Complete Mental & Physical Exhaustion

A 7am start & the removal people didn't leave my new home till after 7pm, despite part loading the day before. The crew said that the estimator had completely underestimated the time needed & the van capacity. Great! They couldn't get 2 wardrobes & a 2 seater settee up the stairs to the first floor & said they didn't have the manpower or equipment to raise it up through the window. So I'm left with the problem to solve.

They didn't do what I wanted with the computer, i.e leave the wires attached to the peripherals, so I can't set it up till I find a wire which seems to be missing. Boxes went to the wrong rooms despite my best efforts. Some boxes they packed didn't say where they came from & old labelling hadn't been crossed out.You can barely move in the house for boxes even though we unpacked masses while we were waiting for the men to unload. So all the surfaces are covered with stuff too. Although I got rid of a huge amount of stuff before moving there simply isn't enough cupboard space to put it all.

There was no info in the new house, so I have no idea how the systems or appliances work. We couldn't operate the lock on the front door when we tried to leave! Downsizing is very difficult when you don't have a garage, shed, or loft to get rid of stuff.

All in all I'm in meltdown. I had to get up at 3am to write down the stuff that was buzzing around in my head. Simply couldn't think or do anything useful today. However I went for a swim this afternoon & gave up trying to achieve anything.

Tomorrow is another day.

Leaving

What a lovely day to be doing the final pack before leaving tomorrow. Sun shining & beautiful views to remember.

The last chunk of money was in my account first thing & transferred to my extremely competent solicitor Gareth without a hitch. Huge sigh of relief.

Removal men came around 8am & just got on with everything. Fortunately I was up & dressed! My cleaner Sarah came & did horrible jobs like the oven, the freezer & the fridge while I got on with vacuuming up the spiders, dust & woodlice where furniture had been moved!

Several friends came round to offer help & say "au revoir". A good excuse to stop working, have a cup of tea, & a real pleasure to see them.

Now it's 5pm & I'll stop soon to go for supper with my friend Sarah. Then a last night here after 10 eventful years. It really feels it's happening now. Oddly, I'm not sad or particularly excited. It just seems the right thing to do at this point in my life.

One door closes & another door opens.

Naming & Shaming.

The problems I described re transferring money from the Coventry Building Society & Post Office Savings earlier this week moved on at a snails pace early this morning. I phoned & spoke to real people. Both assured me that the money had in fact been transferred. Hooray I thought! Out of the woods. But no.

My money goes into some sort of financial limbo land. Seemingly no one can access it, least of all me. My money will appear in my Santander current account by 4.30 tomorrow. This is because these companies do not comply with best practice & use immediate electronic transfer. They use their own antedeluvian FPS system. Why neither of them can transfer direct to my solicitor as others have done is beyond me.

I was even told an out & out "porky". I was told that I should contact Santander because it was down to them to retrieve the money. Not true, Santander have to wait for the money to arrive. When it does, the good news is that they will respond to my transfer request & the money will go immediately to my solicitor. Thank goodness one financial institution is operating in the 21st century. But, the bad news is that it will probably be last thing tomorrow afternoon & completion is the next day.

Then there is BT. I wrote them a letter of complaint about my house move on the 12th August. I won't bore you with the detail, but basically I just terminated my contract on the 29th on the house I have sold. I have a better deal with Plusnet for Phone & Broadband in the new house. I have not had any response whatsoever. I have had to speak to 4 different people & waste well over an hour on the phone, at different times, queuing trying to resolve this. I still don't know whether I'm going to have a problem in the new house with both BT & Plusnet supposedly providing my phone line. I was told by one of the people I spoke to that it wasn't possible to cancel my contract when I move! There is no facility to fax or email BT & there is a mega problem trying to get through to them on the phone.

Finally Co-Op Insurance who do my buildings & contents. Another letter of complaint sent on the 5th August because they didn't do what they are supposed to when I exchanged contracts. What should have happened is that my current house should have been put "on risk" because my purchaser became liable for insurance cover & I became liable for the house I'm buying. I can't tell you how many variations of that I was told to do by Co - Op call centre staff - all 5 of them! No answer to my letter & no one gave me the correct information & updated the policy. I spoke to a person today who said he couldn't deal with it & there is no phone number to call for complaints. However I did discover that my new house is not insured & my current house is. All I could do is send an email to "customer feedback". So, my letter of complaint has been acknowledged, but not acted on & I have not been covered by the appropriate insurance since the beginning of August. I will be moving in in 2 days time & I probably won't be insured.
 
It's a good job I don't have any senior representative of any of these companies in front of me. I think I might well do them physical harm! This is incompetence as well as negligence. It is the worst possible customer service & it ads hugely and unnecessarily to the stress of moving house. It really shouldn't be like this & it is all down to staff training, proper protocols & sufficient people in call centres being in place. Hundreds of people move house every day. There is no excuse for the change over not to be reasonably smooth & for companies not giving their customers the right information.

Once this is sorted & I have moved & have the time I am going to refer this to the relevant ombudsmen. I don't hold out much hope that it will make very much difference though. All any customer wants is staff who know their job & do it properly. If they don't, in my experience, it's often not their fault - It's the organisation itself & the systems it operates. They should be ashamed.

Doing the right thing?

Iraq - Afghanistan - Egypt - Syria. All places where the waters are muddy & right & wrong is not black and white. All places where innocent people, including children, have suffered unbearably. All places where men with guns & worse have fought for power regardless of the consequences of their actions.

What should our response be to situations like this? How should we make the decision about the appropriate action to take?

We see graphic images & hear first hand testamony about atrocities daily. We want to uphold human rights. We want to make the perpetrators accountable for their heinous actions. We don't want to look away & let other human beings suffer grievously and do nothing to help them. We want to be good Samaritans.

Force begats more force. Guns and weapons escalate conflict increasing the human toll. "Collateral damage" - what an offensive euphemism that is. Do we have the right to interfere in another countries affairs? If we do, how successful is it? What lessons has history given us of the outcomes of similar conflicts?  I don't know the answers, but I think we need to pause & think. An emotional response is not what is needed. Boots on the ground or high altitude precision air strikes don't seem to have been particularly successful hitherto.

There needs to be condemnation. There needs to be action. We need to show support & offer aid to the weak & helpless victims. But what?

We in Britain, along with other Europeans, the Americans, Chinese & Russians have a healthy arms trade worth billions. Our countries have a vested interest in conflict. Our businesses make vast amounts of money in the aftermath of war too. How dispassionate & evenhanded are our leaders in the face of the powerful arms & business lobby?

It comes down to simple choices. Can we realistically end this sort of conflict by force? If we do does it result in lasting peace & a fair society? Do the criminal leaders get their just deserts in the aftermath?

It seems to me that it just isn't that simple. But how can we do nothing & let evil thrive?

Banks - Restrictive Practices

I am having to cash in a lot of savings accounts to pay the shortfall between the house I'm selling & the one I'm buying. I notified all the financial institutions in plenty of time that I would need the money today to transfer to my solicitors in advance of completion on the 29th August. Then I sat back & thought everything would be fine. How naive!

What has become blindingly obvious in a very stressful day is that each financial institution - bank, building society, or "other" operates according to very different rules. I have to ask why? Especially as we all know that everyone just clicks the "terms & conditions" box without reading the mind numbing & confusing very small print without reading it. Why confuse things more than is necessary? To hold on to our money for as long as possible obviously.

Two financial institutions are now in receipt of formal complaints from me - Coventry Building Society & Post Office Savings. Among the many unexpected restrictions I discovered this morning are:-

• Not taking my notification from the first letter / email I sent, but from the second which simply changed the date by a couple of days.
• Putting a stop on any transactions for 5 days from the second letter / email so the transfer can't take place today. 
• Not counting a Saturday as a working day despite the fact that the branches are open.
• Not notifying me of any of these restrictions - nor any penalty I might incur - nor what the final balance would be with interest added.
• Not transferring the money on the same day requested, but by 4.30 on the day after. In the case of this bank holiday this means Tuesday the 27th which is very close to the wire for me to get it to my solicitor. I thought this little trick had been dealt with & banks had been forced to utilise the facilities of electronic transfer & not hang on to someone else's money? Obviously not. 
• Allowing very variable amounts to be transferred in one go. In my experience today from £10,000 - £40,000 with a maximum of £80,000 in a day in some cases.

I am spitting mad. How dare these institutions act in such a cavalier fashion with my money? How can customers be expected to know all the variables of the differing accounts / institutions. How difficult is it for them to talk to each other & agree simple, universal, terms & conditions which are fair to customers? What's the point of a Financial Ombudsman if s/he doesn't enforce fair conditions on the institutions if they aren't capable of doing it themselves?

The financial sector has got away with too much for too long & they simply don't give a toss about ordinary clients. They treat savers with contempt & I for one have had enough. Apparently nothing has been learned over the last 5 years. They are still stealing very effectively.

Pro's & Con's - a single life

 PRO's

• Not being kept awake by snoring - No goodnight cuddle & no one to warm my feet.
• Being able to read / listen to radio 4 as long as I like - No one to talk over the day with.
• Having enough of the right bedclothes.

• Not having to compromise - on anything - No one to give a different perspective, new ideas.
• My books, pictures, TV programmes, music etc - No one to discuss them with.
• Eating what I want, when I want - A rubbish diet sometimes - it's not the same cooking for one.
• Along the same lines - bacon sandwiches or sausages & baked beans.
• Reading, doing the crossword, at mealtimes - Better to have someone to talk to, bicker with & make it more enjoyable & leisurely.
• Not having to do something because someone else wants to - I might have found I enjoyed it.

• Making new friends - Not easy, the world is full of couples.
• Trying doing new things - Requires effort & some courage to do it alone.
• Learning new skills - Still not brilliant with a screwdriver or a ladder!

CONS

• Possibly becoming more isolated, selfish & insular - Need to work at it not happening.
• Losing touch with couples who were friends of both of us - Fortunately not many.
• Holidays on my own - Haven't yet done it apart from going to volunteer in Nepal & there were other volunteers, so that was cheating.
• Along the same lines - outings on my own - Need to practice.
• Having to be responsible for everything that needs doing to keep the show on the road - No answer to this one. It's exhausting. Need a brain transplant!
• Only me to remember special days - There are lots of other special days to compensate.

On the whole it's OK. Life goes on, you can't get off. You need to value what you have & not hanker after what you don't have. Whatever life is now, there's always someone for whom it's worse. Finding yourself & your true voice is important.
                                    

Hoarders v Minimalists

Talking to friends, I discover that my beloved & I were not alone in being opposites in respect of keeping stuff. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with gender or age. Some of us are tidy & organised & some of us aren't - It's a fact of life.

As I plough through boxfiles of paperwork, which I did at least sort when David died, I discover that basically he never threw any paperwork away. Now I have the problem of how to dispose of sensitive information. Shredding & burning will both require me to stand for hours feeding a machine or a fire.

Having now plunged right into the depths of the shed's, (you notice the plural?), the garage, the loft & the crawl space I realise the full extent of the urge to keep "in case it come's in useful". For example, being an electrical engineer he kept really interesting things like valves, bakelite switches, weird meters, etc etc. Even the two men from TfSR / Transition Stroud, who were quite interested, said they should go to the tip!

I have to admit to feeling quite irritated at times. It isn't fun to have to sort & dispose of such a large quantity of stuff. It's really physically tiring & emotionally draining. People who live together usually take on separate roles in the partnership. You assume that the other half is doing their bit effectively. When you discover that they haven't & you have to sort everything out on your own it's hard not to feel negative.

So, my message to anyone who reads this is - sort your life out as though today will be your last day. When you have done that, live each day as though it is your last, safe in the knowledge that you have saved the person you love from as much work as possible if it really is your last day.

"Bongo Bongo Land"

It sounds fairly innocuous, like Barrie's "Never Land", something out of Kipling, or Gullivers Travels. Just when you think we have moved on as a race and learnt to not only tolerate, but value difference, something like this hits you between the eyes.

How we use language, the terms we use, how we describe people & things reveals so much about ourselves. What we say defines us because it reflects what we think deep down. Often unconsciously. Not many of us actually plan in advance what we are going to say in conversation. The words come out spontaneously in response to what someone else says & are often a window into the core of our beliefs.

Godfrey Bloom, a UKIP MEP, has revealed himself clearly & unequivocally. He has also revealed that UKIP is happy for it's members to think bigoted thoughts, but not say them in public. Especially not to the press!

To refer to aid recipients in this way is appalling on all levels. I don't see any point in enumerating them here, because I imagine most people wouldn't have any trouble working it out for themselves. Mr Bloom didn't even have the intelligence to realise what a pillock he had made of himself. His comments afterwards would have been  farcical if they weren't so stupid - "It's sad how anybody can be offended by a reference to a country that doesn't exist." "If I've offended anybody in Bongo Bongo Land I will write to their ambassador at the Court of St James."

Mr Bloom gets about £83,000 per annum as a MEP, + a daily subsistance of £265, + about £3,600, travel  + cash for staff & office expenses + a generous health care package & pension. One MEP costs an estimated £400,000 per annum.

I suggest the money would be far better spent in aid to Bongo Bongo Land. Perhaps Mr Bloom should be forced to donate. 

Little Boxes

Well, actually, quite big ones. I've started the process of packing up everything except for the fragile stuff like glass & china. I last did it in 2003, but there were two of us then. I had forgotten how completely exhausting it is. Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that I'm 10 years older - My pacemaker's working overtime - hope the battery doesn't pack in!

I've already sorted through quite a lot of stuff, so hopefully what is left is central to my existence. Despite that there still seems an awful lot to pack. I find getting rid of books really hard. I read a lot, both fiction and non- fiction. If I didn't have a book to move onto when I've just finished one I would be worried. Then there are all the "arty farty" books & materials. Am I ever going to have the time to be creative again?

Moving to a much smaller house with nothing like the storage does focus the mind. I sat down with the plan last night & tried to work out where furniture should go. It's going to be difficult even though a lot of furniture has gone. I'm trying to avoid packing and then unpacking stuff that I then find I haven't got room for / don't really need. It's beginning to feel like living in a transit camp. The boxes are piling up.

The really daunting thing about all of this is remembering, all to clearly, what a nightmare it was when we moved in here. It literally took months to get sorted because there wasn't any storage at all. Just one very small wardrobe. There's a bit more in the new house, but not much.

On the plus side I don't have to compromise with anyone else on what to take & what to ditch. On the minus side there is only one pair of hands & one brain. I suppose this will be the first place I've ever had that was truly mine, and everything in it will be what I have chosen to keep. It seems a long time to wait for that sort of independence, but there is a price to pay.

Networks

Today has been very emotional. I'm leaving all my support networks behind when I move.

This morning was the first Sunday of the month, so it's coffee morning for the group of women I swim with. We are a disparate group, but we have been friends for several years and we do other stuff together as well as swim. Today was my last coffee morning before I move & they had bought me a photo & frame & my friend Margaret had made me a lovely card with a really touching sentiment inside. I had no idea they would do that & I will miss them.

Then I was invited to what I thought was a quiet lunch with my lovely neighbours opposite. Quiet it wasn't! My friend Cilla does mass catering at the drop of a hat & definitely should have been a party planner. (I'm thinking of asking the Middletons if they need help!) It was wonderful because all of my neighbours were there - All 11 of them. We get on well & they have all been really good to me since I've been on my own. There isn't a single one who I couldn't go to if I was in trouble, & I have been. I know that I could rely on any of them. In this age of selfishness & isolation that is pretty good going. Sometimes we focus too much on the negatives. I think that the majority of people are basically kind and good. But I have definitely been extremely fortunate.

I really have no idea what's in store for me after I move. It is a leap into the unknown. I really doubt that I can build up a network of such lovely friends again. But I will remember all of the ones I have now & I hope I can hang on to them.

Exchange

Finally - It's happened. I exchanged contracts this afternoon. It feels oddly flat after all the trauma over so many months. I celebrated with a mug of tea & two chocolate digestives.

So, I will exchange my rural life, for city life. It's a really big step after 34 years in the country. The one thing I won't exchange is my friends who have been really supportive through all the ups & downs of this over about 16 months. I hope I will manage to keep all of them, even if I don't see them so often.

I have had a great team behind me too - my legal man Gareth & my money man Tim. Both have really gone out of their way to help and advise. My legal man took my file home with him at the weekends when things went pear shaped & phoned me in the evenings too. Not many lawyers will do that. In the case of my money man he even coped with the fact that I can't add up & was thousands adrift in my calculations of what I needed to find. Magically the cash will appear. The team at the vendors agents, Penny & Sinclair, were brilliant too, even though I'm not really their client. It felt as if they were interested in helping me personally, not just because they would get a hefty commission. There are really nice people in the world & I'm sure they outnumber the ones who aren't nice at all. They are just quiet about it.

Being a bit OCD my next move will be to do an accurate plan & scale furniture so I know where everything should go. I'll also know if I need to get rid of anything else before I move. But that part of it all is fun.

The serious point to emerge is that I'm really glad I did this now before I had to. It has been hard from the beginning, much worse than I anticipated in my optimistic way. I realise that I probably wouldn't have been able to do it in another 10 years or if my health deteriorated. I am hopefully young enough to be able to make a new life & some new friends.

Thank God it's sorted. Couldn't have stood it for much longer.

Keeping your word

It's a really odd saying when you look at it. Keeping it where? In a box? Up your sleeve? I'm beginning to think that it is fairly meaningless today. Things used to be done by agreement between two parties who undertook to do something. Unless there was a very good, unforeseen, reason to back out it was accepted that " your word was your bond".

This morning I had an early phone call from my solicitor alerting me to an email saying the owner of the house I'm supposed to be buying can't / won't complete on the day which has been agreed for weeks - ever since the offer was accepted. I tend to be someone who says "how high?" when someone else says "Jump!" So all through this process of buying and selling I haven't delayed anything. The vendors solicitor has.

Now, when my house is sold, the removal men are booked & my possessions are disappearing around me on a daily basis, suddenly everything is up in the air. Again.

Enough is enough. I have decided to walk away if this can't be resolved. It simply isn't worth the stress & distress. I'll pay the bills, rent & start all over again. It really shouldn't be like this though. I seem to have had real problems with both my buyer & my vendor. I must have done something really bad in a previous life!