Relationships & Parallel Lines

Who would have thought that "chick lit" would give you a philosophical insight into relationships & the meaning of life? 

"I hate alone"

"That's all there is. You run on parallel lines. Overlapping sometimes, waving sometimes, but always alone." Joanna Trollope "Girl from the South"

I've always thought that life is essentially solitary. Even living with my parents & my husband. Even with friends. In one sense people are like dodgem cars. If you are lucky you bump into someone you want to be with, but it's basically random. Even if you are in what we weirdly call a relationship, you should retain your sense of the importance of self. All too often women don't. They subsume themselves into the relationship & the man. Then the children, who oddly seem to remain children all their lives. 

If women behave in a way accepted as fairly normal in a man - not putting others first, even being selfish. Refusing to always be the glue that holds a relationship together. Refusing to multi task & micro manage every aspect of todays complex life. Refusing to be the prime carer for the children & the partner - They are condemned.

There are very few truly egalitarian relationships. Even in a close, loving, partnership with children, things should be equally shared. The woman should be as completely free to do what she wants to do as the man. She should be able to leave the washing up in the sink & forget the washing & ironing. She shouldn't have to always decide what the next meal will be, shop for it & cook it. She should be able to make work her passion & focus if she wants to & hang out with colleagues after work.

Two people should be able to negotiate a good relationship that does run on parallel lines & allow both equal freedoms. There needs to be consideration of & care for others on both sides. But it seldom happens.

So relationships break down. The parallel lines move apart & go their separate ways, because either there was no negotiation, or the negotiation was broken by one or other party.

People end up alone. Even when it does work, being essentially alone within a relationship isn't so unusual. The thing humans don't seem to learn is that we shouldn't be dependent on someone else to be  ourselves or be content. 

Being alone is normal. Being alone isn't necessarily lonely. Being alone is being self sufficient, self confident, self sustaining, self motivating. Being alone is a natural state of affairs - Even when you think you aren't. Being Co-dependent is often used to describe relationships where a person is needy, or dependent upon, another person. A co-dependent relationship is when one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, usually needs to be needed.

Relationships can be wonderful & fulfilling. They can also be stifling & disfunctional. We all need the freedom & confidence to simply Be Truly Ourselves.