I can't settle without a "project" to organise. I don't seem to be very good at just living from day to day. Obviously there are daily routines - get up, breakfast, dress, wash up, make the bed, coffee. That takes me to about 9am. Then the day stretches ahead, broken up by a more or less daily swim, lunch & supper. After supper I only have the energy to watch TV, usually things I have selected to record. I waste far too much time on my computer too.
The thing is I was always very creative. I have a designated "Arty Farty" room, but I don't seem to be able to even start doing anything. There is more to creativity than you might think. I have never just made something. There have always been stages - inspiration, thinking, looking for sources, designing, selecting materials, chosing colour.....Why, after years of working & not having any time, can I not lose myself in creating something when the one commodity I do have is time? I don't get it.
I have always had at least 2 books on the go at all times. I used to long for the time to be able to read a daily newspaper. Now I can only read at bedtime. If I try to read during the day I fall asleep. It somehow feels wrong to read a novel during the day & I certainly don't want to sleep any more.
When I worked I was a wife & a mother. I did all my own housework, cooked every meal from scratch, had a very busy social life as well as a demanding job. Now I have plenty of time I have a cleaner & I eat more M&S cook chill than in the whole of the rest of my previous life. I rarely entertain, (because I don't have the energy to do everything on my own).
Is this just ageing? I have no idea, but it does annoy me. The young have no time. The old have more than they know what to do with. I want to do something enjoyable & / or useful with mine, but I'm like the rabbit that doesn't have the Duracell battery. I can feel my energy ebbing away. I need to get a grip!
No comments:
Post a Comment