Significant Days

Mothering Sunday has been & gone. Easter is about to arrive. Three of my close friends have just had birthdays. Then there is Fathers day, Christmas, New Year, Anniversaries of  Weddings & Funerals.......et al. Each of these days has a special significance for someone, somewhere & there are many more in different cultures. It makes me ponder on why we humans feel the need to mark "special days". I think you have to put religious festivals to one side, it's too complicated to analyse why some people feel the need for religious faith.

My life is really not hugely impacted by significant days. I don't think it ever has been. Probably because if I'm honest I can't remember ever having a wonderful birthday or Christmas for a whole variety of reasons which would give a psychoanalyst a field day. In truth they are days to get through.

I do have memories of special days which were memorable for both good and bad reasons. But by definition they are all in the past. They have gone. I don't feel the need to mark the day when my husband died, it's his loss in my life now that I feel - always. We should learn the lessons of history, but not cling to it.

As to what may be significant tomorrow, I might not be here. There is no point dwelling on it, although sometimes we do need to plan in advance. Worrying about what may happen is really pointless because statistically if you think of the worst case scenario or outcome it is unlikely to happen. So accept it might, but be hopeful that it won't. However organised we are though, something may well scupper the best laid plans.

So I am left with today. Now. This moment. That is the only certainty I have. I am here now. What am I doing with this time? Am I wasting it? (That's my Calvanistic, work ethic, mother speaking). Am I enjoying it? I'm not sure I really know how to let go completely & enjoy every moment. In fact I'm not sure that enjoyment is allowed. (My mother again).

You would really think that a woman approaching 70 would be reasonably at peace with the world. Would understand what makes people & life in general tick. But it isn't true. Within all of us is a child, which at times dominates the adult. Emotion takes over from rational thought. All we can really hope for is to know ourselves better as we pass through this microcosm of time.