Complaining & Confrontation

Sometimes life makes you think. A couple of things have happened this week which have put me on the back foot. They involved people I care about & how they reacted to situations very differently to me.

Firstly lets be clear. If I think something is wrong I do confront it. That might mean that I just face up to the fact that it has happened & really think around it - What I said or did & what the other person said & did. Having done that I might talk the situation over with an uninvolved third party whose views I respect to try to put it into perspective.(That used to be my husband, but now he isn't around it's more difficult). Then I may or may not decide that I need to do something about it with the people actually concerned in the situation.

I suppose the latter solution is complaining. But I think it is the mature & adult way of trying to put things right. (Anyway is complaining a dirty word?) I also think that if you just ignore things which have upset, disappointed, offended, annoyed or outraged you, there is a danger that you become too passive & cowardly, rather than tolerant.

Should we really tolerate things which are wrong? That just seems to make them acceptable.

Just so you can get an understanding without me identifying anyone - If I pay for goods or services, I expect the provider to meet my reasonable expectations of their quality. If for some reason I am disappointed, I will decide whether to say something on the basis of how many things were wrong, whether there were good reasons for the fall in standards & whether other people might forseeably also be disappointed if they experienced the same thing. If the latter is the case then I feel one should flag up the problems to the provider, or they will just continue to exist. That is a justifiable complaint.

The point is that there are times when things need to be said, discussed, thrashed out. I understand it can be difficult for some people to do - Confrontation is difficult. It needs to be assertive, not angry. Best of all it shouldn't be emotional, but that is a real skill. Burying it & saying nothing takes something away from your own autonomy & rights. It can also cause psychological & physical harm.
https://www.learning-mind.com/conflict-avoidance/

There is nothing wrong with having different views or ways of behaving to someone else. There is nothing wrong with a heated argument if you have strong beliefs. There should be nothing wrong with telling someone that they have offended or upset you in a calm way.

What is wrong is imagining that you can go through life with everything being sweetness & light & rosy tinted. If you do that tensions arise & you can end up angry, anxious & stressed.

Stress is a killer.