A friend of many years came to lunch today - yes you D......We talked non stop for nearly 4 hours. Among the topics of conversation was marriage & how men / women cope with the end of it. She is separated & I am widowed.
I haven't seen her for 3 - 4 years & she had just made the break, I was fairly recently widowed. We agreed that we have both changed enormously. She looked terriffic, fit, slim, attractive, smartly dressed. We both think that we are much better able to cope on our own now & would be reluctant to give up that freedom & independence to live with any man. We are confident in our ability to cope with most things in a way that we weren't when we were married. We are also financially independent, so we are lucky.
That doesn't necessarily preclude any relationship. We just wouldn't want to live with a partner again. We would just like to have someone to enjoy doing things with. A solitary meal in a pub isn't much fun & going to the theatre, the pictures, an exhibition or gallery is much better if you have someone to discuss the experience with. But then that could just as easily be a woman!
We agreed that we think that we are now the women we could always have been, but not while being married & in my case a mother. It's interesting, I really hadn't thought about it before today. Part of your individuality, the freedom to be, gets lost.
The co - dependency of a marriage undoubtedly has huge benefits if you are lucky enough to be married to a good man as I was. D..... wasn't so lucky. I'm not knocking it, or in any way diminishing what I had. I wouldn't have changed places with anyone. It wasn't perfect, what is, but it was mutually sustaining I think.
I just think that it's a bit late in life to find myself. So I'm going to try to enjoy it.
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