Toxic Behaviour

Toxic is not a word most people would use to describe people. But maybe it should be. 

Toxic people are self-centered, manipulative, abusive, and lacking in empathy. They drain others' energy by constantly demanding attention, sympathy, or validation. Toxic people tend to disrespect emotional and physical boundaries. Typically they dominate conversation & don't listen to what you have to say. They need a lot of emotional support & don't reciprocate it.

I think, although we may not actually use the word, we would all recognise a toxic person. In the extreme they can create stress and unpleasantness, even emotional or physical pain. Their behaviour adds negativity and upset to your life.

The key is how they make you feel. It's a gut reaction. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or defensive on a regular basis, if you find it hard to understand their behaviour, if you would prefer to be with someone else, then take notice & do something about it. 

Behaving rationally, we would avoid toxic substances because of the harm they may cause to us. In the same way I think we should avoid toxic people for the same reason, despite the fact that they may well be dealing with their own stresses & traumas. There may also be personality disorders or mental issues.  

Most of us don't have the skills & experience to know how to deal with toxic people. They need professional help, which unfortunately is very hard to find. But we do need to have strategies to be able to cope. 

We should call them out & confront their behaviour. Nothing will change if you don't. It is important to be clear that it is the behaviour that we don't accept, not the person themselves. If we are not prepared to divorce ourselves from the person, we need to set boundaries for the behaviour that is not acceptable to us & limit the time that we spend with them. 

If those strategies don't work then the final option is to move on. Admit that the relationship is draining your resources & nothing has worked. 

It isn't failure. It's self preservation.