Friends drift in & out of ones life for numerous reasons. Some stay the course for years & are a continual source of joy & support. Our interactions with new people we meet vary hugely. Sometimes we know, seemingly instantly, whether we like them & have things in common, or we don't particularly want to spend much time with them. Sometimes the reaction to a person or a situation is much more difficult.
If we really disagree with something someone has said, done, not said or not done & we feel strongly that it isn't something we agree with, what do we do? Do we confront it head on & possibly try to understand why it has happened? Do we argue our case, but listen to the other perspective? Do we do nothing because we don't like to rock the boat? Confronting difficult issues isn't easy. There is a risk it will get out of hand & a friendship is lost.
I had one friend for decades. It was always a slightly difficult relationship, but we had a lot in common & I really admired her for her intellect & knowledge. It started because my husband & her boyfriend worked together & were friends. Over the years I felt she was quite abraisive & also that she backed out of arrangements quite often. But I wasn't perfect - I'm sure I had failings too. After my husband died I became more my own person. I was less prepared to tolerate things I didn't agree with to keep the peace. So there was a big personality clash & now we are estranged.
I have had friends who decided their marriages were not working. They were not getting what they wanted from the relationship. The clash between needs & expectations broke the relationship.
We humans are complex social beings. Being isolated or alone a lot does not suit most of us. So we have to learn to navigate the ups & downs of any interaction with other people. We have to find a way to articulate what we feel without agression & blame. We have to learn to listen & try to understand a different point of view.
I don't feel arguing is wrong or bad. What matters is how you do it. Sometimes you do need to stand up for your point of view & clear the air. People generally are not bad, but sometimes they make mistakes & their actions or omissions may not be acceptable.
Our world today is full of argument & clashes, personality clashes seem to lead to something far worse. We must not de-humanise people who have a different culture & belief system. On Holocaust Day I found myself thinking how could the Israeli Palestinian war be happening? Have we learned nothing from the tragedy of war & Genocide?
The evidence seems to be that the answer is no.
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