The grumpy old woman in me says this is just a good capitalist wheeze to get people to spend money. However, I had a lovely day on Saturday, (yes I know it's Mothering Sunday!) Out of the blue my daughter phoned to arrange that we meet for lunch at Brewery Arts in Cirencester. I was touched that she thought of it & went to the trouble of finding somewhere that both we and the twins would enjoy. We even got chance to talk briefly while the boys enjoyed the exhibition of "Sensational Clay".
I really value the relationship I have with my daughter. I had a very difficult relationship with my mother. I couldn't wait to leave home & go to college, & got married as soon as I graduated. So I work hard not to make the same mistakes I think my mother did. She was very strict & controlling. I remember not being allowed to go out to play with the other children & being forced to practice the piano daily in the unheated front room which was freezing cold in winter. Even after I had gone to college I was expected to be home by 10pm in the vacations & I had to get permission to go out at all. She was also very demanding & felt that I owed her a debt of gratitude as her only child. Whatever I achieved was never enough.
Looking back as an adult, I can see that I was probably too rebellious & too much my own person to make her life easy. I also now realise that she was very unhappy for a variety of reasons. Being a German in the UK during the second world war had been very difficult for her & she became very paranoid in middle age. She & my father also had a lot of issues. He too could never be the person she wanted him to be. So basically I do think I understand her now better than I did as an adolescent & a young woman. I don't want to be the sort of mother she was, but I can now acknowledge that she probably did the best she was capable of.
I do still bear the mental scars though, and do my utmost not to have similar expectations of my daughter. I am a great believer in us being in a relationship of two adults. We both have our own lives to live & I am just really pleased that she seems to enjoy my company, as I do hers. I could never have had the sorts of conversations with my mother that I do with my daughter. I could never have socialised with her in the way that Maryon & I do.
I am the driven, Calvanistic work ethic, task oriented, A type personality she made me. Probably the good thing about that is that I had a successful career. The bad thing is that it led to a complete breakdown. But that taught me important lessons too, about valuing people & being kind to them & to myself. I am much more Zen like now as a result of life's experiences. Finally, I realise she is largely resonsible for a lot of my behaviour patterns laid down when I was a very young child. But I also realise that I have the ability to change the ones I need to.
We are each responsible for our own lives & how we treat others.
I really value the relationship I have with my daughter. I had a very difficult relationship with my mother. I couldn't wait to leave home & go to college, & got married as soon as I graduated. So I work hard not to make the same mistakes I think my mother did. She was very strict & controlling. I remember not being allowed to go out to play with the other children & being forced to practice the piano daily in the unheated front room which was freezing cold in winter. Even after I had gone to college I was expected to be home by 10pm in the vacations & I had to get permission to go out at all. She was also very demanding & felt that I owed her a debt of gratitude as her only child. Whatever I achieved was never enough.
Looking back as an adult, I can see that I was probably too rebellious & too much my own person to make her life easy. I also now realise that she was very unhappy for a variety of reasons. Being a German in the UK during the second world war had been very difficult for her & she became very paranoid in middle age. She & my father also had a lot of issues. He too could never be the person she wanted him to be. So basically I do think I understand her now better than I did as an adolescent & a young woman. I don't want to be the sort of mother she was, but I can now acknowledge that she probably did the best she was capable of.
I do still bear the mental scars though, and do my utmost not to have similar expectations of my daughter. I am a great believer in us being in a relationship of two adults. We both have our own lives to live & I am just really pleased that she seems to enjoy my company, as I do hers. I could never have had the sorts of conversations with my mother that I do with my daughter. I could never have socialised with her in the way that Maryon & I do.
I am the driven, Calvanistic work ethic, task oriented, A type personality she made me. Probably the good thing about that is that I had a successful career. The bad thing is that it led to a complete breakdown. But that taught me important lessons too, about valuing people & being kind to them & to myself. I am much more Zen like now as a result of life's experiences. Finally, I realise she is largely resonsible for a lot of my behaviour patterns laid down when I was a very young child. But I also realise that I have the ability to change the ones I need to.
We are each responsible for our own lives & how we treat others.
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