Ageing & Independent Living

I went to an Occupational Therapist for an Assessment of Need this week. I've arranged them before for my father and my mother in law, but didn't envisage having one myself.

I want to be able to live safely in my home & have got to the point where some things are difficult. I'm sure my legs have grown further away from my hands, so that putting tights, socks & shoes on involves contortions & possible speedy bodily contact with the floor. I haven't had a bath for years because I can't get in & out of one.  I have a corner shower at the moment, but it's too small for me to be able to manouvre easily in. Getting in & out of bed, even turning over in bed, is difficult. Going up and down stairs is a challenge,especially if I want to carry anything. etc etc etc. All very boring & limiting.

The assessment was at Brooks University where they train all sorts of health professionals including OT's. It was very sympathetically & professionally done, by a charming man who really knew his stuff. I will now be getting several practical aids to enable me to function better in my home. I will also get a list of approved contractors who can look at things like installing a shower downstairs & a wet room in my ensuite.

The important thing is that it gives me confidence that I can live independently for at least a few more years. I am fortunate that I can pay for this service. But had I not been able too I could have got these things free or reduced. Probably not any more from today though. It seems very likely that the budget for this will be cut again iminently. There is a meeting today about it, so my timing was very lucky.

It makes no sense at all. The cost of treating people who have accidents in the home is far more than giving them things which make them safer. Hospitalisation is expensive & not good for patients. This type of intervention is simple, cheap & cost effective. What sort of idiot politician thinks that it is a sensible decision to cut health & social services to the bone? We need to cut the deficit, but not like this. This will cost money in the long term & people will suffer as a result.

Chronic Pain - Drugs of Choice.

I was in my 20's in the 60's. Therefore it seems ironic that now, in my 70's I'm taking Morphine. I seem to have missed out on the whole drug culture & have to take a heroin derivative for pain.

The NHS does not deal well with pain. I gather that trainee doctors don't get much training about pain & pain relief, which seems odd given how many health conditions involve pain. Getting a referral to a specialist pain clinic isn't easy. Some research shows that 21% of people experience pain every day. That's nearly 1 in 4. Personally I have forgotten how an absence of pain feels.

Currently I'm changing over from months of taking the maximum dose of Co Codamol, which contains Morphine & is addictive, to Morphine itself. That means that my body is simultaneously coping with withdrawl & a new drug. I am so wiped out by the afternoon that I have to lie down & I doze. So I'm losing daytime & as a result finding it difficult to sleep at night.

All drugs are toxins and all have an effect on the body. I came to the conclusion long ago that patients nowadays have to be very pro-active in their own healthcare. I don't think we should just accept what we are told or prescribed. Doctors are human beings & can't know everything. They can make mistakes. We have access to a huge body of information & other people who are in similar situations as ourselves. We need to take responsibility for decisions made about our healthcare.

The trouble is if you are feeling ill, in pain, fatigued & incapacitated you are not in a good place to be able to do that. It's a Catch 22. What I need is a friendly Cannabis supplier or a research trial into Cannabis & chronic pain because the Morphine isn't working. You would think that the pharma companies would be able to come up with something to make any pain bearable.

Silversea Cruise 6 - Selfies.

Istanbul put me off cameras for ever. It was hot, between 30 - 40 degrees. It was also heaving with people. Everyone seemed to have a camera and a selfie stick. Probably because the knock offs were so cheap. Result - you couldn't walk along the street or be inside a building without being in the way of someone taking a photo. It got to be hugely annoying. If you stopped politely for everyone you wouldn't see anything yourself & movement slowed to a crawl.

The problem I had with it is that no one was really looking. Everyone was so intent on having a photo with themselves as the star instead of the stunning building or view, that they were unable to experience the wonder that is this great city.

When did it all get so manic? When did everyone suddenly decide that their image fronting some iconic view was the most important thing? When did we all get so self absorbed? I suspect it is the conjunction of the selfie stick & Social Media. (Selfie sticks are very aptly named & a health hazard in my view!) We live in a self obsessed world where we all want our moment of fame & think that the rest of the population really wants to see what we are doing and where we are at this moment. I'm surprised no one posts photos of themselves on the loo. Or perhaps they do.

It's all so repetetive & totally mindless. Travellers who only see the world as a backdrop to their own existance. They don't really know much about where they are, the history, the culture, the geography. All they see is a photo opportunity and an opportunity to brag - "here I am".

Yes, I know I'm a grumpy old woman. "Frankly my dears I don't give a damn". I'd rather have memories any day & not be constrained by the narrow view of a camera lens. I didn't take a single photo. How often do we all even look at the photos once we have bored friends and family rigid with them? We just put them in a drawer or save them in the Cloud & move on to the next holiday, left with the problem of what to do with all those images & having forgotten what & where they are.

Losing my Marbles

I'm now officially an old lady! I've had a phone alarm system installed & wear an alarm watch all the time in the house. Actually that's rubbish, anyone of any age is at risk if they live alone. I just happen to have accepted that for me the risk factors are higher. Heart attack, stroke, a fall, a dizzy spell, a bad virus....A good friend who is younger than me had a stroke last week & is now in hospital. It's a question of probabilities.

I don't much fancy lying on the floor somewhere, in pain & unable to get to a phone. It doesn't seem an attractive scenario. The reality for lots of people who don't work & live alone is that they may go for days without a visit or a phone call. You can't plan for an accident & you can't count on someone realising you aren't around any more.

It's not something to dwell on, but it is something to prepare for if you have any sense. No one is immortal.

What I quite fancy is a massive heart attack which takes me out faster than the speed of light. I'm not big on pain and suffering, especially not on my own & over a long period of time. I'm not brave. But unfortunately you can't decide your own exit unless euthanasia becomes lawful.

Fortunately, at the moment , I've got enough marbles to decide how to be safe. That will be the next thing of course. When the holes take over from the cheese in the Gruyere.

Silversea Cruise 5 - Cultural Difference

The West is "divided by a common language". Not just us and the Americans. English is the "lingua franca" for many nations. Not only pronunciation varies, so does meaning & understanding.

There were various nations cruising on the Silver Spirit & it was interesting to watch the interaction, or lack of it, between different nationalities. We all, it seems, are most comfortable with our own "kind". So by the end of the cruise, although there were interchanges between nations, mostly the friendship groups which developed seemed to be national.

It is interesting too that behaviour has a cultural dimension. What is tolerated or even normal by some nationalities is considered highly rude by others. I realise that this can lead to sweeping generalisations. The Italians are terrible drivers, the Mediterranean countries let their women do all the work, the Spanish are loud, the French are arrogant & aloof, the Americans are brash & like poor wine don't travel.....Brits, I'm pleased to say, are "damned with the faint praise" of being too polite.

There is some truth in all of this. Misunderstanding can arise because something said or done / not said or not done can cause offence. You don't expect to make deep and meaningful relationships on holiday. By definition most conversations are superficial. The danger is that the opposite can easily happen & friendship can be irrevocably be ruined by such close proximity.

I'm not sure how well it is possible to really know someone. We all keep a part of ourselves back. You have to tolerate things you don't want to & you certainly can't tell the truth all the time without hurting people. Human beings are infinitely diverse. You just have to decide what is important to you & what you are prepared to put up with from others.

Now I'm officially an old lady I think I've mellowed. Or maybe I just don't think the confrontation is worth it. I tolerate things I would not have done a decade ago. Anyone who mistakenly thinks I'm a pussy cat & will roll over when it really matters is hugely mistaken though. There are "lines in the sand" both on holiday and at home.

Silversea cruise 4 - Leaving & Sailing.

There is something about leaving a port and sailing out into the ocean. There is a quality of light reflecting off the sea & a vast expanse of water and sky which is unendingly fascinating. The light changes from moment to moment in a different way to on land. You are moving from terra firma and sailing on the surface of  bottomless, unknown, depths. It is really is the most mystical experience. Vast horizons, infinite, subtle, colours of light. Moving, but oddly staying still.

Sailing on a ship is unique. A self contained, man made, island floating above the hidden life below. A triumph of mans skill and technology at the mercy of the elements. The weather & the light changes in moments.

Modern cruise ships are minature, (& not so minature), cities. All human life is there. An infinite number of life stories from the extremely privileged to the much less advantaged. A microcosm of the world contained within a boat. The difference is that the people are always moving onwards. A restless journey to the next port, the next experience for the passengers. A mobile working environment for all the people who cater to their every whim.

It is obviously, by nature, a transient existance. As you float on the surface of the ocean you also float on the surface of life. New aquaintances are made & lives are shared peripherally. Visits to ports are brief. Fleeting glimpses into other lives. Passengers are disgorged onto docksides & have a window of opportunity to experience other cultures. They aren't necessarily good representations of the real lives or cultures because a whole unrepresentative, symbiotic infrastructure has built up around the ports.

They are gateways though and maybe passengers will go back and experience a more realistic & in depth perspective at some time. As for the relationships they really are "ships that pass in the night".

Silversea Cruise 3 - Human Nature - Givers & Takers

People watching is such a delight. An endless source of interest and amusement, frustration and irritation. I have written before about "Drains & Radiators". This cruise gave me the opportunity to observe the species of "Givers & Takers"at close quarters.

I think both descriptions of human behaviour are self explanatory. I must acknowledge at the outset that I know I am making sweeping generalisations.

The thing that shocked me was the arrogance, rudeness & self absorbtion of some of my fellow passengers. The sense of entitlement that wealth seems to endow some people with is quite surpising. "Please", "thank you" & "excuse me" seemed to have been expunged from the vocabulary of some. Quite a few people I had conversations with just wanted to tell me about themselves. I wasn't required to say very much - just listen attentively. Many conversations I overheard were basically bragging about making money, posessions, achieving your own ends, who you knew. etc etc. Brits tend to be polite. They certainly queue & don't tend to be pushy. So maybe that's why I was so surprised. We had a lot of  Australian,  American & Italian passengers. Maybe it's a cultural thing. Or maybe it's just me.

The other thing that made me take a sharp intake of breath was judgemental attitudes & ignorance about other cultures & countries.  Very few seemed to know much about the history, culture or geography of the places we visited. Because of the current political situation in Greece, maybe a little more was known about that, but coloured by a European press perspective. Very little seemed to be known about politics in Turkey. I suppose the thing is it was a holiday. So people didn't feel the need to be informed.

Fortunately all of that was completely offset by the care and consideration of the paid employees & of course not all the passengers were like that. I did meet some really interesting people whose company I enjoyed.

As my dad would say "There's nowt as queer as folk". He was from Derbyshire & would have been completely nonplussed by all of this.