Ideally I'd like to just die quietly in my sleep. I don't fancy pain or a long lingering loss of function & quality of life. But we don't get to choose. We just do know it's going to happen, just not when & how. As friends & family die around us it reminds us of the inevitability.
I listened to Esther Ranzen this week. She has stage 4 lung cancer & is considering going to Dignitas if she wants to end her life. Because of her high profile there may well be a new free debate & vote on assisted dying in the UK. Personally I would welcome that & hope that it would pass into legislation.
In my youth I naively thought that I could control life. I know better now. But I do always have a choice in what I do or don't do. The choice may be difficult & coloured by the effect on other people, but it is essentially mine to make. The same is not true of my death. At the moment I have to put up with whatever happens & whatever medics can do about it.
The most important tenet for Medics is "First do no Harm." They want to do everything they can to make patients better. But that isn't always possible or what the patient wants or needs. The patient should be the centre of any decision making. They should be able to choose whether they want invasive treatment which may well not cure them, but just delay the inevitble & give a few extra weeks or months.
Tolerating pain, being disabled, having no quality of life & having to see the impact of that on people I love is not what I would want. It's not what a lot of people who are much more affected by illness than I am want either. As long as I am capable of making an informed decision I want to be able to exercise that right to live or die.
Actually I have tried to control my end as much as I can by leaving a Will, Power of Attorney & a Letter of Wishes. I've also done a "Pick & Mix" funeral list of music & readings I like & stipulated nothing religious. I drew the line at writing my own Eulogy though! But that isn't enough. I'm not sure that I would be able to commit suicide, I don't think I'm brave enough. But I would want to exit at a time & place of my own choosing if I had simply had enough.
At the moment I'm not allowed to do that. If I went to Dignitas it would have to be alone, so that my daughter didn't run the risk of prosecution. I just don't agree with the logic. I think this question has been kicked into the long grass for too long. It's in the "too difficult" box. We need to face up to this & find a caring way to deal with it.
The mere fact that I'm writing this now when I am relatively well & happy in my life shows that I am able to make a reasoned choice. That should be respected & it should not be beyond the wit of man to sort it out. It's cowardly not to.
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