Relationships

I've just had a couple of days staying with good friends. We have known eachother, on & off, for about 14 years, but only became really close after my husband died in 2009. They are wonderful to be with, easy to talk to about any subject you could mention - we don't necessarily agree politically though. It's always a two way conversation - we listen to eachother as well as being able to tell eachother really intimate details about our lives. There is huge trust that confidences won't be abused. We are very supportive of eachother.

On the other hand I currently have a "working" relationship in a voluntary role which has been nothing but trouble since it started a couple of months ago. I find the person concerned extremely difficult to deal with. I have actually lost my temper with her - I simply cannot remember the last time I lost my temper with anyone - but it must be years. I have really tried hard to be patient & understand her point of view, but the fact is I don't.

Now I can feel the tension physically when I have to deal with her. I have woken in the middle of the night, or not been able to go to sleep, thinking about situations with her. I have reached the point where I am ensuring there is a paper trail of emails / texts etc because she has actually been at least unpleasant, at worst abusive.

My point is what makes relationships work or not work? Is there such a thing as a clash of personalities? Is it because there is some complete misunderstanding which makes people get mired in entrenched positions? Can an off day when something is said completely ruin the possibility of compatibility? I just don't know.

Yesterday I had a conversation with another friend who said that she has reached the stage where if she finds a relationship isn't working & isn't reciprocal in a good way, she just stops being the person who keeps it going. Because it isn't worth the emotional pain it causes. Then it's up to the other party to build fences.

I feel she's right. Life is too short to waste time on toxic relationships which drain your energy. I don't have any to spare. It isn't easy to do though.