My mind is definitely full. There is no space for anything else - no spare memory. Indeed it is so full that I have to resort to a diary and 2 different types of calendar, plus an ever changing list in a notebook, plus "Post It's" in obvious places. No one has yet devised an external hard drive or memory stick that I can plug in to me.
Sometimes I feel that there are just too many things going on in my life at the same time. I would like some down time. I would love a notebook empty of reminders of things I have to do & things I'm waiting for others to do. It never happens. As I cross things off new ones are added. How can retirement be so busy and demanding?
I have books to read and paintings to paint. At this rate I won't live long enough!
Therefore the idea of Meditation to quieten the mind is very appealing. My brain needs a rest. I don't want to wear it out by perpetual motion. I need it to keep functioning. There is a lot of dross in there clogging up the works. I have been on weekend retreats before, but not Buddhist ones. I did meditate regularly for years, but that was scuppered by the events of 2009.
I have returned from this weekend in a state of complete exhaustion rather than a state of Bliss. I struggled to stay awake in the teachings & the meditation. It's hard working trying to stop your brain from thinking. Try it. There are always thoughts that sneak in & try to kick out any calm.
I usually only meditate for 20 - 30 minutes, so some of the sessions were too long for me. I ended up in pain & very stiff. There were also too many sessions, so we were in the same room for most of the day & evening. I also usually have a focus for the meditation - the breath, a candle flame, a flower, good fortune, loving kindness.... These were just like switching a light on and off.
Meditation reciting from a liturgy and songs was completely new to me. I liked the repetition of the songs / chants, but the recited liturgy used a whole new vocabulary that I don't understand. It would have been useful to have a dictionary.
I met some nice people & had an interesting time. It's made me want to return to meditation practice.
Lama or Guru wanted - willing student. Is there anyone out there?
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