Recently I have finally admitted to myself that I am old. Possibly having Covid really badly last Autumn is a factor in that. Also the fact that I have been widowed & living alone for 14 years now.
As I have aged I have had to adjust to the normal ageing that everyone experiences to some degree or other, both mental and physical. Nothing prepares you for this. It’s like having a baby, you can’t possibly anticipate what’s involved in the whole process until you experience it. In my case ageing has been complicated by the fact that I have had several chronic health conditions for decades.
I have changed as I have aged. I have become less emotional & volatile. Less black & white in my thinking. Calmer & more accepting. There is no point in fighting things that cannot be changed, like being solitary, being unable to do many things you once took for granted, being reliant on other people to do things that you can no longer do.
The decline in physical & mental capability is frustrating. Your independence ebbs away. If you are fortunate you can pay people to do the things that you cannot. So I have a regular cleaner & gardener. Intermittently I need various trades people. One of the frustrations is that it isn’t just a question of affordability. You have to be prepared to wait, often quite a long time for them to be available. I used to be someone who wanted things to be done yesterday. Now I patiently wait & relinquish any control. I find it really hard to ask family or friends for help. They have busy lives of their own & most of my real friends live a long way away. Certainly there are no neighbours I could rely on.
Ageing has led to introspection & reflection. I think this happens to most old people. I look back & understand the things that I could have done better. I do think that I did the best I could at the time, but that sometimes wasn’t good enough because I didn’t have the experience that I do now.
I now understand that my younger self was very wrapped up in my husband & child, my professional career, my social life. Life was extremely busy, there weren’t enough hours in the day. At times it was quite stressful keeping all the plates spinning. I find myself thinking about my elderly parents & parents in law. I feel that if I had known what I know now about being old & alone I could have been more understanding & helpful, although it was complicated by the fact that they lived over a hundred miles away.
Society has changed a lot in my lifetime, possibly more in the South East than other areas in the UK. I was born the year the second world war ended. Coming from a working class background in Birmingham to being middle class in Oxford has been a difficult adjustment. Behaviour & expectations are very different here, now, to the way I was brought up.
Getting old is not easy in the UK. Many old people are isolated, lonely & infirm. Our society does not care for, or respect, it’s aged in the way that may other countries do. I’m thinking of Mediterranean countries, Scandinavian countries & Japan & China for instance.
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/our-impact/policy-research/loneliness-research-and-resources/
http://data.ageuk.org.uk/loneliness-maps/england-2016/
Demographics mean that the problems associated with ageing are going to increase. We need to be better at dealing with them.
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