Nepal - Adventure or Bridge too far?

Well, it's getting very real now. I go to Kathmandu in mid September working as a volunteer in a school for a month. I've got my visa, my flight's booked & I've had my jabs.

I'm in the process of collecting materials to teach English as a second language, but don't really know whether that is what I'll be doing. The school takes both primary & secondary children, & I don't know the ages I'll be teaching either. They don't have electricity in the school so there won't be any photocopiers or computers. In fact, disconcertingly, I really don't have much of an idea about anything.

But perhaps that's the point. Perhaps there are times when you have to relinquish control & just do the best you can with what you've got. It's bound to be a journey of discovery on many levels. I'm going to learn about a completely different culture & people. (I gather Nepal is very different to India where I have already travelled). I'm going to see first hand how very privileged the children in Western schools are in comparison - That may well be very hard to come to terms with. I know, from previous travels, I'm going to learn a lot about myself too.

I'm going to be staying in a nice hotel so I am going to be cushioned from the vagaries of basic travel in third world countries that I have experienced before. But life in Asia is an assault on all your senses. You are face to face with great wealth & great poverty which you can't & shouldn't ignore. It is very hard to make sense of & respond to appropriately.

I can't help feeling that doing this at the age of 67 could be a mistake. I should have done it when I wanted to in my 20s. But although the body might be past it's sell by date, the mind does still work. Hopefully I have got some useful skills & experience. I'd like to be able to make a small difference to the lives of people who haven't had the good luck to be born into my privileged life.

I will try to blog out there - so watch this space.

 

Moving On - 5 - Buying & Selling.

Well it's 2 months since I last blogged about selling my house. In summary there has been loads of interest, 4 second viewings, & 3 offers. But the offers were £75,000 - £100,000 below the asking price, so I politely declined. Interestingly & counter intuitively the offers were not followed up by any negotiation. Theoretically there are people who viewed who still want to buy, but they can't sell their own property.

I have spoken to someone who knows, (not my agent), and apparently estate agents like Hamptons have footfall targets to fulfill. So they don't necessarily care if the viewings are by people who are in a position to offer. Hence you get people who haven't got their house on the market wasting everyones time.

I also gather that the average drop from asking price to actual selling price is about 7-8%. I can live with that. No one realistic expects to get their asking price in todays dreadful market. What I can't live with is people who simply try it on & come up with all sorts of rubbish excuses as to why they are making a frankly insulting offer. They can't afford the price range & they think sellers are so desperate they can take advantage. I also wonder if people think I am desperate to move because I'm a widow.

Everyone who has viewed seems genuinely nice. I try to be as honest & up front as I can. I know my house is expensive. Its in a superb location with staggering views over a lovely garden & the interior specification is exceptionally high. So it's a one off. There's a price attached to that.

I went into this knowing that it might be a difficult and lengthy process, but I was determined not to be stressed by it. By an large I have succeeded. I'm very lucky to live where I do, in a wow of a house with a wonderful outlook. It's serenely peaceful & I have super neighbours.

I had, finally, accepted that moving was the right thing to do. So I am disappointed not to have the opportunity for a fresh start with no memories & baggage attached. But life has it's own momentum. We mere mortals can't control it, only help it along & we have to accept that.

Olympic Hurdle

I didn't watch the opening ceremony last night. I saw the beginning with Kenneth Branagh as Brunel quoting Shakespear on an artificial hillside & just thought that I didn't want to spend 4 hours of my life watching it. From the reports today it seems to have been spectacular & popular, so well done to everyone who made it happen - really.

But....you know there is a but coming...Why does anyone have to spend so much money, time & effort on hosting the games? Doesn't that immediately make them elitist? Only countries that can afford it can host. I have nothing but the highest admiration for all the athletes who dedicate their lives to their sport & who achieve such amazing levels of skill. How can you not admire the hard work & the pain they go through to achieve their best performance on the day?

Do we really need all the panoply & hype that goes with it though? Has anyone really done a cost / benefit analysis of previous games in recent history. Did they really make worthwhile amounts of money, was there really a long term legacy for ordinary people? Or were they a gravy train for a minority & did the unused facilities fall into disrepair soon after?

The other aspect of this that I find impossible to reconcile is the dicotomy of lavish spending on games when millions of people are dying all over the world for lack of water, food, basic sanitation, a reasonable home & mindless wars. As I think I have mentioned before, it's like the dying Roman Empire hosting gladiatorial contests to take the people's minds of the very real problems they face.

The other problem I have with it is how come we actually have the money to pay for all of this? I'm no financial whizz, but if we haven't got the money for good quality public services, if people are taking pay cuts or have no jobs, if people are losing their houses, how are we funding this spectacle? Maybe it's "quantitative easing"? In other word we are just printing more money without the reserves to back it up. How long can that go on for?

So, all in all, the biggest hurdle I can see is justifying it all.

Celebrations & Anniversaries.

I've just been to a big family "do". Not my family, I haven't got any, apart from one lovely daughter & her family. Her husbands parents celebrated his 80th birthday & their 55th wedding anniversary. It was a lovely occasion & they have dozens of relations from a 2 week old baby upwards. I was very touched to be included.

The eldest son made a speech, (ably assisted by some of the young grandchildren). Then his father replied, visibly emotional. In this day and age it is becoming relatively commonplace to live a long life, but not so to remain married. Both parents are reasonably fit and healthy for their age & both have all their wits about them.

Good health, longevity & a successful marriage are all such a lottery. We shouldn't take them for granted - but we do. Till something goes wrong. I do feel sad that I have been deprived of that journey into old age with someone I loved very much. I do also sometimes feel that life is very unfair. But we don't have a right to these things, it's a shame that we probably don't realise how lucky we are till it's too late. Bad stuff happens. That's life unfortunately.

I do think you have to work at relationships. You have to be tolerant & accept that we don't all deal with things in the same way. My generation do seem to have been reasonably good at that. We aren't like our parents, who stayed together out of necessity when there was nothing to salvage from a relationship. But we didn't give up at the first hurdle either. We didn't think that marriage was disposable & it was OK to get a new model, regardless of the impact on others.

It seems to me that there is a wake of wreckage trailing after broken relationships nowadays. Mostly children, adrift on a sea of turbulence & confusion. What sort of parents are they going to be in the future? Will they know what a good relationship is or how to be good parents to their children?   

Time

"... time is circular. .....we may view time as a straight and infinite line. Time is spiral. ....it may seem that in all our travelling we have returned to the place where we began." Naomi Alderman - "Disobedience"

I think time expands & contracts. When I was little I seemed to have all the time in the world to do what I wanted. I could spend hours doing very little, like playing marbles or skipping, or ball games to rhymes, & always seemed to be chivvied to do something else I didn't much want to do. I don't remember having a watch when I was a child, so I don't think I was aware of time passing, only whether I was happy, or not.

As I got older summers were long, as were terms at school. If I was bored or was waiting for something to happen time seemed unending. I could get lost in time when playing the piano or reading a book. If I was really enjoying myself, which didn't happen that often, it seemed to be over far too quickly. I don't think I understood the adult obsession with time. It seemed to me that you should enjoy what you were doing. But in my home, pleasure was akin to sin. Tasks were important & should be done well.

When I was older I too became obsessed with time & the implications of being later than I was allowed to be.The penalty for being home late from school or from the youth club or my Saturday job was dire. I was afraid of being late. Even when I had been living away at college I was expected to be home by 10pm. To this day I am usually on time or even early for appointments because I was so conditioned & afraid of being late.

As an adult my life became a balancing act of tasks to be done. Home, husband, child, work, social life, parents, all made demands on my time. My life became dominated by diaries, calendars & lists - prioritised lists!

Now I am retired & not fit enough to do anything very strenuous I have time to spare. I'm re-learning how to spend time doing very little - reading, doing crosswords, embroidery, a little gardening, swimming, seeing friends. It doesn't come easy. I'm used to doing meaningful, useful things with my time. Hence I do two challenging voluntary jobs. I do wonder why.

In theory I could do anything with my time that I want, providing I have the physical capability. I suspect that although I have come full circle, I was so thoroughly programmed in the work ethic as a child, I am unable to change.

But time is not infinite. I have less left now than I did previously. I know that I must do what I want to do now, because there may not be a tomorrow. Yet still I waste time doing things I don't want to do. I must try harder to enjoy my time, it's very valuable.     

Careless Talk - The Gift of Words

"Of all the creatures on earth, only we can speak. Our words......can create worlds & destroy them. Our words are more than empty breath...." Naomi Alderman - "Disobedience".

I have never thought about this before I read this book. If I was suddenly cut off from everyone I communicate with, either by talking or writing, I cannot imagine what the impact would be. Whatever my experiences, I do want to share them with someone, somehow. I have always loved literature & writing. I have always enjoyed the cut & thrust of stimulating conversation. (I'm not so good at boring, idle chat though).

Words are the key to the mind and the soul. We express our most intimate feelings & emotions with words. Without words how would we share our lives with someone else? Without words we would not be able to enjoy other peoples worlds & lives. The whole realm of the imagination would be closed to us. The words we use are powerful tools to convey infinite layers of description & meaning. The blind man can see, the deaf can hear through descriptive words.

When I have nothing else to do I can escape into a book or challenge my brain with a crossword. I can continue lifelong learning through reading about anything that sparks my interest. What may once have been a chore, cramming for exams, is now a delight of ever opening doors. How could I be bored?

"Lashon hara" is literally an evil tongue in Jewish. We are all guilty of it to some degree. Words are used negatively & destructively. This can be as simple as low level gossip or as powerful as conditioning & propaganda. I am coming to the conclusion that we should all, individually & collectively, be far more careful about the words we chose to speak or write. We need to take responsibility for the impact our words have on other people, directly or indirectly. Unkind or untrue words are hurtful. Verbal abuse is becoming more & more common & is very frightening. It's a shame human beings don't have a "pause button". We would all be better off if we stopped to think before speaking sometimes.

All too often now I forget words, get them mixed up, struggle to find the right ones in the "black holes" of my brain. There is so much knowledge & experience stored in the memory banks of the elderly. We are literally living history. We need to make the effort to make our voices heard. Not in a pontificating, I'm right you're wrong, sort of way. But in a considered way, an attempt to help avoid the repetition of the mistakes of the past.

It won't happen. The world turns. Each generation learns from it's own mistakes. We all re-invent similar wheels. I wonder why, when we have the unbelievable, undervalued gift of words?

Wimbledon Mens Singles Final

I wrote this in July 1986 about Ivan Lendl. How weird that he is now coaching Andy Murray. Hopefully Murray won't become as obsessed as Lendl. After 40 odd years of watching Wimbledon I still find it fascinating because of the blend of physical prowess, intellectual analysis & emotional control. It's gladiators for the modern world.

Emotional Responses

This isn't an easy time of year for me, lots of painful anniversaries relating to David & Pip. But I do cope much better now with "a little help from my friends" & Maryon. I have learnt that it is necessary to acknowledge how I feel & sometimes that will be very sad. But life does go on & change is unavoidable.

Having had quite a volatile temperament when I was younger, I have learnt that some emotions can be very destructive & do more harm to the emotional person than anyone else. Now I'm older I try to keep on a much more even keel. I try not to have expectations of what others might do or say & I try to respond to adverse things more calmly & think them through. At the end of the day there are always people much worse off than I am. A sense of perspective is a wonderful thing. I am but a grain of sand, a breath of wind briefly passing through the cosmos.

At 67 you do think about your own mortality. How long? When? How? Fear could be the predominant emotion. Being in great pain & alone is the ultimate worst case scenario. I don't particularly want to live to a hundred. I certainly don't want to have an existance with no quality of life. (Did you know that there are scales of measurement for QUALY as they call it?) I don't want to be unable to look after myself & if I can't I don't want my daughter to have to look after my personal care.

I have done as much as I can to prepare for ageing and death. It isn't death itself that I fear, it's how I die & I can't do anything about that. So I'll just try to enjoy my life - however long it is.