Looking Back & Looking Forward - Memory & Memories

Like many people of my age my memory isn't what it was. In theory I have almost 74 years worth of memories stored in my brain. In practice an awful lot have disappeared. Apart from isolated & disjointed incidents, most of my childhood has gone, but in all honesty I never could remember that much of it.

Similarly, although I remember more, much of my adolescence is locked away in my memory banks. When I talk to people who knew me, they remember so much more than I do.

What I don't know is whether this inability to recall a lot of my life means that my brain is full to overflowing with more important things, or whether my memory of my life is just poor. On the whole I think it's partly because I don't look back - I prefer to look forward.

We are all shaped by our life experience, but what has happened has gone. We should try to remember the lessons life teaches us though. I do know, now I'm old, the things I didn't do well. I realise I wasn't understanding enough to parents & parents in law. I was too wrapped up in my own life, my family, my social life, my work. There was an actual distance but also a metaphorical one. Now I feel that in some ways my life is mirroring that of my mother & mother in law. Maybe it's Karma. Maybe "T'was ever thus."

Looking forward into the new year we all think about the things we would like to change. I realise that I can only change things I am in control of. I also realise that the things I can control are very few. So I don't make resolutions.

There are things I would like to achieve in my remaining years. I would like to have more time, but am aware that my time may come to an end at any moment, so I need to use it well. I have books to read & creative things to do for myself. I really want to do my bit to change the world, to make it a fairer & more just place, to stem the tide of destruction that humans are creating.

Whatever I as an individual do will only be a small ripple in the cosmos. But if enough people understand that collectively human beings are very powerful then we might avoid the tsunami of destruction which is hovering out in the sea of life. Enough very informed & intelligent people are now looking forward & telling us what is on the brink of happening.

If we don't heed that collective voice & take action, then life in the future will be very different for our children & grandchildren. Their memories of us will not be positive ones. They may not have a good future to look forward to.

 

  

Cannabis & Chronic Pain (Fibromyalgia) - 2

I've been taking the Endoca raw hemp oil capsules, 1500mg CBD + CBDa, for a couple of weeks now. I took it on alternate nights for the first week. Now I take it every night. I stopped taking the last Gabapentin tablet I took before bed. I didn't want to take both at the same time.

It's always difficult to be accurate about the absence of symptoms. I think I may be sleeping for longer periods between the pain waking me up & having to change position.

But, if I have a more energetic day it doesn't seem to help at all. A couple of days ago I did a lot more walking than I would normally do. If I get to the point where walking is a huge effort & quite painful, I suffer more for days afterwards. So getting to sleep was very difficult because the pain was too intense, & now, even a couple of days later, it is very uncomfortable to walk. Sometimes it just isn't possible to pace yourself, you run the batteries completely flat & the muscles scream.

Having said all of that I have had chronic pain & fatigue for years, so it isn't reasonable to expect it all to go away in a few weeks. I have bought 3 months supply of the Endoca. I hope by the time I have taken it for that long I will see a real benefit.

I do believe that pain control is something that the NHS should be able to do a lot more effectively. It should not be beyond modern medicine to give sufferers real relief. For people with my type of pain it is like a black shadow constantly stalking us & inhibiting our lives, which is visible only to us. The world sees us as completely normal & it is really difficult to explain how our lives are dominated by pain.

Fibromyalgia is thought to be more common than statistics report, since many people do not seek medical help, or are misdiagnosed. There may be around 1.5-2 million people in the UK with fibromyalgia. 

https://www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/articles/condition/fibromyalgia

 

Brexit - Political Complexity

I am really fed up with the whole Brexit debacle.

I think we were misled & even lied to, by Conservative politicians who had their own agenda, which wasn't, in any way, shape, or form, in the best interests of the country. The referendum was purely & simply a ploy to try to sort out the polarised factions in the Conservative party. It failed miserably.

That said, things have got immesurably worse, with the whole Houses of Commons & Lords divided. As is the country at large. So I have to now come to the conclusion that this is a massive lesson, both to the electorate & their representatives, that the existing party political democratic system is completely broken.

Few people can agree on any aspect of the situation we are now in. Hardly anyone really understands the complexities of the process & possible outcomes. Everything following the vote has been pure speculation. So called experts on both sides of the argument are trotted out daily to give their view on what has happened, what might happen & what should happen.

Media airtime & print journalists have used up all the news oxygen expounding their personal views. Boring & repetetive, entrenched, politicians repeat the same partisan mantras over & over. Possibly one of the worst ones is the prime minister. Resiliant & dogged she may be but she is also completely without charisma & real understanding. No policies or issues other than Brexit are being dealt with effectively. Brexit is costing the UK £500 million a week - or £26 billion per annum, according to research by the Centre for European Reform. Who knows how much it will cost after whatever the conclusion of the negotiation turns out to be.

We have to get to grips with the fact that life in the 21st Century is unbelievably complex & difficult to negotiate. It isn't only the UK which is not functioning well. In a way politicians have a thankless & difficult task. One wonders why they actually want to do it. At the moment we are floundering dangerously in a rough sea of our own devising. We really need a new system of government, not this short term way of looking at complex issues, which is based on the present encumbents retaining power.

I do think that a lot of what has happened was predictable. It was never going to be easy to come out of the EU. It was always going to be a thorny road to negotiate. But our government was full of hubris. Well, we are the ones who have paid & will pay the price & I think whatever happens now, it has been a price we could not afford to pay.

   

Cannabis & Chronic Pain (Fibromyalgia)

I have just had delivery of some very expensive capsules of CBD oil from a European company called Endoca. Cannabis is known to help with pain relief, but is illegal in the UK & I don't happen to know any drug dealers. It supposedly helps with conditions like Fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is thought to trigger something called central sensitisation, which means your body starts to get overly sensitive and the brain reacts, registering pain from things that normally wouldn’t hurt. Because the pain is chronic, day & night, it results in chronic fatigue as well. Broken sleep because you can't get to sleep or because of pain waking you up makes a distressing cycle.

The problem with prescribed pain medication is that it tends to stop working so you have to take more & more. I have taken everything from Paracetamol, (useless) to Amitryptilene (makes you zombie like), to Morphine (too addictive & a b..... to come off). There is no magic bullet in my experience.

What does work is alternative medicine, but you have to find the right one for you. Accupuncture worked, but only temporarily. Osteopathy & Chiropractic helps, but again the benefit doesn't last long, so it's expensive & temporary. I go to a practitioner every fortnight which costs me £1,248 annually.

I found relaxation & self hypnotism helped. Meditation is also good, but can be difficult because sitting in one position can be painful.

The main thing that helps me is swimming. 36 lengths - (1/2 a mile), 35 minutes, 4-5 times a week if I can fit it in. I get into a rhythm which is meditative. My mind focuses on that stroke, that length & nothing else. It helps with range of movement in my shoulders & keeps me mobile. Like all exercise it releases endorphins. However dreadful I feel beforehand, by the time I have finished I feel much better.

A Systematic Review released in 2015 concluded that - "Chronic pain affects between one-third and one-half of the population of the UK, corresponding to just under 28 million adults, based on data from the best available published studies. This figure is likely to increase further in line with an ageing population".

In my experience Medics simply are not coping with this, or alleviating the pain & fatigue which is so prevalent. The Government & Dept of Health & Social Care do not treat this as a priority. They all tolerate the pain epidemic.

So back to the start - I'm trying cannabis. I need something to really work for pain & let me have a reasonable nights sleep. You can't buy this quality CBD oil in the UK, but fortunately it isn't illegal. The thing is I can afford it & was recommended to try it by an acknowledged expert in the field - Professor Mike Barnes, a Consultant neurologist. Lots of people would find it too expensive.

I really hope it works because I haven't got anything else in my pain toolkit to try.

 

The Golden Section - Fibonnacci Numbers

Given that, at best, I'm an agnostic, the Golden Section/Ratio/Mean - Fibonnacci Numbers give me pause for serious thought. I can't believe in the main tenets of Christianity though. I don't believe in God, that Jesus was the son of God, or the in Virgin Birth.

However, I simply can't believe that something as wonderful as the Golden Section can be as universal in all aspects of the Universe by chance. Artists have produced beautiful paintings.

Architects have designed wonderful buildings,

The natural world is crammed full of divergent examples of living things based on the Golden Section.

 

Even our faces & our bodies follow the Golden Section.

 

How can you see all this evidence of some sort of divine plan & believe that the universe & everything on it just happened randomly? Maybe I'll find out - eventually.

(Sorry about the spacing - I don't seem to be able to alter it!)

Eeyores & Negativity

Generally speaking I am optimistic & positive. I don't worry about what might happen - I accept the worst case scenario, but in my experience it hardly ever happens. Life has a way of sorting itself out. Sometimes what you think is the best outcome isn't & what actually happens opens up new possibilities you hadn't thought of.

Perhaps because of that I find negativity very difficult to deal with. I am impatient with Eeyores, I find them too draining.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQI0E1WCLMU

In my experience Eeyores are impossible to argue with & therefore it is a waste of my time to try. Whatever life experience has made them into the people they are, must have been too strong a lesson to counteract. Trying to encourage positivity or counteract the weight of pessimism & obsession with self has too much of an effect on my life to be a worthwhile activity.

That may sound harsh. I accept that. But now life is literally too short to do what I used to - Listen & sympathise for ages. Offer alternative ways of looking at the situation. Suggest actions which may help.

Eeyores just want to download. They are really not interested in solutions. Their belief system is entrenched to such an extent that now I am just cutting to the chase & accepting my limitations to help.

In this complex world of real problems I need positivity & hope.

Death - Life is more than just breathing

 

A friend from my Grammar school 6th form days has died. She is the first one of my close contemporaries to go. We haven't seen eachother for almost 50 years, but I am still really sad because we meant a lot to eachother at that time in our lives when everything was opening up in front of us & we were young & enthusiastic to grasp it all.

Now at the tail end of my life, with people I know leaving - permanently, I know how important it is to value good friends & family. I know that love & friendship isn't about the gifts you give for birthdays & Christmas. It isn't about who has what - who has been a success & who hasn't. 

It's quite simple really, it's all about time. Friendship & love costs nothing. It should be freely given. "Listen" & "Silent" are spelled with the same letters. There are appropriate times for both. What people need is other people to really listen to them & be able to be silent in an engaged & loving way.

All too often we are so wrapped up in the tumult of our own lives, a lot of it actually not that important, that we aren't properly "there" for the people who love us & need us.It is shaming that in our modern, civilised world lonliness is endemic in all demographic groups.

We all die. We are all dying right now. In philosophical terms we all do die alone. But to actually be alone when you die must be dreadful in the true sense of that word. I don't think that happened to my friend.

I'm not afraid of dying. I am afraid of how I die.  

Remembrance & Commemoration

Remembrance - the action of remembering the dead.
Commemoration - a ceremony or celebration in which a dead person or past event is remembered.

Remembrance Sunday is held in the United Kingdom as a day "to commemorate the contribution of British and Commonwealth military and civilian servicemen and women in the two World Wars and later conflicts"

I was born in January 1945. Armistice day for World War 2 was the 14th of August. This year we have just "celebrated" 100 years since Armistice day for World War 1.

Although we say there has been peace since 1945, that is open to debate. In fact, according to my first source, there have been 14 wars up to & including Afghanistan which supposedly ended in 2014.
https://www.infoplease.com/timelines/major-military-operations-world-war-ii

The Imperial War Museum adds to that:-

The Kenya Emergency, 1952–1960
The Suez Crisis, 1956
The Malayan Emergency, 1948–1960
The Aden Emergency, 1963–1967
The Troubles, 1968–1998
The Falklands War, 1982
The Gulf War, 1990–1991
The Bosnian War, 1992–1995
The Kosovo War, 1998–1999
The Global War on Terrorism, 2001–2013
https://www.iwm.org.uk/history/timeline-of-20th-and-21st-century-wars

Encyclopaedia Britannica adds:-
The 2nd Congo war
The Syrian Civil war
The Darfur conflict
The war against Boko Haram
The Yemeni civil war
The Ukraine conflict
https://www.britannica.com/list/8-deadliest-wars-of-the-21st-century

I wonder if I've missed anything out?

My point is that although I can see the point of remembering, the single lesson of this history of the last 73 years, which just happens to be my lifespan, I can't see a reason to commemorate or celebrate it. So what is the lesson? That war doesn't work. That millions, upon millions, are killed or maimed. That millions, upon millions, have their lives utterly destroyed. Millions, upon millions, of those are women & children. Whole cities & countries are reduced to rubble.

I think we should think deeply now about what Remembrance should be about. To my mind it should not just be about our wars & our soldiers. It should be about everyone, male & female, adult & child, combatant & non combatant, winners or losers, whatever nationality & country.

Maybe then we might finally start to work towards accepting that war is the biggest failure of mankind. We could actually try to find different ways to deal with conflict. Wars are generally about Place, Power, Poverty & Beliefs.

If we don't find another way all that destruction & death isn't worth a candle in a dark room.

    

Buyer Beware / Caveat Emptor

I am seriously p...... off.

I'm old enough to remember when anything you bought had a price. You could either afford it or you couldn't. If you couldn't you could borrow on Hire Purchase. Mortgage deposits were 2.5 times your salary & even professional women's salaries couldn't be counted. Credit cards didn't exist, but you could talk to your local bank manager and try to negotiate a loan. Basically ordinary working people saved up to buy things & went without if they didn't have the money. Second hand was commonplace. We weren't ashamed to be given furniture by friends & family, younger children were used to hand me down clothes.

Things have changed, sometimes for the good. Often for worse.

What p..... me off is the fact that there is a business culture of ripping off the public, charging excessive amounts if they can get away with it, not valuing customer loyalty.

Everything you buy, unless it's unique, can vary enormously in price. For example - I am about to have a stair lift fitted. The variation between the three quotes I got was hundreds of pounds. The highest quote was from Age Concern, who are in partnership with a stair lift company, (for the identical stairlift). I don't mind donating to a charity, but not when that donation is hidden within a commercial transaction.

Every time I renew anything, insurance, phone & broadband, energy, bank accounts - Or when I buy anything, big or small - holidays, white goods, TV's... I have to check to see whether I'm paying a reasonable price. I have to spend a considerable ammount of time, usually on line on comparison sites, checking what I should be paying.

There are specific sites to do this, Money Supermarket, Money Saving Expert, uSwitch, Which....All of whom make money out of helping us to buy something without getting ripped off.

Why on earth have we reached this point where the consumer needs advice & protection from everyone who sells us anything? "Buyer Beware" has never been more relevant.

Why are the public treated with so little respect by big companies for whom the bottom line is everything? All they are really interested in is paying shareholders big enough dividends so that they won't query the excessive salaries the top management are paying themselves.

The world has become enslaved to big business. Politicians are lobbied hard & a lot of money is spent ensuring that what the business world wants it gets. The consumer is a very small & insignificant cog in the wheel of commerce. The balance of power is weighted against ordinary people.

Now our consumerism is seriously damaging our world. We, all, created this mess.

Weekends

When I was working, weekends were a welcome respite from the stresses of what seemed at times to be an impossible balancing act. Being a Headteacher from  the late 70's to the early 90's seemed at times like being a hamster on a wheel or a juggler keeping plates spinning in the air. By the time I left I was completely burnt out, as were so many of my colleagues. Things don't seem to have improved for teachers now, more than 25 years later.

The two days of a weekend were the time to catch up with everything that needed to be done as a wife & mother. There was no time or energy left during the week to do anything other than simply just keep the show on the road.

Retrospectively I have often wondered whether that commitment to what is essentially just a job, which required that pace of life, was worth the price. I don't think it was, but it was expected. By everyone - parents, teachers, Governors, Politicians, the public & the media. But most of all by all of us working at the chalk face of teaching. With very few exceptions we knew, that each child needed the best education possible throughout their educational life.

That model of work as a vocation doesn't just apply to teaching. Today the "work life balance" simply doesn't exist for huge numbers of people in a wide variety of jobs. Things have got worse, job security has disappeared in a puff of smoke. Wages have stagnated for years. There are food banks because even those in work cannot afford to feed their families. The pressures on people to do whatever it takes to keep a job must be immense. The pressures on single parent families must be even worse.

Weekends should be a time for relaxation, for fun, for doing things together with the people you love. All too often that isn't possible. Batteries don't get recharged. People are so busy doing the things they have to do they are almost as driven as they are when they are at work.

Human beings were not made to operate at full throttle all the time. It isn't healthy. Look at so called less "civilised" societies. They are much more communal. They are less individualistic & certainly are less materialistic. In my travels in Africa, the Middle East, Asia & South America I would say they have a capacity for simple happiness that we have sadly lost.

Bring back relaxed weekends & a better work life balance I say. Ironically now I'm retired my weeks seem just as busy, but in totally different ways. Weekends do seem to be an oasis of calm, with nothing much happening.

How to Destroy the World Biosphere & everything in it in 2 Easy Lessons

Man has the capacity for great good & great evil. Human beings have been given treasures beyond compare, a world of huge diversity & beauty. Carefully husbanded & equally shared it should support life for all the billions of people who inhabit our world.

Perversely, we are destroying it, ourselves & our Biosphere. Wars, poverty & famine are everyday news items. But it is the wanton & knowing destruction through our pollution of our world which is really frightening & heart rending. This is what has the capacity to ultimately destroy all of us.

Watch "Drowning in Plastic" and tell me I'm wrong.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bmbn47

Watch "Fashions Dirty Secret" and tell me I'm wrong.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0bn6034/stacey-dooley-investigates-fashions-dirty-secrets

 

 

We knew smoking kills & we did something about it.

We knew drink driving kills & we did something about it.

Both came down to individuals' choice to change behaviour & to government legislation. It worked, so don't tell me there is nothing you personally can do. I believe we have reached the tipping point. There is no time to prevaricate. Comprehensive action needs to happen NOW.

Our desire for more & more "stuff", for constant change, multiple choice & self gratification has led to this. The most uninhabited & inacessible parts of the world are now contaminated by our demands & the recklessness of multinational companies. Plastic is literally everywhere, the furthest poles & the deepest oceans. Rivers are so contaminated they kill. The air we breathe is beyond safe levels.

I've got a limited time left, but my grandchildren could live for 70 or more years. What in gods name is their legacy from us. A toxic world - Complete self destruction. And it won't take anything like 70 years.

We have more access to information than anyone ever has. We cannot pretend we didn't know. We are a throw away society & we are doing just that - Throwing away our world & everything in it.

We must be completely mad.

The NHS, Ageing & Me

I've just checked in my diary - This year I have had a lot of private medical appointments:

• 19 with my Osteopath for pain
• 4 with a Hypnotherapist also for pain
• 4 with my Podiatrist
• 6 with my Dentist, routine & a crown
• 6 with stairlift companies, which means I know I won't have to move house.

A total of  37 appointments which have cost goodness knows how much money. An average consult would be about £50, some are a lot more, Dentists for example. So I'm very lucky I can afford it. Many people can't.

I've also had 22 appointments with various NHS medics, Consultants, GP's, Nurse Practitioners, Physio's...

So, in total that is 59 appointments in 41 weeks to date. Easily more than one a week on average. Occasionally I have had as many as 4 appointments in one week. It feels as if my life has been taken over by my medical conditions. When you include travelling time it certainly takes up a lot of time more or less every week.

I take 9 pills a day, which are free. I've no idea how much that costs. An appointment with a GP apparently costs the NHS £22.60. I think out patients appointments cost £120 according to the 2016/17 NHS Reference Costs data:-
https://improvement.nhs.uk/documents/1972/1_-_Reference_costs_publication_VSnAQ5x.pdf

My point is that having spent my life being a "low maintenance woman" I am now anything but. Keeping me well maintained & "on the road" is getting very expensive, both to me & the NHS. It isn't going to get any cheaper or less time consuming either. Swimming 4 - 5 times a week to keep my range of movement & mobility is another regular time consumer, although very enjoyable too.

I am not alone. My demographic, the "baby boomers" are alive, relatively well & well off & living longer. In 2016 there were 5million people in their 70's in the UK. Survival rates to 70 have increased to 78%. We are set to cost the country quite a lot of money because the NHS has the means to keep us alive. Whether the quality of life is worth that cost is another matter.

As for me I'm grateful for a NHS notionally free at the point of need to everyone. In my experience that is getting ever more difficult to provide. I have seen the cracks in the system. I have also seen the Politicians tinkering with creeping privatisation & the difficulties experienced by hard pressed medics.

If the NHS is to continue with it's unique USP into the 21st century it needs both a radical overhaul & more money.

Tourism - The Benefits?

In the interests of balance I decided to write this although I'm not the BBC so I'm allowed to be biased!

The main benefits of tourism I can see are the increase in GDP for the destination country & the increase in jobs for local people.

The economic & general benefits of income from tourism could be:-

• Generating foreign exchange.
• Creating new employment opportunities & growing the service sector.
• Stimulating trade and entrepreneurship – especially in small business sectors.
• Developing infrastructure and services e.g. new roads and airports.
• Increasing regional development – particularly in isolated areas.
• Generating greater collection of taxes and revenues.
• Investing income in developing education, health, clean water, sanitation & recreational facilities.
• Protecting natural attractions & local culture.
• Providing opportunities for recreation.
• Encouraging better international relations & cultural exchange. 

The trick is to ensure that income from tourism provides these benefits without the destructive downside in my last Blog. This requires properly elected, democratic, Governments with the best interests of their people at heart to utilise the income properly. Sadly in my experience in Africa, the Middle East & Asia those Governments are thin on the ground. Corruption is rife. The people benefit relatively little from the influx of hoards of tourists & their cash. Most tourists are pitifully unaware of the best way to ensure that their sterling & dollars get into the hands of the people who need it.

So, when you get down to it, we, the relatively wealthy tourists, need to make sure we are better informed. We need to make the effort to support small local businesses directly. For example, instead of staying in your huge "all inclusive" hotel, stay in a small local one. There's nothing wrong with 3*. Don't stay ghettoised eating every meal in 4 or 5*  internaltional restaurants. Be brave, leave your big hotel & eat in the delightful local restaurant where you will get fresh, proper, local food,. which is also usually very cheap.

You watch all the travel documentaries - So put what you learn into practice.