Sex & Sensibility

Apologies to Jane Austin for messing with her title. She is wonderful on relationships.

It is not unusual to be in love or in lust with more than one person in a lifetime of relationships. It is not unusual to have several sexual partners, one night stands, or longer relationships which fail. According to studies, (& I have queries about the veracity some of the information because people lie & brag), 49% of people have had at least one one-night stand. Roughly 25% of people have sex weekly (long term / regular). Roughly 34.5% of young adults are in a relationship. 20% have had sex with someone whose name they didn't know. In a study of young adults (18-25), the average relationship length was nearly two years. Roughly 30% of Brits are sexually inactive, which can include both single people and those in relationships.

Sexual dynamics are nothing if not varied. When you talk about "normal" sex what do you mean? Is it the same as my interpretation or your partners? The term is subjective. Generally I think you are pretty safe with "consensual sexual activity between adults that is pleasurable & not harmful". It very much depends on your libido, your upbringing & your experience. Good communication & consent are vital. The danger is that this is blurred when one or both of the participants are drunk or on drugs. But discussing sexual needs, desires & "no go's" should be the norm. It doesn't need to be a long conversation!

When I was in my teens there was no sex education apart from diagrams in Biology. My mother thought that sex was a dirty word, something you have to tolerate as a woman. She certainly was never able to have a conversation about sex or relationships with me. My father felt it was nothing to do with him. We have moved on, but I still wonder if we are open enough about sex. There are still inhibitions & awkwardness, Brits are perceived to be more reserved about talking about it than Americans. In a 2022 survey 41% of men found it awkward to talk about sex, fantasies and desires with their partner. In the UK sex is generally seen as more casual compared to other countries like the USA. (Presumably because of the religious right wing). The stereotype of men constantly bragging about sexual conquests to their "buddies" exists, but is hopefully less than when I was a student, as we navigate a very different sexual arena 

Sex is a pleasurable activity.  During sex, your body releases a cocktail of "feel-good" hormones and neurotransmitters like Dopamine (pleasure / reward), Oxytocin (bonding / love), Endorphins (euphoria / pain relief) & Seratonin (mood), Prolactin (sleepiness),Adrenaline (energy / arousal). Chocolate is good, but not that good. 

We are more sexually liberated now & that is a good thing as long as our expectations are realistic & caring. Sexual gratification should be a two way street not a one way road. 

All of this said I do have a problem with sleeping around with anyone who is willing. It makes sex into a commodity. I certainly have a huge problem with the attitudes of some to women. Sex to my mind should at least involve liking if not love. It certainly should be respectful on the part of both participants. However women are just as capable of using men as men are of using women. I imagine it isn't unknown in the gay community either.