Looking Back & Looking Forward - Memory & Memories

Like many people of my age my memory isn't what it was. In theory I have almost 74 years worth of memories stored in my brain. In practice an awful lot have disappeared. Apart from isolated & disjointed incidents, most of my childhood has gone, but in all honesty I never could remember that much of it.

Similarly, although I remember more, much of my adolescence is locked away in my memory banks. When I talk to people who knew me, they remember so much more than I do.

What I don't know is whether this inability to recall a lot of my life means that my brain is full to overflowing with more important things, or whether my memory of my life is just poor. On the whole I think it's partly because I don't look back - I prefer to look forward.

We are all shaped by our life experience, but what has happened has gone. We should try to remember the lessons life teaches us though. I do know, now I'm old, the things I didn't do well. I realise I wasn't understanding enough to parents & parents in law. I was too wrapped up in my own life, my family, my social life, my work. There was an actual distance but also a metaphorical one. Now I feel that in some ways my life is mirroring that of my mother & mother in law. Maybe it's Karma. Maybe "T'was ever thus."

Looking forward into the new year we all think about the things we would like to change. I realise that I can only change things I am in control of. I also realise that the things I can control are very few. So I don't make resolutions.

There are things I would like to achieve in my remaining years. I would like to have more time, but am aware that my time may come to an end at any moment, so I need to use it well. I have books to read & creative things to do for myself. I really want to do my bit to change the world, to make it a fairer & more just place, to stem the tide of destruction that humans are creating.

Whatever I as an individual do will only be a small ripple in the cosmos. But if enough people understand that collectively human beings are very powerful then we might avoid the tsunami of destruction which is hovering out in the sea of life. Enough very informed & intelligent people are now looking forward & telling us what is on the brink of happening.

If we don't heed that collective voice & take action, then life in the future will be very different for our children & grandchildren. Their memories of us will not be positive ones. They may not have a good future to look forward to.

 

  

Cannabis & Chronic Pain (Fibromyalgia) - 2

I've been taking the Endoca raw hemp oil capsules, 1500mg CBD + CBDa, for a couple of weeks now. I took it on alternate nights for the first week. Now I take it every night. I stopped taking the last Gabapentin tablet I took before bed. I didn't want to take both at the same time.

It's always difficult to be accurate about the absence of symptoms. I think I may be sleeping for longer periods between the pain waking me up & having to change position.

But, if I have a more energetic day it doesn't seem to help at all. A couple of days ago I did a lot more walking than I would normally do. If I get to the point where walking is a huge effort & quite painful, I suffer more for days afterwards. So getting to sleep was very difficult because the pain was too intense, & now, even a couple of days later, it is very uncomfortable to walk. Sometimes it just isn't possible to pace yourself, you run the batteries completely flat & the muscles scream.

Having said all of that I have had chronic pain & fatigue for years, so it isn't reasonable to expect it all to go away in a few weeks. I have bought 3 months supply of the Endoca. I hope by the time I have taken it for that long I will see a real benefit.

I do believe that pain control is something that the NHS should be able to do a lot more effectively. It should not be beyond modern medicine to give sufferers real relief. For people with my type of pain it is like a black shadow constantly stalking us & inhibiting our lives, which is visible only to us. The world sees us as completely normal & it is really difficult to explain how our lives are dominated by pain.

Fibromyalgia is thought to be more common than statistics report, since many people do not seek medical help, or are misdiagnosed. There may be around 1.5-2 million people in the UK with fibromyalgia. 

https://www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/articles/condition/fibromyalgia

 

Brexit - Political Complexity

I am really fed up with the whole Brexit debacle.

I think we were misled & even lied to, by Conservative politicians who had their own agenda, which wasn't, in any way, shape, or form, in the best interests of the country. The referendum was purely & simply a ploy to try to sort out the polarised factions in the Conservative party. It failed miserably.

That said, things have got immesurably worse, with the whole Houses of Commons & Lords divided. As is the country at large. So I have to now come to the conclusion that this is a massive lesson, both to the electorate & their representatives, that the existing party political democratic system is completely broken.

Few people can agree on any aspect of the situation we are now in. Hardly anyone really understands the complexities of the process & possible outcomes. Everything following the vote has been pure speculation. So called experts on both sides of the argument are trotted out daily to give their view on what has happened, what might happen & what should happen.

Media airtime & print journalists have used up all the news oxygen expounding their personal views. Boring & repetetive, entrenched, politicians repeat the same partisan mantras over & over. Possibly one of the worst ones is the prime minister. Resiliant & dogged she may be but she is also completely without charisma & real understanding. No policies or issues other than Brexit are being dealt with effectively. Brexit is costing the UK £500 million a week - or £26 billion per annum, according to research by the Centre for European Reform. Who knows how much it will cost after whatever the conclusion of the negotiation turns out to be.

We have to get to grips with the fact that life in the 21st Century is unbelievably complex & difficult to negotiate. It isn't only the UK which is not functioning well. In a way politicians have a thankless & difficult task. One wonders why they actually want to do it. At the moment we are floundering dangerously in a rough sea of our own devising. We really need a new system of government, not this short term way of looking at complex issues, which is based on the present encumbents retaining power.

I do think that a lot of what has happened was predictable. It was never going to be easy to come out of the EU. It was always going to be a thorny road to negotiate. But our government was full of hubris. Well, we are the ones who have paid & will pay the price & I think whatever happens now, it has been a price we could not afford to pay.

   

Cannabis & Chronic Pain (Fibromyalgia)

I have just had delivery of some very expensive capsules of CBD oil from a European company called Endoca. Cannabis is known to help with pain relief, but is illegal in the UK & I don't happen to know any drug dealers. It supposedly helps with conditions like Fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is thought to trigger something called central sensitisation, which means your body starts to get overly sensitive and the brain reacts, registering pain from things that normally wouldn’t hurt. Because the pain is chronic, day & night, it results in chronic fatigue as well. Broken sleep because you can't get to sleep or because of pain waking you up makes a distressing cycle.

The problem with prescribed pain medication is that it tends to stop working so you have to take more & more. I have taken everything from Paracetamol, (useless) to Amitryptilene (makes you zombie like), to Morphine (too addictive & a b..... to come off). There is no magic bullet in my experience.

What does work is alternative medicine, but you have to find the right one for you. Accupuncture worked, but only temporarily. Osteopathy & Chiropractic helps, but again the benefit doesn't last long, so it's expensive & temporary. I go to a practitioner every fortnight which costs me £1,248 annually.

I found relaxation & self hypnotism helped. Meditation is also good, but can be difficult because sitting in one position can be painful.

The main thing that helps me is swimming. 36 lengths - (1/2 a mile), 35 minutes, 4-5 times a week if I can fit it in. I get into a rhythm which is meditative. My mind focuses on that stroke, that length & nothing else. It helps with range of movement in my shoulders & keeps me mobile. Like all exercise it releases endorphins. However dreadful I feel beforehand, by the time I have finished I feel much better.

A Systematic Review released in 2015 concluded that - "Chronic pain affects between one-third and one-half of the population of the UK, corresponding to just under 28 million adults, based on data from the best available published studies. This figure is likely to increase further in line with an ageing population".

In my experience Medics simply are not coping with this, or alleviating the pain & fatigue which is so prevalent. The Government & Dept of Health & Social Care do not treat this as a priority. They all tolerate the pain epidemic.

So back to the start - I'm trying cannabis. I need something to really work for pain & let me have a reasonable nights sleep. You can't buy this quality CBD oil in the UK, but fortunately it isn't illegal. The thing is I can afford it & was recommended to try it by an acknowledged expert in the field - Professor Mike Barnes, a Consultant neurologist. Lots of people would find it too expensive.

I really hope it works because I haven't got anything else in my pain toolkit to try.