When I was younger & had a husband & child to look after, a house & garden to maintain, a demanding professional job & a busy social life I never had enough time. My life was minutely choreographed so that everything got done & everyones needs were met. I was the juggler who kept all the plates spinning, or in darker moments the hamster in an ever spinning wheel. That life ended in a physical & mental breakdown & early retirement at 46 on medical grounds.
No one & nothing prepares you for ageing. In many ways it's a "magical mystery tour", except that for many there's nothing magical about it. It's an individual journey which varies enormously from person to person. A lot depends on the hand you have been dealt. Partner / no partner. Caring family / no family. Close friends / lonliness. Health / illness. Home / institution of some sort. Enough money / poverty.
You will have / not have these things to varying degrees which will make your ageing process a reasonably pleasurable thing or a dreadful experience. I think I am somewhere in the middle, more fortunate than many, but far from ideal.
My father used to drive me to intense frustration in his old age because whenever I suggested an outing or doing something he would say "if you like" or "it will pass the time". The younger me hadn't experienced what I now do experience, so I didn't understand. Time can stretch out yawningly wide ahead of you each day, so you have to try to fill it. Whole days may pass without speaking to anyone, even on the telephone.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not sobbing into my mug of tea. (The time to worry will be when it's a big gin & tonic mid morning!) I have a relatively full life because I work at it. I volunteer, I have made networks of friends & aquaintances through shared interests like reading, swimming & walking. I have a loving daughter & some really good friends who include me in their lives.
But, & it's a big but, the house is empty when I come home & when I go to bed. I have chronic conditions which are ever more limiting what I am able to do. I have to have paid help with the housework & the garden. If I try to do those physical tasks I will be in pain for several days afterwards. It is frustrating not to be able to do things which you previously took for granted & enjoyed. It is also frustrating to have to rely on someone else to do simple things for you & wait till they are around to be able to do them. I couldn't spray the weeds with Roundup because I simply couldn't unscrew the cap of the sprayer.
On the plus side I can afford paid help. I can afford to do the things I want to do & at the moment I can still drive. I have kind and helpful neighbours. My life could be a lot worse. (Realistically it will get worse as I age & become more infirm).
I am learning how to pass the time & haven't yet resorted to daytime TV! I have had to learn to accept much less conversation & activity. I have learnt to be more self reliant & independent - not difficult because I already was. I accept that there will not be, & I don't think I would want, another Dave to share my remaining life with.
The difficult trick to master is to "Carpe Diem", sieze the day rather than just drift though it. I am too task oriented & not good at "fun". I need to practice.
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