down. Some separating parents handle things extremely well, but many don't & let their own emotions dominate.

We have enormous freedoms in our society today. People can, by an large, chose to work, to have children, to marry, to separate & divorce. The worrying thing to my mind is the seeming lack of real understanding of or caring about the consequences of actions for everyone involved & our permissive attitude to some basically selfish behaviour. Although everyone can make a mistake and should be able to learn from it and move on.

I just think that we should take more responsibility. Being faithful is important, not just to our partners, but also to our family & friends. I also think we should be faithful to a moral code of behaviour which allows people to live together in harmony in a society. We are losing that worldwide.

Nepal - Adventure or Bridge too far?

Well, it's getting very real now. I go to Kathmandu in mid September working as a volunteer in a school for a month. I've got my visa, my flight's booked & I've had my jabs.

I'm in the process of collecting materials to teach English as a second language, but don't really know whether that is what I'll be doing. The school takes both primary & secondary children, & I don't know the ages I'll be teaching either. They don't have electricity in the school so there won't be any photocopiers or computers. In fact, disconcertingly, I really don't have much of an idea about anything.

But perhaps that's the point. Perhaps there are times when you have to relinquish control & just do the best you can with what you've got. It's bound to be a journey of discovery on many levels. I'm going to learn about a completely different culture & people. (I gather Nepal is very different to India where I have already travelled). I'm going to see first hand how very privileged the children in Western schools are in comparison - That may well be very hard to come to terms with. I know, from previous travels, I'm going to learn a lot about myself too.

I'm going to be staying in a nice hotel so I am going to be cushioned from the vagaries of basic travel in third world countries that I have experienced before. But life in Asia is an assault on all your senses. You are face to face with great wealth & great poverty which you can't & shouldn't ignore. It is very hard to make sense of & respond to appropriately.

I can't help feeling that doing this at the age of 67 could be a mistake. I should have done it when I wanted to in my 20s. But although the body might be past it's sell by date, the mind does still work. Hopefully I have got some useful skills & experience. I'd like to be able to make a small difference to the lives of people who haven't had the good luck to be born into my privileged life.

I will try to blog out there - so watch this space.

 

Moving On - 5 - Buying & Selling.

Well it's 2 months since I last blogged about selling my house. In summary there has been loads of interest, 4 second viewings, & 3 offers. But the offers were £75,000 - £100,000 below the asking price, so I politely declined. Interestingly & counter intuitively the offers were not followed up by any negotiation. Theoretically there are people who viewed who still want to buy, but they can't sell their own property.

I have spoken to someone who knows, (not my agent), and apparently estate agents like Hamptons have footfall targets to fulfill. So they don't necessarily care if the viewings are by people who are in a position to offer. Hence you get people who haven't got their house on the market wasting everyones time.

I also gather that the average drop from asking price to actual selling price is about 7-8%. I can live with that. No one realistic expects to get their asking price in todays dreadful market. What I can't live with is people who simply try it on & come up with all sorts of rubbish excuses as to why they are making a frankly insulting offer. They can't afford the price range & they think sellers are so desperate they can take advantage. I also wonder if people think I am desperate to move because I'm a widow.

Everyone who has viewed seems genuinely nice. I try to be as honest & up front as I can. I know my house is expensive. Its in a superb location with staggering views over a lovely garden & the interior specification is exceptionally high. So it's a one off. There's a price attached to that.

I went into this knowing that it might be a difficult and lengthy process, but I was determined not to be stressed by it. By an large I have succeeded. I'm very lucky to live where I do, in a wow of a house with a wonderful outlook. It's serenely peaceful & I have super neighbours.

I had, finally, accepted that moving was the right thing to do. So I am disappointed not to have the opportunity for a fresh start with no memories & baggage attached. But life has it's own momentum. We mere mortals can't control it, only help it along & we have to accept that.

Olympic Hurdle

I didn't watch the opening ceremony last night. I saw the beginning with Kenneth Branagh as Brunel quoting Shakespear on an artificial hillside & just thought that I didn't want to spend 4 hours of my life watching it. From the reports today it seems to have been spectacular & popular, so well done to everyone who made it happen - really.

But....you know there is a but coming...Why does anyone have to spend so much money, time & effort on hosting the games? Doesn't that immediately make them elitist? Only countries that can afford it can host. I have nothing but the highest admiration for all the athletes who dedicate their lives to their sport & who achieve such amazing levels of skill. How can you not admire the hard work & the pain they go through to achieve their best performance on the day?

Do we really need all the panoply & hype that goes with it though? Has anyone really done a cost / benefit analysis of previous games in recent history. Did they really make worthwhile amounts of money, was there really a long term legacy for ordinary people? Or were they a gravy train for a minority & did the unused facilities fall into disrepair soon after?

The other aspect of this that I find impossible to reconcile is the dicotomy of lavish spending on games when millions of people are dying all over the world for lack of water, food, basic sanitation, a reasonable home & mindless wars. As I think I have mentioned before, it's like the dying Roman Empire hosting gladiatorial contests to take the people's minds of the very real problems they face.

The other problem I have with it is how come we actually have the money to pay for all of this? I'm no financial whizz, but if we haven't got the money for good quality public services, if people are taking pay cuts or have no jobs, if people are losing their houses, how are we funding this spectacle? Maybe it's "quantitative easing"? In other word we are just printing more money without the reserves to back it up. How long can that go on for?

So, all in all, the biggest hurdle I can see is justifying it all.

Celebrations & Anniversaries.

I've just been to a big family "do". Not my family, I haven't got any, apart from one lovely daughter & her family. Her husbands parents celebrated his 80th birthday & their 55th wedding anniversary. It was a lovely occasion & they have dozens of relations from a 2 week old baby upwards. I was very touched to be included.

The eldest son made a speech, (ably assisted by some of the young grandchildren). Then his father replied, visibly emotional. In this day and age it is becoming relatively commonplace to live a long life, but not so to remain married. Both parents are reasonably fit and healthy for their age & both have all their wits about them.

Good health, longevity & a successful marriage are all such a lottery. We shouldn't take them for granted - but we do. Till something goes wrong. I do feel sad that I have been deprived of that journey into old age with someone I loved very much. I do also sometimes feel that life is very unfair. But we don't have a right to these things, it's a shame that we probably don't realise how lucky we are till it's too late. Bad stuff happens. That's life unfortunately.

I do think you have to work at relationships. You have to be tolerant & accept that we don't all deal with things in the same way. My generation do seem to have been reasonably good at that. We aren't like our parents, who stayed together out of necessity when there was nothing to salvage from a relationship. But we didn't give up at the first hurdle either. We didn't think that marriage was disposable & it was OK to get a new model, regardless of the impact on others.

It seems to me that there is a wake of wreckage trailing after broken relationships nowadays. Mostly children, adrift on a sea of turbulence & confusion. What sort of parents are they going to be in the future? Will they know what a good relationship is or how to be good parents to their children?   

Time

"... time is circular. .....we may view time as a straight and infinite line. Time is spiral. ....it may seem that in all our travelling we have returned to the place where we began." Naomi Alderman - "Disobedience"

I think time expands & contracts. When I was little I seemed to have all the time in the world to do what I wanted. I could spend hours doing very little, like playing marbles or skipping, or ball games to rhymes, & always seemed to be chivvied to do something else I didn't much want to do. I don't remember having a watch when I was a child, so I don't think I was aware of time passing, only whether I was happy, or not.

As I got older summers were long, as were terms at school. If I was bored or was waiting for something to happen time seemed unending. I could get lost in time when playing the piano or reading a book. If I was really enjoying myself, which didn't happen that often, it seemed to be over far too quickly. I don't think I understood the adult obsession with time. It seemed to me that you should enjoy what you were doing. But in my home, pleasure was akin to sin. Tasks were important & should be done well.

When I was older I too became obsessed with time & the implications of being later than I was allowed to be.The penalty for being home late from school or from the youth club or my Saturday job was dire. I was afraid of being late. Even when I had been living away at college I was expected to be home by 10pm. To this day I am usually on time or even early for appointments because I was so conditioned & afraid of being late.

As an adult my life became a balancing act of tasks to be done. Home, husband, child, work, social life, parents, all made demands on my time. My life became dominated by diaries, calendars & lists - prioritised lists!

Now I am retired & not fit enough to do anything very strenuous I have time to spare. I'm re-learning how to spend time doing very little - reading, doing crosswords, embroidery, a little gardening, swimming, seeing friends. It doesn't come easy. I'm used to doing meaningful, useful things with my time. Hence I do two challenging voluntary jobs. I do wonder why.

In theory I could do anything with my time that I want, providing I have the physical capability. I suspect that although I have come full circle, I was so thoroughly programmed in the work ethic as a child, I am unable to change.

But time is not infinite. I have less left now than I did previously. I know that I must do what I want to do now, because there may not be a tomorrow. Yet still I waste time doing things I don't want to do. I must try harder to enjoy my time, it's very valuable.     

Careless Talk - The Gift of Words

"Of all the creatures on earth, only we can speak. Our words......can create worlds & destroy them. Our words are more than empty breath...." Naomi Alderman - "Disobedience".

I have never thought about this before I read this book. If I was suddenly cut off from everyone I communicate with, either by talking or writing, I cannot imagine what the impact would be. Whatever my experiences, I do want to share them with someone, somehow. I have always loved literature & writing. I have always enjoyed the cut & thrust of stimulating conversation. (I'm not so good at boring, idle chat though).

Words are the key to the mind and the soul. We express our most intimate feelings & emotions with words. Without words how would we share our lives with someone else? Without words we would not be able to enjoy other peoples worlds & lives. The whole realm of the imagination would be closed to us. The words we use are powerful tools to convey infinite layers of description & meaning. The blind man can see, the deaf can hear through descriptive words.

When I have nothing else to do I can escape into a book or challenge my brain with a crossword. I can continue lifelong learning through reading about anything that sparks my interest. What may once have been a chore, cramming for exams, is now a delight of ever opening doors. How could I be bored?

"Lashon hara" is literally an evil tongue in Jewish. We are all guilty of it to some degree. Words are used negatively & destructively. This can be as simple as low level gossip or as powerful as conditioning & propaganda. I am coming to the conclusion that we should all, individually & collectively, be far more careful about the words we chose to speak or write. We need to take responsibility for the impact our words have on other people, directly or indirectly. Unkind or untrue words are hurtful. Verbal abuse is becoming more & more common & is very frightening. It's a shame human beings don't have a "pause button". We would all be better off if we stopped to think before speaking sometimes.

All too often now I forget words, get them mixed up, struggle to find the right ones in the "black holes" of my brain. There is so much knowledge & experience stored in the memory banks of the elderly. We are literally living history. We need to make the effort to make our voices heard. Not in a pontificating, I'm right you're wrong, sort of way. But in a considered way, an attempt to help avoid the repetition of the mistakes of the past.

It won't happen. The world turns. Each generation learns from it's own mistakes. We all re-invent similar wheels. I wonder why, when we have the unbelievable, undervalued gift of words?