Asking for help

Not something that comes naturally to me. I don't really know why, because if I know someone else need help I do always offer & am prepared to put myself out. I find it almost impossible to really talk about myself unless I am asked directly. Or unless my experience will help solve someone else's problems. But my counsellor pointed out that if you don't ask for help people assume you don't need it. They accept the coping front you project.

This raises the question of how empathetic people are, do they have the imagination to put themselves in your position? Are they really interested in your life, do they ask you probing questions & do they really want to know the answers?

If not, why not? Is it because their lives are so difficult & busy they can only cope with that. Is it because they are self centred & not really interested in anyone else? I don't know the answer. In my experience some people just don't want to delve that deeply & are happy with a fairly superficial relationship. Or a relationship where they can dump all their problems on you.

Recently the husband of a friend just tucked my arm into his and asked how I was getting on, acknowledging that he realised how hard things must be for me. He really wanted to know & was very sympathetic. A woman friend & I spent two days together talking non stop about our lives & families. It was a real two way conversation with both of us sympathising with eachother about some very difficult family issues. Another friend phones me regularly for a chat. All are really lovely & I appreciate them more than I can say. I know if I asked for help I would get it, I just need to practice doing it.

Well, I have just asked my daughter to take me into hospital next week for an Endoscopy & bring me home. I genuinely think that's the first time I have actually asked her to do something that puts her out. Then, because she can't take me in, I asked a neighbour to do it, which he agreed to without hesitation. So I am trying not to isolate myself by appearing too independent.  I am going to be stressed before the procedure because I've had it done before & know how unpleasant it is. Afterwards I'm going to be fairly dopey I think because I'm insisting on having a sedative this time. So I do need help.

At these sorts of times I realise just how alone I am & how much I relied on Dave's support.