Letting Go - Ego

I have come to the conclusion that part of the ageing process involves letting go of quite a lot of things. The obvious one is possessions as you have to downsize your house & your life. I think you do come to realise that things are not that important. What is, is the memories that are maybe attached to them. Similarly places can be evocative of an event , happy or sad, but in themselves not vital to existance.

I talked to a friend yesterday who has had to downsize from a very large rural house to a flat in London. Because of her health conditions she cannot use public transport & is reliant on friends and family & taxis to get out. So one of the things she has lost is freedom. Once you realise you have lost freedom & independence it is probably too late. By the time you no longer have it you realise just how important it is.

I'm not housebound - yet. It may or may not happen. I have, however been confined to the house by illness several times in my life. Fortunately when you are really poorly, you don't itch for freedom. But if you have chronic conditions you know freedom can be taken away at any time, hopefully briefly, & you have to learn to let go because there is no magic wand that can make you physically fit again.

You also have to learn to let go of that egotistical urge to control people & events. One of the benefits of getting older is that you realise that you cannot make people do what you want them to. (Or stop them from doing things you don't want them to). I have three friends, my age, who have very difficult mothers who seem to have lost the brake pedal on the harmful & derogatory words that come out of their mouths.What people can & will do has to fit in with the demands of their own busy lives. Good will & good behaviour are interdependent & begat caring & friendship. How you treat someone hopefully rubs, off & makes the relationship flourish. If that doesn't work, maybe we should be able to divorce friends & family for our own preservation.

I am trying to let go of expectations - of what others will do or not do, of what my life is and will be. I realise I can only have expectations of myself. I suspect that if anyone who knows me were to write a report on me, they would probably say "she tried, but didn't always succeed"! Being generous, accepting others behaviour, not being judgemental or over emotional in responses are not things that come easily. It is healthier than anger and other negative emotions though. They do more harm to the people who can't control them.