A New Kitchen - 2 month anniversary!

It's exactly 8 weeks today since my old kitchen was taken out & the disruption began. There is nothing unusual or over complicated about the size of the room or the design. So the varying estimates given by Wren of between 5 -7 days should have been achievable.

The very expensive quartz worktops & upstands to replace the original choice, which didn't go, should have been installed last Wednesday. However they weren't ready - no surprise there. When they arrived, a day late, the fitters discovered that the upstands were too high. Odd that considering the state of the art laser device used to measure. So they went back. So far no communication whatsoever.

The remaining work:-

• Fitting the upstands
• Measuring, ordering & fitting the glass splashbacks, (goodness knows how long the lead time for that will be).
• Adjusting all the cupboard doors / drawers, which are rubbing against eachother & presumably wearing away the paintwork.
• Putting up the pediment.
• Sorting out the high pressure tap, which isn't.
• Doing the step tiling.
• Replacing a light in the cooker hood.

I'm way past putting any end date on this. I think I have just become completely cynical about the abysmal administration & oversight of the company. Customer service just doesn't seem to figure in the equation.

I'm pathetically grateful I can cook & prepare proper food, but I am really angry now too. Not with the designer, or the fitter. They were doing their jobs. I am completely p...... off with Wren. Their communication between people & departments is non existant. So the client stands no chance of knowing what's going on or getting accurate information. The client has to know what questions to ask & who to direct the questions to. The only way to get any forward movement is to be continuously pro active.

I chose this company because I didn't want to have to project manage again. I expected an accurate  schedule of work & detailed paperwork of what the company would do & what I was responsible for. Sadly, I should have known better. It's such a shame because it is a good product.

Selfless Heroism - Rats & Sinking Ships?

The ferry "Sewol" sank. At least 146 people are confirmed dead, many were high school students who were on a field trip.174 people were rescued. In the aftermath questions have been raised. Why was an inexperienced third mate guiding the ship at the time of the accident? Why were so few of the ferry's life rafts deployed and why did crew members order passengers to don life vests and stay put? The captain and some crew actions were "akin to murder" according to the President.

Maritime conventions say that Captains should stay on board until everybody is safe. The "Sewol" Capt' Lee Joon-seok and "Costa Concordia" Capt' Francesco Schettino bucked this tradition. In Italy, South Korea and other countries, abandoning ship can be a maritime crime. A captain's early departure can leave a leadership vacuum according to safety experts.

HMS "Birkenhead", a British ship carrying troops, began to sink off the coast of South Africa in 1852. The captain and military officers on board famously allowed women and children to board the lifeboats first. Capt. Edward J. Smith went down with the "Titanic"."The captain's first obligation is for the safety of his crew and passengers," according to Capt. James Staples, a maritime consultant. "He should stay on board that vessel until he knows everybody is safely evacuated".

The other reason he stays on board the vessel is for salvage rights. International maritime conventions on the safety of life at sea make a captain responsible for the vessel and all the people on board, but it doesn't stipulate that the captain should stay on the ship. However he shouldn't leave the vessel early.

All of that said I just wonder what I would do if, heaven forbid, I was a ship's captain. Would I be brave & fearless & self sacrificing? Or would I be gripped by an overwhelming instict for survival & self preservation in the terror of the moment? "Fight or flight" is programmed deep into every one of us. We cannot know until we are in that position what we would do. So maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge & point the finger of blame. The words "stones & glass houses" spring to mind.

Everyone wants a scapegoat - someone has got to be to blame. But are we now living in a world where no one can make a mistake?  If so we are more Godlike than I realised. These situations are tragic for everyone touched by the event. There is heartbreak & trauma which we can all relate to. The reality is that accidents will happen, it is the way of life. Unless someone can be held to have been negligent we have to admit that human error will continue to claim lives & try to learn the lessons & move on.

My sympathy goes out to all the loved ones & friends of people who die accidentally. But I don't believe that we can live in a perfect world. I also don't believe that people should be hounded for a mistake. It serves no useful purpose. They have to spend the rest of their lives with the emotional guilt of what they did or did not do. That sounds like a life sentence to me.

The Right to Life - NICE one if you can get it?

Article 2 of the Human Rights Act - Right to life

1. imposes an obligation on the State to protect the right to life;
2. prohibits the State from intentionally killing;
3. requires an effective and proper investigation into all deaths caused by the State.

"Breast cancer drug turned down for NHS use due to high cost" -  Negative decision on Herceptin-style drug which costs £90,000 but can prolong lives by nearly six months heavily criticised.

Does the right to life include everybody, regardless of who they are & what they have done / not done? Do we have a right to life in any circumstances? Do we have a right to life at a cost, (not necessarily financial), to others? Are there any exceptions to this right? If so what are they?

The questions raised by this right are difficult to answer. Nowhere is there any mention of corresponding responsibilities. The implication is that everyone has an inalienable right to live, regardless of the impact of their life on others or on society in general.

I think much discussion along these lines is clouded by emotion. If someone is dying and their life could be prolonged, usually they & their families would say that they should have access to the means of extending their life by however long is possible. It is completely understandable. We don't want to lose our loved ones. We don't want them to suffer. People who discover they are dying want the opportunity to put their life in order & say their goodbyes. Some even want to plan their own funeral.

But how realistic, reasonable or right is it that one life is so important that there are no barriers to prolonging it? We are extremely clever human beings. What we can achieve using technologies has increased exponentially. We are living ever longer. We can intervene in countless ways to keep people alive despite the ageing demographic & their quality of life. Does that mean we should?

I think we are in danger of placing too much importance on one life. The scales are becoming imbalanced. Our expectations are unrealistic & unsustainable. We simply cannot afford to maintain a policy of unbridled intervention. Someone, somewhere at sometime has to ask the difficult questions & be prepared to say the unsayable.

There is a natural course to life. For some it is brief, for some it is very long. But at the end of the day I do not feel that I am any more important than any other human being. So why should huge amounts of money be spent on keeping me alive when so many are living lives of abject poverty & dying everyday. I don't think I have an entitlement to use massive resources to prolong my life beyond it's natural span, whatever that is.

The trouble is we don't have the discussion as a society. We don't confront the issues while we are well enough to think logically & dispassionately. I have lost someone who meant everything to me. At the time he was in a coma I would probably have wanted to do anything that would have brought him back to me. It wouldn't have been right for him though.

We are relatively unimportant individually in the grand scheme of things. The trouble is we don't accept our mortality & transience.

 

Grayson Perry & the Easter Bunny

My Easter weekend has been somewhat different.

Yesterday I went to Birmingham to see the Grayson Perry exhibition "The vanity of Small Differences". Absolutely brilliant! The man is so interesting, creative & intelligent. Maryon & I spent ages utterly fascinated by the multi-layered iconography, wit & skill of each of the pieces. There is so much in these huge tapestries it's hard to describe what they are about & the impact they have. You could come back to them time & time again & always see something new, something witty & importantly, something which makes a meaningful social comment. I've always been a big fan & everything I see of his confirms my view that he is uniquely talented among artists today. I wish I had the money to buy his work. Best of all he isn't pretentious or judgemental, he is genuinely interested in his subject, whatever it happens to be.

Then today, complete contrast, I went to Daylesford Farm with Maryon & family. Possibly the mecca of "yummy mummies" & their families. It was packed for the annual Lambing Tours. I have to admit that I was impressed. Yes, the food is pricey, but it is beautifully presented & obviously high quality as well as being totally organic. The set up is extremely well run, with plenty of delightful, well trained, staff on hand. The place must have cost a fortune to bring up to the immaculate standard it is today. I can't imagine the logistics behind the business, but it is extremely well run. It was a really nice day out, despite the grey, cold weather. The icing on the cake was to go to the lambing sheds & see the utter delight on the faces of children, (& adults), who were able to hold new born lambs in their hands. No one mentioned lamb chops fortunately.

The twins did get their share of chocolate from the Easter Bunny, but it was really nice that they got so much more pleasure from a real experience, rather than a supermarket generated consumer event.

Grayson Perry "The Vanity of Small Differences"

A Colourful Life

My house was uniformly, clinically, brilliant white. Well, off white actually because it obviously hadn't been decorated since it was built over 7 years ago. It may be what TV programmes recommend because it doesn't offend anyone, but it does nothing for me. I don't want to live in a dentists or doctors surgery. I want my house to say something about me. I want to enjoy being in  rooms surrounded by pleasing shades of colour.

I am lucky because I discovered a very good decorator. He did the whole of the ground & first floors in 8 days. He was thorough, careful & punctual. He did precisely what it said on the tin. I'm so pleased with the result. It makes the house feel like my home. It lifts my spirits.

I think colour is fundamentally important to human beings. From the earliest civilisations human beings have used natural dyes & paints to enhance their surroundings & person. Art in general has always been of huge importance to every civilisation. Our museums & art galleries are full of artifacts from the earliest times.

With all this evidence of the centrality of art to human existance it is a shame that for years art has been relegated to second place in education. Children benefit enormously from being allowed to explore their creativity and experience good teaching. Education is for life & is lifelong. We need to encourage children to value the arts generally. We are better people if we are balanced & fully rounded people.

Art feeds the spirit. I went to the Ashmolean Cezanne exhibition last week. It was wonderful, particularly the first room. Cezannes watercolours were a revelation. His overlapping watercolours & deliberately unfinished areas were superb. Less is definitely more, so subtle & so clever.

I'm about to hang the first picture that I have actually comissioned. I love it. It reminds me powerfully, in a positive way, of many walks I have done with Dave in the English countryside. The light & colour is superb.

We need more than maths, language & science in the curriculum and in our lives. We need to experience & value creativity.

Significant Days

Mothering Sunday has been & gone. Easter is about to arrive. Three of my close friends have just had birthdays. Then there is Fathers day, Christmas, New Year, Anniversaries of  Weddings & Funerals.......et al. Each of these days has a special significance for someone, somewhere & there are many more in different cultures. It makes me ponder on why we humans feel the need to mark "special days". I think you have to put religious festivals to one side, it's too complicated to analyse why some people feel the need for religious faith.

My life is really not hugely impacted by significant days. I don't think it ever has been. Probably because if I'm honest I can't remember ever having a wonderful birthday or Christmas for a whole variety of reasons which would give a psychoanalyst a field day. In truth they are days to get through.

I do have memories of special days which were memorable for both good and bad reasons. But by definition they are all in the past. They have gone. I don't feel the need to mark the day when my husband died, it's his loss in my life now that I feel - always. We should learn the lessons of history, but not cling to it.

As to what may be significant tomorrow, I might not be here. There is no point dwelling on it, although sometimes we do need to plan in advance. Worrying about what may happen is really pointless because statistically if you think of the worst case scenario or outcome it is unlikely to happen. So accept it might, but be hopeful that it won't. However organised we are though, something may well scupper the best laid plans.

So I am left with today. Now. This moment. That is the only certainty I have. I am here now. What am I doing with this time? Am I wasting it? (That's my Calvanistic, work ethic, mother speaking). Am I enjoying it? I'm not sure I really know how to let go completely & enjoy every moment. In fact I'm not sure that enjoyment is allowed. (My mother again).

You would really think that a woman approaching 70 would be reasonably at peace with the world. Would understand what makes people & life in general tick. But it isn't true. Within all of us is a child, which at times dominates the adult. Emotion takes over from rational thought. All we can really hope for is to know ourselves better as we pass through this microcosm of time.

Zen & the art of Peace & Love

I have just been on a meditation retreat weekend - A completely new experience for me. I could actually be hooked it was so good. Given that my formative years were in the 60s I've been a bit slow catching on. Drugs passed me by, but I did love rock & roll.

I went to the Global Retreat Centre in Nuneham Courtney run by the Brahma Kumaris. The house & grounds are stunning & beautifully restored. It is the perfect place to get away from the stresses of life - (kitchens, decorators, health issues.....) The teachers, (Yogis - ascetic practitioners of meditation), are very good at what they do. Some are internationally renowned. The vegetarian food is really tasty .

We had a well thought out combination of teaching and meditation practice with some periods of silent contemplation. The basic tone was questioning rather than dogmatic. We were encouraged to reflect on various themes - Peace, Love, Attachment & Separation, Mindfulness, Transience & Change for example. Meditation should be a daily practice where we look deep into ourselves & re-connect with our inner soul. Moments of stillness in a world which is anything but still.

I can't say I am religious. I really don't have much time for the major world religions. The closest to my beliefs is Buddhism. I do think that although I'm a grain of sand in the grand scheme of things, I should at least try to do no harm & aim to do a little good. If you look at the word belief there is a lie at it's centre.

We are Human Beings but the one thing we don't have is time to just be. We are not content. We continually strive for something. All too often what we strive for relates to things, possessions, including possessing people. I am particularly concerned that we are passing this frenetic lifestyle to our children. We adults organise them to the extent that they don't have much "downtime" at all. Let alone time to reflect on themselves & their lives.

Everything and everybody is interconnected. We have just stopped realising & acknowledging that. We have become very self absorbed beings looking for instant gratification of our every desire. The reality is that we are just passing through & we don't own anything. Not people, not land & not possessions. Anyone who doubts that can just let me know how they intend taking anything with them when they die.

How do you make God laugh? Tell him your plans.

“More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path
leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.
Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly”. Woody Allen, "Side Effects"