Ray Asher - Living & Dying.

What is a "good life" or a "good death"?

My friend Ray died this week. He was in his 80's & he had Alzheimers. It not only affected his memory - very hard to cope with for someone who had been a scientist working at Harwell. It also affected his ability to speak & swallow. He lived alone & felt lonely, anxious, depressed & pessimistic. What medics call your "quality of life" really wasn't up to much. It's hard to think that his death is anything other than a blessing. At least he was in hospital and not alone.

I think that we, as individuals & as a society, really don't deal with end of life issues at all well. According to Age UK in the UK population there are:-


 Over 23.2 million people aged 50 years and over - over a third of the total UK population.
 14.9 million people aged 60 and above.
 1.5 million people are aged 85 or over.
 More people aged 60 and above than there are under 18.
 The number of centenarians has risen by 72% over the last decade to 14,450 in 2014.
www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Factsheets/Later_Life_UK_factsheet.pdf?

It's a huge problem & will get worse. We do not have the facilities or people to deal with it now, never mind as it grows exponentially in the future. We are literally condeming enormous numbers of people to, at it's worst, a living hell of slow death.

My generation cannot rely on our children to look after us as we looked after our own parents. It is arguable that we shouldn't expect them to be our carers & many don't live near enough to do it even if they want to. However independent we are as individuals we will probably need help. That's fine if you are lucky enough to be able to pay for it, although there simply aren't enough well trained people to do the caring now.

I'm 71 & frankly, although I'm not afraid of dying, I am afraid of how I die. I have done everything I can to be safe in my home & manage my life. I wear an alarm for example. I am computer literate. I pay people to clean for me, maintain my house, do my financial stuff. I am as aware as I can be of the hazards of living alone with chronic health conditions, so I plan for the future. Not everyone can do that.

This is a political as well as a health issue. There needs to be action & financing now to ensure that all people are cared for effectively at the end their lives in a dignified way. We, as a society, should have a frank discussion about what services we want when we are old & infirm & how we are going to finance them. There will obviously be constraints, but it shouldn't be difficult to agree the basics - effective pain relief, adequate nutrition, a warm, comfortable, safe, environment. It would be nice if we could also provide human company & stimulation & a regime to keep us mobile & as fit as possible.

If we want to call ourselves a civilised society we should be taking proper care of the most vulnerable - The very young as well as the very old. Other European countries do it much more effectively than we are at the moment. It isn't even being adequately discussed & planned for. There is far too much reliance on family, friends & charities.That is a huge cost to them all, not just financial. It isn't sustainable & it doesn't begin to meet the need.

I'm just hoping for a quick death before real senility & disability set in & I hope Ray is in a better place.