Second counselling session yesterday. It is interesting how much freer you are to talk openly to an impartial person who really listens & isn't judgmental. So often people just want to tell you their problems & news. I had a very long conversation with a friend the other day & in truth my contributions were monosyllabic, but I know every detail of what has been happening in her life. I find it very difficult to tell someone about what is going on with me, unless they give me an opening by asking questions.
One of the things which resonated with me in the counselling was the counsellor saying that unless there are cracks no light can shine through. In other words, I need to let people see that I am not this super organised, coping person that they seem to think I am. I do have good days & bad days & truly dreadful days too. I just don't tend to talk about it. I certainly don't think I have ever rung someone up or knocked on their door when things have been really bad. Having said that there have been people who have been in the right place at the right time, who have really helped enormously. I suppose it is independence, but it is also a belief that I am the only person who can solve my problems.
However as I age & become more limited in what I can do because of my health problems I suppose I am going to have to learn to be more honest and open. And I am going to have to ask for help.
In the meantime I do think the counselling is helping, because it is making me see that good communication is really important & that involves not just listening, which I seem to do a lot of, but also telling it how it really is. No wo/man is an island - & if they are it's a very lonely place.
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