Bereavement & Anniversaries

It would have been my 50th wedding anniversary in July. Within the space of 3 weeks I remember my husbands accident, death, funeral & birthday. He would have been 74 this year. I've tried not putting the dates in my diary, but I do want to mark the days. It isn't actually a question of remembering, I do that in some way most days.

I have friends who have never married or had a live in relationship. I have friends who are separated or divorced. I have friends who have been married  for years, some as many as me. But I don't currently have any friends whose life partner has died & who would "get it".

However sympathetic & empathetic friends & family are I really don't think it is possible for them to comprehend what it's like to suddenly lose, permanently, someone who you have spent most of your adult life life with. David & I met when I was 17 & in the 6th form. We had been together for 47 years when he died. That's a lot of shared experience of good times & bad. You really do know eachother extremely well.

It's very hard to describe what it is like to have a huge presence in your life who isn't actually present. It's not morbid, sentimental or self pitying. It's just the reality.

It has quite often been brought home to me that some people do have expectations that you will "move on". And you do. You deal with the fall out. You manage your own life on your own, however difficult that is. You have no option. You do change & adjust to new circumstances, often with the help of good friends. But ultimately you have to find the resources within yourself, because most of the time you are by yourself.

You open the door on silence & close the door on the world when you go home. If there are joys or problems you can't share them.

I feel desperately sorry for the close family of the young MP Jo Cox who was murdered yesterday. At least I had a decent length of time for my marriage. We did grow old together & both saw our only child grow up. Her husband will be devastated & will have to cope with the glare of publicity & a trial. I hope he has a supportive family & good friends, who are also grieving, to help him adjust & make a new life. I didn't know her but she seems to have been a wonderful person who could have achieved much & who will be missed. No one will miss her more than her husband & children.