I think I can definitely say that dis-ease is a constant in my life. Ease would be nice. Not sure I remember what it actually feels like.
Currently I'm feeling nauseous & fatigued because I'm gradually coming off all the pills the medics have prescribed like smarties. (Monitored by my GP). I have finally decided that as none of them seem to be stopping the considerable pain and stiffness there is little point in taking them. The issue I have with the way the NHS works is that they literally do operate a "suck it and see" policy for people like me with a whole range of chronic conditions. They fire bullets & hope that one will hit home, but bullets can kill you & drugs are toxins.
I have found, over the many years my body has baffled medical science, that doctors in general are very good at tolerating their patients pain. They have to be or they would have a complete emotional breakdown. However, for the patient this is bad news.
When I have an appointment with any medic I take an updated synopsis of my medical history, (a little shorter than "War & Peace" & not so entertaining). I also have bullet points of queries & concerns. I go prepared, so I try to ensure that there is an effective exchange of information and clarity.
The wheels of the monolith NHS do grind slowly though, unless you have an accident or a very serious illness. Because everything is supposedly done by testing & is evidence based there is a tendency to dismiss those who fall outside the accepted perameters. A consultant has just admitted to me that a very small percentage of people can fall outside the norms & still have the condition. This is the second time this has happened to me. Once with Hypothyroidism & now with Polymyalgia Rheumatica. The old fashioned way of diagnosing by symptomology seems to have fallen by the wayside.
I can't get out of bed in the morning because of stiffness & pain. I am sleep deprived because the pain wakes me up, or stops me from going to sleep. Walking to the ensuite or down / up stairs to have breakfast is an accident waiting to happen. I'm not going to die from this - whatever "this" is, but it is hampering my life 24/7. It is exhausting.
I want an accurate diagnosis & I want effective pain relief. I am by no means alone in these simple desires. Is it too much to ask?
Monday, 4 May 2015
Saturday, 2 May 2015
A Green Wall or a Moroccan Courtyard
In this house, the first one in my life which is truly mine alone, I seem to be fated and really very unlucky. The saga of my new Wren kitchen is well documented. Now it's the saga of my Courtyard.
I started off wanting a "green wall" & duly got a company, well a man actually, I really didn't see any signs of a company as such. I first contacted him in in August 2014. I paid him to come out and do a site visit. That should have resulted in a plan for the complicated fittings and watering system which supports the planting. Not unreasonably I think, I expected 3 things, a design for the underlying structure, a planting plan & a costing. Here we are 8 months and many excuses later and I don't have any of those. So the Green Wall bites the dust. I really can't go through that whole process again with another company.
So I expand on my Moroccan Riad courtyard idea.
I am developing depths of patience I never knew I had. Or maybe I'm just more cynical about the infinite possibilities of things going wrong & the unreliability of trades people & suppliers.
It will happen, but it should have been done weeks ago so I could be enjoying the planting now.
I started off wanting a "green wall" & duly got a company, well a man actually, I really didn't see any signs of a company as such. I first contacted him in in August 2014. I paid him to come out and do a site visit. That should have resulted in a plan for the complicated fittings and watering system which supports the planting. Not unreasonably I think, I expected 3 things, a design for the underlying structure, a planting plan & a costing. Here we are 8 months and many excuses later and I don't have any of those. So the Green Wall bites the dust. I really can't go through that whole process again with another company.
So I expand on my Moroccan Riad courtyard idea.
- Some minor electrical work resulting in a hole needing filling - what a botched job that was!
- Then a whole wall painted a terracotta shade of peachy orange - a bit risky, it's a very bright colour. A good job - hooray!
- Meanwhile an order for 2 large fiberglass plant troughs to sit on a ledge above a pre-existing water rill - badly packed by the supplier, lost by the carrier, then arriving with very damaged packaging. These things are the size of coffins, so not easy to wo/manhandle, but I did manage to get them out without having a heart attack & miraculously the troughs were OK.
- The "piece de resistance" is a specialist Moroccan tiled panel feature with a central polycarbonate mirror. The tiles have to be encaustic because of the possibility of frost damage.They come from the Netherlands - a bit risky you might say. How right you would be. Much excitement & anticipation when they arrived - They were completely the wrong colour. The border should have been a bright blue - think Mediteranian. They were darkish grey. Panic.
- What clout do you have if you have paid for something coming from abroad? Well if it's in the European Union you have quite a lot fortunately. Have you ever heard of the European Consumer Centre? Me neither. However apparently they are like Trading Standards for the whole EEC.
- The issue is that the colour of the tiles on the website in no way resembles the colour of the actual tile. I had asked for a sample tile to be sent but the company declined. I have finally got that point accross & agreed to pay for 2 alternative coloured tiles to be sent. I have to hope that one of those will be better & that the company will then arrange for the new tiles to be delivered & the old ones collected.
I am developing depths of patience I never knew I had. Or maybe I'm just more cynical about the infinite possibilities of things going wrong & the unreliability of trades people & suppliers.
It will happen, but it should have been done weeks ago so I could be enjoying the planting now.
Monday, 20 April 2015
A Comfortable Life
I live in a nice, comfortable, ridiculously expensive, house,
which is warm and secure. I have plenty of good food to eat, (with a
M&S just round the corner). I have friends & relatives who
love me and care about me, (I think). I have an enjoyable,
interesting and busy life, (a quiet day off would be good though). I
am financially secure, (despite the bankers & politicians). I
have chronic health conditions, but I'm not likely to die from
them just yet, (I hope). As a widow of 70 there is an absence of
sex, (but I can read in bed - a distinct pleasure). There has been no
War in the UK since I was born. Therefore I satisfy the majority of
Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Because of this I find it impossible to imagine or empathise with the circumstances which might make me leave everything I have to make a hugely dangerous journey to get to another land. How bad must life have to be to make so many refugees risk their lives in unseaworthy boats, sailed by criminals, who have no care whatsoever for human life. They have no compunction about killing their human cargo. The conditions on board are unimaginably dreadful & dangerous. Thousands have died.
Sailors from the EU risk their lives on a daily basis to rescue these poor unfortunate people. Thank goodness they do, but it must be hugely harrowing & desperately sad work which is never ending.
There must be more co-ordination between all countries in the affected areas. The burden must be shared effectively. We cannot be bean counters who count the financial cost. We are dealing with human lives which have been utterly & horrifically destroyed.
Surely we have no choice but to solve the underlying causal roots of the problem as well as the immediate, life threatening, problem of the flight from unbearable pain & fear, however much that costs?
Because of this I find it impossible to imagine or empathise with the circumstances which might make me leave everything I have to make a hugely dangerous journey to get to another land. How bad must life have to be to make so many refugees risk their lives in unseaworthy boats, sailed by criminals, who have no care whatsoever for human life. They have no compunction about killing their human cargo. The conditions on board are unimaginably dreadful & dangerous. Thousands have died.
Sailors from the EU risk their lives on a daily basis to rescue these poor unfortunate people. Thank goodness they do, but it must be hugely harrowing & desperately sad work which is never ending.
There must be more co-ordination between all countries in the affected areas. The burden must be shared effectively. We cannot be bean counters who count the financial cost. We are dealing with human lives which have been utterly & horrifically destroyed.
Surely we have no choice but to solve the underlying causal roots of the problem as well as the immediate, life threatening, problem of the flight from unbearable pain & fear, however much that costs?
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Flowers of Friendship & Passing Strangers.
Springtime - Blossom, flowers, bulbs, new shoots & buds. A time of sunshine & showers & opening up to the seasons to come. It's a metaphor for life.
The seasons of our lives mirror the seasons of a year stretched over how ever many years we are allotted. Although the signs of spring are all around me I am in the early winter of my life. So I ought to have learned a thing or two.
A garden is also a metaphor - for Friendship.
There are the many plants I have bought on a whim, which have faded and died because they were in the wrong soil or position or I didn't take enough care of them to get them established. Similarly with the passing friendships dotted through my life, which whithered & died, sometimes almost before they had begun.
Then there are the annuals, the passing strangers, which only last a season, but briefly give great pleasure. The seed packet is full of surprises. The possibility of renewal is always there because the seeds have been scattered. We never know when or if they are going to pop up again in our lives.
The perennials have put down strong roots. Provided their needs are met they last for years. So it is with long standing friendships. These are the plants which give structure to a garden & the friends who give structure to our lives. We can rely on them. We know where to find them & that they will always be there. They grow and flourish providing we don't take them for granted & we take care of them.
A neglected garden is a metaphor for a neglected life. We are the gardeners for both. We have the tools & the knowledge to keep them flowering & growing. It's sad that we often don't realise that we have to work at both, so they slowly become barren & full of the pervasive weeds of discontent.
The flowers of friendship are the most important things in lives as in gardens. We must take the time to cherish them.
The seasons of our lives mirror the seasons of a year stretched over how ever many years we are allotted. Although the signs of spring are all around me I am in the early winter of my life. So I ought to have learned a thing or two.
A garden is also a metaphor - for Friendship.
There are the many plants I have bought on a whim, which have faded and died because they were in the wrong soil or position or I didn't take enough care of them to get them established. Similarly with the passing friendships dotted through my life, which whithered & died, sometimes almost before they had begun.
Then there are the annuals, the passing strangers, which only last a season, but briefly give great pleasure. The seed packet is full of surprises. The possibility of renewal is always there because the seeds have been scattered. We never know when or if they are going to pop up again in our lives.
The perennials have put down strong roots. Provided their needs are met they last for years. So it is with long standing friendships. These are the plants which give structure to a garden & the friends who give structure to our lives. We can rely on them. We know where to find them & that they will always be there. They grow and flourish providing we don't take them for granted & we take care of them.
A neglected garden is a metaphor for a neglected life. We are the gardeners for both. We have the tools & the knowledge to keep them flowering & growing. It's sad that we often don't realise that we have to work at both, so they slowly become barren & full of the pervasive weeds of discontent.
The flowers of friendship are the most important things in lives as in gardens. We must take the time to cherish them.
Saturday, 4 April 2015
Cultural Indoctrination
I have been indoctrinated. Firstly by my parents, one British & one German. Secondly by my schools - all State Schools, luckily one a prestigious Grammar school. Also by my 3 years at college before starting the world of work as a Primary teacher. Religion has played it's part too, from Christianity, through Atheism, finally to Buddhism.
All of this indoctrination took place in urban England over 21 years. A lot of the indoctrination happened by osmosis through friends & neighbours as I grew up. Then there are the hundreds of books I have read & TV I have watched.
I didn't think of it as indoctrination. Mostly I didn't question it, except that I suspect I was a somewhat bolshie teenager who questioned authority & wanted to reform all sorts of things. I probably wasn't an easy & compliant daughter or proto adult. In fact that hasn't changed. I don't think there has been an institution I have worked for that I have not had issues with & wanted to reform. That could, just possibly, make me difficult to live or work with!
The thing is all of this is normal. We are all indoctrinated. It's just a roll of the dice who is doing the indoctrination & whether it is for good or bad. It's part of absorbing the cultural norms of the society we live in. It's the way societies pass on their values & children absorb them. Indoctrination is not necessarily bad.
Indoctrination is a powerful tool in the wrong hands. Like water on a stone it can wear away the sharp edges of different beliefs & make people conform to norms which are not acceptable. The brain is malleable. The learned behaviour can be for good or evil. If something is said often enough by a "teacher" or "figurehead" beliefs can be over printed & changed. History shows us that this process has repeated itself over and over again resulting in untold human suffering.
There never will be consensus of belief. It simply isn't possible because of all the different cultural norms. The only way it might happen is if we attach all children to something which trains their minds from a very early age. But who is to choose what the curriculum should be? That way is 1984 magnified & the "Thought Police" in charge.
We are fighting a war and truth is the battleground. What is truth? Whose truth? Is there any such thing as truth? We must do something. We cannot let extremists win. The good in the world cannot be subsumed by the bad. I for one just don't have a clue how we do that.
All of this indoctrination took place in urban England over 21 years. A lot of the indoctrination happened by osmosis through friends & neighbours as I grew up. Then there are the hundreds of books I have read & TV I have watched.
I didn't think of it as indoctrination. Mostly I didn't question it, except that I suspect I was a somewhat bolshie teenager who questioned authority & wanted to reform all sorts of things. I probably wasn't an easy & compliant daughter or proto adult. In fact that hasn't changed. I don't think there has been an institution I have worked for that I have not had issues with & wanted to reform. That could, just possibly, make me difficult to live or work with!
The thing is all of this is normal. We are all indoctrinated. It's just a roll of the dice who is doing the indoctrination & whether it is for good or bad. It's part of absorbing the cultural norms of the society we live in. It's the way societies pass on their values & children absorb them. Indoctrination is not necessarily bad.
Indoctrination is a powerful tool in the wrong hands. Like water on a stone it can wear away the sharp edges of different beliefs & make people conform to norms which are not acceptable. The brain is malleable. The learned behaviour can be for good or evil. If something is said often enough by a "teacher" or "figurehead" beliefs can be over printed & changed. History shows us that this process has repeated itself over and over again resulting in untold human suffering.
There never will be consensus of belief. It simply isn't possible because of all the different cultural norms. The only way it might happen is if we attach all children to something which trains their minds from a very early age. But who is to choose what the curriculum should be? That way is 1984 magnified & the "Thought Police" in charge.
We are fighting a war and truth is the battleground. What is truth? Whose truth? Is there any such thing as truth? We must do something. We cannot let extremists win. The good in the world cannot be subsumed by the bad. I for one just don't have a clue how we do that.
Friday, 3 April 2015
The Political Debate - The Language of Failure.
I haven't watched the TV Election Leaders Debates. I tend to tune out politicians when they speak. I think for all their PR people and advisors they actually don't know how to talk to voters in a meaningful way.
Everything is managed to the nth degree. There is nothing passionate or personal or honest in what they say. It isn't just that they don't answer simple questions with straightforward answers. Or even answer the actual question at all. It's really quite simple, it's all about real and meaningful words. Truth spoken from the heart of their personal beliefs & vision for the UK.
On the other hand we have created these political robots by our totally unrealistic expectations of what individual politicians can do. Is it reasonable or necessary to expect a normal human being to have a photographic memory of facts and figures? Is it actually possible to remember every relevant fact about your brief, whether you are a Minister or a Prime Minister? Of course not. It's as illogical as me learning by rote everything for A levels & then not using any of it in real life.
We need Politicians who have a vision of a fair, tolerant and reasonably prosperous society, which meets the needs of all it's citizens. They should be there because they have a burning desire to achieve that vision for the good of all of us and the World at large. They should be prepared to work with anyone who supports that vision.
It isn't about one person - the Prime Minister. It's about using all the skills, talents & commitment available. We should never have followed America into the Politics of Personality. I'm not interested in how a person looks on TV. I'm interested in the ability to take people forward to work towards a better United Kingdom.
What we have now is tribal wars, fought mostly by testosterone fuelled men who are avid for power and influence. The main players will compromise on anything to retain that power and influence & call it necessary negotiation for consensus.
We should take the politics out of Politics. But I fear we have gone too far down this road to turn back now. This isn't good decision making or democracy. This is shambolic lurching from right to left and back again.
I for one am sick of it all.
.
Everything is managed to the nth degree. There is nothing passionate or personal or honest in what they say. It isn't just that they don't answer simple questions with straightforward answers. Or even answer the actual question at all. It's really quite simple, it's all about real and meaningful words. Truth spoken from the heart of their personal beliefs & vision for the UK.
On the other hand we have created these political robots by our totally unrealistic expectations of what individual politicians can do. Is it reasonable or necessary to expect a normal human being to have a photographic memory of facts and figures? Is it actually possible to remember every relevant fact about your brief, whether you are a Minister or a Prime Minister? Of course not. It's as illogical as me learning by rote everything for A levels & then not using any of it in real life.
We need Politicians who have a vision of a fair, tolerant and reasonably prosperous society, which meets the needs of all it's citizens. They should be there because they have a burning desire to achieve that vision for the good of all of us and the World at large. They should be prepared to work with anyone who supports that vision.
It isn't about one person - the Prime Minister. It's about using all the skills, talents & commitment available. We should never have followed America into the Politics of Personality. I'm not interested in how a person looks on TV. I'm interested in the ability to take people forward to work towards a better United Kingdom.
What we have now is tribal wars, fought mostly by testosterone fuelled men who are avid for power and influence. The main players will compromise on anything to retain that power and influence & call it necessary negotiation for consensus.
We should take the politics out of Politics. But I fear we have gone too far down this road to turn back now. This isn't good decision making or democracy. This is shambolic lurching from right to left and back again.
I for one am sick of it all.
.
Saturday, 28 March 2015
Care - less or Careless?
I read something about a Careless Driver recently. It is an offence and he was being sentenced
The fixed penalty for careless driving is now £100 with 3 points on the driver’s licence. The most serious examples will continue to go through court, where offenders may face higher penalties.
Statutory Limitations & Maximum Penalty:
On the other hand if we literally couldn't care less about anything we do, that seems to me to be more culpable. Any action or non action has a consequence. We need to be aware of that & take steps to avoid harm.
The young are said to be careless in that they are freer than when they are adults and aren't weighed down with the cares of their lives & the world. It does seem true that as we age cares weigh upon us more than they did when we were "footloose & fancy free".
How much should we care? The life of "carers" can be a hard one. Their lives have to be subsumed to the needs of others. Are we entitled to care less for them & care more for ourselves? Aren't we as important as those we care for?
I don't have the answers, but I do think maybe we use the term without thinking. Should we punish something which may have consequences which we did not intend & which to a certain extent we can't control or forsee. (Not just in the sphere of driving).
Can we be expected to care all the time, about everything? Don't we deserve the right to be carefree sometimes?
The fixed penalty for careless driving is now £100 with 3 points on the driver’s licence. The most serious examples will continue to go through court, where offenders may face higher penalties.
Statutory Limitations & Maximum Penalty:
- On indictment - 5 years imprisonment,
- On summary trial - 6 months imprisonment.
- Minimum mandatory disqualification -12 months.
- Mandatory endorsement 3 -11 points.
- Discretionary re-test (s.36(4) RTOA 1988
On the other hand if we literally couldn't care less about anything we do, that seems to me to be more culpable. Any action or non action has a consequence. We need to be aware of that & take steps to avoid harm.
The young are said to be careless in that they are freer than when they are adults and aren't weighed down with the cares of their lives & the world. It does seem true that as we age cares weigh upon us more than they did when we were "footloose & fancy free".
How much should we care? The life of "carers" can be a hard one. Their lives have to be subsumed to the needs of others. Are we entitled to care less for them & care more for ourselves? Aren't we as important as those we care for?
I don't have the answers, but I do think maybe we use the term without thinking. Should we punish something which may have consequences which we did not intend & which to a certain extent we can't control or forsee. (Not just in the sphere of driving).
Can we be expected to care all the time, about everything? Don't we deserve the right to be carefree sometimes?
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