Disagreement & Conflict

Apparently there are five main causes of conflict;-

• Information conflicts - people have different or insufficient information, or disagree over what is relevant.

• Values conflicts - people have perceived or actual incompatible belief systems. A person or group tries to impose its values on others or claims exclusive right to a set of values or a way forward. 

• Interest conflicts -  competition over perceived or actual incompatible needs.

• Relationship conflicts -  caused by misperceptions, strong negative emotions, or poor communication. One person may distrust the other and believe that the other person’s actions are motivated by malice or an intent to harm the other.

• Structural conflicts - caused by oppressive behaviors exerted on others.

In order to resolve conflict there needs to be a respectful environment. Values may be non-negotiable, but they can & should be be discussed. People need to be able to live peacefully and coherently alongside each other. A real barrier to resolution & accommodation is belief that in order to satisfy ones own needs, those of the opponent must be sacrificed. Resolution can occur if each person has the opportunity to talk through the issues and respond to the other person’s concerns. If there is no dialogue this isn't possible. There needs to be "give & take" on both sides. One persons view & values should not dominate.

I have been a Magistrate & a member of the Independent Monitoring Board of a prison, so have a diverse experience of the Law & Justice. I have also been a Mediator, trained by the Quakers, which gave me experience of how difficult it can be to resolve disagreements & conflicts. 

In all that experience I have often been surprised at human behaviour & the outcomes of that behaviour. According to a Harvard study men are generally more aggressive & combative than women. Men are, on average, more outwardly aggressive than women. Women can be as angry, but are better able to control immediate impulsive responses to anger.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/12/science-of-anger-gender-age-personality

There has always been conflict. I doubt that will change in what is left of my life. Conflict & anger is damaging to everyone involved. It has physical & emotional repercussions. There are ways to resolve conflict;-

• Mediation - parties communicate with a neutral third party who makes a non-binding recommendation 
• Arbitration - parties commit to conform to the third party recommendation 
• Negotiation - parties engage in face-to-face talk. 

The difficulty is that everyone involved in the disagreement or conflict has to genuinely want to resolve the issue & reach a conclusion acceptable to all. No solution is possible without a genuine acceptance of differing points of view. 

Sadly, all too often one party is unable to "give an inch". In extremis wars result.