Kindness - Compassion - Empathy - Altruism

You can discover if you are Kind by doing the Kindness Test developed by Sussex University in collaboration with the BBC. Maybe you think you know yourself, maybe not.

https://universityofsussex.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1RYvaR5UA1czYvs

Or

https://www.testmykindness.org/ 

Or

https://www.kindnessuk.com/

What you possibly don't actually realise is how frequently people are kind to you & you are kind to others. It isn't something we think about enough. Kindness is possibly the most important human trait. Do we take it for granted & over estimate how kind we & others are?

What is kindness? Is it the same as compassion, empathy, altruism. Am I being selfless when I'm kind or do I benefit too? Am I kind enough - often enough? Do I accept kindness & value it. How much real kindness do I receive?

Is some kindness self seeking, superficial? What does it mean to be kind & put others first? Have we really become a self absorbed & selfish society, demanding instant gratification, focussed on our own rights without responsibility?

So many questions. Perhaps this research will give us some answers. At least someone is asking the right questions to find out rather than subjective perceptions or the view trumpeted by the mass media.

Renovating a House - Stripping Out

Things are finally really happening after 3 months of very little actual action. As I've mentioned, waiting isn't my forte. 

I have done quite a bit myself - Had a tree surgeon in to remove a huge Holly tree & Pyracantha blocking the light in the front garden, drastically pruned the front garden to give the hedge & shrubs time to put on new growth, finally found gardeners to do the rampantly overgrown back garden, arranged for a tree man to remove trees in the back garden in September, moved the gas & electric meters to the outside wall, done a plan of the lights & sockets needed, made a lot of decisions about fixtures & fittings...

It's good to have a project at my age. A plan for the future. Something to keep the brain working. A future proofed house that is fit for me if I last another 10 or more years.

It is quite hard not being in control, having to adjust to lead times, the city council Planning delay till the end of September adding a whole month, professionals being on holiday & finishing off other work, problems with my neighbour dissenting to my plans causing extra cost & changes...Par for the course, but exacerbated by Covid & Brexit. Costs are rising daily.

A friend I took round yesterday was simply horrified at the scale of what I'm doing.

Arriving at the house to find H working on her own, stripping out lime plaster & lath & plaster walls, in a house filled with dust was really exciting! I do admire how she calmly gets on with a filthy job. Then two men stripping out a ceiling. It's so interesting seeing the bones of the house. Quite frightening too - it doesn't look particularly stable!

I'm hoping that now work has really started things will move on daily. I should have a meeting with the builder & architect this week to iron out any issues & make sure we all know how things will proceed. I need a good idea of the schedule & a realistic proposed end date.

Although I'm 76 & have chronic health conditions I am not a pushover. I know what I want & the standard of build I expect. I will notice if little things are wrong. I don't tend to loose my temper, stamp my feet, shout & yell. In a way that's unfortunate, because people who do tend to get what they want quicker. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. I trust the people I'm employing.

I just have to hope that trust results in a home I will love.

British Government - Is it working?

We have a Constitutional Monarchy, but the monarch doesn't make any political decisions. That is the role of the Government (the Executive) & Parliament (the Legislature). The Prime Minister leads the government with the support of the Cabinet and junior ministers. In turn these are supported by the teams of non-political civil servants & a lot of "advisors". Then you have all the MP's - elected Backbenchers & the Opposition. Finally there are the unelected Lords.

You would imagine that with that whole panoply of expertise, plus MI5, (our version of Homeland Security), and, MI6, (our Secret Intelligence Service who are responsible for the collection, analysis, and appropriate dissemination of foreign intelligence), our government would be able to make informed decisions. 

Sadly, increasingly, that doesn't seem to be the case. 

The Conservatives came to power following the General Election in May 2010. Just in case your maths is as bad as mine I worked it out - 11.25 years. That is a long time, over 132 months. There should have been an aquisition of experience & expertise among our elected leaders in that time. 

They inherited the worldwide Banking Crisis of 2008 & enforced austerity in the Recession that followed, they presided over the 2011 War in Libya with the USA, they engineered the 2016 withdrawl from the EU (Brexit), they have blundered through the 2019 Covid 19 Pandemic & finally are now making a complete hash of the withdrawl from Afghanistan.

Surprisingly I have sympathy with people who govern. Individual societies & the world are extremely complex systems. I really don't know how fairly ordinary human beings can assimilate all of the available information & make good decisions for the benefit of the biosphere & humankind. We the electorate probably have unrealistic expectations of them. However, for whatever reason - power, money or altruism, they chose to do it. So they should at least make a reasonably good job of it & behave ethically. 

They don't. They lie, prevaricate & don't answer simple questions. They make it into an art form in the mistaken belief that we don't see through them. They blindly follow the wrong examples - the USA, Corporate Multinationals, Lobbyists with money & power....What they don't do is learn from history &  countries who are better, more successful models. This government are not alone in making colossal mistakes. But they are the only ones who directly affect me on a daily basis. 

The handling of the current Afghanistan situation is appalling. It was forseeable & was predicted.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/17/us/politics/afghanistan-biden-administration.html

https://committees.parliament.uk/publications/4185/documents/43162/default/

I am literally horrified at the mess we are responsible for creating & perpetuating. These are human lives that are being devastated & shown graphically on our TV screens daily, again. It always seems to be the most defenceless & helpless that suffer the most. 

Are we really expected to believe that none of the politicians, analysts, advisors, MI5, MI6  forsaw this problem? If that is the case, what are they for?

Waiting

I was never good at waiting for things to happen. I always wanted things to be done yesterday. Possibly one of the worst waits was for my daughter to be born. She was late, so nothing has changed there! She also took a very long time to be born, 2 days, & was a very big baby, 11lbs.

Over the years I have learned to be patient. I have learned that rushing into something often doesn't end up with the best results. I've also learned that other opinions frequently result in better outcomes. On the other hand I generally know what I like & want.

Renovating a house, building an extension & resuscitating a completely overgrown & uncared for garden is a challenge to my patience. I have to be reliant on so many other people's expertise & doing their jobs. There are a lot of choices to be made - which bathroom fittings, windows, kitchen, doors, flooring, lighting. Where each socket & switch should go. It's endless. Looking online, looking at samples & catalogues, visits to showrooms, discussions with sales people, who generally are really helpful....

You make a decision on the basis of personal choice & cost. Then you wait. Wait for a quote, wait for something to be manufactured, in stock, delivered, wait for people to do their job. It's really trying. Especially if there are a lot of plates spinning at the same time. 

I am finding that rembering who & what I am waiting for is an issue. Short term memory is in the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex - My frontal lobe is old, tired, worn out. So I have to have systems. I have post its, lists, Samsung Notes, a filing system on my computer. It's endless.

At the end of the day I have to just hope that anything I have forgotten will eventually pop into my frontal lobe & I will have a pen & paper to hand to write it down quickly. Or, that whoever I am dealing with will do what they are supposed to.

My frontal lobe lobe is full & retrieval of data is unreliable. So I have to be patient & wait for information to surface.

Streams, Rivers & Oceans

 "A drop in the ocean". Rain droplets fall from the sky, nourish the earth & fill the rivers & ultimately the seas. Each small droplet is important. 

Lack of rain is a huge worldwide problem. At least 1.5 billion people have been directly affected by drought this century, and the economic cost over roughly that time has been estimated at $124bn (£89bn). 

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/jun/17/the-next-pandemic-drought-is-a-hidden-global-crisis-un-says

We are in a climate crisis. Weather patterns have changed & become far more volatile. The current, (excuse the pun), concern relates to AMOC - the Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation - Commonly known as the Gulf Stream. New evidence says that it has been losing stability & may potentially collapse at any time.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/08/210805115420.htm

https://www.independent.co.uk/climate-change/news/atlantic-ocean-current-tipping-point-b1897600.html 

If this happens the consequences will be severe. 

So each drop of rain & where is falls is important to human existence & the health of the planet. Yet we, knowingly, interfere with the natural patterns. Countries build dams on rivers, regardless of the detrimental effect this has on other countries downstream. Industrialisation has had a huge damaging impact on climate change. https://scialert.net/fulltext/?doi=jest.2016.301.316

 

It isn't scaremongering to suggest Water Wars. 

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/jan/08/water-wars-early-warning-tool-uses-climate-data-to-predict-conflict-hotspots  

Acess to water is not universal. Acess to clean water is even less available worldwide. People need water for hydration, washing, cooking... If there is no water for irrigation, crops fail & there is famine. Desperate, disadvantaged people take desperate measures. 

So the next time you admire a  green & fertile landscape, think how fortunate you are. The next time you complain about the rain, think how millions of people watch the sky desperately hoping to see clouds. 

Every drop is important, but now some of us are getting far more drops, for longer, than is normal, with the resulting floods. At the same time desertification is creeping like a dust cloud over many parts of the world. 

We in Europe flush our loos with clean pure water. How bonkers is that!?

 

 

Party Wall Surveyors

No nothing to do with parties. The walls you share with neighbours if you have a semi or terraced house.

I had never heard of party wall surveyors & it was a relative coincidence that I employed one. All of the houses I've done work to have been detached. My renovation & extension are permitted development & don't need planning permission. I knew I needed a structural engineer & architect. I did want a Certificate of Development, mainly for my daughter when she comes to sell the house. Obviously I have to comply with all Building Regulations.

The PWS serves the neighbour or neighbours with papers outlining what works are planned. In my case I had made the effort to speak personally to my neighbour to inform & reassure her. Apparently it didn't work, because she "dissented" which means she doesn't accept my plans & appointed her own PWS.

The main issue is a very old wall which was probably built around the time the house was to support a verandah. It now supports fully double glazed sun rooms to each property. The wall really isn't fit for purpose. It probably has no footings & there has been longstanding water ingress, which has blown the bricks on both sides. The neighbour & previous owner don't seem to have been too bothered about the very visible damage to the wall.

My extension was deliberately not going to be built on to this wall for obvious reasons. My architect had left a gap between the two. The neighbour objected & wanted the wall to be built further away from the party wall because she thought our footings might damage the wall. That's a judgement I'm not qualified to make, but I didn't want to loose any more interior space. The compromise we have agreed to is that we will build right next to the party wall, so the footings have to be closer to the party wall. 

I've just discovered from my PWS that;-

"Unfortunately, as you are the one wanting to do building work adjacent to that wall, you are responsible for the cost of supporting the wall if it requires further support.  You will be needing a new trench alongside the foundation to that wall.  If that foundation is not very deep, as suspected, you will undermine it with your new foundation and as such, will need to underpin it to support it.  If it can be  designed with an inbound foundation and a cantilevered slab, or just a slab thickening to build your new wall off the slab, the work can be done without disturbing the foundation to that wall.

As the Building Owner instigating the works, you will also be liable for all costs associated with agreeing and serving the Party Wall Award"   

Which means, I think, I have to pay for her PWS as well as my own. I'm also possibly going to have to sort out the lead flashing & gutter issues which cause water ingress & tie in my wall to the top of the party wall. 

This is not what my understanding of what the PWS involved was. I thought I would be responsible for ensuring any damage caused during the works is repaired. I expected the PWS to inspect the neighbours wall with the neighbour before work starts and take photos to avoid later disputes — for example existing cracks. In other words the neighbours rights would be protected, as would mine not to be asked to pay for something I didn't cause.

I really feel that this is imbalanced & unfair.  Given that the neighbour knew full well that there were issues with the wall & did not rectify them, I feel that she should at least share the cost.

If the situation were reversed I don't think I would have behaved in this way. Yes, I would have had concerns. But I would, in all honesty, have accepted that the issues were longstanding & I would have offered to pay at least half of the cost of putting them right. I would have ensured that the PWS took photos prior to building work starting to protect my rights against further damage solely caused by the building work & expected the neighbour to pay for that.

There was actually no need for the neighbour to appoint her own PWS. Most people who do this do it because they don't understand their rights & the protections they have in common law already. But if you choose to do it, then I feel you should pay for it. Usually both parties use just one surveyor (a good idea as it means only one set of fees).

So, to sum up I am very unhappy about this situation. It has been quite concerning & I feel it has coloured my relationship with my neighbour before I even move in. Frankly I feel used in quite a calculating way. However there is light, according to the Government website "Your neighbour may have to meet a share of the cost if the work needs to be done because of defects or lack of repair. They will also need to pay if they ask for additional works to be done that will benefit them." I'm just waiting to see what the "Award" or agreement says now.

So, dear reader, beware if you are planning any building work impinging on neighbours. There are pitfalls & costs that you could not possibly have anticipated.

 

Horizons & Perspective

There is something soothing about looking out towards the horizon, especially at the seaside. An innate response to distance, which gives a different perspective on life now. We all need that. Something which transports us away from our current reality towards the infinite & unknown.

It is important to move forward. Whatever landscape we observe changes as we view. Water & clouds move constantly, the wind shivers leaves on trees, animal graze & play, people go about their lives. We have to accept change & recognise the benefits as well as the pitfalls.

We are constantly travelling on a path or road. We don't know the destination, even if we think we do. We need to be flexible to deal with the unseen & unknown. A closed mind & fixed view won't work.

 

What does this have to do with renovating a house & building an extension? Everything. Nothing is as it seems. The choices you make are delayed or unavailable, (& there are a lot of choices to make). People don't always respond in the way you anticipate. Or respond at all, so you have to chase. You imagine that you have thought things through & planned for every eventuality, but that is not possible because there are so many variables. Out of the blue problems requiring solutions bombard you. Time rushes away. Pressures build. 

The thing is you can let it all defeat you or you can keep your eye on the horizon & what you are trying to achieve. If there are problems you can get wise counsel from others - Different perspectives. Nothing is ever black & white.

So I'm trying to keep my vision &  find different perspectives when problems dominate. It's not easy, but the alternative isn't an option.