Sex, Love & Loving.

Sex is the physical act of intercourse & we in the West seem to have brought it down to this lowest common denominator. We talk about "having sex", in the way I say I have museli or porridge for my breakfast. I like both museli & porridge, but surely sex is more than that?

We have debased something good between two human beings into something akin to porn, which is shown routinely & graphically on TV & in films. Every sort of sexual practise is described in detail in books & magazines, often unexpectedly, as my book club of middle aged ladies recently discovered! People talk openly about "one night stands" or worse "a quick shag". The words we use to describe sex show how little we value it.

It is commonplace to brag about the number of sexual partners you have had. Does it occur to those braggarts that they are saying something about themselves & their own lack of ability to sustain a relationship? Do they realise they are also saying that they don't value themselves if they are happy to squander their bodies to a passing acquaintance. Both women and men dress to show & emphasise their sexuality. What else can they be saying but that they are available for casual sex?

I can hear the comments now - "She's a prude - she needs to get laid - she's too old / too ugly to get a man - she's past it" - and probably much worse. I just think that to give oneself to someone else should be in the context of love. If the act of sex is not a demonstration of mutual love it is nothing. A loving relationship is enriched by "making love" & I don't think it was called that for nothing. "Having sex" doesn't come close to what the act should involve. I don't think it is possible to be "in love" for years on end, but it is possible to love someone for a long time.

The "raison d'etre" for sex is procreation, but thank God women have a choice about that now & shouldn't be at the mercy of sexual desire. Some things have improved. We have freedoms now that my generation never envisaged. But with those freedoms come responsibilities, to ourselves, to others & also to our society. We are not animals driven by basic needs & hormones, we are sentient, we can chose. We each need to value ourselves & other people, because if we don't no one else will. I dislike the advert "because you're worth it", but there is nothing wrong with understanding that people are more than their base instincts.

Instant gratification has got us where we are now in more ways than one. Maybe it's time to savour our pleasures & understand the price we pay for them & what they are worth.